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Into the Waste

TV pickings at your nose (not TV picks your nose)

By Andrew Hershberger     June 28, 2004


Archer finds himself unable to remember the preceding day's memories in "Twilight".
© UPN

Greeting Cinescapers! To quote Ozzy Osbourne, "Time has come to say goodbye." Your humble Cinescaping host is going on a long, long trip and can provide you with your weekly dose of groans no longer.


I will be off into the wild blue yonder where I will become but a whisp of a memory, with my epitaph to read forever "TV columnist for CINESCAPE, not the good one, the one who sucked."


Ah well, such is such.


Got a goodbye letter or an angry poke, send it to TVWasteland@Cinescape.com and keep Cinescaping!


Here are this week's recommended shows, now turn away so you won't see me cry.


MONDAY, JUNE 28


SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS (8 pm, NIK) Spongebob

Archer finds himself unable to remember the preceding day's memories in "Twilight".

kills the mailman for getting his letters wet. (Repeat)


ROCKY (8 pm, TNT) In Philadelphia, a local bum does good.


CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) A playboy with diplomatic immunity becomes a black hat villian. (Repeat)


WHO WANTS TO MARRY MY DAD? (10:05 pm, NBC) Me! Me! I want to marry your dad!


TUESDAY, JUNE 29


SIX DAYS, SEVEN NIGHTS (9 pm, USA) How do you spell box-office flop? H-A-R-R-I-S-O-N F-O-R-D C-O-M-E-D-Y.


NYPD 24/7 (10 pm, ABC) COPS redux.


NIP/TUCK (10 pm, FX) Christian needs to fix his face.


WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30


ROCKY III (8 pm, AMC) An American Movie Classic.


PHASE IV (8 pm, TCM) Ants take over the world, aunts everywhere are pissed.


ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) 1) A

SpongeBob SquarePants

Xindi-Sloth planet is synthesizing explosives as part of a story arc. 2) Archer loses his short-term memory and is insistant that it's not pot related. (Repeats)


THE SIMPLE LIFE 2: ROAD TRIP (10 pm, TCM) Nicole has troubles with a family's oldest son, so she decides to kill him.


THURSDAY, JULY 1


CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) A man beats another man to death and then dies. Karmic justice has been served.


STEPHEN KING'S KINGDOM HOSPITAL (9 pm, ABC) FYI: Having seizures enables you to see ghosts.


TRU CALLING (9 pm, FOX) Tru hates her father's new wife; talk about an Elektra complex. (Repeat)


WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A former cop disappears after being shot, the team, after viewing COPLAND, decide not to look for her. (Repeat)


FRIDAY, JULY 2


THE WIZARD OF OZ (8 pm, TCM) A witch murdering teen goes on a quest.


JOAN OF ARCADIA (8 pm, CBS) An old record dredges up a painful memory for Joan's piano teacher: she once liked NKOTB. (Repeat)


STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCIFI) 1)

The Stargate Command loses one of their finest in "Heroes, Part Two".

The team thinks they've found Atlantis, but it turns out to be Detroit. 2) One of the team is killed. (Repeats)


DR. GIGGLES (10 pm, AMC) An American movie classic.


SATURDAY, JULY 4


STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME (8 pm, ABC) Space whales attack Earth.


REBA (9 pm, WB) 1) Kyra and Barbra Jean hide a cat in the attic, but forget to punch holes in the ceiling, tragedy strikes. 2) Reba competes agains Brock. (Repeats)


THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (9 pm, SPIKE) 007 battles Dracula.


SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (11:30 pm, NBC) Andy Roddick hosts and Dave Matthews sings.


SUNDAY, JULY 4


SCOOBY-DOO AND THE LEGEND OF THE VAMPIRE (8 am, Cartoon)

Zoinks! The undead want a Scooby snack in SCOOBY-DOO AND THE LEGEND OF THE VAMPIRE.

The gang encounter something that sucks.


K-9 (9 am, TBS) James Belushi teams up with a dog. The dog wins.


OKLAHOMA! (10 am, TCM) O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A, OKLAHOMA, it's fair.


PACIFIC HEIGHTS (10:30 am, A&E) Some upper class San Francisco residents rent an apartment to a landlord's nightmare, Michael Keaton.


Still here? Got a tissue, send it to TVWasteland@cinescape.com.

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