What's Up Dog?

[Bill_the_Pony]

No, I have NOT endeavored to adapt such frivolously regressive affectation of speech. Indeed. :Smirk:


So this is what happened at Starbucks this morning. Summer has kicked in at the beach town, in FULL force, and along with the regulars are hordes of vacationing families, who act as if they had never seen a Starbucks before..... or is it that the larger the group they travel in, the dumber and more high-maintenance they get? :mad:

One guy is running up to me in a semi-panicked manner, asking...."don't you have regular sugar:confused: " as I'm multitasking several other things.

"Yes, it's in the dispenser right next to the coffee stirrers at the condiment station," pointing in that direction.

"But where would that be????!!!!" :confused:

http://a514.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/56/m_a25c14623041343611c2054d0ec07b59.gif

So I put down everything I am holding, and walk five feet in the direction of the condiment station, pointing my finger into the air as if it were a long-range missle, and arcing it so it comes to a direct landing with the dispenser with packets of sugar (marked SUGAR) sitting on top center of the condiment station.

"Oh, that?!" http://a307.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/6/m_3576c7c7b11ae6f7829ac32aa22707b2.gif

"Yes." :) (to myself: http://a604.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/60/m_b93589d33d8dd4318479e6abf497e1cb.gif


Now we have the damn oven and warm things, which is just fine, it's so superpowered and hot it only takes a minute AT MOST, it's up to the shift lead to make sure the deployment of labor is efficient and this morning it wasn't..... so I'm there, toasting someone's bagel (it takes only 30 seconds) after I sliced it.... when she's like "DO YOU SPREAD THE CREAM CHEESE ON IT TOO?" http://a426.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/54/m_388feafaa0d5ab41f5bdef57bb9f3219.gif

"No" :Smirk:

"OH" :mad:

:rolleyes:

But the BEST is this:

We serve three types of coffee in the morning. BOLD, MILD and DECAF. We have a sign with three sections that we write in the names of the blends and their flavor profile, description, whatever..... We'd been out of bold for a couple days, and had an overstock of HOUSE BLEND, which served as "Coffee" until today's shipment came in.

So as a joke, one of the kids wrote in the "Bold" section of the sign, the name Up Dog with the description underneath "unreal and nutty". It got me at 5:30 am when I came in and saw the sign....

I said "What's Up Dog?" :eek: http://a1000.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/13/m_763ce248c95277158f86f0124214a75f.gif :lol:

So some older vacationing guy comes in, asking over and over "What's Up Dog?" :headscratch: "What's Up Dog?" :headscratch: "What's Up Dog?"

http://a455.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/48/m_20641ab7d90afb6a07f63987416926e6.gif

[Kaeos]

I like Coffee. :o

But I do have a question. What exactly is the alure of cappucino? It tastes like watered down creamer to me. I don't get it.

Everything I order from Starbucks comes with a shot of expresso. :D

[Space Tycoon]

One of my current jobs is working the paint counter at a Home Depot Canada. Not exactly the same as Starbucks, but similar.

If I were to relate some of the simps that I have to deal with on a regular basis, you would choke with laughter.

Mississauga has a HUGE East European and South Asian population.

Which means that most of my customers either remind me of Hrundi V. Bakshi (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61q20-uhFDw&mode=related&search=)or Borat (http://www.collegehumor.com/video:67618).


You've gotta laugh at the foolishness of humanity. No matter where they're from.






.

[Bill_the_Pony]

Amen. Here in Southern Cal, we have a HUGE variety of different cultures, including "indigenous" and little harmony. Sure, we all mix, but nrighborhoods and entire cities have become enclaves of specific nationalities of people, something that just happened. Where they DO mix, at places like Ikea...man, to watch people interact, especially ones that seem to be living a life of "unconsciousness" (as put by Eckhart Tolle)..... How did the human race get this far? :(




Kaeos, I HATE cappuccino and Latte drinks. HATE them. I've never been into steamed Milk drinks, except on a rare occasion, but FOAM? :eek: :Tongue: !!!!!!!!

I have been told, though, that TRUE cappuccino as made in its place of origin, is extremely delicious and heavenly, but guess what.... I am not convinced. I am lactose indifferent. :Smirk:

All that aside, there are so many baristas that do not know how to make a decent cappuccino. The foam is the tricky part, and too much or not enough aeration and you have a wet mess that looks like rabies. ANY milk steamed over 180 degrees is scorched and takes on the smell (and taste) of buttered popcorn, which is fine for buttered popcorn, but for milk...it just makes me want to puke when I smell that. :mad:

Oh... and it's "espresso", not "expresso". :Smirk:

[Kaeos]

Oh... and it's "espresso", not "expresso". :Smirk:

My thanks. :D

[Bill_the_Pony]

You're welcome, as well. :D :D :D :p :wink:

[colmatrix]

Oh... and it's "espresso", not "expresso". :Smirk:

I NEVER knew that! Thanks...

[Bill_the_Pony]

But... :eek:


but... :eek:



:Dunno:

[SinisterPryde]

While I am sure we all have idiots popping into our places of work, the service industry seems to attract the largest number of idiots.

I work at Jack-in-the-Box where we have two menu boards in drive-thru. One to preview while the guy in front of you orders and then the one where you place your order. Inevitably, there is at least one person an hour that will sit for five to six minutes at the preview board. Then they pull forward to the second board. When I ask what they want, they tell me it will be a minute while they decide. WTF?!? :mad:

[fastcar]

Everything I order from Starbucks comes with a shot of expresso. :D



Oh... and it's "espresso", not "expresso". :Smirk:



Expresso is the route it takes through your digestive system.

[Kaeos]

I've been told that ezpresso:Tongue: actually has less caffine in it than regular coffee, so it must be a psychological thing with me. That harsh flavor seems to immediately jolt right up into my brain and woo hoo hoo hoo hoo hooooo!!!! :D

Inevitably, there is at least one person an hour that will sit for five to six minutes at the preview board. Then they pull forward to the second board. When I ask what they want, they tell me it will be a minute while they decide. WTF?!? :mad:

I just have a hard time deciding man. So many choices. :Dunno: So harsh.:anismirk:

[spammityspam]

Yeah, I always loved having to explain when I worked at Captain D's that my patrons had sat at the drive-thru for ten minutes because they wouldn't tell me what they wanted until about minute eight. I also got one couple who walked in on the middle of a Saturday, with about fifteen tables taken in the dining room and a full staff, and said "Hey, are y'all open?"

Never again shall I work in food service. NEVER.

Though, gotta say, the guy who walked into Barnes & Noble and asked me for a book about metabolisms with an orange cover that he saw on PBS that morning has to be a close second to the horrors of Captian D's and Steak N Shake. He at least never got the opportunity to leave a terrible tip.

[kah]

I don't even want to start.

But.... I really hate those people who call for a takeout order while I have a full bar, and ask me what we have on the menu. :mad: I have literally had to read through the entire thing on more than one occasion.

I really hate stalkers, too. Just because I am nice to you and get you alcoholic beverages does not mean I want to be your girlfriend. :mad:

I also hate this one woman that comes in that will order her drinks from anyone standing behind the bar that's not me. Anyone else standing behind that bar is a busser, waitress, or cook, but she doesn't care. I have been doing this for 5 years, and she doesn't care. Why? Who the fuck knows. (I'm young and she's an old, droopy bag with terrible hair?) Now if I see her come in, I ignore her. She gets her drinks from the waitress at the table now.

You know what else I hate? People who start waving me down, or tapping their bottle, or whistling, or yelling my name, or doing anything to get my attention within 10 seconds of finishing their drink. :mad: You know what, fucker? First of all, I saw you. Second, I'm making 10 other drinks right now, so you'll have to wait. Third, you can survive for 2 minutes without a sip of alcohol. It won't kill you, but I might if you don't shut the fuck up.

I also hate the "When you get a chance" line. I know people say it trying to be polite, but it's fucking rude. Especially when I am not busy.

People who ask me for free drinks really piss me off, too. It is not my job to get you drunk for free. My job is selling alcoholic beverages. If you ask me for a drink, or make a nasty comment about how many you have to buy before I buy you one, you will never get one. Your friends will, but you won't. I am not required to buy anyone anything. It's at my discretion and if you get on my bad side, then it's going to cost you a bit more to drink than everyone else.

[Jakester]

I promise not to ask you for a free drink. I promise not to say "when you have time." I promise not to ask you to read me the menu.

All I will say is "show me your tits and blow me."

[spammityspam]

Yeah, I'm beginning to question my decision to try to become a bartender. Do you at least make good money, in spite of the idiocy?

[Kaeos]

I promise not to ask you for a free drink. I promise not to say "when you have time." I promise not to ask you to read me the menu.

All I will say is "show me your tits and blow me."

You are a god, good sir. Thanks for the laugh during a shitty work day.

...show me your tits and blow me....:lol:

[omicron]

Sorry Kah, I don't see why you get so bent out of shape about a 'when you get a chance'. Now, if it's said all sarcastically, I could see the problem. But I usually ask my bartender to tab me out when he gets a chance, because unless it's dead-slow, he's usually in front of my chair making another drink or doing dishes or something.

[kah]

It's insulting because it implies that I am not taking care of them. It's not usually said in a polite way or when I am busy. I've trained most of my customers to put their empties on the rail or at least off their coasters if they want a drink. It makes life easier for all.

I also really hate when 21 year olds (and I mean just 21, like days ago) throw a fit when I card them. Get a fucking clue, kid. I don't care if I've seen you drinking before when I wasn't working. I am still going to card you. It's not worth losing my job. Oh, and leaving your id at home is just asking for trouble. You can be a passenger in a car that gets pulled over and get asked for your id (which I think is total bs), so what makes you think I am going to give you alcohol without it?

I had this one kid ask me if he could drink from the margarita tap and I said no. As soon as I turned around, he was upside down with his mouth on it. I turned around, snatched his drink and sent him outside. I let his 10 friends, including his fiance, stay and made him sit outside in a time out for 30 minutes. Then I got his fiance to bitch him out for being so stupid.

[Jakester]

Is it wrong that I love you? 'Cuz that last story was awesome!

K-dawg, Show me your tits and blow me.

[SinisterPryde]

Kah, you are m y new hero!

I will get people all the time asking me to "hook them up" with an extra fry or, my favorite, "coke flavored water".

I also love the ones that spend five minutes rummaging around in their car for the other 11 cents they are short. After handing me $12 in change to count out while I wait for their sorry asses. Then they ask if anyone working has the extra change!
Look, dumbass! If you are that broke that you have to buy burgers with change then try to hit up a fast-food worker for extra change (because we obviously make so much)
then maybe you should roll up those nickels and dimes and take them to a grocery store to buy some real food for your family thats going to go further than the next ten minutes.

My personal favorite, are these thug wannabes that come rolling up in their tricked out car. I have to strain to hear what is being ordered by their hood-rat bitch because she's in the passenger seat. Then, they get to the window and she'll do all the talking and handling of the transaction over her boyfirend who is apparently too busy studying the flow of traffic or the butterfly effect on the weather to even acknowledge my existence.

I need a new job.... :mad:

[Trazalca]

I need a new job.... :mad:

I don't think that will work. Idiocy is a contagion affecting all levels of employment.
Anyone that says ignorance is bliss fails to see that it is NOT.

And Bill, you made me laugh with that story. Just classic. :lol:

I had to call the Dish Network this morning since half the channels we used to get
no longer come through since the storm a few days ago. My goodness,
the determination of these people to sticking to their scripts is almost ungodly.
It's like talking to the Stepford wives when it comes to troubleshooting.
And as one that troubleshoots on a daily basis, I wanted to jump ahead in the
conversation and get to the root of the problem I see on the TV. Nope. No chance.
She had to ask first if I had the remote control available. Uh, yeah.
Is the receiver on? Yes...
Press 101. What happens? It goes to 103. There is no 101. That's what I've been trying to say, it's that...
Press 103. What happens? The same thing. It no longer exists. But what I wanted to say was that we already...
Please press the Menu button, and press 1, then 6, then 3. What is the device?
(sigh) THE DEVICE is...
Okay. I will send a signal to your receiver. Please do nothing for the next 2 minutes.
So. How are you? Huh? What?
How are you? Um, I'm, er, okay.
That is good. What time is it there? Um, 9AM.
Wow. It is 9PM here. Really? Where are you?
In the Phillippines. Have you been there? Um, no.
(kids started making noise in the background, so she must have heard it and flipped to the apropos script)
How many kids do you have? I have 4.
Really? How old? Six, four, two and one.
Wow! What are there names? Um, Aliangel.
Wow, that is pretty name. Then there's Joshua, Katie and Nathan.
Wow, those are nice names. Please press channel 101. What happens?
Nothing. Same as before. We went through this yesterday when we called...
I will have to send a technician to come to your house. Is Saturday okay for you? No. We'll be busy then.
Sunday? No.
Monday? Yes.
Okay. You have been scheduled for then. Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
I'm sorry. What?
Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
Wait a minute. Should we do anything else?
Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
OKAY. Bye.

The thing is, she was really a sweet lady, but gosh. She would not deviate from that
script to save her life. If I ever call them again, I'll have to think of a way to have
more fun at their expense. :anismirk:

[Trazalca]

Yeah, I always loved having to explain when I worked at Captain D's that my patrons had sat at the drive-thru for ten minutes because they wouldn't tell me what they wanted until about minute eight. I also got one couple who walked in on the middle of a Saturday, with about fifteen tables taken in the dining room and a full staff, and said "Hey, are y'all open?"

Never again shall I work in food service. NEVER.

Though, gotta say, the guy who walked into Barnes & Noble and asked me for a book about metabolisms with an orange cover that he saw on PBS that morning has to be a close second to the horrors of Captian D's and Steak N Shake. He at least never got the opportunity to leave a terrible tip.

Hey! A fellow Captian D's alum. I worked for those cats for 16 months out of my life.
My mom would only eat the food there if I cooked it. She didn't trust the rest of them. I used to make the cracklings, get my arms burned from the oil splatter when
deep frying the battered fish pieces. I used to make the BEST hush puppies.
Great. Now I'm hungry. :Smirk:

[Kaeos]

I had to call the Dish Network this morning since half the channels we used to get
no longer come through since the storm a few days ago. My goodness,
the determination of these people to sticking to their scripts is almost ungodly.
It's like talking to the Stepford wives when it comes to troubleshooting.
And as one that troubleshoots on a daily basis, I wanted to jump ahead in the
conversation and get to the root of the problem I see on the TV. Nope. No chance.
She had to ask first if I had the remote control available. Uh, yeah.
Is the receiver on? Yes...
Press 101. What happens? It goes to 103. There is no 101. That's what I've been trying to say, it's that...
Press 103. What happens? The same thing. It no longer exists. But what I wanted to say was that we already...
Please press the Menu button, and press 1, then 6, then 3. What is the device?
(sigh) THE DEVICE is...
Okay. I will send a signal to your receiver. Please do nothing for the next 2 minutes.
So. How are you? Huh? What?
How are you? Um, I'm, er, okay.
That is good. What time is it there? Um, 9AM.
Wow. It is 9PM here. Really? Where are you?
In the Phillippines. Have you been there? Um, no.
(kids started making noise in the background, so she must have heard it and flipped to the apropos script)
How many kids do you have? I have 4.
Really? How old? Six, four, two and one.
Wow! What are there names? Um, Aliangel.
Wow, that is pretty name. Then there's Joshua, Katie and Nathan.
Wow, those are nice names. Please press channel 101. What happens?
Nothing. Same as before. We went through this yesterday when we called...
I will have to send a technician to come to your house. Is Saturday okay for you? No. We'll be busy then.
Sunday? No.
Monday? Yes.
Okay. You have been scheduled for then. Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
I'm sorry. What?
Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
Wait a minute. Should we do anything else?
Thank you for calling Dish Network, and have a nice day.
OKAY. Bye.

The thing is, she was really a sweet lady, but gosh. She would not deviate from that
script to save her life. If I ever call them again, I'll have to think of a way to have
more fun at their expense. :anismirk:

If that's not an advertisement for cable, I dunno what is.

[spammityspam]

Oh man, the Captain D's days. I was the very first employee of the Highland Village Captain D's. Good times. Well, sometimes.

I remember one time we took the hush puppy batter and just dumped the whole thing into the fryer and made a hush-loaf. I think one of the cooks took it home. And one time we just started throwing stuff into the fryer to see what would happen... that, by the way, is NOT how you fry rice. Fried pickle relish is pretty tasty, though. And fried Coke syrup. Fried cheesecake.

I always made the best catfish, even though I was counter staff, because I'm one of thoze bizarre people who, when I get bored, goes and learns all the other jobs in the restaurant. (I sometimes forget my trashy novel, so what else is there?) At the end of my employment I could've run the whole place on my own, provided that all the customers were prepared to wait half their lives for me to finish doing everything. Aaaah.

God, I hated that place so much.

[Bill_the_Pony]

I worked this morning at the Bux, scheduled for a quick four hour shift from opening, that turned into 8 hours....time and a half, but it was without a doubt one of my worst experiences there. EVERYBODY heads to the beach on the fourth of July. Not a spot you can park in, and the traffic was backed up for several miles on the roads headed there. :mad: Like, everyone has this original idea? :headscratch: :mad:

Along with that came crowds of idiotic day-offers, so bossy, unpleasant and helpless. On top of that, someone was a no-show this morning as well. :mad: VERY uncool.

Eventually I made the best of it, I love my coworkers (the ones who show up :rolleyes: ), and I just surrendered to it, and decided not to push this button.

http://a777.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/95/m_549789edb39e6e7c6465a40c6437a9a8.jpg

I don't mind holidays, but the behaviour of people in large groups and mobs sickens me to no end.

[Trazalca]

Someone just emailed this to me. Some of it you may have read or heard of before.
But still, they bring the point home about the contagion of idiocy. Alas, a cure is still pending.

*

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us
that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said,
"Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower."
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,
"NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."
We haven't used Sears repair since.

*

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman, KS

*

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceburg lettuce. He was a Chef? Yep... From Kansas City.

*

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

*

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew
what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is
red. Appalled, she responded,
"What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.

*

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker ; she was leaving
the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully,
"This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

*

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A
deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

*

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi.

:headscratch: :popcorn: :D

[Jakester]

This is why I'm pro nuke.

[Bill_the_Pony]

And so it goes, same as other days. I swear, I am going mad. :(

[SinisterPryde]

A few years ago I used to know a guy who did Tech Support for some computer dealership (The Eager Beaver, I believe. No, for real, thats what it was called). Anyway, he was fired for a response he gave, but he told me some of the calls he would get and I think he was better off.

A man called because he'd hooked up his computer, but it wouldn't turn on. My friend asked him if the red light was on in the back that would indicate the Tower was on. The man told him it would be a minute. He would have to find a flashlight since the power was off in his house.

He received frequent phone calls from pissed-off people that were upset about their substandard keyboards. The computer prompted them to hit the "Any" key, which was not on the keyboard itself.

The firing came when one woman called him to complain "any" key. He told her that in that case, she needed to pack up the computer, take it back the store and demand her money back because she was too stupid to own a computer.

[Space Tycoon]

A few years ago I used to know a guy who did Tech Support for some computer dealership (The Eager Beaver, I believe. No, for real, thats what it was called).

When I finally start up a strip club, that's what I will call it. :lol:







.

[omicron]

If I ever call them again, I'll have to think of a way to have
more fun at their expense. :anismirk:

When I lived with my brother, he would have great fun talking with sales calls. Usually this was because he was higher than a kite, but he figured if they were calling to bother him, he was going to waste as much time as possible. I think he kept this one salesperson on the line for like 30m chatting her up. :p

[Sgt. Awesome]

We get surprisingly few morons coming by the theatre. How hard is it to order popcorn, I guess not very.

:popcorn:

My favourites, because there are still a few idiots; a gentleman came out of the theatre and informed me that we were playing the wrong film. I figured this was a mistake on our part and sought to rectify it. I went into the theatre to find out what we were playing instead. It was the previews.

A woman came out to me and demanded a refund because the movie was communist propaganda. She was just off her rocker, it amused me none the less.

[spammityspam]

Thing I do not miss about food service: huge line is running, people are spending fifteen minutes in the building before they can order and bitching about it. Standing there in front of the menu the whole time. And yet, when they get to the counter, their faces all go blank and they just go "uuuuuuuh..."

Maybe the queue wouldn't take fifteen minutes if you thought about what you wanted before you got to me. JUST MAYBE.

And seriously -- it's not difficult. We have six drinks. They all taste like battery acid. One's pretty much like another. And what do we serve? Fried fish. That's basically it. There are different varieties of fried fish, but one fried thing tastes essentially like another. It's not hard to choose between fried tilapia, fried flounder, fried pollock, and fried catfish. It's really not. And lady? Lady who does this every time? I can do you asking me what tilapia is. I can do you asking me what pollock is. What I can't do is you asking me what each of our fifteen completely recognizable side dishes (exotic foods like green beans, corn on the cob, and mashed potatoes) are and then demanding to speak to someone who's tried each and every one. You're sweet as fucking pie, but if I hadn't left pretty much when I did, I'd have stabbed you in the face.

I really hate work flashbacks.

[Sgt. Awesome]

Could you have stabbed her in the eye with one of those corn on the cob holders. Then quit. Right there saying, "This cob sucks, I quit."

[Bill_the_Pony]

Also say, "in your face, you cob-sucker slum-lords!" :)

[Sgt. Awesome]

No, that's what you'd say to your landlord after you murder them by shoving an ear of corn down their throat.

[Kaeos]

This is a timely email I just got from a friend. For you Bill :lol:

Blonde in Starbucks....
>
>
>
>
>
> A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
>
> a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
>
>
>
> So she peels it off and starts screaming,
>
> "I've won a motorhome!
>
> I've won a motorhome!"
>
>
>
> The waitress says, "That's impossible.
>
> The biggest prize is a free Lunch."
>
>
>
> But the blonde keeps on screaming,
>
> "I've won a motorhome!
>
> I've won a motorhome!"
>
>
>
> Finally, the manager comes over and says,
>
> "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
>
> You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
>
> because we didn't have that as a prize.
>
>
>
> The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake.
>
> I've won a motorhome!"
>
>
>
> And she hands the ticket to the
>
> manager and HE reads...
>
>
>
>
>
> (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)
>
> "W I N A B A G E L"
>
>
>
>
>

[Bill_the_Pony]

http://a682.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/46/l_d49de357bd955d1bd13f140a5e8e2549.gif

[kah]

~ring ring~

"I'm not here!" Every hand goes up in the place.

I am not lying for any of you. Especially when it might mean getting you a sober ride outta here. So suck it.

[kah]

So last week I got to deal with a conspiracy theorist/religious fantatic/pharmaceutical employee all wrapped up in one crazy package. That was not a good night. He kept preaching about Jesus saving me from my addictions (my addictions, not his) while drowing himself in rum.

I'd take that whack job over the domestic abuser I had to deal with on Sunday. :mad:

So my night started out with this mutlimillionaire ordering shots every 2 minutes and throwing full drinks on complete strangers. She later accused one of them of stealing her money. (It's possible. :Dunno: I've got my boss reviewing the tapes.)

The guy she threw the drink on (Aaron) and the guy she accused of stealing her money (Eric) (someone I knew from high school, actually), stuck around for a while after the millionairess left. A couple hours later, Joanna, Eric's ex-wife and mother of his two kids, comes in to pick them up. They convince her to have a couple drinks, but she really wants to go home.

Then Eric starts yelling in her face. They step away from the bar, and he tells her to slap him. She's like, fine, I will... ~WHACK!~ "I've been waiting years for that." Then I ran around the bar and got between them, so he wouldn't hit her back. Some of you might think that's stupid, but if he hit her, the likelihood of her turning him in to the cops is slim to nil. If he hit me, I'd press charges on him so fast it'd make his head spin. So anyway....

It's a race out to the car. Joanna gets into the car, and Eric gets in the passenger side. I walk around to the side of the car and tell him to get the fuck out of the car. "It's My car...blah blah blah..." He grabs her keys and rips them right out of the ignition, losing the car key in the process. She comes back to the bar and sits down, crying. (I really only have 2 guys and 2 other girls here at this time, but they are all helping, and I am grateful, because Joanna is not getting beat up on my watch.)

Eric comes back into the bar, and I let him stay. Until he starts yelling again, and then I tell him he's worn out his welcome. He accuses her of getting him kicked out, and throws a tantrum. :rolleyes: Five minutes later, he walks back in and sits down, lights a cigarette and refuses to look me in the eye. "Eric."

"Yeah?"

"Why am I looking at your face? Get the fuck out of my bar."

Tantrum, lighter, remote door lock thrown, etc.

I looked at Joanna and told her to never, ever take someone back that treats her like that. (The other friend, Aaron, had been trying to get them back together.)

Another five minutes and I get out of the bathroom to find him swaying next to Joanna. Seriously? Seriously. :mad: "Eric, you need to get out of my bar right now."

"I can't have a drink?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I have the right to refuse service to anyone, and I am refusing it to you. Go home."

He turns to her, of course, and accuses her of causing all this. I grab him away from her and tell him, "No, you don't blame this on her. This is all on YOU. YOU are the asshole, and that's why YOU are leaving."

I get a flashlight after a little while and Joanna and Aaron (who is sticking by Joanna now) go out to look for her keys. I look out the window, and see Eric shoving Aaron to the ground. (My head could explode at any moment now.) I run outside and tell Eric to get off the property before I call the cops. Do you think that raving lunatic gives a rat's ass? He threatens to call in the car stolen if anyone finds the keys and takes off in it. (The car the mother of his children drives.) Finally, I have one of the girls inside call the owner and he comes out to deal with it. Aaron's grandma comes to pick up Joanna and Aaron, and Eric walks home.

The price of dealing with that psycho and never raising my voice- BIG FUCKING ZIT.

:Dunno:

If my bf ever talked to me once like Eric talked to Joanna two things would happen.

1. He would be in the hospital getting his balls removed from his throat.
2. He would be living on the street once the hospital released him.


I don't think I've ever seen such a blatant case of domestic abuse up close. Usually the abuser will whisper threats and take the woman home before unleashing on her. I can only imagine what their relationship was like when they were together. :shakehead: I feel sorry for their kids.

I don't get paid enough for this shit.

[rappites]

Wow...Just wow. I have no idea what I would have done.

And no you don't get paid enough to deal with that shit. What if he had a weapon?


Put some toothpaste on your zit.

[kah]

I had about 100 bottles of liquor, a broom, mop, bar stools, etc. I would've been fine. I just wish I hadn't put on flip flops instead of my shit-kickers. My bad thinking Sunday night would be calm. :rolleyes:

[Trazalca]

I could only repeat what Rappites said. Wow.

I thank God that I love my wife enough to have never acted like that to her. Ever.
I've seen enough drunks on both sides of our families to never allow ourselves to
abuse the alky, let alone each other. On a side-note, my brother-in-law is
112 days sober. And it took years of crap to put up with before he finally got it
and entered the program. Crap not too far from what Kah described either.

And Kah, I KNOW you can take care of yourself. I got that.
But still, I'm glad you didn't get hurt in any of that hellish business.

[Space Tycoon]

I don't get paid enough for this shit.


If I ever open up a pub of my own, you can be my head server. Hell, you can be part-owner. Partner, even! :cool:







.

[Space Tycoon]

Although I've been a bad drunk from time to time, I've never been so far gone that I got abusive physically against anyone, especially not a woman.

Usually when I get stupid drunk, the only person victimized is my own damn self. :OhWell:







.

[Al-Dog]

I had about 100 bottles of liquor, a broom, mop, bar stools, etc. I would've been fine. I just wish I hadn't put on flip flops instead of my shit-kickers. My bad thinking Sunday night would be calm. :rolleyes:I gather from your story that there wasn’t a bouncer or another bartender to back you up.

Just as a general policy, that doesn’t seem like a very good idea.

[Jakester]

Ahhh, Jess. You are so totally awesome. Please tie me up and put a ball gag in my mouth.

[rappites]

Ahhh, Jess. You are so totally awesome. Please tie me up and put a ball gag in my mouth.



Then shove a carrot up his ass... :cool:

[kah]

I am the bouncer. I always work alone. With most drunks, if they are misbehaving, you just take away their alcohol and talk to them like they are naughty children. Being scolded and cut off will usually make them shape up. If not, they are convinced to leave. (I've carried passed out drunks out to the picnic table to sober up, even in winter. :Mwahaha:) When it comes to an mentally/emotionally/physically abusive drunk, then it becomes another story. They have no shame because they believe they are always in the right. There is no good answer for how to deal with them. I should've called the cops, but I didn't really feel like making his ex's life even worse.

[Jakester]

I am so hot for you right now.

[spammityspam]

Gosh, I kind of am too.

[omicron]

Ok, I am going to play Devil's Advocate here.

If she hit him first, and slapped him hard, why can't he hit her back? Honestly, I don't agree with this, and I don't know the physical stature of either. But if someone hauls off and whaps me, my first instinct is to hit back.

From your story, it's obvious that he wanted to confront her physically. But if you and your boyfriend are arguing, and you wind up and pop him one, why can't he push/slap you back?

Again, I am not by any means endorsing spousal abuse(from either side).

[spammityspam]

I think that it's because generally speaking, a girl hits a guy to get his attention. A guy hits a girl to hurt her, which means he usually won't stop at a slap. Not always, of course. Also, most guys are, on base, stronger than most girls. It'd be hard for the girl in question to win that fight even if she did actually want to beat the dude up.

[neglet]

She would if she were trained to strike key areas with appropriate force.

Knees and nuts. If anyone ever attacked me, that's where they'd find themselves in a world of hurt.

[Jakester]

Yup. Screw the double spinning jump kick to the face thing. Break their effing knees and it's game over.
If you kick someone in the knee and they still come after you -- get the hell away as fast as you can.

[Bill_the_Pony]

And throw furniture at him. :eek:

Kah, maybe we should share a place. That way, in case Charlie ever decides to drink again.....:rolleyes: !



Today was a BITCH of a day at Starbucks and I have specifics. Just all around insane busy, trying to keep pace with things and compensating for slow coworkers, making drinks that were written incorrectly and being bitched at by some true bitches. An iced Carmel Macchiato with easy ice? No problem, I put in 1/3 more milk, one half the ice, and the woman comes over as I am finishing it up, and says "That was supposed to be EASY ice." :mad:

"It IS easy ice. Here...I'll take out some more, and replace it with milk...."

"Never mind, thank you." :mad:

then she goes back to the cashier and demands to see the manager, and they're outside blabbing, it turns out she's been here three times and gotten attitude each time. No wonder, being such a sourfaced cnut. I had a couple others, a rich bitch and her dead silent daughter (probably scared to death of her), something STRAIGHT out of The OC, and this woman is always like this, today even moreso. They came back, and I said "YOU take care of this", my coworkers knowing that if I was left to do it, it would probably get ugly, with the mood I was in. Same with another regular, we always say hi, I always smile and call him by name, and he's on me about my mood, and as I'm ringing him up, I just said "Sam, please finish this sale" and walked into the back. I swear, I was about to lose it.


The manager gave me a metal meat tenderizer http://www.kitchencollection.com/prodimages/sm1064733.jpg that we use to smash up the ice cubes into smaller pieces, and told me to get my aggressions out there, as long as I didn't hurt myself. :mad:

I thanked her afterwards, and let someone have my hours tomorrow. :OhWell:

Seriously....I am not right with the world right now. :shakehead:

Oh....I waited on Matthew Lillard today, he lives close by, and he seemed a little grumpy. Apparently last time he was in, one of our really younger coworkers waited on him and started following him around like a puppy dog, saying "I know who you are, you do all those great movies, but I can't remember any right now except for Scooby Doo. :) "

Matthew Lillard: "Thanks." :confused:

All the other coworkers doubled over in laughter, while little Alex walked away with his face buried in his hands.

I think Lillard was a little humiliated by it. :OhWell:

[Gentlemen Death]

I think that it's because generally speaking, a girl hits a guy to get his attention. A guy hits a girl to hurt her, which means he usually won't stop at a slap. Not always, of course. Also, most guys are, on base, stronger than most girls. It'd be hard for the girl in question to win that fight even if she did actually want to beat the dude up.

Speaking from expeirence and of what I have seen...I think it goes both ways...Both sides hit out of anger regardless...I mean...That is why you hit them, yes? :headscratch:

[spammityspam]

Yeah, it's anger, but for girls it's like you hit the guy once and then you yell at him some more. Guys are trying to hit out their anger, I think, rather than just get you to listen while they talk it out. Or shriek it out.

[Jakester]

Sounds like you were a little OTR, Billie.
I give Lillard props for playing Shaggy. He did a good job with him. Next time he comes in have one of the n00bs stab his drink and say "I got a little overzealous!"

[kah]

Bill- that's why I do my job and not yours. I couldn't stand being nice to people all the time. The best part of my job description- the right to refuse service to anyone, anytime, for any reason. :)

I usually go for the adam's apple and the ears. Ever been punched in the throat? It's not a good time.

Omi- From the way he was treating her, I have a feeling this is a long standing way of life for them. He yells, pushes her around, and she takes it. He told her to slap him, she did, and she said, and I quote "I have been waiting years to do that." Besides the fact that she was 5 foot nothing and he was over 6 feet, 220ish pounds and in an insane rage, I would say, no, he doesn't get to hit her back. Not while I am there. I really didn't want everyone else in the bar physically involved either, which would've happened if he'd hit her back.

[Bill_the_Pony]

Adam's Apple, I'll have to remember that. :headscratch:

Next time that broad comes in and pulls that bit about the easy ice..... :Mwahaha:

[kah]

Or just box her ears. It'll throw off her equilibrium and you'll get to watch her cry and stumble around.

[Bill_the_Pony]

I'm just wondering if management might write me up for a thing like that....:confused:

[kah]

Fuck management.




Ahem. I mean, yes, I'm sure they will.

[spammityspam]

Kill your managers first?

[chemikillgod]

Kill your managers first?

Always with the killing, spammy. No need to kill, just hurt 'em a little bit.