GATE Mail

By: David Michael Wharton
Date: Monday, August 08, 2005

It's been a long week, but I am finally back within the warm embrace of high-speed internet access, and so back to the TVW grind I go. Back before Mr. Davis' side-trip into the world of TV on DVD, we were talking STARGATE, specifically this season's addition of ex-Scapers Ben Browder and Claudia Black. As expected, it generated some letters.

Say, I know. Let's start with some people who think I'm right!

Melanie wrote: "How did you read my mind? You said everything I have thought about Stargate. I too like the movie but the series acted more like a sedative -- it did nothing for me until this season…er…I take this back, since "Prometheus Unbound." And the only two reasons I have tuned in this season is Browder & Black -- especially Black.

Hope you survive the ire of the die-hard gaters, but I enjoyed your review, it made me laugh and I just wanted you to know that some of us agree with you!"

Exactly what brought me into the fold, Melanie. Well, that and this whole column thing. But even though I wasn't a fan before, I wouldn't go so far as to describe the show as a sedative. More like junk food: not particularly nutritious, but satisfying if there's nothing better around. But hey, not every meal can be five stars.

And speaking of those die-hard Gaters…

Steve Marshall wrote: "As you've probably already guessed, I'm a big SG-1 fan, but no worries, I'm not emailing to spit venom (heck, life's way too short and stressful to get wound up over a TV show)."


It is unless you get paid for it.

"One thing about your column did leave me scratching my head though…You're pretty sweeping about the show, saying that it's only a few notches above recent TREK and nowhere near as good as FARSCAPE or Show A, B and C…Yet, unless I'm reading you wrong, you've only seen two episodes of season 9. If this is the case, how can you make a judgment about previous seasons of the show? Are you going on what you've been told?"

Well, yeah. I don't actually watch any of this crap. I don't even own a TV. There's this elderly Turkish shut-in I take meals to, though, and he tells me what to write. I did seen an episode of CHARMED, though, and it was fabulous!

Wendy wrote: "Hi! As a casual SG-1 fan and huuuge FARSCAPE fan, I had to thank you for a pretty much spot-on assessment of Season 9 so far. Thanks for mentioning FARSCAPE (which begins syndication this fall so perhaps more can be 'scaped to the Uncharted Territories). I hope the SG1 writers can live up to the talent they have in Browder, Black, Beau Bridges and Lou Gossett Jr., as well as the remaining cast (Shanks, Tapping and Judge)."

As do we all, Wendy. The only thing worse than no Browder and Black is wasted Browder and Black. Actually, Mitch Pileggi banished to ATLANTIS, that's worse. Or so the shut-in tells me.

Craig Williams wrote: "I'm currently watching the STARGATE SG-1 DVDs and right now I'm in the middle of Season 2. While I think the show is quite good compared to a lot of crap that is on television, I have to agree with you that it doesn't even touch shows like FARSCAPE, BUFFY, ANGEL, or BABYLON 5. All of those shows carried underlying social commentaries that made them unique as well as characters with so much depth to them, you actually felt bad when one of them died. With STARGATE, the characters are a bit 2-dimensional and there are so many times that a character supposedly dies and it turns out he's alright it gets to the point where you don't care anymore. And keep in mind, I'm only on season 2 so far. However, the show is good, escapist fun. I would almost equate STARGATE SG-1 to the STAR WARS novels [that] take place after the original trilogy. They may not be the best, but they are fairly interesting explorations in what could've happened had the movies continued on."

Not to mention, in many cases, considerably more interesting continuations of the story than Lucas himself managed.

Sema wrote: " A lot of people are decrying the addition of the new characters as the End of All We Know, but, as a long time (almost seven years) fan of the show, I think the addition of Browder and Black (and Doig and Gossett and Bridges) could be a much needed shot in the arm for the show. In its first three years, SG1 was a show with subtle humor, drama, with a core of friendship between the four mains that really pulled it above the silliness any sci-fi show brings along with it.

In the fourth and fifth years, the show faltered as the stable of writers closed up and new creative blood became a thing of the past…not to mention losing Jon Glassner as co-exec. The new exec experimented with the formula, the lead male attained a case of 'cosmic silliness' and a growing desire to be elsewhere, then there came a misshapen, cough, romance between said lead and his military second (between two people with all the chemistry of wet cement), and the show started becoming the comedy the producers joked that it was. In the sixth season, they tried to replace Daniel with a former child star with less charisma than George Bush…and failed. They got Daniel back in the seventh and eighth, but the new exec couldn't get over his love affair with the aforementioned love affair and the quality sank each and every time he devoted air time to that rather than story telling and sci-fi. Not to mention the fact they've been writing toward the end of the show for four or five years now. To be perfectly honest, it's only the character of Daniel Jackson that has kept me watching through the muck that the show has sometimes tried to shovel out. I like being able to like the show again…I want it to last."

It's always risky when a well-established show brings new faces into the mix, whether that decision arises from a storytelling core or even just as a ratings stunt. Rebecca managed to find her own, entirely un-Diane-ish role on CHEERS and see that show through some of its best years, but BABYLON 5 never quite recovered from the loss of Claudia Christian, try valiantly though Tracy Scoggins did. And I say that as a season five apologist (the Shadow War ended the only way it should have, you numbskulls, so get over it). Similarly, X-FILES tried its best to reinvigorate its floundering franchise with the addition of Agents Doggett and Reyes, but the showrunners never seemed willing to allow the show to change as drastically as it should have to fit the personalities of the new characters, so it never really had the chance to get out from under the long shadow of Fox Mulder. I'd love to see the new batch of characters enliven the STARGATE franchise enough to keep me watching even beyond my commitment to this column, but to do that, the writers are going to have to step it up a notch or two beyond what I've seen so far. Otherwise, they risk becoming another case of great actors trapped in a mediocre show, as in TNT's new crime drama WANTED (never have Gary Cole, Lee Tergesen, and Ryan Hurst seemed so wasted…and no, that's not a drug reference).

Peter Earl wrote: "FARSCAPE…that show was so bad it didn't even make the class of B-grade program. The bad guys were always cheesy, the sets often looked like a mish mash of 70's era DOCTOR WHO, and who wants to see a sci-fi show about a transport ship that never seemed to transport anything? Being an aussie I like to be proud of things made here but that show is one i would gladly say was made in New Zealand…if anyone would buy that.

SG-1 is a great show…has always been great, but without Jack it may suffer a bit. They manage to keep things interesting and entertaining.

SG Atlantis is another enjoyable entertaining program, i wonder why you don't agree. Perhaps you have some rating scale that you use and if a show doesn't rate enough points on your scale it gets dumped on."

Like I said, Pete, I just write what the shut-in tells me to.

I think it's safe to say that you're about as far removed from my opinions as you can get. Maybe it has something to do with the opposite hemisphere thing. But I can't help but think you've missed the point on just about every level when it comes to FARSCAPE. The bad guys were cheesy? Was that the bad guy who was conflicted over the death of his brother and whose arc took him from mustache-twirling villain all the way to soul-searching martyr? Or perhaps the bad guy who was constantly at war with his very nature, despising what he was born to and determined to bring salvation to a civilization that he loved but which reviled him as a half-breed?

Can't agree with you on sets, either, as I'll eagerly stack the production design the FARSCAPE chaps managed against any other SF series in recent memory. And what they occasionally lacked in budget they more than made up for in scope of imagination. 'SCAPE is one of the few SF shows that really understood that time-honored SF trope of the "sense of wonder," and it never failed to wow me with some new alien vista, even if it only lingered in the background as set dressing.

And as for the show being about "a transport ship that never transported anything"…uh…it was a prison ship. It transported prisoners. Until they broke out in the pilot and launched the whole story on its merry way. Would you really have been that interested in a show about a transport ship wherein the focus of the show was on them transporting things? "What's on the docket this week, Crichton?" "Well, Dargo, we've got some pipe cleaners we need to shuffle over to Regula 12." Me personally, I much preferred a show about deeply flawed, constantly conflicted escaped prisoners on the run throughout the dark corners of the galaxy, doing daring deeds and racking up an infamous reputation as pirates and scalawags. But that's just me.

Jim Martin wrote: "I, unfortunately, have nothing to say about either STARGATE SG-1 or FARSCAPE. However, I was quite moved by your stance against using PST for your listings. Bravo. Those smug, smarmy fools on the west coast. Serves them right! Now, what I think is that you should take your righteous vendetta one step further. That's right. REALLY stick it to the West Side and use EASTERN Standard Time for your listings! Yeah! That'll show them! Knock those west coasters off their high horse!"

Seriously, Jim, now you're just talking crazy.

As always, folks, thanks to everyone who took the time to write in!


The Week Rerun

What I want to know is, how does this man have time to be this long-winded? - The fine folks of In Focus Magazine bring us this incredibly long interview with Joss Whedon. If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, just skip ahead to the part about Wonder Woman's panties.

In other news, the new planet has already developed a cult following amongst the lesbian community - Ladies and gentlemen: I give you Planet Xena.

That explains a lot, actually - President Bush hasn't decided whether or not to tune into FX's new Iraq War drama OVER THERE, but apparently there's quite a following amongst White House aides for 24.

INSIDE Outlined - Tim Minear autopsies his latest FOX casualty.

I dunno, I kind of thought the bit with the guys weighing their junk was funny - STARVED isn't winning any friends amongst the eating disordered.


Send all questions, comments, and fan mail for the shut-in to tvwasteland@cinescape.com. Keep your head and hands inside the television, folks…


MONDAY, AUGUST 8

ALFIE (7 PM CST, TCM) If you saw the Jude Law version, now you can see the original, Michael Caine version. Now with 90% less nanny-banging!

DR. NO (7 PM CST, AMC) All due respect to Halle Berry, but Ursula Andress works that bikini much better.

ALIEN VS. PREDATOR (7 PM CST, Cinemax) They were right. We lost.

WEIRD U.S. (9 PM CST, History) "Weird Medicine." A pair of jovial chaps poke into the odd and unusual corners of our great nation. The episode the History Channel sent me was a lot of fun, so this is definitely worth a look if you're fascinated by the peculiar (and aren't we all?).

WEEDS (9 PM CST, Showtime) "You Can't Miss the Bear." This show about a pot-dealing suburban housewife has been generating some good buzz. So to speak. (Series premiere)


TUESDAY, AUGUST 9

THE LOST BOYS (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Given what has become of the Coreys Haim and Feldman, they probably should have stayed lost.

THE UNINVITED (7 PM CST, TCM) Ray Milland and Ruth Hussey do believe in spooks, they do, they do.

RESCUE ME (9 PM CST, FX) "Believe." Jerry forces the firehouse crew to attend a birthday party his gay son is throwing for his boyfriend.

MINISTRY OF FEAR (9 PM CST, TCM) Fritz Lang directs this WWII-set Graham Greene spy thriller.


WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10

SUKHAVATI: A MYTHIC JOURNEY WITH JOSEPH CAMPBELL (7 PM CST, PBS) Assuming George Lucas hasn't forever put you off Campbell, you might learn something.

MASTER BLASTERS (7 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Killer Lawn Darts." Rockets + lawn darts = lots of fun and probably at least one blinding. And how cool was it watching that Mini Cooper rocket through the air last week?

UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS IN TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT (7:30 PM CST, NBC) Which will only serve to highlight that NBC hasn't had any recently.

MYTHBUSTERS (8 PM CST, Discovery) Can an emergency life raft double as a parachute and a sled? There's only one way to find out.

GHOST HUNTERS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Meehan's House." TAPS investigates a hauntified Connecticut vacation home.

OVER THERE (9 PM CST, FX) "The Prisoner." The men and women in uniform must contend with a giant malicious weather balloon named "Rover."


THURSDAY, AUGUST 11

THE FRIGHTENERS (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Jake Busey freaks me out, man.

APE TO MAN (7 PM CST, History Channel) Just once, I wish the History Channel would program something controversial.

TOY STORY 2 (7 PM CST, Disney) You can never have enough Woody, I always say.

THE BIG SKY (7 PM CST, TCM) Kirk Douglas explores the Missouri at Howard Hawks' behest.

CRACKERS (7 PM CST, Sundance) They don't matter.

HOLLOW MAN (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Hollow direction, hollow screenwriting, hollow performances…

STARVED (9 PM CST, FX) "Please Release Me, Let Me Go." You know what's funny? Eating disorders. Yeah.

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA (9:30 PM CST, FX) "Charlie Wants an Abortion." If critical reaction is any gauge, it ain't always funny in Philadelphia, however. And I think I can safely say, it ain't no LUCKY either.

TAPE (10 PM CST, IFC) Intense, claustrophobic drama from Richard Linklater that proves not only can't you go home again, you shouldn't try.


FRIDAY, AUGUST 12

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (7 PM CST, FOX) "Burning Love." I'm so glad this show is coming back, it's almost overwhelmed the fury I've felt while watching my FIREFLY boxed set. Almost. At any rate, this ep (wherein Tobias hunts a wolf and George Sr. buys a hot tub for the attic) is followed by several more, so strap in and prepare to chuckle. (Repeat)

MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION (7 PM CST, TCM) After blinding a woman, a playboy played by Rock Hudson devotes himself to medicine. Pity he didn't blind her with toxic waste, or she could have become the avenging angel of Hell's Kitchen.

STARGATE SG-1 (7 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "The Powers That Be." Having learned nothing from, like, every other episode of STAR TREK ever, Vala takes Daniel to a planet where she once passed herself off as a god.

DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION (7 PM CST, Noggin) "West End Girls." Kevin Smith puts in an appearance, playing himself, sort of.

JURASSIC PARK III (8 PM CST, TNT) Hot-and-heavy dino-on-human action, right here.

STARGATE ATLANTIS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "Condemned." The team discovers a world that appears to be immune to the Wraith. They are, however, deeply affected by Bonnie Raitt.

MONK (9 PM CST, USA) "Mr. Monk and Mrs. Monk." Monk's long-thought-dead wife may actually be alive, and what's more, a murder suspect.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (9 PM CST, Sci-Fi) "The Farm." Adama returns to duty with quite a mess to clean up.


SATURDAY, AUGUST 13

PALE RIDER (7 PM CST, AMC) Clint Eastwood glowers, shoots people while defending prospectors from a greedy miner (as opposed to a greedy minor, which would have been a very different movie indeed).

HIS GIRL FRIDAY (7 PM CST, TCM) The Howard Hawks classic was actually based on a hit stage play called "The Front Page." Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

THE BATMAN (7:30 PM CST, Cartoon Network) "The Cat and the Bat." Gina Gershon voices Selina Kyle in this series' first encounter between Bats and Catwoman. (Repeat)

METALLICA: SOME KIND OF MONSTER (8 PM CST, VH1) Everybody's favorite pack of Napster-haters let the world in on their therapy sessions.

ALIEN EXPRESS (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Lou Diamond Phillips hunts a malevolent alien that's feeding on the passengers of a train.

THE OFFICE SPECIAL (8 PM CST, BBC America) Picking up three years after the BBC series, this special sees David Brent (Ricky Gervais) returning to his old Wernham Hogg stomping grounds for the annual Christmas party.


SUNDAY, AUGUST 14

BASIC (7 PM CST, FX) John Travolta and Sam Jackson play the RASHOMON game in this twisty thriller about a DEA agent trying to get to the bottom of a military snafu in Panama.

THE 4400 (8 PM CST, USA) "Lockdown." A 4400 terrorist marks Jordan Collier's birthday with an attack. A card for him would have been too much trouble?

SIX FEET UNDER (8 PM CST, HBO) "Static." The family runs into that electric kid superhero from the Kids WB a few years back.

ENTOURAGE (9 PM CST, HBO) "Blue Balls Lagoon." The summary of this week's episode contains nary a single mention of Aquaman, and I think it's much the lesser for it.

ROAST OF PAMELA ANDERSON (9 PM CST, Comedy Central) Really? Pam Anderson? Isn't that a bit like hunting elderly, legless deer? Shouldn't we be focusing our roasts on targets that are a little less…you know, easy? (And you can interpret that however you like.)

THE DEAD ZONE (9 PM CST, USA) "Babble On." A bout of nightmares sends Johnny to a psychiatrist. Mid-session, Tom Cruise kicks the door in, empties an entire clip into the doc's head, and drags Johnny off to the Celebrity Center for some intensive auditing.

This concludes our broadcast.