Screenshot of GRAND THEFT AUTO IV(2008).
© Take-Two Interactive
The Mania Manifesto: Top Six Reasons Grand Theft Auto IV Will Suck
By: Damon BrownDate: Monday, April 28, 2008
Each week, Mania special correspondent Damon Brown, author of Porn & Pong: How Grand Theft Auto, Tomb Raider and Other Sexy Games Changed Modern Pop Culture, offers his unique take on society, entertainment and other issues of critical concern to Maniacs. You can also find Brown writing about technology, sex, music and video games for Playboy and Spin.
Reason #6: You Didn’t Pre-Order
THE SITUATION: Several business analysts expect Rockstar Games to sell out the initial 6 million–yes, 6 million–copies within the first week. As of early April, major UK retailers Game, GameStation and Play.com were running out of pre-order fulfillment copies.
WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST?: You’ll figure it out while waiting in line this Tuesday
Reason #5: You Live Near Kangaroos, Coral Reefs
THE SITUATION: Based on content review, the Australian Office of Film and Literature Classification refused to give Grand Theft Auto IV a rating–which would make it illegal to own in the country. This month the government gave it a respectable R18+. Rockstar said “there are some minor differences between the Australian and US/EU versions.” There was no official elaboration.
WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST?: We may not know what was cut–until we start raving about a cool mature scene with our Australian friends. However, one informed source for gaming blog Kotaku said it “involves a weapon being inserted into an enemies [sic] private area [by hero] Niko.” Maybe the Aussies are better off.
Reason #4: You Will Push America Into Recession
THE SITUATION: According to UK reporters lucky enough to play the game already, Grand Theft Auto IV’s main story will take 25 hours to play straight through and at least an additional 40 hours to complete side missions. Some estimate 100 hours of gameplay. Of course, the total doesn’t take into account the dozen-plus multiplayer modes announced.
Reason #3: You Are Running for President
THE SITUATION: In 2005, Senator Hillary Clinton held a press conference against to speak out against the adult content on Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, paving the way for its subsequent recall. Senators John McCain and Barack Obama have stumped hard against video games’ “affect on the youth,” if less blatantly than Clinton. Meanwhile, the average gamer is 31 years old and Wall Street expects Grand Theft Auto IV to sell 10 million copies by year’s end.
WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST?: It’s too late to appease the influential video game audience who, at this point, makes up a large portion of the voting public. Good luck.
THE SITUATION: As mentioned in passing last fall, the seemingly identical PlayStation 3 version of Grand Theft Auto IV will not support downloadable content. This month Microsoft is plastering ads hyping the Xbox 360 version as giving you the ability to download “exclusive episodes on Xbox LIVE Marketplace starting Autumn 2008.” Sources say whole cities may be part of the downloadable packages.
WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST?: Autumn begins in four months, which will be around the time you’ll get sick of the basic missions.
Reason #1: You Are Made of Iron, Stationed in Afghanistan
THE SITUATION: From Variety to the New York Post, the media are discussing the showdown between Grand Theft Auto IV (April 29th) and Iron Man (May 2nd). The argument started with Halo 3 which, at $60 a pop, managed to make more money than most films in 2007. Hollywood’s real question: Will Iron Man’s target audience put down the controller and spend another $10 to sit still for two hours?
WHY IS THIS ON THE LIST?: Hollywood might follow the money and start making even more movie-based games.
