Cartoon Network's new HE-MAN
© 2002 Cartoon Network
Lost, Lonely and TV Wasted
By: Andrew HershbergerDate: Monday, October 06, 2003
Based on Actual Television Shows
Greetings Cinescapers! It's been a long, lonely week without you. Hope you've been keeping busy. Bet you did lots of fun things. I didn't. That's right, not one interesting thing happened to me last week, unless breathing is interesting. Do any of you find breathing interesting? Maybe if you can't, it becomes interesting, but until then, nope.
Besides listening to myself breath, I've been busy reading all your letters and I've got some interesting TV news for ya!
HE-MAN is back on the air and kick'n the booty, if you know what I mean. Cartoon Network is delivering this baby on Friday and Saturday nights and we're listing it for Saturday, cause I'm all about ABC's Friday night lineup. I'd like to give a shout out to Guy-Dude for the above info, and let him know he's the dudest.
BTW, CHARMED is back and we're listing it.
In an unrelated bit of curiosity, I was at a party last week and this guy came in and said, "Yo dogs it be brick in here." Do any of you know what that means? Let me know at TVWasteland@cinescape.com.
Now let's rock out the shows!
MONDAY, OCTOBER 6
DORA THE EXPLORER (8 pm, NIK) This week Dora explores! But what is anybody's guess. Since you're anybody, guess away.
THE NEW SCOOBY-DOO MOVIES (8 pm, Toon) Scooby and the gang team up with Batman and Robin to defeat the Joker and the Penguin. Although the gang is used to battling decrepit carnival owners, they prove no match for Batman's murderous adversaries and by the third act all but Scooby are dead.
CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) When a person is found nearly beaten to death Horatio suspects an incarcerated criminal. One imagines that in the world of television reality his assumption will prove correct.
EVERWOOD (9 pm, WB) When Andy (no not me) hires a college kid to take care of Delia something horrible happens.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 7
THE MUMMY / THE WALKING DEAD / FRANKENSTEIN / BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN / SON OF FRANKENSTEIN / BEDLAM / THE GHOST SHIP (8 pm, TCM) The cast of CHARMED: Alyssa Milano, Holly Marie Combs, and Rose McGowan. © 2001 The WB
ONE TREE HILL (9 pm, WB) Last week a chainsaw accident changed the show's title to NO TREE HILL. This week a strip mining company forces the name to be changed yet again, this time to NO TREE PIT.
MI-5 (9 pm, A&E) When the U.S. President stops in Britain the team argues whether they should serve him Earl Grey or Lipton.
THE CONVERSATION (9:30 pm, IFC) After THE GODFATHER saga (well, at least parts I & II), this tedious examination of a surveillance operator screwed over by Harrison Ford is considered Francis Ford Coppola's best film. But damn the critics, we all know JACK's were it's at.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 8
ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) The crew battles zombies. Archer realizes that if he smacks the screenwriters around he can prevent things like this from happening.
SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) Jor-El gives Jonathan superpowers so he can smack down "evil" Clark.
ANGEL (9 pm, WB) It's the magic amulet episode as Spike appears as a ghost via one. Next week it's the evil twins episode.
JAKE 2.0 (9 pm, UPN) Jake gets upgraded to 2.0.1.
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9
THE PACKAGE (8 pm, BRAV) One of the more suggestive film titles Cartoon Network's new HE-MAN © 2002 Cartoon Network
TOTAL RECALL (9 pm, SCI-FI) Once considered Arnold's best film, now the basis for a series of puns used as campaign slogans and news headlines.
CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9 pm, CBS) A woman's mummified corpse is found locked in a closet. She thanks the team profusely for finding it.
WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A young woman disappears in the middle of a dinner party. The host says "how rude."
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10
REBA (8 pm, WB) Reba experiences an event that shatters her view on life. She attempts to find solace in family, then failing that, liquor. Which results in a hysterical burning-chicken-in-the-oven sequence.
TREMORS: THE SERIES (8 pm, SCI-FI) Yet another government-created monster wrecks havoc on Perfection. The town decides to go socialist and declares themselves their own sovereign nation, in protest. (Repeat)
STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCI-FI) Daniel gets multiple personalities. The crew argues if that means he's schizophrenic.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (9:55 pm, AMC) Bet you didn't know this was an American Movie Classic.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11
TOY STORY (8 pm, ABC) When you leave your room your toys come to life and sing your praises. Why, they even compete for you affections! Creepy, isn't it?
TEEN TITANS / HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (9 pm, TOON) The Titans deal with adolescent angst. He-Man deals with the masters.
SOUTH PARK (10 pm, COM) It's the Cartman becomes the Tooth Fairy episode. (Repeat)
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12
ONCE BITTEN (7 pm, UPN) Remember when Jim Carrey used to be funny? Well, this film precedes THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN © Universal
CHARMED (8 pm, WB) The girls have their identities and powers stolen by a trio of nogoodnicks. Warning: It's an evil twins episode.
HORROR OF DRACULA / DRACULA, PRINCE OF DARKNESS / MARK OF THE VAMPIRE / NOSFERATU / DRACULA / HOUSE OF DARK SHADOWS (8 pm, TCM) Oh baby, it's vampire night on TCM. You paid good money for UNDERWORLD, why not savor the tasty dishes that made that piece of crap possible.
TARZAN (9 pm, WB) Tarzan goes out on a limb to help Jane track down thugs. While going about his tasks cautiously, he makes a startling discovery: Nobody cares who you are or what you do in New York City.
Well, that's about that, time to go forth and conquer the Tivo. For those of you looking for a good flick to watch this week, the new movie SCHOOL OF ROCK was much better than I thought it would be... much, much better.
Am I right or am I right!? Let me know at Tvwasteland@Cinescape.com.
TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.
