Just when you thought it was safe... another set of JAWS
© 1978 Universal Home Video

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Morning After Week

Greetings Cinescapers! It's the end of the New Year weekend and let me tell you folks I've got the most sidesplitting headache ever to birth its way out a bottle of Jack Daniels. What this means is that I'm going to be short on introductions and long on the dry heaves. But don't worry I'll be back next week with loads of inane pre-show listing chatter, until then feel free to drop me a line at TVWasteland@cinescape.com just don't scream it.

THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS (8 pm, Nik) Timmy wishes everybody could be alike and so it comes to pass.

THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE (8 pm, TCM) After Visconti's OSSESSIONE this is considered the best adaptation of James M. Cain's hardboiled classic, in

Just when you thought it was safe... another set of JAWS

© 1978 Universal Home Video

JAWS 2 (8 pm, AMC) One again American Movie Classics proves it should be stripped of its name. Killer aquatic beast sequel is amongst the worst of its genre, surpassed in worthlessness only by ORCA.

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) An anesthesiologist's suicide and a patient's death are linked, as both have been put under. (BWAH HA HA).

BEVERLY HILLS COP II (8 pm, FAM) R-rated, violence filled, Eddie Murphy vehicle makes an appearance on the questionably named Family channel.

THE SIMPSONS (8:30 pm, FOX) The Simpson's travel to England where they have a series of hysterical experiences. (Repeat)

A FACE IN THE CROWD/MEET JOHN DOE (7 pm, Toon) Two films about bums being put into positions of power by a reporter. The first, by Elia Kazan,

Michael Gross in TREMORS: THE SERIES

© 2003 Sci-Fi Channel

24 (9 pm, FOX) 9 pm 10 pm. Jack bids on the billion-dollar virus, bemoans how eBay has artificially inflated the price of everything.

ENTERPRISE (8 pm, UPN) The crew infiltrates an explosive plant. (Repeat)

SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) Clark gets shot with a kryptonite bullet. (Repeat)

THE SIMPLE LIFE (8:30 pm, FOX) Paris and Nicole snag some local men while working at a bait

Spike wanders alone, about to be attacked by an 18th century serial killer in "Hellbound"

© The WB Television Network

ANGEL (9 pm, FOX) AN 18^th century serial killer tries to send Spike to hell. (Repeat)

JAKE 2.0 (9 pm, UPN) Silly kidnappers kidnap Jake's brother instead of Jake. Jake confesses that he doesn't care for his brother very much. (Repeat)

TRU CALLING (8 pm, FOX) Tru reunites a soldier with his girlfriend.

BLUE/WHITE/RED (8 pm, IFC) Krzystaof Kieslowski's color trilogy is on IFC tonight. Watch and marvel at the work of a master ... or be bored off your socks at the pretentious garbage of an overrated hack. Either way you'll need to see them to decide to which

Jennifer Garner from the third season of ALIAS.

© ABC

CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (8 pm, CBS) Two episodes. 1) The team needs to find new evidence to convict a suspect. 2) A juror is murdered, court verdict "not alive." (First episode a repeat).

WITHOUT A TRACE (10 pm, CBS) A camera is found covered in blood, causing the team to fear the worst regarding a missing celebrity photographer.

JOAN OF ARCADIA (8 pm, SCI-FI) Joan fears Adam is at his wits end and tries to mend their friendship before he attempts a final solution.

TREMORS: THE SERIES (8 pm, SCIFI) Something

The third season cast photo from 24.

© Fox Television

STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCIFI) O'Neill goes "South of the Border" to rescue Daniel.

REBA (8 pm, WB) When Van quits school to pursue a career in football, Reba realizes she needs to give up on her children.

RIDE THE PINK HORSE (10 pm, TCM) This oddly named film is about an ex-GI blackmailing a mobster.

THE SEARCHERS (8 pm, TCM) A virtually psychotic Confederate veteran, spends five years looking for his kidnapped niece. Considered one of the best films ever made.

THUNDERBALL (9 pm, AMC) When SPECTRE steals a nuclear bomb, 007 is sent on their trail.

TEEN TITANS (9 pm, TOON) A guy from the future steals something from the present.

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, FOX) Tonight Homer builds a robot and Snowball II takes the stairway to Heaven.

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) A pair of Grams' go-go boots send Paige back in

The team of CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION.

© CBS

ALIAS (9 pm, ABC) Sydney learns what happened during the two years she was unaccounted for.

THE SURREAL LIFE (9 pm, WB) Has been celebrities Tammy Fay Messner, Erik Estrada, Vanilla Ice, Traci Bingham and Trishelle Cannatella share a mansion with still star Ron Jeremy in this off kilter reality show's latest incarnation.

And so the madness ends. Did I forget anything? Perhaps I missed your favorite show! If so drop me a line at TVWasteland@cinescape.com and I'll see if I can fix that come next week.

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.