GEPPETTO: Musical With a Wooden Ear
By: Frederick C. SzebinDate: Saturday, May 06, 2000
It's hard to tell what Drew Carey, ABC and parent company Disney were thinking when they mounted this terrible bit of family entertainment. Telling the Pinocchio story from Geppetto's point of view may have seemed like an interesting proposition at first, but scribe David J. Stern just wasn't up to the task of taking a new look at a beloved and well-known tale from a different angle. This poor undertaking is in no way going to revitalize the American Musical; it just may keep that maligned genre down for several more generations.
We open on the children of an Italian village running to beloved toymaker Geppetto, who has a whole new gathering of toys for the kids to pick through. First problem: the story, as we're told in Carey's narration, takes place in a small Italian village. It's quite progressive, I guess. Very un-Italian children shmooze with their red-headed, black and Asian neighbors. I'm all for racial equality, but this multi-national, non-ethnic view of the world smacks harshly of P.C. thuggery that denies ethnic identity of any kind. The production immediately squeezes every bit of ethnicity from Colodi's tale, making a homogenized landscape that is simply laughable. Isn't that somewhat along the lines of what Hitler wanted to do?
Anyway, we're treated to singing and dancing children and parents, the kids singing the joy of toys, the parents singing the problems of parenthood, and Carey/Geppetto singing of his childlessness as he watches parents he believes don't deserve children. This all leads to the introduction of his creation, Pinocchio, a puppet he wishes could be reala wish that the Blue Fairy (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) grants for him.
Little Pinocchio (Seth Adkins) quickly wears thin on his ill-prepared dad, and the two argue, with Geppetto going off to try to get the Blue Fairy to take the wish back, and his doll boy running off to join the marionette show of the evil Stromboli (Brent Spiner). (Stromboli? That's ethnic! Watch yerselves, ABC!!) Pinocch escapes, to land on Pleasure Island, where little boys make jack-asses of themselves, and daddy Geppetto runs along, singing a bit, dancing (thankfully) less, and trying to win back Pinocchio's heart and trust.
Any joy in watching this junk comes not from Carey, who received singing lessons for his role, but from the supporting players. Dreyfus is adorable as the Blue Fairy, and she's a better singer than Carey. Brent Spiner picks up the pace as Stromboli, affecting a nice accent and overplaying it nicely; he also is a better singer than Carey. Wayne Brady raises a smile as a terrible Black-Italian magician, who is a fine toy maker, and a much better singer than Carey, and in a peculiarly unnerving sequence Rene Auberjonois is his usually eccentrically wonderful self as a Gattica-ish child-making professor in a town of perfect children, all designed to their parent's specifications. It's a scene that highlights the warnings of Brave New World with the song, 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' performed as a parade of perfect children sing and dance. Brrrrrr!
And Auberjonois is still a better singer than Carey.
Geppetto runs from this place to Pleasure Island, which is hosted by Usher Raymond (the only professional singer in the show, and much better than Carey), which leads to the biggest cheat in the programthe swallowing of Geppetto by Monstro the whale, which is done through still illustrations and Carey's narration, which dissolves into a set depicting a whale's gullet that looks more like an Art Deco apartment with bad plumbing.
But the whole production is a cheat, really. The humor isn't funny; the songs are lifeless; and the whole production is neither the least bit magical nor endearing. It's a first-draft-feeling work that in some cases doesn't seem very well rehearsed. Did they not have room in the budget for retakes? Little Seth Adkins is a lisping chunk of preciousness that is, I think ABC-Disney's view of what little white children should be. His wood make up is fine, at least. Mr. Carey is a good comic, but no actor, nor any kind of singer. He'd be all right in the backyard with some friends during a barbecue, but in no way is he a vocal talent worthy of carrying an entire film. That's the kind of perk that comes from being the show's executive producer.
ABC-Disney afforded Mr. Carey too much leeway with this production, perhaps. Any reading of the script or serious consideration of Carey as an old Italian man should have given someone a warning, but there was none, and in this truly terrible TV movie, lack of humor and charm is the end result. Stay away at all costs; rent the animated classic, or find Colodi's original tale at the library. Either of those is far more entertaining than this horrible thing.
ABC-TV, Wonderful World of Disney Presentation. Sunday, May 7-9 p.m. Executive Producer, Drew Carey. Music and Lyrics, Stephen Schwartz. Writer, David J. Stern, based on the story Pinocchio by C. Colodi. Director, Tom Moore. Starring Drew Carey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Seth Adkins, Usher Raymond, Brent Spiner, Rene Auberjonois, Wayne Brady.
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