Kaeos
06-09-2006, 01:38 PM
Okay....
I have a piece of crap rebuild Dell Optiplex110 computer for my kids and my wife to get online with. No big whup, paid $100 for the thing no problem. Even got the nice roadrunner high speed internet to go with it and all has been happy hunky dory for going on a year now. Except it's been exactly 1 year and the licence key for the *free* anitivirus and firewall program expired and did not update automatically. this happened on 5/3/06. A MONTH AGO! and I only find this out the other day when my wife tells me iVillage won't load correctly and she can't sign in.....wait what?:ohwell:
So I set about downloading a fresh copy of the CA etrust product suite so I can reinstall the programs and make all right with the world. Except when I reduce the internet explorer window I have a black desktop with a bright red warning from Microsoft 2000 Professional Edition warning me that my computer is infected....INFECTED? WTF?!?!? And before you ask yes, I am running (or at least I was running) Windows 2000 because the $100 piece of crap doesn't have enough memory capacity to run XP. :romy:
Uninstall the old program, run the download.exe and wait patiently all the while hearing soothing music from Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on the gamecube being played behind me as my 8 year old asks what's wrong with the computer because he couldn't get to cartoonnetwork.com and they have a new Ben 10 game he really wants to play. Load up the new antivirus and firewall and get a happy message that the licence for this program has expired. It's a new download, how can the licence be expired?!?! :dunno:
BACK to RoadRunner online help and fight with the now shaky internet explorer window to load the online chat with tech support for 10 minutes to be told by "Chad" that I need to clean my cache and delete my cookies. "Look Chad," I type "I'm not an IT support specialist but I know a bit more about computers than that, so save me the script and tell me why the licence key for the new package I downloaded is the same damn one from last year?" it takes another 15 minutes of this ding dong kid asking me pointless questions to get him to e-mail me a new licence key so I can run the goddamn anti virus. and clean the machine. :angry
Except that now I can't get the new copy of anit virus to communicate with the server at Computer Associates and I cant get any websites that have a secure scripts to load at all. Now it's on to the 800 # customer support to talk to a woman in India who's name I could not pronounce and struggle for another 15 minutes to allow her remote access to my machine. We get to spend the next 3 hours...yes I said 3 HOURS on the phone asnwering her questions and watching her struggle to isolate the virus, we lose the remote connection 3 times and when she is finally finished she announces that the virus which appears to be gone.:o
Except that the settings for Microsoft Update were not set properly and critical security patches and from the last year have not been installed. Remember how I said secure sites won't load on my internet explorer now? Well microsoft.com is one of the cute little secure websites. Unpronouncable in India very professionally informs me that without the necessary microsoft updates any attempt to prevent the virus from reintalling itself will be wasted becuase the holes are still there. Wonderful.:angry
So we move on to other options. No biggie, I'll back up any personal pics, files, etc and reinstall windows. No problem.
EXCEPT that I can't find the goddam boot disk! Well, I suppose I could scam a copy off my brother (who happens to be a tech support specialist) and reload it that way. Now we come to one of those moments when we do something without really thinking about it and we find all kinds of fun new surprises. Just to be sure it's not THERE I check to see if for n reason at all the windows disk MIGHT actually be in the CD drive....Why would it be in the CD drive? Well, I dunno...I mean it wouldn't, right? I mean why the fukc would the disk be in the drive right? My wife uses this machine to chat with other pregnant ladies on iVillage and my kids use it to play free online games so how is it physically possible that the disk would be in the machine?????:ohwell:
But I checked anyway.:ohwell:
Except that the tray inside the CD drive...you know, the little CD tray that slides out and holds the disk for you when you push the button, that little tray? IS NOT THERE. It's not there?!?! The fukcing tray is literally not insdie the cd drive "Honey, what happened to the disk drive?" I ask being exxceptionally careful about my language and learn that my 3 year old ripped it out and "I've been meaning to ask you if you can fix that....":angry
My friends, if you have read this far along with me, you may be thinking, "is this sad, pitiful schumck's story finally over?" or "Man that sucks, can't get much worse than that". Well. Lemme tell ya. It's far from over.
I spend the next 2 days whenever I have a spare minute trying to get mozilla firefox downloaded (which is a program I am not fond of) just so I can get online and get to the necessary updates and security patches and make this thing work again since now they are all hounding me to let them use my work laptop to get online - uh uh, no way.:romy: I get that done, I get to microsoft.com and I find the page with all the windows 2000 updates and spend several hours patiently downloading the list of 50 or so updates needed to fix the gaping hole in my computer, and waiting patiently while the system restarts after every single update is installed.
This morning as everyone is getting ready to leave for school, work, etc, I am faithfully stationed in front of THEIR computer patentily downloading and installing updates. And I come to an odd looking one having to do with security settings. Oh that may help, I mean the security holes are a big part of the probelem in the first place, so this HAS to be a good thing....:o
So I start the program loading.
I get up to get my coffee which has finished brewing.
I come back and see a message that the install will require the system to shut down after completion (mind you SHUT DOWN, not Restart which I have become accustomed to seeing) and that I may want to make sure I have such and such backed up but one of the kids is crying because the other one said he can't ride his skateboard so I have to get up to go set that crap straight and I go ahead and click OK to finish to install and I walk away again.:) ........
I come back and the machine is shut down. Expected. Got it. Cool.
I start the machine up.
And instead of the start up script for Windows, I see the beginning of the Windows Set Up script asking me if I would like to proceed with INSTALLING Windows. Installing? No...I'm not installing Windows, I am installing a security patch, why are you asking me to install Windows? NOw it wants my product key. You know - that little string of numbers and letters that we heard about at the start of this story? The little string of numbers that is printed on a little label on the front of a CD case containing my copy of Windows 2000 Professional Edition Installation Disk THAT I CANNOT FIND?!?!?!?!:angry
I am going to go buy a new computer in a few minutes. I really didn;t want to spend money on a computer right now.
Thanks for listening.
Kaeos out.
I have a piece of crap rebuild Dell Optiplex110 computer for my kids and my wife to get online with. No big whup, paid $100 for the thing no problem. Even got the nice roadrunner high speed internet to go with it and all has been happy hunky dory for going on a year now. Except it's been exactly 1 year and the licence key for the *free* anitivirus and firewall program expired and did not update automatically. this happened on 5/3/06. A MONTH AGO! and I only find this out the other day when my wife tells me iVillage won't load correctly and she can't sign in.....wait what?:ohwell:
So I set about downloading a fresh copy of the CA etrust product suite so I can reinstall the programs and make all right with the world. Except when I reduce the internet explorer window I have a black desktop with a bright red warning from Microsoft 2000 Professional Edition warning me that my computer is infected....INFECTED? WTF?!?!? And before you ask yes, I am running (or at least I was running) Windows 2000 because the $100 piece of crap doesn't have enough memory capacity to run XP. :romy:
Uninstall the old program, run the download.exe and wait patiently all the while hearing soothing music from Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on the gamecube being played behind me as my 8 year old asks what's wrong with the computer because he couldn't get to cartoonnetwork.com and they have a new Ben 10 game he really wants to play. Load up the new antivirus and firewall and get a happy message that the licence for this program has expired. It's a new download, how can the licence be expired?!?! :dunno:
BACK to RoadRunner online help and fight with the now shaky internet explorer window to load the online chat with tech support for 10 minutes to be told by "Chad" that I need to clean my cache and delete my cookies. "Look Chad," I type "I'm not an IT support specialist but I know a bit more about computers than that, so save me the script and tell me why the licence key for the new package I downloaded is the same damn one from last year?" it takes another 15 minutes of this ding dong kid asking me pointless questions to get him to e-mail me a new licence key so I can run the goddamn anti virus. and clean the machine. :angry
Except that now I can't get the new copy of anit virus to communicate with the server at Computer Associates and I cant get any websites that have a secure scripts to load at all. Now it's on to the 800 # customer support to talk to a woman in India who's name I could not pronounce and struggle for another 15 minutes to allow her remote access to my machine. We get to spend the next 3 hours...yes I said 3 HOURS on the phone asnwering her questions and watching her struggle to isolate the virus, we lose the remote connection 3 times and when she is finally finished she announces that the virus which appears to be gone.:o
Except that the settings for Microsoft Update were not set properly and critical security patches and from the last year have not been installed. Remember how I said secure sites won't load on my internet explorer now? Well microsoft.com is one of the cute little secure websites. Unpronouncable in India very professionally informs me that without the necessary microsoft updates any attempt to prevent the virus from reintalling itself will be wasted becuase the holes are still there. Wonderful.:angry
So we move on to other options. No biggie, I'll back up any personal pics, files, etc and reinstall windows. No problem.
EXCEPT that I can't find the goddam boot disk! Well, I suppose I could scam a copy off my brother (who happens to be a tech support specialist) and reload it that way. Now we come to one of those moments when we do something without really thinking about it and we find all kinds of fun new surprises. Just to be sure it's not THERE I check to see if for n reason at all the windows disk MIGHT actually be in the CD drive....Why would it be in the CD drive? Well, I dunno...I mean it wouldn't, right? I mean why the fukc would the disk be in the drive right? My wife uses this machine to chat with other pregnant ladies on iVillage and my kids use it to play free online games so how is it physically possible that the disk would be in the machine?????:ohwell:
But I checked anyway.:ohwell:
Except that the tray inside the CD drive...you know, the little CD tray that slides out and holds the disk for you when you push the button, that little tray? IS NOT THERE. It's not there?!?! The fukcing tray is literally not insdie the cd drive "Honey, what happened to the disk drive?" I ask being exxceptionally careful about my language and learn that my 3 year old ripped it out and "I've been meaning to ask you if you can fix that....":angry
My friends, if you have read this far along with me, you may be thinking, "is this sad, pitiful schumck's story finally over?" or "Man that sucks, can't get much worse than that". Well. Lemme tell ya. It's far from over.
I spend the next 2 days whenever I have a spare minute trying to get mozilla firefox downloaded (which is a program I am not fond of) just so I can get online and get to the necessary updates and security patches and make this thing work again since now they are all hounding me to let them use my work laptop to get online - uh uh, no way.:romy: I get that done, I get to microsoft.com and I find the page with all the windows 2000 updates and spend several hours patiently downloading the list of 50 or so updates needed to fix the gaping hole in my computer, and waiting patiently while the system restarts after every single update is installed.
This morning as everyone is getting ready to leave for school, work, etc, I am faithfully stationed in front of THEIR computer patentily downloading and installing updates. And I come to an odd looking one having to do with security settings. Oh that may help, I mean the security holes are a big part of the probelem in the first place, so this HAS to be a good thing....:o
So I start the program loading.
I get up to get my coffee which has finished brewing.
I come back and see a message that the install will require the system to shut down after completion (mind you SHUT DOWN, not Restart which I have become accustomed to seeing) and that I may want to make sure I have such and such backed up but one of the kids is crying because the other one said he can't ride his skateboard so I have to get up to go set that crap straight and I go ahead and click OK to finish to install and I walk away again.:) ........
I come back and the machine is shut down. Expected. Got it. Cool.
I start the machine up.
And instead of the start up script for Windows, I see the beginning of the Windows Set Up script asking me if I would like to proceed with INSTALLING Windows. Installing? No...I'm not installing Windows, I am installing a security patch, why are you asking me to install Windows? NOw it wants my product key. You know - that little string of numbers and letters that we heard about at the start of this story? The little string of numbers that is printed on a little label on the front of a CD case containing my copy of Windows 2000 Professional Edition Installation Disk THAT I CANNOT FIND?!?!?!?!:angry
I am going to go buy a new computer in a few minutes. I really didn;t want to spend money on a computer right now.
Thanks for listening.
Kaeos out.