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CalamityJohnson 5/22/2013 10:59:04 AM

So, I'm titling this next rankings list,  the Batter Up Top 10, inspired by Mommitchell. So, I was a little confused how best to generate the rankings because I think perspective matters. There's the "Who best deserves to assassinate Joffrey" crowd and the "Whe most desires to assassinate Joffrey" crowd. I'm taking this from the first perspective as I think it's more interesting. So, without further ado:

The Batter Up Top 10 (Who most deserves to kill/assassinate/torture Joffrey Baratheon)

1. Sansa Stark - Let's see. What has Sansa Stark lost (so far) due to this weasel? Daddy Stark, her wolf (can't remember name), status as queen, her self-respect after nearly being stripped naked in the throne room, and her hope as his captive and torture toy. Then, as an added bonus he completely humiliates her at every possible moment. But, the worst, dragging her to the parapets to make her look upon the severed head of dead old dad amidst the other maggot chowed and crow-pecked craniums. Yeah, I would say she deserves to kill him most.

2. Arya Stark - I would argue losing Daddy Stark was even more devestating to Arya than to Sansa, but having her sparring friend, the butcher's boy, run down due to Joffrey's commands to the Dog is a pretty big motivation too. Her status as vagabond can be laid in his lap as well. 

3. Tyrion Lannister - Trying to have his uncle killed on the battlefield, humiliating (or attempting to) his uncle at every turn, constantly disrespecting Sansa prior to, during, and after their wedding, and just being an all around prick to Uncle Tyrion gives our favorite altitudinally challenged fellow every right to want the Weasel King dead dead dead.

4. Common Folk of King's Landing - Calling for their heads and commanding his troops to kill the commoners with impunity after being served up a #2pie gives the folks of Flea Bottom ample reason to want their king deceased. Prior to the Tyrell's his lack of empathy for them, denying them provisions, and acting the craven during the Battle of Black Water while the people were at risk seals the deal. They have every right to demand his head.

5. Catelyn Stark - She's lost her husband to him. Her daughters are his captives (presumed by her). His cruel behavior ending her husband's life instigated the war that ultimately led to the (her presumption) deaths of Bran and Rickon also provides Catelyn with ample fuel to fire her entitlement to Joffrey's bloodied corpse.

6. Jon Snow/Robb/Bran/Rickon - Echoing the same reasons as the rest of the Stark if not blunted by their lack of direct participation in the events.

7. Daenarys - The Weasel King is sitting on her throne. He's sullying (my favorite new word) her crown with his misdeeds. He's responsible for killing her people.

8. Barriston Selme - Arguably the most loyal and skilled servant/warrior/bodyguard to the king, and getting canned for it because he was not complicit with Joffrey's conniving ways gives the old knight reason to want the Joff gone... permanently.

9. Sandor Clegane - Had to do the cruel king's bidding. True, he enjoyed the killing, but it's apparent now he was compliant much of the time due to his position, and not so much because he wanted to. Now, he's a fugitive and wanted for treason.

10. Tywin Lannister - He's had to fight a war for the little punk. He lost his favorite son in battle because of Joffrey's impulsive cruelty. He has had to work every political trick in order to appease the 7 kingdoms after Joffrey has done everything possible to create havoc on Westeros. Aside from Arya and Tyrion, I would most like to see Grandad off Joffrey. It would be quick, without an ounce of remose, and businesslike.

Other's that would have been included if this had been done from the perspective of "Who most desires his death?" LIttle Finger - he wants the throne and there's a punk teenager sitting on it. Must. Execute. Little. Punk. Varys - Said little punk is making a mockery of the the realm he is sworn to protect. Stannis Baratheon - obvious after the leech thing. The Night's Watch - Um... a little help up here! Lorus Tyrell - this little twerp is gonna marry my sister? Olenna Tyrell - this little twerp is gonna marry my grandaughter? Lady Margaery - I'm gonna have to marry this little twerp and have to fire crossbows?

blankczech 5/22/2013 11:26:01 AM

 Wow CalamityJohnson you really get into this stuff this your third long top ten list in this thread ?  I forget.   Are you auditioning for a job at Mania ?  Youre another one of those guys who seems to know all the characters names and how to spell them correctly...are you writing all this from memory or do you have another tab or two open that your bouncing back and forth from.

I admit this is a pretty good show...but some of you guys seem like you're in a little too deep...hope you aren't dressing up like one of the characters...but then again, that's your business

CalamityJohnson 5/22/2013 11:27:42 AM

i love GoT...

ddiaz28 5/22/2013 11:29:17 AM

Another good list.  Can't really argue with any of it.  Sansa definintely deserves it the most, but it would be the most fun to see Arya shove Needle right down Joffrey's throat.

CalamityJohnson 5/22/2013 11:30:44 AM

I also love Hannibal and wish the Maniac crowd would be hyping on it more. Aside from GoT it's my biggest nerd release of the week. GREAT SHOW!!

ddiaz28 5/22/2013 11:34:24 AM

blankczech ... What's wrong with me sitting at my computer here at work dressed as Khal Drogo? Although the women do keep telling me to put my shirt back on and to stop trying to take them from behind. I should probably stop.

Seems like I echo you every time you talk about Hannibal Calamity.  It is amazing.  Hopefully we'll hear of a renewal and everyone can jump on.

momitchell7 5/22/2013 2:47:03 PM

I have to agree 100% with Sansa, as having the biggest stake in Joffreys death... You really took my comment to a whole new level, Calamity - I'm glad I was able to help inspire you in some small way!

I picture the entire Stark brood, holding hands, while standing in a circle around a tied down Joffrey, taking turns ripping his digits off (ne knuckle at a time) while Melisandre strategically places about 10,000 leeches all over his body... - In the middle of King's Landing Square.

ripum853 5/22/2013 3:53:45 PM

 4 Critic's Choice Nominations:  Best Drama Series, Emilia Clarke for Best Supporting Actress, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau for Best Supporting Actor, and Diana Rigg for Best Guest Performance in a Drama




Usually The Critic's Choice Awards treats GOT like a pos, so a few more nods this year was welcomed.

roman725 5/22/2013 4:12:53 PM

Wow, great lists Calamity!! I'm with ddiaz tho in wanting to see Arya gut Tyrion from neck to navel.


Violator, if you really wanna know what's going on w the crows, read on...


SPOILERS: The crows are agents of a character we have sort-of met, the three-eyed crow Bran is searching for. Also known as the Last Greenseer, he also has the ability to "see" out from weirwood trees with the faces of the old gods (hence the heart tree just outside the cabin Sam & Gilly take shelter in). We do not actually meet the three-eyed crow's physical form until early book five so it may be another season or two before we see him on the show.

CalamityJohnson 5/22/2013 4:29:27 PM

i'm guessing that was a misstype and you didn't want Arya to gut Tyrion, but Joffrey, correct?

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