Good Morning, Azkaban!

I know we're coming up on a holiday, so I'd like to take a moment to give thanks for the technology that gives us things like satellite TV and DVDs. But as I write this, I can't help but be distracted by something I'm not thankful for incompetence. (Uh oh, more sensitive readers may want to skip right down tyo the list.) In early October, I began having a problem with my satellite receiver apparently the software upgrade download began checking for something that didn't match what's in my system profile, and it halted the signal every few days in the wee hours to pop up an error message. Rebooting the box reacquired the signal and everything would be fine for a few days, but it got to be annoying, so I called for someone to come and check it. The service tech never showed up, but called me a couple times to say it sounded like my receiver needed replacing. I decided to call myself and got a replacement sent out, which not only didn't solve my problem, but now the image freezes every couple hours, either with frozen action, a random color or pattern, or even makes everything look like Neo's vision of The Matrix. I finally got some guys to come and look at it, and they determined that everything was in order, so the problem was likely in the new receiver, which they said was the wrong model anyway. I called Dish Network (ahem) to get another replacement, but when they heard I'd had the installer provider (Dish Planet ahem!) come out to check, they insisted on transferring me to their untrained customer service people (which I suspect they outsource to India), who insisted she couldn't do anything but give me another appointment for service guys to recheck it. Yep, you guessed it - another day of waiting and they haven't shown up. By the time you read this, the whole problem may have been solved, for which I would be truly thankful. But I wouldn't bet on it.

This week, our spotlight falls on Hogwart for the darker [IMG2R]third Potter adventure, which I liked even better than the first two.

(O) HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN (Warner Bros.) Harry's third year includes an escaped killer wizard bearing a grudge and a mystery werewolf. Fullscreen and widescreen editions include featurettes, interviews, deleted scenes, games and more. Also available bundled with the previous two Potter pictures.

(O) ANDROMEDIA (Pathfinder) Takashi Miike sci-fi thriller in which a scientist attempts to resurrect his dead daughter's soul via computer storage.
(O) AUSSIE HORROR COLLECTION #2 (Elite) Unlike the previous collection, this three-disc set includes four flicks I've never heard of: THE DREAMING, VOYAGE INTO FEAR, THE SURVIVOR, and SNAPSHOT.
(O) BAD KIDS BOX (Image) Five-disc set of 10 juvenile delinquent classics from the vaults of Something Weird Video, including WILD GUITAR / THE CHOPPERS, TEENAGE GANG DEBS / TEENAGE STRANGLER, THE VIOLENT YEARS / GIRL GANG, JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT / BLAST OFF GIRLS, and LOST LONELY & VICIOUS / JACKTOWN. All come with a trunkfull of extras. Dig? Delayed from 6/8.

(O) BLACK BELT THEATER Ruby Box Set Volume 3 (Ground-Zero) Includes Yueh Hua in SHAOLIN MASTER & KID, Mark and Jack Lung in LABYRINTH OF DEATH, Hwang Jang Lee in EAGLE VS. SILVER FOX and Eddie Ko in ART OF WAR.
(O) THE BONESETTER (Tempe) An evil spirit abducts children from a small town. Delayed from August.
(O) UN CHIEN ANDALOU (MVD) Luis Bunuel's 1929 surrealist classic. Includes commentrak, interviews and featurettes.
(O) COLOSSUS: THE FORBIN PROJECT (Universal) A computer takes over the world in this 1970 sci-fi classic.
(O) DARK SHADOWS DVD Collection 15 (MPI) 40 episodes on four discs, plus interviews.
(O) DRUMS OF AFRICA (Something Weird DVD-R) Buster Crabbe and Charles Middleton star in this fun 1940 jungle adventure.
(O) ENTER... ZOMBIE KING (ADV) Masked wrestlers battle zombies in this tribute to Mexican wrestling movies.
(O) FACE IN THE WINDOW (Alpha) Insane 1939 British horror starring Tod Slaughter.
(O) GOLDEN GIRLS Season One (Buena Vista) You know you're getting old if any of these gals starts looking good to you. 25 episodes on three discs, plus commentrak with Joan and Melissa Rivers.
(O) GOZU (Pathfinder) When a yakuza is sent to kill his mentor, he finds supernatural horror. Spooky/funny stuff from Takashi Miike. Available in R-rated and unrated editions.
(O) THE GUYVER Box Set (Anchor Bay) Two-pack includes both GUYVER and GUYVER 2.
(O) HOME IMPROVEMENT Season One (Buena Vista) Hit sitcom in which TV handyman Tim Allen proves that if you act like an ass, it's endearing. 24 episodes on three discs, plus commentraks.
(O) INUGAMI (Adness) Japanese horror in which a family of women protect evil spirits.
(O) THE JACKHAMMER MASSACRE (Artisan/Lions Gate) Drug addict becomes paranoid psycho and goes on a bloody power tool rampage. Includes commentrak.
(O) KILL THE SCREAM QUEEN (MVD) A psycho poses as a movie director to lure starlets to his "set" in order to, well, read the title.
(O) LUST FOR DRACULA (EI Cinema) Misty Mundae, Darian Caine and Julian Wells in guess what? a naked lesbian vampire movie. Includes commentrak, interviews, shorts, etc.
(O) THE PRINCESS & THE MAGIC FROG (Something Weird DVD-R) Extremely weird 1960s kiddie matinee fantasy from the director of BUMMER.
(O) RAMBO: Ultimate Edition (Artisan/Lions Gate) Three-disc set includes all three Rambo movies (also available separately) that include Sylvester Stallone commentraks, branching features, deleted scenes, game demos, and more.
(O) THE RUINING (Troma) Wings Hauser and Patrick Warburton star in this backwoods horror about campers menaced by psycho cannibal hillbillies addicted to psychedelic eggs! 10 years in the making!
(O) SEINFELD: Seasons 1 & 2 (Columbia TriStar) Seasoned Jerry at last! The PR folks are acting [IMG3R]like this is the greatest DVD ever, but come on folks. It was a good one, but still just a TV show that you can see in reruns on TV three or four times a day. That is, if your satellite receiver is working. All 18 episodes from the first two seasons, plus commentraks, documentaries, deleted scenes and more.
(O) SEINFELD: Season 3 (Columbia TriStar) All 22 episodes. Salsa. Seltzer. Plus commentraks, interviews, featurettes, deleted scenes and more.
(O) SEINFELD Gift Set (Columbia TriStar) Includes first three seasons, an original (?) script, playing cards, and salt & pepper shakers from Monk's Diner!
(O) SHAOLIN IDIOT (Fortune 5) Some mighty fine Stephen Chow nonsense comedy and action, better known as FIST OF FURY 1991, about a bumpkin with an uncommonly strong right hand. Delayed from earlier this month.
(O) STARHUNTER 2300: Complete Series (Image) 22 episodes on six discs.
(O) STAR WARS EWOK ADVENTURES: Caravan of Courage / The Battle for Endor (Fox) LucasFilms' cuddly little critters in two features made in the mid-1980s.
(O) THE TERMINAL (Universal) Tom [IMG4L]Hanks proves that he can't get out of an airport any easier than he can get off an island. Widescreen and fullscreen editions. Also available in a limited edition three-disc gift set that includes the soundtrack CD, Making-Of featurettes and more.
(O) UNSTOPPABLE (Columbia TriStar) Wesley Snipes action epic in which he's a former Special Ops soldier injected with a hypnotic drug that makes him susceptible to suggestions. Kinda like ELLA ENCHANTED with guns.
(O) VALLEY OF THE DOOMED (Something Weird DVD-R) A Eurowestern set in Europe!
VOYAGE IN TIME (Facets) Rare semi-documentary feature that blacklisted Russian filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky (SOLARIS) made in Italy in 1983.
(O) WONDER WOMEN (Something Weird DVD-R) When top male athletes are abducted and shipped to the Philippines, tough guy Ross Hagen is sent to infiltrate the island HQ of supervillainess Nancy Kwan and her army of superwomen. Jaw-dropping 1970s insanity.
(O) WU TANG Box Set Volume 3 (Ground-Zero) Raymond Lui in MARVELOUS KUNG FU, Elton Chong in SECRET MESSAGE, Leung Kar-yan in CHINESE ACCUPUNCTURE KUNG FU (aka LEGEND OF ALL MEN ARE BROTHERS), Lo Lieh and Doris Lung in SUPER NINJA MASTER and WATER CLAN MASTER most of which are either incredibly obscure or are sporting new titles.

And finally, we close off each weekly list with a rundown of the constant stream of anime from around the world:

(O) ARGENTOSOMA: Complete Collection (Bandai)
(O) AURA BATTLER DUBINE Volume 10: Terror From Byston Well (ADV) The crew tries to save Paris from annihilation.
(O) AZUMANGA DAIOH Volume 6: Graduation (ADV) The final volume finds the girls so busy going through good luck rituals that they nearly forget to study for exams. With exclusive collector pin.
(O) THE BIG O II (Bandai) Entire second season in a box set. As seen on Toonami.
(O) BUBBLEGUM CRISIS (AnimEigo) Remastered four-disc set of this perennial 1987 favorite, with featurettes, commentraks, interviews, music videos and more.
(O) CASE CLOSED: Like Old Times (Funimation) Detective Conan solves another one.
(O) DRAGON BALL GT: Ruination (Funimation)
(O) GASARAKI: Complete Collection (ADV)
(O) GHOST IN THE SHELL: STAND ALONE COMPLEX Volume 3 (Manga/Bandai) [IMG5R]As seen on Adult Swim. Excellent sci-fi action TV series version of the hit manga and movie series. Includes interviews. Also available in a limited edition that includes a DTS track.
(O) THE GREGORY HORROR SHOW Volume 2: The Guest From Hell (Geneon) A disturbing hotel visit. We'll leave the light on for you.
(O) THE GUYVER: Bio Booster Armor Collection (Manga) Super armor cyborg action! All 12 episodes on 2 discs.
(O) .hack//SIGN Complete Collection (Bandai)
(O) IN SEARCH OF SANTA (Buena Vista) CGanime feature in which Hilary and Haylie Duff play penguin princesses who set off for the North Pole to find Kringle. Geez, why can't these CGI characters let the poor guy get some work done.
(O) MEGAMAN: NT WARRIOR Volume 3: Power Up! (Viz)
(O) MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM F91 (Bandai) Political disagreements turn a new space colony into a battleground in this new Gundam feature. With commentrak and more.
(O) PETITE PRINCESS YUCIE Volume 1: Princess Academy (ADV) A girl begins her quest for the legendary Tiara of Eternity by attending a princess academy.
(O) PLEASE TEACHER Complete Collection (Bandai) All 13 episodes
(O) PLEASE TWINS! Volume 1: Three's Company (Bandai) In this sequel to PLEASE TEACHER, an orphan boy discovers he may have an unknown twin sister. But what will he do when two girls turn up claiming to be the twin? Includes postcard. Also available in a limited edition with three postcards, photo album, CD soundtrack and more.
(O) SCRY-ED Complete Collection (Bandai) All 26 episodes on six discs, plus [IMG6L]keychain.
(O) STAR WARS ANIMATED ADVENTURES: Droids (Fox)
(O) STAR WARS ANIMATED ADVENTURES: Ewoks (Fox) These volumes feature two episodes each of the 1985 cartoons.
(O) SUPER MILK-CHAN SHOW Volume 3: Cryin' Over Spilled Milk (ADV) It's crazy! Includes original shows, breaks and more. Delayed from October.
(O) X-MEN EVOLUTION: Mystique's Revenge (Warner Bros.)
(O) YU YU HAKUSHO: Saga of the Three Kings (Funimation)

(O) YU YU HAKUSHO: Tempting Fate (Funimation)
(O) ZOIDS: CHAOTIC CENTURY Volume 5: Mobilize! (Viz) Episodes 25-30.