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March 11 March 17: ANGEL vs. GLORY DAYS

ANGEL takes a break for the WB's GLORY DAYS... and a look at the rest of the week in TV

By Sonia Mansfield     March 11, 2002


(From left to right) Poppy Montgomery as Ellie Sparks, Eddie Cahill as Mike Dolan and Jay R. Ferguson as Rudy Dunlop star in GLORY DAYS
© 2002 The WB
So, any of you guys catch ANGEL last week? It was only one of the best episodes ever!

The only thing that sucked about it is the fact that we have to wait until April 15 for a new episode so we can find out what happens.


Let's see: Wesley beats up The Host then kidnaps Angel's son Connor. Then Wesley gets his throat slit by Justine. Holtz takes Connor and runs into some demon dimension, while Angel is helpless to stop him.


I don't know if I can wait until April 15 to find out what's going to happen. What in the world is the WB thinking?! I don't want to watch stupid, lame GLORY DAYS (known as "Murder, He Wrote" around my house). I want to watch ANGEL.


If I wanted to watch GLORY DAYS I would've watched it when it was on Wednesday nights. Well, I might have if, you know, the WEST WING or BERNIE MAC were reruns or something. And I couldn't find a LAW & ORDER rerun on one of my 800 channels. And, MTV2 wasn't playing some music videos I like. And CSPAN2 wasn't showing the Vermont senatorial debates...


What these WB execs are doing is completely alienating me from GLORY DAYS. Now I'm not going to watch it just to spite them. Of course, I don't have one of the Nielsen ratings boxes, so I guess it doesn't really matter what I do. But, hey, it's the thought that counts... right?!


So anyway, let me break down the week for you. This week, I'm going to try something different. I found that I could relate to many of this week's entries, so for each day I'm going to point out the similar circumstances from my life.


Oh, and as always, check your local listings.


Monday, March 11


Sorry, no ANGEL

(From left to right) Poppy Montgomery as Ellie Sparks, Eddie Cahill as Mike Dolan and Jay R. Ferguson as Rudy Dunlop star in GLORY DAYS

until April 15. See above rant.


Sara is judged at the ultimate Witchblade trial in tonight's WITCHBLADE at 9 p.m. on TNT. That happened to me once expect it was a public indecency trial, not a Witchblade trial.


Corey Feldman alert! The Goonie hosts tonight's installment of BIOGRAPHY covering the Sunset Strip (A&E, 8 p.m.). Why Feldman? Well, I heard Corey Haim was busy.


Wanna see something lame? Check out part two of FIRESTARTER: REKINDLED (Sci Fi, 8 p.m.).


It's not exactly genre-related, but I wanted to let you know that a new show called THE AMERICAN EMBASSY debuts tonight on Fox at 9 p.m. I've seen a preview tape and I kinda liked it. A beautiful, single American takes a job at the American Embassy in London. The show is like Bridget Jones crossed with THE WEST WING, but it's not as good as either of those two things.


TUESDAY, March 12


A poisonous venom leaves Buffy unable to distinguish between reality and hallucinations in tonight's all-new BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (UPN). That happened to be once but the "poisonous venom" was tequila. True story.


Clark tries to protect Lex from an old enemy, while Chloe discovers a mystery surrounding Clark's adoption in tonight's all-new SMALLVILLE (WB, 9 p.m.). Why doesn't Chloe start minding her own damn business? Then maybe her life wouldn't be in danger every damn week. Some people never learn.


It's 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. in tonight's all-new 24 (Fox, 9 p.m.) and the motive behind the assassination conspiracy comes into focus as David Palmer has a face-to-face meeting with Jack Bauer. Geez, finally.


WeDNESDAY, March 13


Wouldn't you know it? The phase canons are on the fritz and the ship is attacked by an unidentified enemy ship in tonight's all-new ENTERPRISE (UPN, 8 p.m.). That happened to me once, but it was my car's brakes that were on the fritz, and I was being "attacked" by the cops.


Hey, remember that movie STAR KID (Disney, 8:25 p.m.)? Yeah, I thought it was some lame sequel to STARMAN too. It turned out it's just some lame original movie. Weird huh?


Comedy Central has got a whole hour of SOUTH PARK starting at 10 p.m. Sweeeet!


Watch host James Lipton keep a straight face while telling Ben Affleck how great PEARL HARBOR is in tonight's episode of INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO (Bravo, 10 p.m.).


THURSDAY, March 14


Lois is named artistic director of the Quahog Players and makes Peter the producer of the troupe's upcoming show, "The King and I" in yet another rerun of THE FAMILY GUY (Fox, 8 p.m.) Another episode follows. I thought this show was canceled. When will it just disappear already?


Bobby and Connie fake their break-up for Connie's father in tonight's rerun of KING OF THE HILL (Fox, 9 p.m.). Don't be surprised if this leads to a real break-up. At least, that's what I've discovered usually happens in this sort of situation.


Bender gets bitten by a "werecar" in tonight's rerun of FUTURAMA (Fox, 9:30 p.m.). That happened to me once but it was my cat, not a "werecar." True story.


No CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION tonight. Instead, you can watch basketball. A poor substitute I know. Why don't these stupid execs keep sports on ESPN where they belong?


Coolio guest stars as a demon who crashed Phoebe's wedding in tonight's all-new CHARMED (WB, 8 p.m.). Oh boy, I hope he sings "Gangsta's Paradise."


FRIDAY, March 15


A telekinetic transgenic messes with Max's mind to keep her from coercing a mob bookie into selling out his boss to Eyes Only in tonight's all-new DARK ANGEL (Fox, 9 p.m.).


Military vets are being used as laboratory subjects for skin-transplant experiments in tonight's STRANGE WORLD at 8 p.m. on Sci Fi Channel.


Tucker goes undercover as a perfume salesman in a haunted mall and becomes possessed by a ravenous spirit in tonight's THE CHRONICLE at 9 p.m. on Sci Fi Channel.


The lives of Xev and Stan hang in the balance when Kai battles Prince in a game of chess in tonight's LEXX (10 p.m., Sci Fi Channel). Are they sure it isn't The Artist Formerly Known As Prince? They should find out for sure.


The SG-1

Malcolm-Jamal Warner (left) and Luke Perry star in the comic book adaptation JEREMIAH

team races against time when Teal'c fails to return through the Stargate in tonight's STARGATE (Showtime, 10 p.m.).


Jeremiah and Kurdy run into a superhero named Captain Iron in tonight's all-new JEREMIAH (Showtime, 10:45 p.m.). That happened to me once, but it was some crazy drunk guy claiming to be Captain Iron. I could tell it wasn't really him from his costume, which consisted of a strategically placed Black & Decker iron.


SATURDAY, March 16


Check out the making of the classic E.T. by watching E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL 20TH ANNIVERSARY at 8 p.m. on NBC.


Dru adds her finishing touches to her plan to eliminate the human race in tonight's BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (syndicated, check local listings). If she did that, then what would she eat? Just wondering.


A message from Dylan's long-dead lover leads him to a planet populated by people from his past engaged in a power struggle over the reformed Commonwealth in tonight's GENE RODDENBERRY'S ANDROMEDA (syndicated, check local listings). That's why you should never talk to old lovers (dead or alive). That happened to me once, but my old lover wasn't dead, he was just stalking me. Exs are just more trouble than they're worth.


James Bond is targeted by the world's greatest assassin in THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN (ABC, 8 p.m.).


Kickin' ass alert! The Cartoon Network has got THE POWERPUFF GIRLS at 9 p.m., followed by SAMARUI JACK at 9:30 p.m.


Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's get it on! GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (Sci Fi, 8 p.m.).


SUNDAY, March 17


The ship

FUTURAMA

is attacked by space pirates in tonight's all-new FUTURAMA (7 p.m. Fox).


Unable to find a full-time teaching job, Peggy pretends to be a nun to land a position at a Catholic school in tonight's all-new KING OF THE HILL (7:30 p.m., Fox). That happened to me once, but I was pretending to be a Catholic schoolgirl in order to get a date. Interesting side note: It totally worked.


In a trilogy of classics parodies, Homer seeks to destroy Troy as Odysseus; Lisa's Joan of Arc leads the French; and Bart plays Hamlet, with Moe as Claudius in tonight's all-new THE SIMPSONS (Fox, 8 p.m.).


Reese takes a dance class with Lois in this repeat of MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (Fox, 8:30 p.m.). I have a feeling Reese will be talking about this incident with a psychologist in the very near future.


After a car accident, Reyes finds herself in a very gray area, while Doggett desperately denies doctors' diagnoses about his partner, who witnesses a strange disappearance in tonight's THE X-FILES (Fox, 9 p.m.). I witnessed a strange disappearance too. I call it "Where's Mulder?"


UPN is giving you a second chance to catch last Wednesday's ENTERPRISE tonight at 9 p.m.


As the FBI grills Sydney about her past and Rambaldi's doomsday prophecy, Jack and Vaughn race to free her before SD-6 suspects anything is amiss in tonight's ALIAS (ABC, 9 p.m.).





Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.

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