AMALGAMS! Part 1

[Meathead]

Everyone knows how this game goes, right?

You write a small blurb for a movie and mash two titles together to great an entirely new movie...let me get you started:

Two time-travelling adventurers find themselves in the past. How far in the past? Try 1885, at the founding of Hill Valley. As the bond between them grows, one of them also feels an attraction for a woman, which starts to hinder their relationship. Their lifestyle is interrupted when one decided to return to the future, and the other remains behind.

Christophe Lloyd and Michael J. Fox star in "Brokeback to the Future: Part III"

[KingVoyeur]

A crazy bum and a radio DJ set out on a quest to destroy what they think is the One Ring, but is actually just something the bum found in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

Robin Williams and Jeff Bridges in The Return of the Fisher King

[fastcar]

A washed up boxer seeking another chance moves to Mexico to start over. His friend brings him to a town plagued with abductions in hopes he can protect his daughter. But when he's knocked down during her abduction, he gets up, gets back in the ring, and goes after the kidnappers and anyone involved.....with his fists!

This Summer in

Cinderella Man on Fire!

[Meathead]

That's IT! Now you've got it!

In a remote abandoned German submarine refuelling station, geneticists are hard at work genetically mutating sharks for medical research in an attempt to find a cure for Alzheimers. Their research goes seriously awry when one of their mutations turns out to be, not a shark, but a talking adolescent sponge...
Saffron Burrows and Samuel L. Jackson star in "Deep Blue Squarepants"

[KingVoyeur]

5 teens sentenced to Saturday school decide to pass the time by beating the crap out of each other, learning valuable lessons about life and love. One boy falls in love with a girl only to discover he has split personalities and she's just an extension of his psychosis.

Emilio Estevez and Molly Ringwald in "The Breakfast Fight Club"

[KingVoyeur]

The Ghostbusters are taken to court when they are accused of a hate crime after trapping the ghost of a black civil rights leader.

Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd in "Ghostbusters of Mississippi"

[KingVoyeur]

An adventurous relic hunter blames a suburban housewife for the loss of one of her treasured relics and decides to take revenge by becoming the woman's babysitter and toying with her mind.

Angelina Jolie in "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Hand That Rocks the Cradle of Life"

Damnit I'm having too much fun with these.

[KingVoyeur]

A futuristic robot travels back in time to help a man and his pet groundhog, who are stuck in a time loop, before another robot from the future can get to him and disrupt the timestream, dooming humanity to an eternity of holidays for furry animals.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Murray in "Terminator 2: Groundhog Day"

[Trazalca]

Two small-town thieves kidnap 2 policemen out of fear, and stop
at a field where they are suddenly drawn into building a baseball
field out in the sticks. A film of terror turns to one of faith and love
of baseball with James Woods and Kevin Costner starring in...
The Onion Field of Dreams

[KingVoyeur]

A brooding superhero is befriended by a little old lady, and the two form a powerful friendship. The hero sees her as the mother he never had, and developing an Oedipal complex, decides to make her his sidekick and then marry her.

George Clooney in "Batman and Maude"

[Trazalca]

Grandma Madea is invited to a family reunion, only to find herself
on a stranded island with her family members. Fighting off pirates,
hilarity ensues with Tyler Perry playing all the roles in...

Madea's Family Robinson

[KingVoyeur]

The crew of the Enterprise must travel back in time to stop a trio of women from disrupting the timeline and creating a future where women rule the world!

Patrick Stewart and Bette Midler in "Star Trek: First Wives' Club"

[Trazalca]

An alcoholic cop finds he has to take a smart mouthed comic through
New York City, only to be harrassed by bad cops, funky hip-hop, and
whisky binges. Bruce Willis and Dave Chappelle star in...
16 Block Parties

[SlamShut]

Oh man, I love this game.

Stella is a highly successful, forty-something African-American stock broker who is persuaded by her friend to take a first-class vacation to Jamaica. But at the airport, a crazy mixup puts her on a flight to Wyoming, where Stella and her friend are stranded on a remote sheep ranch. A forbidden and secretive love blooms between them, out there on the mountain, in...

How Stella Got Her Broke Back


Director David Lynch presents Johnny Cash's life story, from his early days on an Arkansas cotton farm to his rise to fame with Sun Records in Memphis, where he recorded alongside Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, a cryptic backwards-speaking midget, and a time-travelling FBI agent who pulls him into the murder investigation of a popular high-school girl, in...

Fire Walk The Line With Me

[KingVoyeur]

A group of high school students are invited to an island where a scientist has cloned ancient dinosaur humanoids to open a special type of strip club. However, the boys act up and are thrown out, only to plot revenge against the scientist, all the while dealing with life and their own issues with puberty.

Sam Neil and Jeff Goldblum in "Jurassic Porky's"

[KingVoyeur]

Jason is reborn, only to find that Camp Crystal Lake has been turned into low-income housing projects. Instead of nubile teens, he's now faced with gangstas, drug dealers, and loud-mouthed Chris Tucker.

Kane Hodder, Ice Cube and Chris Tucker in "Friday the 13th After Next"

[Penfold]

Four kids strike out on a journey to see a dead body. But is it really four kids, or one kid with multiple personalities? Jim Carrey, Renee Zellweger, Jerry O'Connell and Corey Feldman star in...

Stand By Me, Myself, And Irene

[fastcar]

A group of friends decide to start a camp for the kids they babysit. But soon the little brats cause them so much ire that they just start beating the snot out of them.

Edward Norton and Rachel Leigh Cook battle it out over nap times in
The Baby-Sitters Fight Club

[Droogie]

An innocent burlesque star is ravaged by satanic forces and the subsequent possesion by a demonic Ethel Merman in . . .

The Exorcism of Gypsy Rose

[KingVoyeur]

An elderly professor and his wife decide to spend the summer at a cabin by a lake, only to discover that an evil organization is using the lake as a base for their secret sateliite project. They take in a British tenant who likes fast cars, loose women, and martinis, shaken, not stirred.

Katherine Hepburn and Pierce Brosnan in "On Goldeneye Pond"

[Metuzalem]

The President is kidnapped and forced to star in a broadway play. All attempts to rescue him fail, only one man can guarantee his rescue. Featuring Catherine Zeta-Jones and starring Kurt Russell as the returning Snake Pliskin in:

Escape from Chicago

[Cuchulainn]

While five young recruits, four having joined the Starfighters for their own reasons and the fifth accidently joining by beating a video game, are away on a training mission the rest of the Starfighters are destroyed by the evil Ko-Dan empire. Now with only the help of their two trainers, it is up to these five recruits to save the universe.

The Best of the Last Starfighters

[Droogie]

An out of control golfer goes head to head with a whiney bunch of women in:

The Happy Gillmore Girls

[Sgt. Awesome]

A bumbling gay french detective's case is interupted when his Muslim mother comes to visit...

Touch of the Pink Panther

[Meathead]

When a mysterious criminal mastermind sets up the ultimate scam involving an incredible heist and a cross-country car race, you get: "The Usual Cannonball Run II"

[KingVoyeur]

A swinging, singing surfer in Hawaii finds an ear on the beach one day, and his resulting investigation pulls him into a musical storyline involving S&M, a beautiful woman and a gas-sucking sadist.

Elvis Presley and Dennis Hopper in "Blue Hawaii Velvet"

[Jarl]

Hotel Heir Billy Madison must go through the public school system in two weeks if he is to inherit his father's business. Things are further complicated by the sudden re-emergence of a woman he had shot up and left for dead four years earlier.
Adam Sandler
Uma Thurmon
Kill Billy Madison

-A classic.

[Asonokirk V 2.0]

A couple of buddies, one black and one white, take one last road trip to the wine country of northern California right before one is to be married, but find that driving there wasn't the best of ideas in . . .

"Crash Sideways"

[Sgt. Awesome]

8 dogs must protect a key witness as they travel across the frozen wasteland of Antartica.

8 Blocks Below

[fastcar]

Gilbert Wooley is a second rate magician who winds up in Japan to entertain the troops. While there, he becomes involved with the most celebrated geisha in all of Japan who helps him enter a society of wealth, privilege, and political intrigue.


Hijinks and Haiku ensue in

Memoirs of a Geisha Boy

[KingVoyeur]

A girl posing as a boy posing as a girl dreams of becoming a showgirl in a small midwest town, but discovers that showbiz may not accept her for who she is, and she may have to shed more than her inhibitions to achieve her dreams.

Elizabeth Berkley and Hilary Swank in "Showgirls Don't Cry"

[KingVoyeur]

A scientist invents a time machine, but his overbearing mother insists on traveling with him. He hires killers from every era, but none of them can handle her domineering personality.

Guy Pearce and Danny Devito in "Throw Momma From the Time Machine"

[KingVoyeur]

A 40's film noir-type detective is gunned down and wakes up as a robot. Determined to get revenge, he tracks down the criminals with the help of assorted film noir characters, violently yet comically punishing anyone who gets in his way.

Steve Martin and Peter Weller in "Dead RoboCops Don't Wear Plaid"

[God's Swollen Goiter]

Forgive me, please, for straying from the established format. If I were to say that I have failed to provide a synopsis on some grounds other than on those of base laziness (Grounds! Base!), it would be a lie.

Oh, to pot with it! I'll give you your damned synopses!

Whoresons.

* * *

Snakes on Sarah, Plain and Tall: "Hiss! And . . . Hers!":

Mail-Order Sarah colors pretty pictures of Maine for the children of the man under whom she has entered into indentured sexual servitude. It isn't long before Sarah and the children develop bonhomous affection for one another that . . . Oh my GOD! SNAKES! All over SARAH, PLAIN AND TALL!

* * *

I suck at this game. Titular Snakes on a Plane subversions are already cobweb-latticed nods to the wide-webbed world's yesteryear.

* * *

Another:

A Brief History of Violence, narrated by Stephen Hawking.

[SinisterPryde]

A convict is given a second chance at life when he befriends a small boy and must protect him from realistic humanoid robots, while questioning his own humanity in:

Sling Blade Runner

[Meathead]

A group of fun loving stoners accidentally destroy The Dark Lord's stash of pot stolen from a wizarding school we all know and love. The pot was stolen from said Dark Lord by a bunch of friends looking to pay off a gambling debt.

Jason Statham, Dave Chappelle and Daniel Radcliffe star in "Half-Baked Potter and the Socerer's Stoned: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Broomsticks"

[KingVoyeur]

A wacky detective who specializes in pets is called to a Miami home, where a terrified woman claims her prized pet chihuahua has been possessed by Satan. He's skeptical at first, until the tiny dog vomits up pea soup and causes tacos to fly through the air.

Jim Carey and Linda Blair in "Ace Ventura: Pet Exorcist"

[KingVoyeur]

George Lucas' ego goes critical and the madman locks himself in the editing room with all six Star Wars films, attempting to create one super-film by compacting each film down into a few specific moments.

The entire Star Wars cast in "Star Wars: The Phantom Attack of the Sith's New Empire Jedi

Seriously.....he'd do it....