tstone
04-02-2006, 05:29 AM
I love fairy tales. I like tales of magic and the supernatural, wonder touching in upon lives and taking them on a journey of the fantastic. I love it when creatures of legend and imagination communicate and interact with mere morals and show them a world of layers previously untouched. I love it when humans, frailties and strengths together, are put in these otherworldly scenarios, and through strength, wit, skill, even piety, they overcome.
Grimm sucked. I hated this movie.
This thing was advertised as a spin on the classic fairy stories, with several of them spun together, and the jacket talked about how hilarious this thing was. I didn't see it.
You start out with Jacob (Jacob Derwig) and Maria (Halina Reijn) who are stranded by their destitute father out in the woods. Ok, this is a bit typical from the darker fairy stories. Their mother gave them a letter suggesting they go to Spain and live with their uncle. Ok...off they go.
They end up spending the night in a farmhouse. And here's where it begins to get screwed up. The old farmer, for whatever reason, can't seem to get it up. So room and board must be paid for by Jacob porking the farmer's beast of a wife. And we also get our first scene of Jacob and Maria in a room changing clothes, with Jacob looking at Maria with confused longing.
Ok...
Jacob sets a trap, which inadvertently ends up killing both the farmer and his wife, and the two siblings are on the run again. They end up in a hovel under a bridge. Some rich looking guy comes looking for the previous occupant for some unknown reason. Maria offers to give him a BJ for cash. When she starts jerking the dude off, Jacob ends up holding him at gunpoint, and the guy winds up dead. They are on the run again.
Now, they end up at a gas station. Maria doesn't want to go to their uncle looking like this, so she takes Jacob's pistol and robs some lady of her clothes. This woman was on the way to a funeral. Moving on...
They stay in a cheap motel, and we are treated to a bathtub scene of the two soaking together in a way that's creepy for siblings.
Finally, they get to Spain and find out their Uncle is dead. Maria ends up meeting a rich surgeon and marries him. Jacob is unhapping this doctor is schtupping his sister. He gets weirded out when turned on by the nubian amazon in the doctor's domestic staff...
...ah, I had to stop at this point. Again, I love fairy tales. I also can appreciate Euro abstractions. But I need a point. I need some kind of point to the story. I need some reason for these people to be so screwed up. Here, we are presented with one warped, farcical situation after another, one pointless death after another, and are expected to be amused.
I was bemused. Perplexed. And bored.
Avoid this one.
Grimm sucked. I hated this movie.
This thing was advertised as a spin on the classic fairy stories, with several of them spun together, and the jacket talked about how hilarious this thing was. I didn't see it.
You start out with Jacob (Jacob Derwig) and Maria (Halina Reijn) who are stranded by their destitute father out in the woods. Ok, this is a bit typical from the darker fairy stories. Their mother gave them a letter suggesting they go to Spain and live with their uncle. Ok...off they go.
They end up spending the night in a farmhouse. And here's where it begins to get screwed up. The old farmer, for whatever reason, can't seem to get it up. So room and board must be paid for by Jacob porking the farmer's beast of a wife. And we also get our first scene of Jacob and Maria in a room changing clothes, with Jacob looking at Maria with confused longing.
Ok...
Jacob sets a trap, which inadvertently ends up killing both the farmer and his wife, and the two siblings are on the run again. They end up in a hovel under a bridge. Some rich looking guy comes looking for the previous occupant for some unknown reason. Maria offers to give him a BJ for cash. When she starts jerking the dude off, Jacob ends up holding him at gunpoint, and the guy winds up dead. They are on the run again.
Now, they end up at a gas station. Maria doesn't want to go to their uncle looking like this, so she takes Jacob's pistol and robs some lady of her clothes. This woman was on the way to a funeral. Moving on...
They stay in a cheap motel, and we are treated to a bathtub scene of the two soaking together in a way that's creepy for siblings.
Finally, they get to Spain and find out their Uncle is dead. Maria ends up meeting a rich surgeon and marries him. Jacob is unhapping this doctor is schtupping his sister. He gets weirded out when turned on by the nubian amazon in the doctor's domestic staff...
...ah, I had to stop at this point. Again, I love fairy tales. I also can appreciate Euro abstractions. But I need a point. I need some kind of point to the story. I need some reason for these people to be so screwed up. Here, we are presented with one warped, farcical situation after another, one pointless death after another, and are expected to be amused.
I was bemused. Perplexed. And bored.
Avoid this one.