Mania Grade: D
Disc Grade: C
Reviewed Format: DVD
Rated: R
Stars: Jeff Fahey, Ernie Hudson, Beth Toussaint, Brent Huff, Patrick Killpatrick
Writer: Steve Latshaw
Director: Worth Keeter
Distributor: Artisan Home Entertainment
Original Year of Release: 1999
Retail Price: $19.98
Extras: none

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THE LAST SIEGE

"Wow," you might say, "a film with Jeff Fahey and Ernie Hudson, I've so got to get this for the dorm." Yes, you might say that, even though you're 47 years old and still live in your parents' garage guess that Masters degree in Art History really paid off. Yep, you say a lot of things, lots of creepy inappropriate things that make NYPD cops' skin crawl, but never have you said anything as grotesquely insane as "Hey, THE LAST SIEGE looks good, let's rent this... mother."

THE LAST SIEGE or HIJACK as it's also known (God forbid any previous viewers see this one twice) or more accurately UNDER SIEGE 3: LACK OF BUDGET - is the standard sub par made for TV movie title that Artisan Home Entertainment seems to delight in flinging on its loyal fan base. Not since Troma has a home entertainment company been so shameless in hoisting off dung into the faces of rental companies and blind-drunk movie critics everywhere. Just exactly who is the market for the latest Jeff Fahey release? People, didn't LAWNMOWER MAN teach us anything?

THE LAST SIEGE is the story of a rogue ATF guy, Eddie (Jeff "I work real cheap" Fahey), who's on the trail of a terrorist group known as Firebird. Being that he's a rogue ATF guy and not a disciplined ATF guy, Eddie plays the game by his own rules, risking his ass, and everybody else's, to go in and get the kill, because... well, because Eddie's a jerk. He's also the star, and not since Tom Cruise has the asshole lead been played for such shameless sympathy.

Eddie's actions get him suspended from the ATF; apparently the agency can't afford the increase in unemployment insurance if they fire him, and so it's off to his successful girlfriend's house to look dejected, feel sorry for himself and do jigsaw puzzles. When Eddie's girlfriend invites him along on a tour with popular Senator Douglas Wilson (Ernie "Please forget I was in THE SUBSTITUTE" Hudson), he initially refuses, but then, being wishy-washy, he changes his mind again. Good thing too, for awaiting the senator on that train is the dreaded Firebird gang, who plan to both kidnap the senator and detonate a nuclear device in a populated city. Why they didn't just detonate the bomb at the point of departure is a bit of a mystery, but you know these terrorist groups, always looking for some kind of delay so they can be stopped.

Directed by Worth Keeter that's Worth and not worthless THE LAST SIEGE would be a harmless time killer if it wasn't so damned lifeless. Running a scant 94 minutes, the film should just breeze by, especially since it's an action film, but instead it just meanders about, never providing anything approaching a visceral thrill unless a very poor train derailment scene is your idea of eye candy or a likeable or engaging character.

This review is of the full screen version of THE LAST SIEGE so perhaps I didn't really experience the SIEGE the way it is meant to be seen (heavily intoxicated). As released by Artisan, THE LAST SIEGE is the barest of bones DVD featuring only the film and chapter stops. Though this DVD presents the film in the 1.33:1 ratio, this is the format in which the film was shot, and the print quality is good. Same with the sound.