Ghost Rider Poster
© Marvel
Ghost Rider: Don’t Forget to Burn
By: Kurt AmackerDate: Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Greetings, Maniacs, and welcome to another skull-burning installment of Comicscape. Last week, I asked for readers to submit their Marvel jokes for the chance to replace Al Brown, the column’s joke writer and a future federal inmate. After pouring over your submissions and alternately laughing out loud and shaking my head in frustration, I’ve settled on a winner. Ben Johnson of Petersburg Alaska will write the jokes with me every week for the foreseeable future and take the column if I have to flee another hurricane. Everyone welcome Ben, and then weep for him. Thanks to everyone that submitted. I had no idea that a slot as an unpaid joke writer on a sort-of popular comic book column would draw such interest.
You all know that I often review film adaptations of comic books. And, I make a lot of concessions with said adaptations and rarely shun them for changing minor details. Even so, Ghost Rider crashes and burns like a gasoline tanker with no breaks. I really wanted to like this movie. Despite the overwhelmingly negative critical reaction, I wanted nothing more than to say that everyone misunderstood the film. Sadly, I can only join the chorus of voices calling Ghost Rider shallow, vapid trash with precious few redeeming qualities. But before we dive in: for next week, I’ll give anyone that wants to join the song a chance, along with anyone that wants to call me a pretentious lit-snob with no sense of humor. E-mail me at either kurtamacker@yahoo.com or comicscape@mania.com and share your thoughts on Ghost Rider. The bell has sounded and the ring awaits, Maniacs. And, as always, major spoilers lurk in the column below. You’ve been warned.
Before I wade knee-deep into the gory proceedings, know this: I love Ghost Rider. I realize the character sounds patently ridiculous at first – say aloud, “flaming skeleton on a motorcycle” – but my love of Gothic horror, Faustian deals, flawed protagonists, and black leather draws me to the character like a speculator to a near-mint variant. I’ve nearly finished The Essential Ghost Rider Vol. 1, which, despite its dated Bronze Age dialogue, works in a kitschy, nostalgic way. Hell, I even like the much-maligned Daniel Way ongoing series. Hence, I’d appreciate it if anyone that liked the film refrains from accusing me of simply hating Ghost Rider. I love the flame-headed one, and I really didn’t like this film.
For those unaware, Ghost Rider adapts the Marvel Comics character that made a Faustian deal to save the soul of his surrogate father. In the comic, Johnny Blaze sold his soul to the devil to save the life of Crash Simpson – the man that raised him after his real father, Barton Blaze, died in a motorcycle accident. Unfortunately, cancer threatened Simpson’s life. To save him, Blaze sold his soul to Satan. The Prince of Lies agreed to the deal, but then allowed Simpson to die in a motorcycle accident shortly thereafter. When the Dark One showed up to claim Blaze’s soul, Simpson’s daughter, Roxanne – deeply in love with Blaze – drove him off with her pureness of heart. Unable to claim Blaze’s soul in Roxanne’s presence, Satan vengefully cursed him. At night, Blaze would transform into a flaming skeleton called the Ghost Rider. Marvel has retconned and reconfigured much of the above to fit later changes to the character, but the above sums up the character’s original origins concisely.
For simplicity’s sake, the film alters several details. Blaze sells his soul to the demon Mephistopheles to save his actual father from cancer, but he does so accidentally – a paper cut spills blood on the contract, magically signing it. Then, Mephistopheles kills his father via an accident, anyway. Grief drives Blaze to abruptly end his blossoming romance with Roxanne. The film jumps forward 25 years, when Blaze has earned overwhelming popularity with practically suicidal motorcycle jumps. But, the deal he made as a teenager hangs over his head. He constantly reads religious texts and occult works in hopes of reclaiming his soul. When not reading, he listens to the Carpenters. Yet, even as his stunts grow increasingly dangerous, Mephistopheles will not let him die. Before a jump over a football field filled with Blackhawk helicopters, Blaze encounters Roxanne again – now a successful television reporter – and tries to rekindle their romance. Not long after, Mephistopheles arrives to collect his end of the deal. It seems that his son, Blackheart, has arrived to find a contract for the souls of an entire Texas town. Years before, Mephistopheles drove the town to a violent bloodbath of soul-selling. His then-Ghost-Rider, Carter Slade, stole the contract and fled. Somehow, Blackheart can rule the world with the accursed contract. To recapture the parchment, Mephistopheles wants Blaze to become the Ghost Rider. If he destroys Blackheart and his three elemental demons and reclaims the document, Mephistopheles will return his soul. All the while, Blaze still wants to renew his relationship with Roxanne. And, the old caretaker of a nearby cemetery seems to know more than a little about Blaze’s predicament.
The above sounds fine on paper, but the execution suffers horribly. The first 30 minutes of the film play out well enough, with noticeably less cheeky humor than the rest of the film. But, the film makes its first error when Blaze sells his soul to Mephistopheles. In the comic, Blaze agreed to relinquish his soul and has spent the rest of his life dealing with the consequences. When done well, the comic shows a cursed man doing everything he can to earn a second chance. In the film, Mephistopheles essentially tricks Blaze into signing the contract and renders him blameless. Still, I can live with that. I can even live with the change from cursed victim to satanic bounty hunter. This film suffers mostly from a series of half-assed performances and a script both hokey and afraid to take itself seriously. Most Comicscape readers know I really despise comic relief in otherwise serious films, but Ghost Rider moves past the odd annoying joke in Batman Begins or X-Men: The Last Stand into full-fledged comic idiocy a la Batman and Robin. Witness the Ghost Rider extending his bony middle finger at a bunch of police officers. The film offers a number of other moronic sight gags, including an 18-wheeler crushing the Ghost Rider and the latter hanging from some chains like a rag doll. Some moments simply come off as unintentionally funny. Intentional or not, they all detract from the Western Gothic mood established at the film’s start. The film would have worked better as a horror comedy like Army of Darkness or Dead Alive. But, its lofty pretenses about the efficacy of legends in the West set a high standard that the film rarely meets.
But, even if you like moronic humor, most of the film’s performances can’t help but offend anyone with an iota of taste. Nicholas Cage affects an accent that effortlessly slips back-and-forth from Forrest Gump to Elvis impersonator, but rarely sounds like an earnest Texas man with a childhood mistake hanging over him. The script imbues him with several welcome quirks – despite having a drinking, carousing crew, he avoids alcohol and would rather pour through religious texts than play cards. For whatever reason, he really likes the Carpenters. Unfortunately, he has virtually no chemistry with Eva Mendes. Mendes offers a rather flat, uninspired performance as Roxanne Simpson. Unlike the pure-of-heart woman that protected Blaze in the comic, the film reduces the character to the overdone spunky-female-reporter-love
However, in contrast to the ample helpings of cheese served by Wes Bentley and friends, Peter Fonda and Sam Elliot bring a grizzled, badass, Johnny Cash charm largely absent from the rest of the film. The film’s best scene follows Blaze and Elliot – the elder Ghost Rider, Carter Slade – as they ride through the desert to face Blackheart. Blaze rides his motorcycle next to Slade on horseback as the camera swoops across the desert to the tune of a hard rock cover of Stan Jones’s “(Ghost) Riders in the Sky.” For that brief second, I saw the brilliance the film wanted and failed to achieve. Similarly, Fonda brings the devil of American folklore to brilliant life. This is the Mr. Scratch that argued with Daniel Webster in the courtroom – the same one that went down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal. To that end, the film woefully underplays the potentially rich father-son conflict between Mephistopheles and Blackheart. When it briefly shines through, it comes off like the meeting between an older Western Gothic aesthetic found in folktales and country songs and the newer, all-flash-no-substance subculture that one buys at a mall chain store. I count this largely as one of the film’s many missed opportunities, but it made the whole experience less insufferable.
Ghost Rider opened without press screenings, though a few advance reviews slipped out somehow. Most of the reviews that followed the film’s opening panned it with no mercy. The handful of positive reviews fell back on calling the film so bad that it’s good. Sometimes, they argued that the film mirrored its less-than-literary roots perfectly. I can’t subscribe to either notion. The film offers a couple of shining moments that keep it from degenerating into a hilariously awful crap-fest, but those instances frustrate me for showing the film’s wasted potential. And, I can read dated comic book schlock in small doses far easier than I can sit through a bad two-hour film. Back issues of Ghost Rider from the ‘70s may fall short of literary genius, but I enjoy looking at the art. And, the stories retain a charming naiveté and hit a couple of nostalgic notes.
This film offers little to recommend. For reference, I’d rank it below Elektra, but above the execrable Fantastic Four – the worst of the post-Blade Marvel films. I really wanted to like Ghost Rider. But, unless a seriously brilliant director’s cut redeems this film (as with Daredevil), it just continues the decline of Marvel’s film adaptations. Starting with Blade: Trinity in 2004, the publisher’s cinematic output has ranged from sort-of-okay – X-Men: The Last Stand – to damn-near-unwatchable – Fantastic Four. Let’s hope the forthcoming Spider-Man 3 and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer turn the tide.
Now, what do you think?
The Spinner Rack
By Al Brown and Kurt Amacker
Al: This week: Gachas galore, and Civil War finally wraps up.
Kurt: Can I get a “Thank freaking God!”?
DARK HORSE COMICS
Conan #37 (MR) $2.99
Kurt: Tim Truman’s run has been pretty enjoyable. I realize that Dark Horse is kind of going nuts with the Conan spin-offs, but most of this stuff is good. It’s a nice change of pace from the spandex glut.
Criminal Macabre Two Red Eyes #3 (of 4) $2.99
Curious George Figure #2 Gacha Capsules PI
Al: Did anyone ever figure out exactly what a Gacha Capsule is? I would like this mystery settled before I leave this job.
Kurt: They’re little plastic bubbles with small toys inside, sold out of vending machines. Google is awesome.
Ghost In The Shell 1.5 Human Error Processor #5 (of 8) $2.99
Outer Orbit #3 (of 4) $2.99
Rex Mundi Dh ED #4 $2.99
Sock Monkey The Inches Incident #3 (of 4) $2.99
Wtp Peek A Pooh Ser 11 Zodiac Gacha PI
Al: Ooh, it's a Gacha that's not a capsule. Interesting.
Kurt: Reading this makes me dizzy.
DC COMICS
52 Week #42 $2.50
Aquaman Sword Of Atlantis #49 $2.99
Birds Of Prey #103 $2.99
Birds Of Prey Perfect Pitch TP $17.99
Al: Collecting BOP # 86-90 and 92-95. Because #91 will get nothing and like it.
Kurt: I really loathe it when comic publishers don’t reprint consecutive runs in trade paperbacks. Unless the issue is a fill-in reprint or something, just print the damn thing.
Brave And The Bold CVR A #1 $2.99
Al: You know...these are synonyms.
Kurt: Are you leaving the column to teach grammar or something?
Brave And The Bold CVR B #1 $2.99
Catwoman #64 $2.99
Catwoman The Replacements TP $14.99
Checkmate #11 $2.99
Checkmate Vol 1 A Kings Game TP $14.99
Danger Girl Back In Black TP $12.99
Dc Minimates Wave One (RES) PI
Devil Does Exist Vol 9 $9.99
Kurt: I can, in fact, confirm that the devil does exist. He’s been sleeping on my couch in a funk since his girlfriend left him six months ago. I keep telling him to get back to hell and start collecting souls or something, but the guy just mopes around all day in a wife-beater eating Ramen and drinking PBR.
DMZ #16 (MR) $2.99
Ex Machina Inside The Machine Vol 1 (MR) $2.99
Al: A collection of sketches and scripts and stuff. Not a real comic.
Gals Vol 9 $9.99
Hellblazer #229 (MR) $2.99
Kurt: Mike Carey returns for a one-off before Andy Diggle comes on next month. I love this book.
Helmet Of Fate Black Alice #1 $2.99
Al: Hey, Black Alice is cool.
Kurt: I’ll go ask Black Alice, when she’s ten feet tall.
Ion #11 (of 12) $2.99
Justice Society Of America 2nd Ptg #2 $2.99
Justice Vol 2 HC $19.99
Kamandi Archives Vol 2 HC $49.99
Krypto The Super Dog #6 (of 6) $2.25
Mad Kids #6 $4.99
Al: I got mad kids too, but my wife doesn't know about 'em.
Kurt: He keeps them chained to the water heater in the basement.
Omega Men #5 (of 6) $2.99
Red Menace #4 (of 6) $2.99
Robin #159 $2.99
Rush City #5 (of 6) $2.99
Kurt: The obnoxious six-issue ad for the Pontiac Solstice is almost finished. I hope we never see something like this again.
Scooby Doo #117 $2.25
Shadowpact #10 $2.99
Spirit #3 $2.99
Superman #659 $2.99
Teen Titans Titans Around The World TP $14.99
Testament #15 (MR) $2.99
Texas Chainsaw Massacre #4 (MR) $2.99
Kurt: Can someone tell me if these WildStorm horror titles are any good?
Wonder Woman #4 (RES) $2.99
IMAGE COMICS
Battle Pope #13 (MR) $3.50
Al: I can't believe this one-joke wonder is still kicking. It's kinda impressive. And kinda not.
Brit Vol 1 TP Old Soldier $17.99
Elephantmen #7 $2.99
Freshmen Vol 1 Set $15.00
Girls #22 (MR) $2.99
Al: The penultimate issue! I still have no idea what's going on, except that everyone's a big jerk.
Hunter Killer Basaldua CVR Cgc Graded 9.8 #9 $69.99
Kurt: If you buy this, you deserve to die.
Hunter Killer Silvestri CVR Cgc Graded 9.8 #9 $69.99
Impaler #3 (of 4) (MR) $2.99
Kurt: However, if you buy this, you have good taste.
Invincible #39 $2.99
Nightly News #4 (of 6) $2.99
Retro Rocket #4 (of 4) $2.99
Revved GN $9.99
Witchblade Takeru Manga Gonzo CVR C #1 $2.99
Kurt: You know, gonzo is a sub-genre of porn. That’s all I’m saying.
Witchblade Takeru Manga Gossett CVR B #1 $2.99
Witchblade Takeru Sumita CVR A #1 $2.99
MARVEL COMICS
Amazing Spider-Man #538 Cw $2.99
Kurt: Well, J. Michael Straczynski is going to leave this book, to be replaced by another big name – Marvel won’t say who. Depending on the writer, I might actually buy this again.
Amazing Spider-Man 2nd Ptg Garney Var #537 Cw $2.99
Anita Blake Vh Guilty Pleasures 2nd Ptg #3 (of 12) $2.99
Kurt: This, The Gunslinger Born, and Marvel’s new Classics imprint cements the publisher’s very laudable effort to make comic books accepted in the same light as regular prose. I bitch about Marvel constantly, but I really applaud them for this.
Anita Blake Vh Guilty Pleasures 3rd Ptg #1 (of 12) $2.99
Annihilation Book 1 HC $29.99
Cable Deadpool #37 $2.99
Civil War #7 (of 7) $2.99
Al: It's finally over! Now all the related titles can stop treading water and get back to business! Sweet!
Kurt: I hope we never have to go through this again. Who am I kidding? Marvel already has their next couple of events in the pipeline.
Civil War Turner Var #7 (of 7) $2.99
Daily Bugle March Newspaper PI
Hellstorm Son Of Satan #5 (of 5) (MR) $3.99
Kurt: This is actually a decent miniseries, and one of the few to get New Orleans pretty spot-on.
Immortal Iron Fist #3 $2.99
Kurt: I love Ed Brubaker and I should probably read this, but my wallet cries for mercy every time I add a new title.
Legion Of Monsters Werewolf By Night #1 $2.99
Al: The first of three monster-themed one-shots, this redefinition of Werewolf by Night is from Mike Carey and Greg Land. The next two will feature Morbius and Man-Thing. I'll check it out.
Kurt: I love Marvel horror, so I’m all over this.
Marvel 1602 Gaiman HC $24.99
Kurt: This is a great series with a laughably awful ending.
Marvel Adventures Avengers #10 $2.99
Marvel Adventures Flip Magazine #22 $4.99
Marvel Heroes Flip Magazine #22 $4.99
Marvel Masterworks Daredevil Vol 4 HC Var ED 74 $54.99
Marvel Masterworks Daredevil Vol 4 New ED HC $54.99
New Avengers Illuminati #2 (of 5) $2.99
Powers #23 (MR) $2.95
Punisher War Journal #4 $2.99
Al: Sweet, two Matt Fraction books in the same week!
Kurt: This book has been amazing, thus far.
Punisher War Journal 2nd Ptg Olivetti Var #2 Cw (PP #751) $2.99
She-Hulk 2 #16 $2.99
Al: Guest-starring (sigh) Wolverine.
She-Hulk Vol 4 Laws Of Attraction TP $19.99
Silent War #2 (of 6) $2.99
Al: First issue was pretty okay.
Spider-Man Family #1 $4.99
Al: Apparently starring the alien symbiote suit.
Kurt: Could this be because of Spider-Man 3? Nah, Marvel would never do that.
Ultimate Fantastic Four #39 $2.99
Al: Traveling back in time to meet Ultimate Diablo.
Universe X Vol 2 TP New Ptg $29.99
X-Factor Visionaries Peter David Vol 2 TP $15.99
X-Factor Vol 1 Longest Night TP $14.99
X-Men First Class #6 (of 8) $2.99
Kurt: Next, look for X-Men: Economy Coach! Come on, you knew that was coming. I’m out of here.
