Moving Day

By: Andrew Kardon
Date: Thursday, April 11, 2002

When a toy breaks and no one's around, does it make a sound? Chances are, probably not. But when its owner finds it, you better believe there's gonna be some cussin' and whailin' going on.

No sir, toy collecting ain't for the faint of heart. Heck, I'm living proof of that. So sit back and let me tell you the horrifying tale I like to call, "Astro Boy's Very Bad Day."

Let me take you back in time. Back to this past weekend where I'm moving some new furniture into our guest room. We've got a bed, dresser, hutch and bunch of other things to cram in. But before we can move the new furniture in...we have to take all the crap out of the room first. So we've got books, bags, boxes, videos, wires, you name it, all piled up on the floor. Furniture goes in, and eventually the junk gets slowly put back in place.

Well, after we're just about finished, I snatch one of my favorite toys. A Medicom ASTRO BOY figure. He's got great articulation and one finger pointing straight out, so he always looks like he's yelling at ya. Anyway, after valiantly standing Mr. Boy on a newly placed shelf, I feel the room's complete. (Yeah, yeah, there's still a buttload o' junk we gotta move in. But in my eyes, a well-placed ASTRO BOY means all is right with the world.)

Long story short, while moving some more junk in, my hero, my savior, my reason for existing and writing about toys...gets knocked down. Wait, here it comes...and his left leg breaks off. Oh, the horror! The screams! The tears! Let's just say it was far from pretty.

Thankfully, with a lot of love, support and patience (and about a half dozen drops of Krazy Glue), my friend was almost good as new. Yes his leg isn't as mobile as it was and I think he's still kinda ticked off at me, but ASTRO's back on the shelf.

So what's the moral of this story? Beats the hell outta me. Why does every story have to have a moral? Well, fine. If I had to learn something it's this: Don't count your ASTRO BOYS until they're hatched. Or maybe it's: A fool and his ASTRO BOY are soon parted. I mean...ah, screw it. Just play nice, play hard and play safe.

TOY TIDBITS

DC Direct [IMG2R]just loves their figures small. First they create an all-new line of POCKET HEROES to bring the DCU down to a 3-inch size. And now, well...you might as well call them SMALLVILLE. Literally. Yep, shipping this October, DC Direct's putting out three action figures based on the hip WB show SMALLVILLE. (It's ultra hip because former DUKES OF HAZZARD star John Schneider plays Clark's dad...) Look for CLARK KENT, LANA LANG, and the already-bald LEX LUTHOR. And yes, each comes with all sorts of funky accessories.

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Now you don't need that ol' "I want to lose weight like Jared did" excuse to go visit Subway restaurants. That's because from May 20 through July 7, all Subway Kids' Packs will include a toy based on the Cartoon Network's new JUSTICE LEAGUE animated series. Chow down with BATMAN, SUPERMAN, FLASH, WONDER WOMAN, GREEN LANTERN, HAWKGIRL and MARTIAN MANHUNTER.

EXCLUSIVELY YOURS

Them MUPPETS sure like to multiply. Palisades already announced its exclusive TUXEDO KERMIT and MISS PIGGY action figures, and now they've got two more! At this year's Philadelphia WizardWorld Convention, Palisades is giving away a KERMIT in a lunchboxsame figure you can buy at stores but packed in an inner blister in the 25th Anniversary lunchbox. (Sandwich not included.) At the show, you'll also be able to purchase a repainted DR. TEETH. Limited to roughly 500 pieces, the Teethmeister's keyboard is also repainted. Can you say psychedelic, man?

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ON THE SHELVES

Sick of this world? Looking for something a bit more sinister? Maybe a little more plastic? You're in luck! Just hit your local toyshop and check out McFarlane Toys' SPAWN SERIES 21: ALTERNATE REALITIES. You've got your PIRATE SPAWN, your ALIEN SPAWN, your SPAWN VI deluxe figure (really bitchin' design of ol' Spawny slumped back in his skull-filled throne), you get the picture. It's Spawn, Spawn and more Spawn. Cool, dark stuff to scare your mom.

Go Figure is our weekly Toys and Action Figure column.