kjsucks6996's Blog

                   Ok folks.  You've been waiting for it.  Now its time for the long awaited, eagerly anticipated blog : Lord Of The Rings SUCKS!!  Now if I could put a subtitle on this, it would be : Peter Jackson sucks.  Ok, now all of you fanboy LOTR lovers out there pay attention.  Cuz this is for you.  First lets discuss why LOTR sucks, and then we'll cover another topic.  Ugh...LOTR fans.  Where do I start, hmmmm lets see.  I mean there were just so many things wrong with these films.  Of course I guess i can start with the obivous, they were waaaaaaaay too long.  I know every single person out there that hates LOTR, have used this argument first and foremost.  And why not?  They were, waaaaaaaaaay to long.  Now Im not sure who the editor of these films was,  Im sure Peter Jackson at least oversaw the process.  So hes partially to blame.  But they should never work in editing again.  Now when you edit a movie, ur not suppose to take every single piece of footage that was shot, and use it in the film.  Thats just not how its done.  However, thats the only thing that i can see could of happened  that would explain their dull length.  Ok, so theyre 3hrs long, but do they need to be a BORING 3hrs long?  I mean walking and walking and walking.  I said it before, but Randall said it best, 9hrs of walking?  How exciting can that possibly be?  

                  The second thing i hated about these films, and probably the thing i hated the most.  Was the unneccessary use of computer generated imagery.  Which can only be explained by Peter Jacksons laziness.  He wanted to go the easy route, so he just did it all on a computer.  And the man IS lazy.  I mean look at how fat he was?  He was so lazy, he couldnt even work off the pounds, or go on a diet.  He got an operation.  Wat a lazy bastard.  But I digress.  And yes fanboys, there was much, much unneeded cgi in those films.  Anybody who says that gollum, had to be cgi, is a complete douche.  They could of got some small skinny actor to play him.  And with a mixture of some practical effects, he wouldnt of looked so damned fake.  And then theres the battle scenes.  I guess if u have more then 20 people on screen at once, you just have to use cgi huh?  Yeah, well I believe GOOD movies like Troy would beg to differ.  They used over 1000 extras in their film, and it looked fantastic.  I understand the need to use cgi with 10000 people in a battle,  But that simply was not the case with LOTR.  Just about any scene with more then 20 people used cgi.  Once again, a tribute to Peter Jacksons legacy of laziness.  Okay, I believe I made my point with the cgi.  Any excuse to use it, he pretty much did. 

                        Lets move on to some other points.  Like the characters and the dialogue and writing and so forth.  First of all, anyone who denies it, is a closet homosexual themselves.  I mean these hobbits were soooooooo gay for each other.  I mean i couldnt believe it.  I honestly thought in one of the scenes they were going to kiss!!!   Im serious.  I looked away from the screen!! I dont know wat a hobbit is.  I dont understand the social ways of middle earth.  For all i knew, all the hobbits WERE gay.  I got scared and looked away.  I really thought i was gonna be privy to some man on man hobbit action.  But enough of these hobbits sexual preferences for one another, if they're gay good for them.  Lets cover just one small example of some of this crappy dialogue and bad writing i refer too.  For instance in the 2nd or 3rd, i dont know which one it was.  During a battle.  The invincible elf, and the annoying dwarf were fighting and theyre joking around and counting how many people they're killing.  Now im sitting here watching this, and im thinking okay, time for a good serious action sequence, this should be good.  And these two douchebags, in the middle of this huge battle, possibly about to die(well i guess not the elf, cuz apparently elves are indestructible) are joking around.  And if my memory serves me, there is even some dwarf tossing. WTF?  Terribly written.  And of course lets not forget the ending of the last movie.  Or should i say ENDINGS.  The movie should of ended about 45 minutes before it did.  Instead we got to see a big gay hobbit orgy on their bed.  I mean if i wanna see a bunch of short people having sex, i'll go rent backdoor sluts 9.  That just had no place in the film.  And for the record.  Before all you fanboys start yelling and screaming.  "Well they were just following the books.  Thats how it happened in the books.  Thats wat they said in the books."  Well then guess wat?  The books sucked too.  And if they wanted to make the movies good.  They wouldnt of followed such crappy books to a tee.  They would of changed it.  And dont let me forget to cover why it won so many oscars.  Its really simple, it didnt win oscars because it was good.  A look back at all the best picture winners will prove that.  It won the oscars cuz it made so much money.  Its not that hard to buy an oscar.  Im sure that almost every one of u people that love LOTR, were the same people that said Titanic sucked.  And dont deny it.  You know you did.  Well Titanic won a ton of oscars too.  If it sucked, then why did it win?  Because it made so much money of course.  So all you LOTR fans out there who say it was good cuz it won oscars, better be huge fans of Titanic. 

                       Now I have to talk about my friend Peter Jackson.  Oh god how i loathe you Peter Jackson.  After this craptacular trilogy.  You set out to make another cgi massacre.  King Kong.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  For wasting another 3hrs of my life.  Thank you.  I think I actually laughed out loud during the big dinosaur chase sequence.  Thank you Peter Jackson for that wonder film.  I dont think anyone could of remade King Kong better.  Well except for the guy that remade it the first time.  And any other person in hollywood.  But anyway, thanks for another piece of crap.  And now i read that he is attached to the Halo movie as producer?  Yes i actually cried when i read that.  I openly weeped.  I cried so hard that my friend had to hold and console me.  It was almost as gay as the Sam - Frodo relationship. But not quite.  Why does he have to ruin this?  Why does he have to ruin Halo?  The only movie Im looking forward to in my entire lifetime, other then spiderman 3.  Why?  Why I ask you?  All i can hope, is that he dies before it actually goes into production.  Cuz if he doesnt.  I can guarantee you he's just gonna ruin something else.  Which is wat he does best.  Thanx to him,  Im sure the halo movie is gonna be 98% cgi.  Master chief will be played by some top hollywood star(which he should be played by a nobody).  And just for good measure, im sure he'll throw in a questionable relationship between master chief and sergeant johnson.  Just to appeal to his closet homosexuality.  I guess ive gotten a little off topic here talking about something that doesnt suck.  Halo.  But let me conclude this blog, with a brief discussion about LOTR fans.  Actually LOTR fanboys should be the term i use.  There is really only one main reason why i hate you, LOTR fanboys.  That reason is because anytime somebody says....LOTR isnt good, which is rare because if something is popular, everyone else has to like it too. Your response is limited to about two prases.  One : your stupid if u dont like LOTR.  Or two : LOTR is based on an epic trilogy of books, so if you dont like it, your stupid.  It just shows how intelligent you LOTR dorks really are.  There was only one good thing that came out of the LOTR films.  The hilarious parody on south park.  That is it.  

                    It is now time to end this blog.  After I say one last thing.  A lot of people would like to get there hands on a time machine right?  Hell, probably anyone in the world.  Im sure theres lots of things people would do with it.  Like make themselves rich.  Save a loved one who died.  Or even try to make the world a better place.  But i have to honestly say.   If i had a time machine, there is only one thing i would use it for.  I would go about 10 yrs into the past, and put a bullet in Peter Jackson's head.  Now that may seem a little harsh to some people.  But i cant think of a better way to make the world a better place.