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LOST CONTINENT

For those who've failed to learn the dangers of wild brontosauruses or triceratopses, they only need to turn their ignorant gazes to LOST CONTINENT, in which these ferocious herbivores take time out of a busy day of grazing to knock men out of trees or impale them. Sam Neill wouldn't have stood a chance.

The U.S. government is testing an atomic powered rocket and before you can say, "I wonder if something will go wrong," something goes wrong. The darn thing goes out of control and winds up on the top a huge mountain on a tropical island. Apparently low on staff, the government sends the out-of-shape men who created the rocket to find it. These three prominent scientists are aided in their expedition by a couple of macho pilots and the required mechanic/comic relief who holds a vocalized love affair with his plane. While flying over a possible location the plane conks out and the men crash-land on an island resulting in one of the scientists getting a really bad cut on his leg this, oddly, doesn't prevent him from mountain climbing.

Fortunately the island is the location of the missing rocket, and as luck would have it it's on the top of a very ominous volcano. For fans of women wearing sarongs, this island holds the exotic beauty of Acquanetta (TARZAN AND THE LEOPARD WOMAN) who tells the men some key information and then disappears. 30 something minutes of rock climbing footage later, the men minus one arrive at the top where they discover the greatest uranium field known to man, the rocket and a bunch of dinosaurs well, the brontosaurs, triceratops and what I think is a pteranodon but looks more like a gigantic buzzard. Now they have to fight to get to the rocket and escape with their lives, but what's worse: they may have a killer among the crew.

As a man-child with a strange habit of dressing like Harry Potter, my uncle was not impressed with LOST CONTINENT, spending much of the movie loudly yelling at the TV screen. Much of his language was slurred by alcohol, but a few key elements of displeasure I was able to make out. For example, neither of the two women in the film are topless, and much worse, neither engages in simulated sex with any of the thunder lizards. My uncle took exception to Sid Melton's mechanic, stating, "What's this guy? A four-sexual. I mean, Man, Woman, Beast and this guy wants to add in machinery. Thank God there's no footage of him dry-humping that plane of his."

The bargain basement dinosaurs failed to impress Merle who apparently thinks his job at the Post Office makes him a grade A paleontologist. "That's not what a brontosaurus looks like, they got it all wrong. A brontosaurus would never knock a guy out of a tree with his head. Whoever made this crap should have both his legs broken - I hope he dies." A style choice on tinting the film green during the expedition time in Dino-land failed to win Uncle over. "Did they, like, store this reel in a swamp, it's got mold and [stuff] on it." Three actors in the film received endless razzing: Cesar Romero (BATMAN), Hugh Beaumont (LEAVE IT TO BEAVER) and John Hoyt (GIMME A BREAK). Every time the camera cut to a close-up on one of these thespians, his response was, respectively, a joker type cackle, the statement, "Hey Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beav last night," and singing the theme from GIMME A BREAK not to mention the elbow to my ribs to remind me to laugh, "or else."

Just between you and me, I loved LOST CONTINENT. Typical of many B films of the period, the monsters don't show up until halfway into the feature, which means plenty of character moments. So they take place during a hike, so what? Writer Richard H. Landau throws in a few red herrings and utilizes stock bad guy John Hoyt to good effect. Cesar Romero may best be remembered as the Joker from the '60s TV show BATMAN, but at one time he was a strong leading man. LOST CONTINENT has him in good form, his star quality giving the production a slight air of prestige. While it's true the dinosaurs aren't the greatest looking, they're ferocious enough to provide a few chills Sid Melton's famous impalement scene still manages a punch. Fans of dinosaurs that bleed will be delighted by the ooze that liberally pours out of them as they impale one another and are shot up by Romero and crew. The movie moves along at a brisk pace and takes itself seriously enough not to degenerate into self-parody. Though exotic Pennsylvania native Acquanetta provides unintentional comic relief as a native girl who speaks like Tonto.

As cliché as this sounds (and is), LOST CONTINENT is a treat for children of all ages. You're not watching AMARCORD - this a movie about dinosaurs with a plot put around it. You get competently handled work that holds a lot of delights for B movie enthusiasts, kitsch lovers and the curious alike. Geared towards the young boy hence a shortage of female characters, and plenty of men getting dirty and bonding the film creates a wondrous dinosaur world, free from all the self-referential elements that plague much of today's fantasy offerings. It may be dusty from age, but with a little leniency from the viewer they might find that this is just as pleasurable, if not more so, a venture than any of the JURASSIC PARK sequels. Just remember to take it for what it is: the greatest motion picture the world has ever known, or will ever know.

The DVD of LOST CONTINENT is part of the Wade Williams collection being released by Image Entertainment. The disc boasts an exceptional print (the majority of picture flaws occur when obvious stock footage has been inserted into the film) and the original theatrical tinting (in dinosaur land the film has been toned green). The sound is fine if a bit faint. The liner notes are written by Tom Weaver (co-author of UNIVERSAL HORRORS: THE STUDIO'S CLASSIC FILMS, 1931-1946), who provides a wealth of interesting tidbits about this fan favorite.

As an Easter Egg highlight the atomic symbol in the upper left hand corner of the screen, press enter you get trailers for five other films in the Wade Williams collection: MESA OF LOST WOMEN, THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS, H.G. WELLS THINGS TO COME, CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON and TEENAGE DOLLS.