Halloween Descending

Booga Booga Cinescapers! Well it looks like the greatest Holiday ever is about to arrive and you know I'm talking about All Saints Day. But until then we've got some serious television programming to watch. Thanks to TCM there's some vintage horror playing alongside AMC's more contemporary monsterfest, giving viewers a choice between akin to that of fine wine (TCM) to a rotten bag of eggs (AMC).

I'm joking, AMC is playing some killer stuff (including ARMY OF DARKNESS) so you've got a pretty good selection provided you bought the cable package with TCM and AMC, otherwise you don't got diddly squat.

24 returns this week so get read for the third-longest day in history.

THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS (8 pm, NIK) Timmy wishes that everybody was really what they were dress up for Halloween. A guy dressed up as a dogcatcher feels cheated.

GREYSTOKE: THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, LORD OF THE APES (8 pm, BRAVO) Absurd film tries to transform Burroughs pulp classic into high art. Removes fun, adds nice cutlery and fancy dresses.

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) A met amphetamine addict's house blows up. Saw that one coming a mile away. (Repeat)

EVERWOOD (9 pm, WB) Ephram's date dumps him in front of everybody, humiliating him to no end. Later Ephram wonders how a guy with such stunning good looks as himself will ever be able to find another girlfriend. (Repeat)

IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN (8 pm, ABC) Since the 60s Linus wait every year in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin to arrive, reminding us that once upon a time television allowed sympathetic characters to experience disappointment. A classic.

THE RAVEN/THE BLACK CAT/THE BODY SNATCHER (8 pm, TCM) Triple bill of Lugosi/Karloff team-ups! Every one is a must see for vintage horror fans. Feel free to skip AMC's Monsterfest tonight; both HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH and THE FUNHOUSE are being shown at least twice.

24 (9 pm, FOX) Jack

Michael McKean guest stars on SMALLVILLE as tabloid reporter "Perry" White.

© The WB Network

MI-5 (9 pm, A&E) A corporate guy may be supporting terrorists. The team sell their stock in his company.

ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) A Xindi-Sloth plant is infiltrated. Seems it synthesizes materials needed for a superweapon. Sort of a fauna uranium which the Enterprise crew in not fond of (BWAH HA HA! Get it fauna/fond of ... yeah, well whatever.) (Repeat)

SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB)

Stephen Dorff leads the vampires as Deacon Frost in BLADE

© New Line Pictures

FREAKS/THE DEVIL DOLL/THE WOLF MAN (8 pm, TCM) Another triple bill of vintage horror; some first class atmosphere here, folks.

ANGEL (9 pm, WB) A crazy Halloween party gets too crazy. Go figure.

JAKE 2.0 (9 pm, UPN) A militia man's wacky henchmen accidentally kidnap Jake's brother instead of Jake.

THE UNKNOWN/LAUGH, CLOWN, LAUGH/ACE OF HEARTS/HE WHO GETS SLAPPED/THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME/THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (8 pm, TCM) A Lon Chaney mini-marathon. Best known for his horror roles, and his brilliant make-up designs, this series demonstrates that not only could Mr. Chaney play hideously malformed monstrosities, he could also play a mean clown. Silent.

CHALKZONE (8 pm, Nick) Special for Halloween, body outlines.

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) When a dead man is found dressed up in a raccoon costume the team can't stop laughing.

WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A missing woman's description matches those of murder victims from an age old case, prompting the victims mother to say "Well, she was always one to bring things back in style."

FRIDAY THE 13^th PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD/FRIDAY THE 13^TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN/FRIDAY THE 13^th PART V: A NEW BEGINNING/FRIDAY THE 13^th PART VI: JASON LIVES (10 am, SPIKE) A marathon of late period FRIDAY THE 13^th films shows just how terrible horror can be.

BLADE (8 pm, UPN) A man

Lucy and Linus wait for the Great Pumpkin, again.

© ABC

REBA (8 pm, WB) Reba fools Barbara Jean into thinking her house is haunted. Barbara Jean finds out the truth and punches Reba in the face.

FRANKENSTEIN/BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN/SON OF FRANKENSTEIN/FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED/M (8 pm, TCM) A four pack of Frankenstein capped with Fritz Lang's classic M. The best way to ride out Halloween night is on TCM.

PHENOMENON II (8 pm, ABC) As if one film about a guy with a brain tumor that gave him "magical powers" wasn't enough, here's a sequel.

TEEN TITANS/HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (9 pm, TOON) Starfire and Raven have to learn to work together. Something or other happens on HE-MAN.

L.A. DRAGNET (10 pm, ABC) Something sinister happens, believe you me.

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, Fox) The

The fourteenth annual TREEHOUSE OF HORROR kicks off season 15 of THE SIMPSONS.

© Fox

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) When Paige discovers her boss has swapped his soul for a successful career she wonders about the role of position in a person's self-esteem.

ALIAS (9 pm, ABC) Sydney meets someone who was presumed dead, says "Guess we were a bit hasty on that call."

TARZAN (9 pm, WB) Nicki's foolishness almost gets Tarzan exposed.

And I'm off to work on my Halloween costume. This year I'm going as a television critic, which means I'll be dressed in rags wearing a sign that says "Will declare what you love stupid for food."