Mania Grade: C
Disc Grade: B+
Reviewed Format: DVD
Rated: PG
Stars: Alex D. Linz, Larry Miller, Jamie Kennedy, Nora Dunn, Robert Carradine
Writers: Jonathan Bernstein, Mark Blackwell, James Greer
Director: Tim Hill
Distributor: Walt Disney Home Entertainment
Original Year of Release: 2001
Retail Price: $29.99
Extras: Dolby Digital 5.1; commentary track; games; shorts; deleted scenes; French and Spanish language tracks

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MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE

Like most jaded film critics, I snub my nose at the Disney kid-oriented flick. Yeah, secretly I still cherish my own youthful Disney kid film experiences like THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE, HERBIE RIDES AGAIN, THE PARENT TRAP, and whatever piece of crap Kurt Russell was appearing in that week. But those films are brilliant without peer ask Martin Scorsese which he prefers, THE CRANES ARE FLYING or THAT DARN CAT, and without hesitation he'll choose the latter. Of course, I'm referring to my chemist, Martin Scorsese, and not the renowned film director and today's Disney films are merely excuses to exploit bodily functions.

MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE is definitely the movie to get your nose bloodied during one of those video store "new kids release" feeding frenzies, but is it entertaining?

Starting out with a dream sequence in which paperboy Max imagines himself as the coolest kid on the planet, the film quickly moves on to the drudgery of the real world. Here Max is a lowly orphan living in a rat-infested basement next to the corpse of his recently deceased sister. All he lives for is to make enough money to buy a broom so as to shoo the rats away from his sibling's corpse...

OK, that's not true. When Max awakes from his dream we discover that he's preparing for his first day of junior high. Naturally this is no junior high that any kid has ever attended in the real world, filled with cartoon villains and mentally deficient supervisors. Poor Max quickly becomes the object of abuse from all the blatantly evil figures populating this landscape and is promptly humiliated. Just when things seem like they can't get any worse, Max discovers that he has leprosy...

Sorry, sorry, Max doesn't discover that he has leprosy; he discovers that his dad's been transferred and that the family will be relocating in one week to Chicago. This gives Max carte blanche to do whatever he sees fit in his wicked little revenge oriented mind, and he quickly skewers the local bully in the throat with an ice pick. It's kill or be killed in Max's world and...

Really, I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into me. Max doesn't kill anybody; instead he plots revenge and in the process becomes one of the coolest kids in the school. Then he gets his hands on a copy of the Necronomicon...

Once proud to flaunt their own unique brand of insipidness, Disney's MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE feels like a rip-off of a Nickelodeon movie. Plenty of puke and fart jokes to satisfy the SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS crowd, with the cherry on top of having a dork lead that beats the odds. Really, flatulence and wish fulfillment - is there anything more precious to the 13 and under crowd? (Well, maybe oxygen, food, parental support... OK, there's a hell of a lot that's more precious to the 13 and under crowd, but... oh, shut your mouth.)

As a film that caters to the pre-junior high crowd (grade schoolers, infants, George W. Bush), the movie is a resounding success, delivering what the kids want with gusto. Parental figures are shown to be the lesser of the child, supervisors are goonish buffoons easily exposed, the female best friend is a potential life mate, drugs are freely distributed and all the needles are clean... OK, that last bit is me lying again. Heck, if I was 13 and under this would be my favorite film.

As it is I'm 46 years old and live in my parent's basement. I therefore hate MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE. I hate that the video clerk said the store didn't cater to pederasts when I attempted to rent the film. I hate that the loser kid is presented as a hero. (Why, when I was in grade school if somebody was a loser, why, I'd kick'm in the nuts and watch'm drop.) Yep, if there's one thing that makes the world a simmering pile of puke puss it's MAX KEEBLE'S BIG MOVE, until I'm distracted by a cheeseburger or something and change it to something else.

Your little spuds, or yourself if you're a little spud or just very, very lonely will have no problem killing time with the supplementary material jam-packed on this disc. First there is a DVD game that doesn't require a computer called "Max's Halls of Knowledge and Stuff"; here you'll spend hours just trying to maneuver around a maze with your up, down, right and left buttons - very slow and unsatisfying. For those who want DVD-ROM games with their DVDs this disc has got "The Ultimate Food Fight." Self-serving promo shorts are always the best way to truly appreciate a feature, and fortunately MAX KEEBLE has one called "Alex to the Max" - I found it better than THE SORROW AND THE PITY. People who don't believe editors know what they are doing are in for a shock with "Max's Missing Scenes." As kids would really like to know the ins and outs of one of their favorite movies, there is a commentary track called "Five On The Film" featuring stars Alex D. Linz, Jamie Kennedy, and Larry Miller along with director Tim Hill and producer Mike Karz.

This review was of the full screen version of the DVD, so perhaps I missed the full visual punch of MAX KEEBLE. The print quality is good - the film looks like a filmed kids show - and the 5.1 surround sound track really kicks out those hardcore rap and alternative songs that Max so shakes his rump to.

Note: The grade given here is the average between my F- times infinity and my nephew's A+ times infinity plus infinity times itself.