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Misadventures in Screenwriting

4/7/2008 12:10:05 PM permalink

Earlier this month, a letter arrived in my mail box, from a guy who lives in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

He sought my assistance in transforming his "book" (and I use that term loosely) into the proper screenplay format.

Well, let me read the book, etc.

I did.

I wish I hadn't.

For everyone good who's had a Creative Writing class, there's always the one person who thinks they're good, and flat out fails to prove it in their writing. I had a person like this in my class, those nearly 10 years ago.

I christened her Cathie The Fat And Evil.

Her poetry went something like my heart is the scarab, my eyes are the dung beetles or something along those lines. (This is not to say I was very good back then either, but I was better than that.)

Long gone were the days of Cathie The Fat And Evil, until what must be her brother found me last month. Apparently fat people who take creative writing courses in my area are, by nature, incompetent.

Now Fort Smith has a claim to fame. It has been mentioned in motion pictures. Of course those are only westerns and only are they mentioned when discussing the "Hanging Judge" Parker. Yes, his courthouse and gallows are in Fort Smith.

And that's about it.

Oh, they did open up a Hooters there next to my electronic oasis called Best Buy.

When the proposal came, I told a few of my friends. Would you, I asked,  read a book or see a movie set in modern day Fort Smith?

The answer was obvious: no.

Especially not a movie about werewolves, a were-tiger, and what can only be described as a were-kangaroo. (I only wish I were making that up.)

Make that were-sabertooth tiger. Big difference, huh?

I've rolled my eyes so many times at this 95 page novel (or so he claims it to be) that my eyes have threatened to fall out and roll across the floor, collecting dust with the intention of becoming the playthings of all five of my cats if I were to continue down this path.

But there is hope: I'm working on obtaining the rights to a Stephen King short story. Hopefully by the end of this month it will be a reality.

But we'll just have to wait and see what happens, as usual.


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Date Joined: March 17, 2008