Jesus returns!

By: BRIAN THOMAS
Date: Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I've noticed an some odd behavior in my house lately. Well, odder than the usual. As you can imagine, I open up quite a few DVD packages here, carefully slitting the shrinkwrap to unwrap them, then pulling up the corners of the edge tapes to peel them off. To prevent dealing with the mess of loose plastic wrap floating around, I usually use the tapes to wrap up the shrinkwrap into a little ball before tossing it out.

But about a month ago, I noticed that quite a few of these tape balls were missing. Nobody emptied the dustbin. They just vanished. I finally discovered that our two younger cats Natasha & Boris (named after movie stars Boris Karloff and Natasha Lyonne) really like playing with these tape balls so much that they couldn't wait until one accidentally missed the basket, and they'd learned how to fish them out. They then bat them all around the house, squealing with excitement, for a few hours before hiding them in a secret stash. I've since found a couple of these stashes back deep under chairs and whatnot. Now they come running every time they hear me unwrapping a DVD, and if I don't give the tape ball to them, they're extremely disappointed. It's become some kind of sacred ritual.

They also enjoy watching the disc tray on the DVD player and X-Box go in and out, and I have to restrain them from trying to rub against the fragile trays. When are manufacturers going to design something better? Of course, if they did then they'd have to add on another feature to amuse cats. Maybe some sort of string that dangles while the disc spins, or an window that shines the laser beam onto a wall.

In the meantime, the ultimate DVD thrill for cats is a great disc called FELINE FROLICS (Delta). It's just some cheap video of birds, mice, fish, floating dots, etc., with an optional soundtrack of animal noises that runs continuously. They're crazy about it, but I get tired of watching it after a couple hours.

SPOTLIGHT OF THE WEEK

They say that the films of Jesus Franco are an acquired taste, that to truly appreciate your first Franco film, you have to watch all of his films. This week, you have a great opportunity to get started on your quest:

(O) JESS FRANCO COLLECTION (Image) Four infamous flicks from the eccentric exploitation veteran: FEMALE VAMPIRE, VIRGIN AMONG THE LIVING DEAD, SADISTIC BARON VON KLAUS and OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES.

NEW RELEASES

(O) THE APE / THE APE MAN (Inspired) Simian Poverty Row horror double feature. Boris Karloff is a small town doctor who disguises himself as an escaped gorilla to commit murders / Bela Lugosi is a mad scientist who becomes a were-ape.
(O) THE A-TEAM Season 2 (Universal) Tongue in cheek '80s vigilante action squad series. 22 episodes, plus bonus KNIGHT RIDER show.
(O) THE BAREFOOT EXECUTIVE (Buena Vista) 1971 Disney comedy in which Kurt Russell stars as a TV network employee who discovers that his pet chimp can pick hit shows.

(O) BIG MEAT EATER (Koch) Bob the butcher has to deal with a newly hired apprentice that's a murderer and an alien invasion in this musical sci-fi horror comedy. (O) BLOOD (Inspired) A mad scientist accidentally genetically alters a woman's blood into an addictive substance.
(O) BLOOD TRAIL (Lions Gate) Cowboys vs. ghosts in this supernatural western.
(O) THE BOB NEWHART SHOW Complete First Season (Fox) One of the '70s sharpest sitcoms, with Newhart as a befuddled Chicago psychologist. 24 episodes on 3 discs.
(O) C.H.O.M.P.S. (MGM) 1979 family feature in which Valerie Bertinelli has a computerized dog.
(O) DEAD LIFE (Brain Damage) A teen faces a new outbreak of the zombie virus that killed his dad. Includes commentrak and Making-Of.
(O) DEAD SEVEN (Inspired) A trio of coeds finds terror in the woods.
(O) DEATH FACTORY (Inspired) A monster created by toxic chemicals still haunts an abandoned factory.
(O) FLESH EATING MOTHERS (Elite) Campy 1989 horror comedy about housewives who become desperate for human flesh when a cannibal virus spreads through the neighborhood.
(O) FROG-G-G! (Koch) A mutated frog chases human women for breeding purposes.
(O) GOOSEBUMPS: Cry of the Cat (Fox)
(O) GOOSEBUMPS: Deep Trouble (Fox)
(O) GOOSEBUMPS: How I Got My Shrunken Head (Fox) Adaptations of the popular juvenile horror novels.
(O) GOTH (Inspired) Teen goth couple runs into a psycho dominatrix.
(O) HELLBOUND: BOOK OF THE DEAD (Inspired) A woman tries to use a magic book to resurrect her sister, but accidentally kills a guy. She tries to get rid of the body, but finds the spell has started to work!
(O) THE HITCHHIKER 2 (HBO) Second incarnation of the HBO suspense anthology series, now starring Page Fletcher (the latest RoboCop) as your ride-thumbing host. 10 episodes on 2 discs, plus commentraks.
(O) HOLLYWOOD VAMPYR (Inspired) Critically praised indie flick about a vampire exploring southern California goth culture.
(O) INVISIBLE GHOST / THE CORPSE VANISHES (Inspired) Double feature of twisted Poverty Row Horrors starring Bela Lugosi.
(O) INVITATION (Inspired) Childhood friends are reunited by mysterious invitations to an old lodge and end up fighting for their lives.
(O) JAPANESE HELL (Media Blasters) Or just plain HELL if you're in Japan. Teruo Ishii's remake of the 1960 shocker about sinners suffering horrible torments in the Underworld.
(O) KAIJU BIG BATTEL: Shocking Truth (Koch) Brave and mysterious performers bridge the gap between live professional wrestling matches and giant monster movies. Video tells all.
(O) KNIGHT ERRANT (Pathfinder) Jimmy Wang Yu, Yasuaki Kurata and Lung Fei in 1973 Hong Kong kung fu action.
(O) KNIGHT RIDER Season 2 (Universal) 21 episodes of David Hasselhoff and that smartass car.
(O) LT. ROBIN CRUSOE U.S.N. (Buena Vista) Fondly remembered 1966 Disney survival comedy starring Dick Van Dyke and Nancy Kwan.
(O) MAC & ME (MGM) E.T. knock-off in which a kid encounters a Mysterious Alien Creature.
(O) MAGNUM P.I. Complete Second Season (Universal) 22 more episodes of the remarkable well written 1980s detective TV series starring Tom Sellec, plus bonus episodes of KNIGHT RIDER and THE A-TEAM.
(O) MEMENTO MORI (Tartan) In this even better semi-sequel to the Korean horror hit WHISPERING CORRIDORS, unraveling the secrets found in a diary results in a supernatural apocalypse at a girls school. With behind-the-scenes featurette and more.
(O) MILLION DOLLAR DUCK (Buena Vista) Disney comedy in which Dean Jones' radioactive quacker starts laying golden eggs.
(O) MONSTER HUNTER (Inspired) FBI Special Agent David Carradine hunts demon-possessed serial killers. Does that push enough of your buttons?
(O) MURDER BY DESIGN (Inspired) Three friends copy the murders of a notorious serial killer as part of an insurance scam, but run into a snag when the real killer shows up.
(O) NAMU: MY BEST FRIEND (MGM) A boy befriends a sea creature that could bite his head off at any moment in this 1966 family feature.
(O) OCEAN'S TWELVE (Warner Bros.) An all-star cast in a big heist movie remake sequel.
(O) PORNO HOLOCAUST (Media Blasters) Notorious 1981 Joe D'Amato Euroshocker about scientists investigating an island inhabited by an radioactive oversexed psycho cannibal mutant.
(O) PROJECT: ALF (Goldhil) Sitcom puppet alien in a TV movie.
(O) RED WOLF (Media Blasters) Fun 1995 DIE HARD on a boat flick directed by action master Yuen Woo-ping. Includes Making-Of, interviews and more. Delayed from December.
(O) SASQUATCH HUNTERS (Sony) Not the 1997 comedy mockumentary of the same name, but a follow-up to 2002's SASQUATCH.
(O) SCHOOL KILLER (Image) Spanish horror with Paul Naschy as a psycho menacing teens foolish enough to break into an abandoned school.
(O) THE SHUNNED HOUSE (Inspired) A series of gruesome murders points toward a haunted inn.
(O) SILVER DRAGON NINJA (Crash) Mid-'80s ninja nuttiness from HK.
(O) SLEDGE HAMMER Season 2 (Anchor Bay) David Rasche and his gun are back for a final season. Plus commentraks, featurettes, scripts and more.
(O) STRANGE THINGS HAPPEN AT SUNDOWN (Inspired) Vampire mobsters send a vampire assassin after a pair of vampire lovers.
(O) STREET TALES OF TERROR (Maverick) Urban horror anthology.
(O) SUSPECT ZERO (Paramount) An FBI agent suspects a fellow agent of murdering a serial killer, but is drawn into the hunt for a killer responsible for hundreds of victims. In widescreen and fullscreen editions with director commentrak, featurettes, remote viewing demo, alternate ending and more.
(O) SYNDICATE SADISTS (Media Blasters) 1975 Umberto Lenzi Euro crime thriller (aka RAMBO'S REVENGE) with Tomas Milian as an ex-cop who takes on the Mafia.
(O) THE TENEMENT (Inspired) 2004 Horror anthology presents weird stories of tenants in a big city tenement.
(O) THE TERROR / SCARED TO DEATH (Inspired) Double feature marked by incoherence: A ragged Roger Corman flick with Jack Nicholson drawn into Boris Karloff's haunted castle / A corpse narrates the circumstances of her own death, which may or may not involve Bela Lugosi.
(O) THIS DARKNESS (Inspired) A vampire lord wants mad geneticist Van Helsing to create a bride for him in this twisted take on classic horror icons.
(O) TWIN SITTERS (Sony) The twin wrestling Barbarian Brothers are hired by a tycoon to babysit his twin nephews while he testifies against mobsters. Dude! THE PACIFIER totally ripped them off!
(O) ULTIMATE NINJA (Crash) Another mind-bending 1980s ninja romp from Godfrey Ho.
(O) VAMPIRE SISTERS (Inspired) Sexy vamps use a website to lure fresh victims. When undercover cops raid the place, they unleash a monster from the shed!
(O) VAMPIRES VS. ZOMBIES (Inspired) A man tries to get help for his vampire-infected daughter, but must fight his way through the minions of Baroness Carmilla. You might want this on your shelf for the title alone.
(O) THE VULTURE'S EYE (Inspired) An old fashioned modern day Southern Gothic about a virtuous young lady and a mysterious Count.
(O) WRATH OF DAIMAJIN (ADV) The stone god of vengeance returns to punish evildoers in this 1966 Japanese sequel.
(O) WU TANG SOLDIERS OF DARKNESS (Fortune 5) A 20-pack of old school kung fu, including KUNG FU VAMPIRE, ESCAPE FROM BROTHEL, OPERATION IRONMAN and 17 more, plus a salute to Old Dirty Bastard.

Be sure to check back next weekand every weekfor CINESCAPE's DVD Shopping List! And don't forget to read about all of next week's anime releases in our sister column Anime Avalanche every Saturday!

DVD Shopping List (© 2005 Brian Thomas) is our weekly DVD column. Brian Thomas is the author of the massive new book VideoHound's DRAGON: ASIAN ACTION & CULT FLICKS, available now!

Questions? Comments? Let us know what you think at DVDShoppingList@cinescape.com.