Humorous, amazingly stupid or actually good pickup lines

[sickness]

Okay. I realize a number of you have been out of the dating game for a while but I heard a friend jokingly spout off a pickup line the other day. It was so damn funny and off-color that I have actually considered trying it just to see if it inspires a slap in the face or a laugh. The line was, "hey, baby. How about we get out of here and go halvesies on a bastard?"

So, after you've stopped laughing and wiped the tear from your eye, what are some particularly funny, amazingly stupid or actually good pickup lines that you've used, had used on you, witnessed as a third party or had them related to you by others?

[Sgt. Awesome]

Walk by someone, turn, ask, "Did you just grab my ass?"

If they answer in the negitive ask, "Well why not?"

That's one of my friends favorites. He still doesn't have a girl.

[Bill_the_Pony]

Obviously. :rolleyes: :)

[sickness]

Hehehe... That reminds me of a funny story I've got from St. Patty's Day. I was at an Irish bar and not wearing green. I refuse. Besides, it's a good excuse to get people to touch you. :D I'm standing out on a smoking deck talking to my buddy when I feel someone get a nice handful of my ass. I turn around and there are two women standing there. I asked who grabbed, turned out both did (or so they say... I only felt one). I said it wasn't a problem. Parlayed it into a full-on convo with my buddy playing wingman and scored a number at the end of the night. Turns out the one who I started the initial conversation with was the one who instigated the whole thing but I clicked better with her friend.

So the friend and I went out this weekend. Twice. And we're definitely going out again. :cool:

[omicron]

Long time ago, me and a couple of friends were at a local watering hole. It was a weekend, and quite crowded. My friend grabs a seat at the bar, and a girl comes up and says 'That's my seat.' My friend then proceeds to brush off his face, and say 'Here, let me clear off a place for you to sit.'

She winds up and smacks the shit out of him. My friends responds, 'Yup, I deserved that' gets up and lets her have her seat back.

One of the greatest deadpan deliveries I'd ever heard. :lol:

Another time, we had rolled up to Cleveland Ohio for a weekend of fun and frivolity. Turns out there was an airshow at the airport by the lake, very close to our hotel and the Flats. For the rest of the weekend, my buddy (who was a very big player) pretended to be part of the Blue Angels. Said things like "Oh, I don't like to wear my flightsuit out in public, I want girls to like me for me, not my job, etc" Unbelievable how many women fell for his line of bullshit. :rolleyes:

Omi

[Asonokirk V 2.0]

Well, a great pick up line, as I discovered by accident is . . . "will you marry me?"

I know that sounds, well, insane, but the truth is found in the following two examples, the only time I used the line:

I was backstage at the after party for Comic Relief 6 or 7, I can't remember which, but it was at a hotel in downtown L.A., not too far from the Shrine Auditorium. After performing, the entertainers came over to the hotel and gave a little show for the people there. They had a small stage set up in the ballroom with tables and they were serving food. I got this wild idea to approach Miss America, who had done a little bit at the show. As she was coming off stage I asked her if she would marry me. I was kidding, just trying to be funny, but you should have seen the look on her face. She gasped, held her hands up to her mouth, and I could tell SHE WAS ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT IT. I thought "uh oh." But she finally realized I was just being funny, and she grabbed my hands, thanked me, and said that was "so sweet." Dodged a bullet there. I tried it one more time on a woman and got the exact same reaction. If I had wanted to, I certainly could have gotten these women's phone numbers if nothing else.

However, I decided that line is not only too powerful, it is too dangerous, so I don't use it anymore and don't recommend it.

[southpaw]

How about "wanna f*ck?":hugs:

[Asonokirk V 2.0]

How about "wanna f*ck?":hugs:

If you're not afraid of a lot of rejection, and potentially being arrested, that line will always work, ultimately. You ask enough women, one is bound to say yes. Actually, I placed a personal ad in Yahoo personals as a joke, where I said that I was "A fat drunken slob, seeking bimbo for sex." I actually got one positive response to it. I didn't pursue it, though, for obvious reasons.

[Son of Gilbert]

I always go with "do you want to get a pizza, go to movie, and then go and F*CK" the she replies no and I say "What you don't like pizza"

"Do you wash your pants in Windex....b/c I can see myself in them"

"Are you from Tennessee, b/c your the only ten I see"

"did it hurt?....when you fell from heaven"


those are just a few from my younger days.

[Jakester]

Wow. Those are almost as old as my underwear.

Wow, that dress looks great on you, but it'd look even better on the floor next to my bed.

Python: If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Baby, I'd like to buy you a drink. Hell, if you put out, I'll buy you two.

Would you like a pearl necklace?

[Son of Gilbert]

talk about old jokes........bushel of apples.

[Bill_the_Pony]

23 skidoo! :p


"My name is Bill... remember that, you'll be screaming it later." :cool:

[DaForce]

Not a pickup line(s), but I thought I'd tell of my antics this weekend..or one in particular. :wink:

My buddy and I head out to a bar that we like to frequent that two more of my friends bartend at. We get a couple of seats at the corner of the bar that's right next to the door. Not exactly the warmest area, but at least we've got a seat.

Now my buddy likes to give women his business card after he's chatted them up a bit, yet he almost always fails to get a number in return. His success rate? You guessed it, close to zero. So I'm sitting on the corner, my bud to my left, two empty seats on the other part of the corner to my right.

A guy and a girl sit down, the girl nearest me. About 5 minutes goes by, when I feel a tapping on my arm. The woman asks me what this bar is like. Now, here in San Francisco, everyone has some kind of angle they're trying to play, so a straight out question either seems like a line or an attempt at an opening. Fortunately, I don't play that loser game.

I tell the place is pretty cool, point out the live band area in the back, and the list of bands playing on the chalkboard behind her. Turns out she just moved here from San Diego the week before (which explains the straight forward question, without the 'game'), and is going to culinary school a few blocks away.

We all start chatting, the four of us, and things are pretty cool. I'm telling her about different bars and areas of SF and a bit about the strange ritual that passes for dating here. About an hour in the convo, she asks me for a number, and thinking nothing of it, I give her my card with my cell number written on the back.

This is where it gets interesting....my buddy, without being asked or prompted, gives her his card. Now I've seen this old shell game before from him, and I wanted to teach him a lesson this time around.

We continue drinking, and both me and my friend have had a few by now (and me on an empty stomach) and are quite sloshy. Her friend is quite sloshy as well since he's pounded 3-4 drinks to her 1.5. Her friend keeps hugging her, and then kissing her on the side of the forehead or the cheek, and you can tell she's not really digging that. To make matters worse, my friend is reaching across from time to time and either grabbing her hand, or gently squeezing her arm (a really amateurish way to form 'intimacey' with someone you just met). Of course he's doing this by reaching over me.

What am I doing? Absolutely nothing. Just drinking my drink and talking.

Both my friend and her friend get up at the same time to go to the bathroom. It's at this point that she asks me if I have another card. I say sure, pull out the card, and she writes her number on it and gives it to me.

We close down the bar, and we're walking back with them (they live in the same general direction that I do). My friend and I stop at a fast food place that's still open and hustle inside, while she and her friend wait outside.

Like clockwork, my friend says that maybe he should have gotten her number. It's at this point (being the a$$hole that I am) that I pat my jacket pocket and say, "I've already got her number."

Morale of this long, drawn out story is this; you don't need pickup lines to get someone's number. Be yourself, don't be a clingy a$$hole, and try to read a little bit of body language from time to time. Body language will tell you a helluva lot more about how someone feels about you than if you just came right out and asked them what they felt.


Class dismissed. :wink:


:cool:

Edit: Motherfu*king censor.

[fastcar]

Yeah, you know what....I'll stick to pick up lines....


Kidding.


My buddy was famous for trying hard to get women to not talk to him. He'd be a real *******. They'd show an interest and he'd just blow it off. Quite amazing really.



The only pickup line I ever used was for the sake of a friend. I was wingman extraordinaire back in my Cedar Point days. I had a girlfriend but managed to get my buddy two women that summer. One was a stipper. The other was a gal with huge........tracts of land.

We were at a bar and she was drinking beer. I pulled out the old "Real Genius" line.

"What kind of beer is that? Don't drink that. Don't you know that "______" Beer gives you incredibly large breasts?"

She laughs, jiggling....."Oh my God, I'm too late." I then parlayed it into my getting my buddy hooked up.

[neglet]

Morale of this long, drawn out story is this; you don't need pickup lines to get someone's number. Be yourself, don't be a clingy a$$hole, and try to read a little bit of body language from time to time. Body language will tell you a helluva lot more about how someone feels about you than if you just came right out and asked them what they felt.

Second moral of the story: Hang out with your a$$hole friends, and you look much nicer by comparison. :smirk:

[sickness]

Like clockwork, my friend says that maybe he should have gotten her number. It's at this point (being the a$$hole that I am) that I pat my jacket pocket and say, "I've already got her number."

You should have said, "hey, <friend's name here>. Do you like apples?"

"Yeah. What does that have to do with getting her number?"

Then you say, "because I GOT her number. How do you like THEM APPLES?!"

:D

Morale of this long, drawn out story is this; you don't need pickup lines to get someone's number. Be yourself, don't be a clingy a$$hole, and try to read a little bit of body language from time to time. Body language will tell you a helluva lot more about how someone feels about you than if you just came right out and asked them what they felt.

Yup. That's exactly what happened to me. It was her friend that eyed me but he friend was just trying too hard to make the connection and I wasn't feeling it. Started talking to her and it just flowed. No bullsh!t, no posturing. We were both just being ourselves and totally clicked. And to think my intention that night was just to get schnockered.

Second moral of the story: don't go into a bar cocked, locked and ready to rock. Just go out to have fun and you'll enjoy yourself a hell of a lot more. Other people will notice this.

[Metuzalem]

A popular line in these neck of the woods is "Hold my pint, I'm going for a shite."

Got to say one of my all time favourites is to compliment a well endowed girl by saying "Those are some fantastic breasts, have you ever had them weighed?". When she replies in the negative you cup and shake her boobs going "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Odd that I'm still single huh?

Seemingly the line comes from Japan. If you spot someone you fancy walk up to them and say "This time next year let's both be smiling together.". :hugs:

[kah]

The most prevalent pick-up line that has been used on me is, "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?" I also get (or got, rather) "Aren't you so-and-so's sister?" I am always being accused of being someone's sister, cousin, friend, which isn't actually flattering. I have an everybody face. Everbody knows someone who looks like me. And those of you that are thinking, "Or they all say they do just to get you to talk to them," it's not just men that say it.

[Metuzalem]

I can't believe I didn't mention this before but the most amusing chat-up line I have heard recently is:

"Hey, don't I know you from myspace?" :D

[Bark]

"Pardon me, I couldn't help but notice your features. Do you have any German in you?"

If she says no, "Would you like some?" If she says yes, "Would you like some more?"

(I am of German ancestry. If you aren't, just substitute yours, ie. Japanese, Italian, Polish, Eskimo, etc.)

[omicron]

"Pardon me, I couldn't help but notice your features. Do you have any German in you?"

If she says no, "Would you like some?" If she says yes, "Would you like some more?"

(I am of German ancestry. If you aren't, just substitute yours, ie. Japanese, Italian, Polish, Eskimo, etc.)

Of course, if they say 'yes' the proper response is 'Would you like some more?'

Omi

[sickness]

I can't believe I didn't mention this before but the most amusing chat-up line I have heard recently is:

"Hey, don't I know you from myspace?" :D

On a related note, I saw the greatest t-shirt ever recently:

You look better on Myspace.

[Metuzalem]

On a related note, I saw the greatest t-shirt ever recently:

You look better on Myspace.

ROFLMAO!!! Where did you see that man? I simply must get it!

[sickness]

It was in a store at the mall. Chances are you can find it at your local mall, too.

[DaForce]

That shirt can be found here:

http://www.zazzle.com/product/235327070232547964


http://www.hottopic.com/store/nodePage.asp?LS=0&RN=776