Spammy got me thinking...

[kah]

There are some funny jokes about the places we live. Funny in a sad but true kind of way.

I'll start by saying most of these are pretty accurate. There's a couple I would disagree with, but then again, I don't live in farm country.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you refer to a drinking fountain as the bubbler.
..."vacation" means going 'up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend.
...you measure distance in hours.
...you know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you often switch from "heat" to "A/C" and back again. In the same day.
...you use a down comforter and gloves in the summer.
...you drive at 65mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
...you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
...you think of the major food groups as cheese, venison, beer, fish and berries.
...you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
...there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
...driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
...you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
...you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...it takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
...you buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
...Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
...you define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...snow tires come standard on all your cars.
...you refer to the Packers as "we".
...you have gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.
...you can identify an Illinois accent.


You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...You know what cow-tipping is.
...you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
..."Down South" to you means Chicago.
...a brat is something you eat.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.
...you consider Madison exotic.
...you got a passport to go to Minnesota.
...you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you can actually pronounce Oconomowoc.
...your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
...your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
...your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.


You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you go out for fish fry every Friday.
...you can recognize someone from Illinois from their driving.
...you know how to polka.
...formal wear is blue jeans and a baseball cap.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you drink soda and refer to your dad as "pop".
...you were unaware there is a legal drinking age.
...your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
...you know where Waukesha is AND can pronounce it.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
...you can visit Rome, Luxemburg, Holland, Belgium, Denmark, Berlin, New London & Poland all in one afternoon.
...you only know three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Dusseldorf mustard.
...you've seen mosquitoes with landing lights.


You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
...you owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.
...the local paper covers major headlines on 1 page, but requires 4 pages for sports.
...at least twice a year, your kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
...you think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
...you find 0 degrees a little chilly.
...you know what to do with a Blatz.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...you consider the mosquito as the state bird.
...the first card game you learned as a child was Sheepshead.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
...you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
...you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.
...your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
...you wear blaze orange to a Packers game in November.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...40 degrees in spring is considered "HOT', and in fall it's darned cold.
...You can't believe that other states close down when there is 2" of snow.
...sitting in lawn chairs in the driveway with a beer is common.
...bar hopping between a wedding and reception is normal.
...your dog sits in the front seat of the car more than your wife and children.
...You have driven your car on a lake.
...At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey pokey & the chicken dance.
...The local gas station sells live bait.
...You know what "farmer's suntan" is.

You might be a Wisconsinite if...
...your toddler can ice skate/play hockey before pottytraining.
...no steak/cheese/milk in another state is good enough.

You might be a Wisconsinite if you.....
...Have at least 10 packer ornaments
...You only cry when Brett Farve talks about retierment
...Your girlfriend knows as much about football as you do
...11.8 proof is nothing

You might be a Wisconsinite if....
...Beer bongs are for people who can't drink fast enough
...Cows dont faze your children past 1 year old
...Drinking a beer in the morning to get rid of a hangover, is how you were brought up
...Ice fishing in march and april is perfectly normal
...You think getting up at 3 o'clock in the morning to go fishing is PRIME fishing time
...At least one male you know owns the shirt "Women want me, fish fear me"
...Not fixing things yourself is pathetic

You might be a Wisconsinite if....
...if you hold morning business meetings at George Webb's.

You might be a wisconsinite if....
...your definition of a small town is one that has only one bar.
...at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
...traveling coast to coast means going from La Crosse to Milwaukee.
...the "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR.
...you were offended by the movie "Fargo".
...your idea of foreign culture is listening to Da Yoopers.
...you've seen a hodag.
...You have been involved in a "drive-by hay bailing".

You might be a Wisconsinite if....
...a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
...you know Gotham is a real city.
...you can make sense out of the words upnort and Trivers.
...you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
...your children describe their summer vacation out of state as a "trip to Door County."
...you have caught a fish in Lake Michigan and it glowed in the dark.
...you define swimming season as Labor Day weekend.
...The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.

You might be a Wisconsinite if ...
... you ever fished with "leashes".
... you walked to school across 3ft snowbanks and liked it.
... old Christmas trees were for danger spots on the ice at fisheries.
... you know what a lake fly is.
... you know what "booyah" is.

You might be a Wisconsinite if ...
... you know what lutefisk is and actually enjoy eating it.
... you know what broomball is and play it during -20 degree days.
... you know what a F.I.B. is.

You might be a Wisconsinite if ...
... there is more beer in your fridge than any other liquid
... you know what hoodin is
... you know every word to "Da Turdy Point Buck"
... you know what a feral cat is
... your favorite sport is truck huntin
... you think a buck on the hood of the truck is classsy

[spammityspam]

Since we have no shortage of these 'round these parts, here's how to tell if you're a Texan! You know, in case you lost your birth certificate.

"If I owned Texas and Hell, I would rent out Texas and live in Hell." - Philip Sheridan, major general in the Civil War and military governor of Texas and Louisiana afterwards,

You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Beaumont and Amarillo.

You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.

A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You know from personal experience that a tractor is not really an all-terrain vehicle.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You measure distance in minutes or hours.

You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the Longhorns."

You know that the Chicken Ranch didn't really raise chickens, it raised Aggies.

Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

You go to the lake because you know what a Bigmouth and a Striper is.

You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

You know cowpies are not made of beef.

Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan a wedding date.

You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

You know that "Damnyankee" is one word. So is "coldbeer." "Djeet" is three words.

You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 diesel 4x4 is.

You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing or hot sauce.

You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

You know not to order a chicken fried steak using words like "rare" or "well done".

You never use the word "veggies".

You know where the Cotton Bowl is.

Your favorite kind of Coke is Dr. Pepper.

The guy sitting in front of your family business is not a greeter, he's a lookout.

You have three pairs of pants and four possums hanging from your clothesline.

You've never seen more than half an armadillo. (This doesn't count if the other half's twelve feet up the road.)

You take great pride in living in a state that is not just physically larger than any other state (you usually conveniently forget Alaska), you're also bigger than any European state outside of Russia -- more than all of France and the UK combined, along with an economy larger than all but the very largest nations in the world. You probably take all that land and wealth as a symbol of freedom and opportunity, no matter who particularly it benefits.

You have two seasons -- summer and February.

The first time it hits 70 degrees in mid-October, you won't leave the house without a coat and you start putting extra blankets on the bed.

You've never driven across state lines -- it's faster and cheaper in gas money to fly.

If someone you know does not attend church every week, that person is an atheist, or possibly Jewish. There is nothing in between.

From anywhere within 50 miles of your town where there's a paved road, you can point in the direction of four churches, name them, give their denominations, and explain why your church is better.

You think the divide between Church and State was instituted to discriminate against religious people.

You really believe in "heritage, not hate."

You know that there is a Texas Pledge, and you remember it faster than the Pledge of Allegiance.

You never let anyone forget that you used to be your own country.

You do not find it strange that your state has instituted an "express lane" to the death penalty for certain crimes.

You have only the foggiest idea about what a union is, and you've never met anyone who's in one.

You know the difference between Tex-Mex, Fresh-Mex, Mexican, and Taco Bell, and none of them -- including the real Mexican -- are as good as your mother's enchiladas.

You have no idea why anyone took languages other than Spanish in high school.

Hundreds of people turn up to every funeral, not because they were particular friends with the injured party, but because there is nothing in the world better than funeral food.

The idea that some people live their lives without ever owning a house is bizarre. The idea that anyone retires on less than three acres is obscene.

You have no clue how to hail a cab, board and pay for a bus or subway, and God forbid anyone mentions carpooling.

You are not a Southerner. You are barely an American. You are a Texan.

[Metuzalem]

I don't live there but.........

You know you live too close to Glasgow when you allow your 13 year old daughter to smoke at the dinner table.

In front of her kids.

[omicron]

You Know You’re from Ohio When...

You've never met any celebrities.
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
"Vacation" means driving through Hocking Hills or going to King's Island.
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Kentucky.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.
You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
You know what a real buckeye is, and have a recipe for candy ones.
You know if another Ohioian is from southern, middle or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouth.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga and Tuscarawas.
You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.
You don't think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami.
You snicker when someone's from Tiffin, because you think of the State Hospital.
You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!
You've heard of 3.2% beer.
Schools close for the state basketball tournament. Deer season, too.
You're proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.
"Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south."
You've heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.
You root for a college team though you've never taken a class there.
You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,and Tuscarawas *(Wapakoneta?) and you know which letter is doubled in "Cincinnati."
You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.
You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.
"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point or King's Island.
You know what pop is.

[spammityspam]

I love how all the lists have like five things the same.

[sickness]

You might be from California if...

1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.

2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.

3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in plain English.

4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.

5. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown and you CAN taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.

10. Gas costs a buck more per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.

11. The guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses that looks like George Clooney ... really IS George Clooney.

12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

13. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

14. It's barely sprinkling rain outside and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."

15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.

16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????

18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.

19. The Terminator is your governor.

20. If you drive illegally ... they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally ... they want to give you one.

[Trazalca]

You know you're from Georgia if....

1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
P.S.. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A, Georgia = JO-JA.

2. Stores don’t have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

3. You’ve seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.

4. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.

5. You measure distance in minutes.

6. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

7. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

8. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.

9. A Mercedes Benz isn’t a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

10. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

11. Ironically, you only crave Chik-Fil-A on Sundays..when it’s closed.

12. On one side of the road there’s Wal-Mart and on the other is a cotton field.

13. The directions to your house include “turn off the paved road.”

14. “Y’ALL” is a word.

15. Fried chicken is a major part of your diet

16. Krispy Kreme dounuts are the only kind of dounuts you eat.

17. You call it a cold Christmas if you don’t break out in a sweat in your new sweater.

18. When a single snowflake falls, the entire state shuts down, even if it doesn’t stick. The radio and TV news will make snowstorm reports every 10 minutes and the grocery store will be completely sold out of bread, milk, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

19. People actually grow, eat and like okra!

20. You know the difference between a Hillbilly, a Redneck, and a Southerner.

21. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.

22. Panama City Beach, Florida is a big deal.

23. You understand that at least once a year your car will turn yellow with pollen.

24. You know at least one Bubba, and maybe a few guys named Bo.

25. You say “tuna fish sandwich.”

26. You use “Sir” and “Ma’am” if there’s a remote possibility that person you’re talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.

27. Braves=good. Yankees=bad.

28.You love sweet tea, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and all Southern comfort food…and Southern Comfort.

29. You dont appreciate it, You preciate it.

30. Your last words might be, “Y’all watch this.”

31. Herschel Walker, Larry Munson, Sid Bream, Hank Aaron are legends.

32. You are 100% Georgian if you have ever had this conversation:

“You wanna coke?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind?”

“Sprite”

[Still Crazy]

You might be from New Mexico….
1. if you’ve been probed by aliens
2. if you know what a one boot cliff is.
3. that when people say it’s a dry heat, you respond so is a blow torch
4. when giving directions you say turn by the old house with the black paint and everyone knows where you mean.
5. Mexican food is referred to as Gringo Crap and Real.
6. You know what Christmas is and its not referring to the holiday.
7. You go out four-wheeling in a car, a lot.
8. You know someone in the North will ask you for a visa and or passport.
9. The Isotopes actually play in Albuquerque.
10. You know that Albuquerque is missing an r.
11. You know how to pronounce Jal, Bernalillo, Abiquiu, Algodones, Capitan, Florida, Nageezi, and Pojoaque correctly.
12. You know where Weed is.
13. You eat Cuban food regularly.
14. If you know the actual first European settlement was not in the east.
15. You’ve seen Georgia O’Keefe’s nude photo, more than once, and are still creeped out by it.
AND
16. you might be from New Mexico if you don’t mind going back to prison.

[Al-Dog]

You might be from New Jersey if...

You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."

You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a diner at 3 am.

You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know that there are no "beaches" in New Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway," not "The Garden State Parkway."

Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs. And you call it"sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagie" or a "hero."

You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.

You knew that the last question had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire doesn't work, does it?).

You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City.

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.

You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different".

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.

You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

You believe the Statue of Liberty is in NJ. (It is)

You don't take any shit from anybody especially people from New York and Philly, because you live here for christ's sake and just who the hell do they think they are anyway? Invading our beaches and bars, they are just here for the damn summer and they think they own the damn place.

You know that ACME is a supermarket, not just a Warner Bros creation.

You remember when Hoboken was a ghetto not overpriced.

And finally...

You've never pumped your own gas.

[TheNewGuy]

You Know You’re In Missouri When …

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You failed world geography in school because you thought Cuba, Florida, Versailles, California, Nevada, Houston, Cabool, Louisiana, Springfield, and Mexico were cities in Missouri.

The phrase, "I'm going to the Lake this weekend," can mean only one thing.

Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.

You think Jesse James is a hero.

You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar.”

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Construction

You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU.

You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis.

You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri.

You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.

You think "frog gigging" should be an Olympic sport.

You think Imo's is larger than Pizza Hut.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.

You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.

There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.

The local gas station sells live bait.

Your radio buttons are preset buttons are country.

"Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags.

Down south to you means Arkansas.

You know if another Missourian is from eastern, middle or western Missouri as soon as they open their mouth.

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out.

Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip."

You've never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.


You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

You know several people who have hit a deer.

Your school classes were canceled because of cold or heat in the same month.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You know what and where "Party Cove" is.

You think Missouri is pronounced with an "ah" at the end.

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should.

You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.

You think that deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

Your family watches severe thunderstorms from the front porch.

[DarkJedi]

Spammy already beat me and Omi to the Texas ones so I'll do some from my city, Houston..

You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits. During rush-hour, you haven't left your NEIGHBORHOOD.

The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.

Everybody has a story of the Flying Roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

You're on your way to work one FEBRUARY morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty horses - with riders - and you look around to see that everybody in the trucks around you is wearing a cowboy hat.

The name "Bud Adams" makes people snarl, and "Bum Phillips" doesn't mean bad screwdriver.

"Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.

You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue norther" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees.

Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations are a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten-foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks a lot like Wyatt Earp.

You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise.

You go to an art festival and you're almost run down by hand-holding cross-dressers on roller blades.

You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to window shop (you can't afford to buy because the prices are jacked up for all the foreign tourists).

You know that "dad-gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to practice good dental hygiene.

You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

For a Chili Cook off, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog's legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped - not ground beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather than south.

You've never seen I-45 and I-10 in any condition other than under construction - and you've lived here for more than 30 years.

You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.

"The Dream" is not a fantasy.

The only REAL Mexican food is Tex-Mex.

A 747 with the Space Shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low right overhead, and nobody paid any attention to it. (Happens all the time here.)

You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. treasury.

You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd rather they keep the title of "Smog Capital."

You see nothing unusual about an eighty-something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, iiiii-witness news" into a television camera every night. But some folks are still upset with him for shutting down the Chicken Ranch.

If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a GOOD hair day.

:D

[spammityspam]

Ooh! I found more! YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TEXAS WHEN:

You can see a high of 110 degrees on the Weather Channel and not faint.
You can make instant sun tea.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
Once August hits, you discover that it really only takes two fingers to drive your car.

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
It's three p.m. in the middle of July, but the only kids you see on the streets are the homeless ones.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside... at 7:30 a.m.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

Your biggest bike wreck fear is getting knocked off and ending up flash-cooking on the pavement.
Asphalt has a liquid state.
Everyone wants to know if you've been to Southfork.
You can sketch your home state in the dirt in a backwater village in Japan and everyone would be able to tell you what it is.

You prefer Whataburger to McDonald's.
7-11s close down to go watch the high school football game.
There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their houses.
The wind blows at 90 miles an hour from about Oct 2. to about June 25, and then stops completely until the next October.
Onced and twiced are both words you firmly believe you could find in the dictionary.

Fire ants inspire more fear than terrorism.
"Fixinto" is one word. So are "backards" and "forards."
There is no dinner. There's lunch and then there's supper.
People really do grow and eat okra by itself, not just in gumbo.
You know that green grass does, in fact, burn.

You own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Picante.
There is a Dairy Queen and a Church of Christ in every town with a population over 1,000.
Going to Wal-Mart is a pastime. It's either called "goin' Wal-Martin'" or "goin' off to Wally World."
The first cold snap - anything under 70 - means nothing to you but a chance to make chili.
You know someone who ate the 72-oz steak and got it free.

The second another Texan opens his or her mouth, you can pinpoint his or her birthplace.
Your pastor wears boots to church and no one thinks it's funny.
You can drive a full day and still be in Texas. In fact, you frequently fly from your city to other Texas cities. (For outsiders, remember that El Paso is closer to Los Angeles than it is to Houston, and that tip to toe Texas is 800 miles long.)
"Y'all's" is the possessive form of "y'all." "All y'all's" is the mass possessive. The fact that both are mass possessives does not surprise anyone, nor does the fact that both have distinct usages despite being the same part of speech.
The second the weathercaster says "snow," every school within a 500-mile radius shuts down.

You can sit outside an ice cream store in shorts, a tank top and flip-flops and not be chilly... on December 19th.
You've put ranch dressing on something other than a salad.
You care about immigration issues.

Texas facts:
- we have our own power grid.
- there are only two kinds of snakes which do not live in Texas.
- There are no kinds of spiders which do not live in Texas.

[Trazalca]

Here's one I just thought of.

You know if you're from Georgia if...

You live more than 60 miles away from the city of Atlanta,
and your home address is still considered part of the Metro-Atlanta area. :Smirk:

Honestly, I expect Savannah, GA (which is coastal) to find itself assimilated into the Metro-Atlanta
area within the next few years. It's insane. It's like living inside a spreading virus.
:OhWell:

[fastcar]

You know you're from Pittsburgh if...

"Hey Yinz" is your traditional greeting.

You know what The Mon, The Al, and the O is.

You know the other "O"

You hate Barry Bonds, not because he uses steroids, but because he didn't use them earlier. Maybe he could have made that throw to get Bream out in 92'.

You know that Graffiti was a place and not a thing.

You know where the PIT, the Attic, and the Wall are(were)

You know the time and location of every Wing Night in a 10 mile radius.

You've memorized lines from the movies "Flashdance, Sudden Death, and The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh."

If you're a guy, your biggest fear is seeing your best friend drive into the "fruit loop". You're second biggest fear is seeing him drive out with Kordel Stewart.

If you're a girl, you're biggest fear is getting hit on by a hairy-chested man, heavily weighted in gold chains, who refers to his friends as "junior" at Chauncey's.

Your latest cultural experience: On your way to partying at Slippery Rock University, having to stop your car to let the Amish buggy cross the street.

As your out-of-town friends brag about their latest trips to Europe, you think to yourself, "Polish Hill will suffice."

You don't see what all the hype is about Disney World when Kennywood is just around the corner.

You're having a hard time on where to take your Date out for dinner and a night on the town: - "meat on a stick" in the south side and the guzzling IC Light at Jack's - splitting an order of "O fries" and guzzling IC Light at Peter's Pub.

" N at' " is eloquently added to the end of every sentence.

You've taken deliberate field trips to the Andy Warhol museum.

You water ski on the Youghiogheny River Lake.

You feel the only good bands out there are Donny Iris, Joe Grushecky, The Blue Oyster Cult, and of course.... The Clarks.

You were more worried about Jerome Bettis's health than your own.

You own more than one original Terrible Towel.

Your most bitter regret is that Dan Marino played for the Dolphins...

You don't understand what all the hype is about for Rolling Rock beer, You've been drinking it for years, although Penn Pilsner is better.

You consider a great vacation a trip to Conneaut Lake or Lake Erie ... For something a little more exotic, a trip to the Jersey shore.

You're 35 years old, have never been outside of Allegheny County, and don't see the need to leave.

You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Heinz ketchup, and the bottle of Trappey's Red Devil you swiped from Primanti's.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

For the life of you, you can't understand why your all your out-of-town friends don't get the "fries and cole slaw" thing...

You have 101 favorite recipes for kolbasi and sauerkraut.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You find 20F "a little" chilly.

You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

You remember fondly time off from school known as "Snow Days".

Words like: hoagie; chipped ham; pop; buggy; and gumband actually mean something to you.

You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye.

You know what the dollar dance is and it doesn't involve strippers or "making it rain"

You owned a late 80's camaro, firebird, or IROC with T-Tops.

You know what the chicken dance is.

You're first drinking experience was a shot of Peach Schnapps at your uncle Chucky's wedding at the age of 10.

[neglet]

I know no one else can copy the first one on this list....

You know you're from Michigan when...

You show people where you're from by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand. (Especially useful if you're from the Thumb or the Little Finger.)

The only place in the world can you experience all four seasons in one day.

You know what a 'party store' is.

You've never met any celebrities.

"Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan / Michigan State game.

Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.

Half the change in your pocket is Canadian....eh?

You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

It's easy to get Vernor's ginger ale, Better Made chips, Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop.

You know how to pronounce "Mackinac."

You've had to switch on the heat and the air conditioning in the same day.

You bake with SODA and drink POP.

The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

Your little league game was snowed out.

The word "thumb" has geographical rather than anatomical significance.

Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

You measure distance in minutes.

When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."

You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't far from Hell.

Your year has two seasons: Winter and Construction.

Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

When owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown.

You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack and a bucket of smelt.

You know that Big Mac is something that you drive over.

You can see a car running in a parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with a preposition; example: "Where's my coat at?"

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, BBQ sauce, and beer.

You carry jumper cables and snow chains in your trunk.

You design your kids' Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving in the winter is better because the pot-holes are filled with snow.

Your favorite holidays are Christmas,Thanksgiving, and the opening of Deer Season, which you consider a National Holiday. (neg's note--it's actually a paid day off at many auto companies!)

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

You learned to drive a boat before you could ride a bike.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

You’ve ever used the word “bogue.”

The "Big Three" means either Ford, Chrysler and GM, or Little Caesar's, Domino's, and Hungry Howie's.

You think alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

Your definition of a small Michigan town is one that doesn't have a lake.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You attend a formal event in your best clothing, finest jewelry, and snowmobile boots.

The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.

You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

The orange barrel is considered Michigan's 'other' lighthouse.

[MPG]

Since we have no shortage of these 'round these parts, here's how to tell if you're a Texan! You know, in case you lost your birth certificate.
[..]
A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
ROTFL! And it's not even a joke, it's absolutely true. Whenever there's a storm approaching you have people calling in to the weather stations about how they are clearly seeing signs of "rotation" in the clouds above them.
You know that "Damnyankee" is one word. So is "coldbeer."
So is "y'all". And you know that it is perfectly correct English to also use the genitive form "y'all's".
Your favorite kind of Coke is Dr. Pepper.
That actually makes me sad. My love for Dr. Pepper is one of the few things that still identifies me as a former short-term Texan, but the further you get away from Texas, the harder it gets to be a Pepper. :(

[rappites]

where do you find these lists?

I have googled my brains out.

[fastcar]

I have googled my brains out.

Wow, and Outy still finds the strength to post in the morning.



You know you're from Michigan when...

You show people where you're from by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand. (Especially useful if you're from the Thumb or the Little Finger.)

"Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan / Michigan State game.

You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.


Working two summers at Cedar Point, I know what these mean....

I could never get Euchre, but half of CMU tried to teach me one summer.

I like to give West Virginians a hard time because I know the only equivalent of the Michigan Hand Map is to do this.
http://shainla.typepad.com/photos/camp_ho_2006/finger.jpg

[kah]

You know you're ghetto if:

You can read your haircut
You throw a pool party at the fire hydrant
You buy pagers to match your outfits
You go to church just to pick up women
Your fingernails are longer than your fingers
You have a car phone and no car
You take a bubble bath with dishwashing liquid
You get into a fistfight while you're pregnant
You missed the birth of your child because you were playing Sega
You named your daughters after cars you can't afford
You have a wife and kids but still live with your parents.
You don't have two pieces of ID
You didn't know there were two Lionels on The Jeffersons
You chew ice
You cain't, kant, can't spell "can't"
You wear house shoes to the grocery store
You were close enough to hit Reginald Denny
You go trick-or-treating without a costume
You pee in the shower
You have to put stuff on layaway at the 99-cent store
You're nineteen and you just met your father
When you were little you had to be in the house before the streetlights came on
You think you can kick Mike Tyson's ass
You go to church just to pick up women
You've ever had to have a police escort to a baby shower
You've ever slapped someone over the prize in the cereal box

[Al-Dog]

You might be a Redneck Jedi Warrior if:

You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."

Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.

At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.

You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.

The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

Wookies are offended by your B.O.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electroshock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.

You think Han Solo would look better in a flannel cause he looks like a little sissy in that vest.

You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

You ever fell in love with your sister.

You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader's evil empire as "them damn Yankees."

You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.

You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.

In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow just "ain't right."

[rappites]

You Know You Are From A Small Town If...



You were in 4-H.

You know what 4-H is.

You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.

You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

School gets canceled for state events.

You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school.

Your teachers calls you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

You were ever in the Homecoming parade.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend.

Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

You had senior skip day.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.

You can name everyone you graduated with.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You wore your letter jacket after your 19th birthday.

You used to drag "main."

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

You don't give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).

You give directions using "the" stop light as a reference.

The country club golf course had only 9 holes.

Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people"

You think the people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.

The city council meets at the coffee shop.

Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.

You can charge at all the local stores.

The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.

So is the closest mall.

Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

[kah]

I spent the first ten years of my life in Milwaukee, but the rest in a small town. Too many of those are familiar.

[spammityspam]

Waaaaay too many. I really can't wait to get back to Austin.

[TrixieB]

Many, many of these hit home with me as well. If I may add one....


You have to go the the neighboring town to date because you are related to everyone in your own.