Stuart Townsend (2nd from left) is Carl Kolchak on THE NIGHT STALKER.
© ABC
I Like to Watch
By: David Michael WhartonDate: Monday, May 23, 2005
I'm really not trying to turn my repeatedly delaying this STAR WARS/STAR TREK column into a running joke, I swear. I fully intended to delve into that rich subject material this week, after finally closing out George Lucas' franchise last Friday night. But last week was the upfronts, when all the networks introduced their Fall programming slates, and it'd be remiss of me not to walk you fine folks through what you'll be watching a few months from now.
On second thought, maybe I should just embrace that running joke after all.
Let's hit it...
Show: FATHOM
Airs: Mondays at 7 PM CST
You Might Recognize: BOSTON LEGAL's Lake Bell
They Say: "Ever wonder what life would be like if a new form of sea life began to appear in locales all over the earth? In this expansive drama, those who are about to find out include some naval officers in the South Antarctic Sea, a family in San Diego, scientists from the Oceanographic Institute in Monterey, and fishermen in the Gulf of Mexico. The seemingly innocent creatures they find are beautiful and kids may even want to play with them -- but is there something more to them? One thing's for sure - they're full of surprises as viewers can embark on this unfathomable journey to discover what might be lurking in the sea." (from NBC press release)
We Say: First off, no, it's not based on Michael Turner's comic book (if only I'd known that before spending the first half of the pilot script wondering when the hell Aspen Matthews was going to show up). Turner's FATHOM is still in development as a feature film at Universal, but it doesn't have anything to do with this tale of undersea first contact. The tone of the show seems to be X-FILES meets THE ABYSS. FATHOM is one of several alien-invasion-themed shows hitting this fall (THRESHOLD and INVASION being the other two). I'll be greatly surprised if all three shows survive in the long run, but sticking this on the same night as hit MEDIUM seems like a solid plan.
Show: SUPERNATURAL
Airing: Tuesdays at 8 PM CST
You Might Recognize: Jared Padalecki (GILMORE GIRLS), Jensen Ackles (SMALLVILLE), Erik Kripke (w. TARZAN), McG (THE O.C.), David Nutter (d. SMALLVILLE)
They Say: "Sam Winchester has done his best to escape his family's eerie history, but, along with his older brother Dean, Sam is bound by tragedy and blood to a dangerous, other-worldly mission. Crisscrossing the mysterious back roads of the country in their '67 Chevy Impala, the Winchester brothers search for their missing father and hunt down every evil supernatural force they encounter along the way." (from WB press release)
We Say: One of the new genre shows I know very little about. The road trip aspects should help open the show up and provide plenty of story potential, but it also raises the danger of slipping into a "ghost-of-the-week" scenario as with SMALLVILLE's kryptonite villains or the various lesser X-FILES episodes. The involvement of "FASTLANE" McG doesn't exactly inspire waves of confidence. Tentatively wary about this one, especially given that I'd much rather see the WB filling their airwaves with a Spike series.
Show: INVASION
Airing: Wednesdays at 9 PM CST
You Might Recognize: Shaun Cassidy (ROAR, AMERICAN GOTHIC), Thomas Schlamme (THE WEST WING, JACK & BOBBY, SPORTS NIGHT)
They Say: "For centuries man has searched the skies for signs of intelligent life... but to no avail. What if the explanation lay in the fact that aliens were already here... already among us? And what if all of the natural disasters we have been experiencing of late were smokescreens designed to mask something far more ominous? Veteran Writer/Producer Shaun Cassidy, and celebrated Director Thomas Schlamme (The West Wing) bring you the suspenseful tale of a blended family that finds itself at the center of a conspiracy designed to mask an alien takeover that is happening one neighbor at a time." (from ABC press release)
We Say: Entry #2 in the Great Alien Network Invasion of 2005. This one is less sprawling than THRESHOLD or FATHOM, focusing on a small town at the epicenter of strange events. Shaun Cassidy is no stranger to weaving the paranormal into small-town paranormal (see AMERICAN GOTHIC), and his skill in this niche shines through in the script. However, Cassidy also doesn't have the best track record when it comes to genre television. ROAR and AMERICAN GOTHIC both died in their freshman year. Still, it's got a plum pairing with LOST, so maybe his luck will change this time around.
Show: THE NIGHT STALKER
Airing: Thursdays at 8 PM CST
You Might Recognize: Stuart Townshend (QUEEN OF THE DAMNED), Gabrielle Union (BRING IT ON), Cotter Smith (TRU CALLING), Frank Spotnitz (X-FILES)
They Say: "There are things in the dark, things adults deny but children are right to fear... Kolchak's determination to find out the truth behind his wife's mysterious murder has led him to investigate other crimes that seem to have some kind of supernatural component. But he's trying to piece together a puzzle that keeps changing its shape. Who or what is committing these crimes? How are they all related? And why do some victims end up with a strange red mark on their hands in the shape of a snake? With sidekick Perri Reed, a sexy if skeptical fellow reporter in tow, Kolchak will go to any lengths to answer these questions. But when he does discover the truth - will anyone believe him?" (from ABC press release)
We Say: In the beginning, there was Richard Matheson. And verily, did he adapt the works of Jeff Rice and introduce the world to investigative reporter extraordinaire Carl Kolchak. Lo, did a young Chris Carter marvel at the adventures of the man in the rumpled blue suit, and thus did these fond memories inspire Carter to create THE X-FILES. Therein didst Frank Spotnitz find gainful employment as a writer. And now hath Spotnitz spawned a remake of the NIGHT STALKER, thus closing the circle of life. It's quite a leap for Kolchak to go from Darren McGavin to Stuart Townshend, but I suppose the nets have their youth demographics to think about. The pilot script reads as very X-File-y, sets up a solid Scully to Kolchak's Mulder, and is surprisingly dark. It also hints at some sort of ongoing conspiracy plotline, which makes sense given Spotnitz's stint on the X: you've got to have your occasional "mythology" episodes, after all. It's pairing up with ALIAS, but it's getting an unforgiving timeslot, going head-to-head with both THE APPRENTICE and CSI. Here's hoping ABC can maintain it's winning streak; I'm rooting for this one.
Show: THE GHOST WHISPERER
Airing: Fridays at 7 PM CST
You Might Recognize: Jennifer Love Hewitt (PARTY OF FIVE), Aisha Tyler (CSI)
They Say: "Jennifer Love Hewitt [stars] in a drama, inspired by the work of famed medium James Van Praagh, about Melinda Gordon (Hewitt), a young newlywed with the unique ability to communicate with the earthbound spirits of people who have died and who seek her help. Melinda uses her gift to relay significant messages and important information to the living, but sometimes the messages she receives are intense and confusing. As a result, she is often met with questions and skepticism by the survivors. But when Melinda is able to help both the lost souls who contact her and those who are still alive, she knows that her unique talent is an asset and not a liability." (from CBS press release)
We Say: So... it's basically MEDIUM with Jennifer Love Hewitt instead of Patricia Arquette and without the proven TV talents of Glenn Gordon Caron (NOW AND AGAIN, MOONLIGHTING)? The dead have spoken, and they are unimpressed. Besides, I'm much more interested in the show that's airing after it...
Show: THRESHOLD
Airing: Fridays at 8 PM CST
You Might Recognize: Carla Gugino (SIN CITY, KAREN SISCO), Brent Spiner (NEXT GEN), David Heyman (HARRY POTTER), Brannon Braga (TREK), David Goyer (BATMAN BEGINS)
They Say: "THRESHOLD stars Carla Gugino, Charles S. Dutton, Brian Van Holt, Robert Patrick Benedict and Brent Spiner in a suspenseful drama about a team of experts who are assembled when the U.S. Navy makes a chilling discovery: an extra terrestrial craft has landed in the mid-Atlantic Ocean. Dr. Molly Anne Caffrey (Gugino) is a government contingency analyst whose job is to devise response plans for worst-case scenarios. When her plan called THRESHOLD is activated upon the news of the UFO, she and her hand-picked team of eclectic specialists get to work deciphering the intention of the craft and preparing for the possibility of a crisis situation -- an alien invasion." (from CBS press release)
We Say: Talk about your mixed pedigree. On the one hand, you've got Goyer, who's the go-to guy on many genre properties and by next fall should be riding high on the presumed success of BATMAN BEGINS. On the other, you've got Brannon Braga, one half of The Pair That Must Not Be Named. The script is more militaristic than INVASION or FATHOM, focusing on a crack government team gathered as a first-response unit to alien contact. Any excuse to get Carla Gugino back on my television is a good thing, and it could be fascinating to see Spiner in a serialized role that doesn't involve him being painted white. On the downside, it's on Friday night, and Friday nights haven't been kind to network genre shows since the days of X-FILES. But at least it isn't on Fox.
PRISON BREAK (Fox, Mondays 8 PM CST) - The break in question unfolds over the course of the season. A little bit OZ, a little bit SHAWSHANK.
COMMANDER IN CHIEF(ABC, Tuedays 8 PM CST) - Geena Davis stars as the first female president. From Rod Lurie, the fellow behind the underrated LINE OF FIRE.
MY NAME IS EARL (NBC, Tuesdays 8 PM CST) - Jason "Banky/Brody" Lee plays an ex-crook who wins the lottery and decides to try and improve his karma by doing right by those he once did wrong (with apologies to Sam Beckett).
BONES (Fox, Tuesdays 7 PM CST) - David Boreanaz returns to the airwaves in a show about forensic anthropologists. Now if I could just get my wife to stop drooling.
E-RING (NBC, Wednesdays 8 PM CST) - Pentagon drama from Jerry "I've got ten shows" Bruckheimer.
Bedrock falls silent - Odds are, you haven't a clue who voiced Fred Flintstone (I didn't), but he did it for two decades, and has now passed away.
Unexpected Developments - The Los Angeles Times speculates on how ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT managed to dodge the bullet. To which I respond: Stop asking questions! You'll jinx it!
In related news, J.J. Abrams vows to redouble his efforts - Jerry Bruckheimer will have not one, not two, but TEN shows on television next season. At this rate, he should just buy UPN and make it his own personal network. As long as he doesn't cancel VERONICA MARS.
But I was so looking forward to "Albino Celebrities Kicking Homeless People in the Shins" - Fox, arguably the worst offender in the production and distribution of morally, creatively, and artistically bankrupt reality programming, has not a single reality show on its fall schedule. And somewhere, an angel just got his wings.
COMMANDO (7 PM CST, FX) The governor of California kills, as near as I can tell, 7,000 people.
CARRIE (7 PM CST, AMC) Just in time for prom season.
24 (8 - 10 PM CST, Fox) The final two hours of the season see Jack dealing with inbound nukes, slippery terrorists, and the return of that Mandy chick from previous seasons. (Season finale)
MEDIUM (9 PM CST, NBC) "When Push Comes to Shove..." Allison helps the Texas Rangers (not the baseball team) track a serial killer with a fondness for hearts (not the card game). (Season finale)
CSI: MIAMI (9 PM CST, CBS) "10-7." In the midst of an explosion investigation, Horatio is reunited with his presumed-to-be-dead brother. (Season finale)
UNDERWORLD (9 PM CST, Cinemax) Not even Kate Beckinsale in tight leather could save this flick from its stultifying self-importance.
STIGMATA (10 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Before she was hearing messages from the dead, Patricia Arquette was bleeding from the palms as a message from God.
FRAILTY (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Bill Paxton recruits his two young sons into a God-given crusade to hunt and kill demons. Or else he's a nutty sociopath with odd ideas about family bonding.
PATHS OF GLORY (7 PM CST, TCM) Kubrick takes on WWI.
HOUSE (8 PM CST, Fox) "Honeymoon." House must make a painful decision when his ex asks him to treat her new beau. (Season Finale)
TRUMP UNAUTHORIZED (8 PM CST, ABC) Because God knows I'm not already sick enough of all things Trump-related.
ELF (8 PM CST, Starz) Will Ferrell offers a little Christmas cheer to break up the monotony of rising temperatures and gas prices.
LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT (9 PM CST, NBC) "Goliath." Did a faulty anti-malaria vaccine cause two former Army reservists to go postal? More importantly, does it have anything to do with the events portrayed in the classic Sci-Fi Pictures Original, SKEETER? (Season finale)
HEAT (9:40 PM CST, Starz) Features what is still, ten years later, one of the best gun battles ever committed to film.
THE OTHERS (10 PM CST, TBS) No relation to "the Others" from LOST. Or is there...?
LOST (7 - 9 PM CST, ABC) "Exodus." Will we finally see the monster? Will they finally open the damn hatch? Will they find a way to get Kate in her underwear again? My guess would be no, yes, and I certainly hope so. (Season finale)
ORIGINAL SIN (7 PM CST, WGN) The only selling point of this movie was the fact that Angelina Jolie was frequently in the altogether. Given that it's airing on WGN, draw your own conclusions.
OUR FATHERS (7 PM CST, Showtime) Christopher Plummer and Ted Danson risk the wrath of the Catholic League in this look at the Boston sex-abuse scandal involving Cardinal Bernard Law.
LAW & ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT (9 PM CST, NBC) "False-Hearted Judges." Wasn't that from that "one of my favorite things" song? Raindrops on roses and false-hearted judges? No? (Season Finale)
ALIAS (9 PM CST, ABC) "Before the Flood." The newly reunited Bristow clan tries to prevent the apocalypse. How Buffy of them. (Season finale)
HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (8 PM CST, Spike) That fella what's got nails in his noggin is causin' a ruckus again.
CASINO ROYALE (10 PM CST, TCM) John Huston, David Niven, Peter Sellers, Orson Welles, Ursula Andress, and Woody Allen all worked on this 1967 spy spoof. Which, incidentally, is being remade sans the comedy as the next Bond installment.
HIGHWAY (7 PM CST, WGN) Jared Leto and Jake Gyllenhaal run afoul of a Vegas gangsters.
THE LAST SAMURAI (7 PM CST, HBO) Tom Cruise does what Tom Cruise does best, but still manages to be far less interesting than Ken Watanabe's Katsumoto.
THE LONGEST YARD (8 PM CST, Spike) Burt Reynolds, in all his mustachioed glory, tosses the pigskin around in a high-stakes game of prison football.
HELLBOY (8 PM CST, Starz) Good to know Ron Perlman has more work on his plate, thanks to the confirmed plans for a HELLBOY sequel.
ULTIMATE SUPER HEROES, VIXENS, AND VILLAINS (9 PM CST, Bravo) "Ultimate Super Heroes." Adam West takes a break from... well, whatever it is he's doing these days... to host this countdown of the top 20 heroes, villains, and... you get the idea. Parts two and three follow on Friday and Saturday.
BLADE RUNNER (6:30 PM CST, WGN) You'll probably never get to see attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, or C-beams glittering in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate, so that's all the more reason to watch this flick as often as possible.
THE BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI (7 PM CST, TCM) Must... resist... urge... to whistle...
DINNER FOR FIVE (9 PM CST, IFC) Jon Favreau breaks bread with Henry Winkler, Dave Foley, Neve Campbell, and Jeff Garlin.
ULTIMATE SUPER HEROES, VIXENS, AND VILLAINS (9 PM CST, Bravo) "Ultimate Super Vixens." The countdown continues, with interviews from such luminaries as Pamela Anderson, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Garner, and Sarah Michelle Gellar.
THE PATRIOT (7 PM CST, NBC) In retrospect, I can't help but wonder if the scene where Mel takes a hatchet to a British soldier food a good solid 30 seconds was a practice run for the Grand Guignol-violence of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST.
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED (7 PM CST, Pax) God knows it galls me to list anything airing on Pax, but I've always had a soft spot for this story of tiny little UFOs. And hey, THE INCREDIBLES' Brad Bird helped write it!
THEY WERE EXPENDABLE (7 PM CST, TCM) John Ford, John Wayne, and WWII-torpedo-boat action.
THE BATMAN (7:30 PM CST, Cartoon Network) "Q & A." This series is digging deep into the Rogue's Gallery: tonight we get Cluemaster.
JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED (8 PM CST, Cartoon Network) "The Balance." Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl chase Felix Faust to Tartarus.
DINOCROC (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Yeah, "croc" is pretty much what I was thinking.
EMPIRE FALLS (8 PM CST, HBO) Ed Harris, Paul Newman, and a bunch of other really talented folks star in this adaptation of Richard Russo's Pulitzer Prize-winning novel.
ULTIMATE SUPER HEROES, VIXENS, AND VILLAINS (9 PM CST, Bravo) "Ultimate Super Villains." James Cameron is one of the interviewees tonight, which means they must be spotlighting the fish from PIRANHA PART TWO: THE SPAWNING.
DEEP SHOCK (10 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Killer eels!
STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (7 PM CST, Spike) Sadly, many of the countries TREK has discovered since this movie would have been better off undiscovered.
TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY (7 PM CST, Bravo) It's no PIRANHA TWO: THE SPAWNING.
ARACHNID (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) A group of scientists become stranded on a tropical island and... really, is there any need to continue? Since when has any good come from a group of scientists being stranded on a tropical island?
This concludes our broadcast.
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