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NOW this is a project that I can get behind. Too bad they are limited to the classic blunders and not recent fiascos like Troy and Grudge 2. I'd like to see their take on Tom Cruise's War of the Worlds.
The star that was Mystery Science Theater 3000 shined brightly in the heavens for 12 short years, but inevitably it fell to Earth and was snuffed out. Mike Nelson (Michael J. Nelson), Crow (Bill Corbett) and Tom Servo (Kevin Murphy) retired, but their offscreen counterparts moved on. Nelson became a best-selling author and columnist. Corbett became a stage actor, wrote a handful of successful plays, and created the online anime series Poker Night. And Murphy wrote the hit book A Year at the Movies and became a commentator for NPR.
But once making fun of bad movies gets in your blood, it’s tough to give up, especially with so many deserving titles out there that hadn’t been MySTed yet. Mike Nelson began performing commentraks for the Legend Films series of DVDs containing newly restored and digitally colorized versions of old black & white public domain films like Plan 9 From Outer Space and Little Shop of Horrors. Old pals Murphy and Corbett couldn’t help but join in. As the Film Crew they appeared in intermittent skits between shorts on the Three Stooges In Color compilation disc, and popped up together in various other venues. They also began performing downloadable podcast commentraks called “RiffTrax” available on a website (RifftTrax.com), providing commentary on otherwise unreachable subjects like The Grudge and Lord of the Rings, but the process of downloading the tracks, getting the DVD of the movie, then syncing up the two proved to be too clunky.
Thus, the Film Crew reteams for a series of DVDs launching this July from Shout Factory! Each volume will feature this trio of wits as they struggle to make sense – or nonsense, more likely – from a different psychotronic classic. Which movie gets the Film Crew treatment is entirely up to you. Well, not you specifically, but you collectively, as a special voting booth has been set up at FilmCrewOnline.com where you can vote for your favorite feature. You don’t even have to be 18, or a US citizen – it’s anarchy!
I sat down with the Film Crew at a trendy 4-star restaurant in Hollywood to find out what makes them tick. I was asked to leave. I then sat down with the Film Crew for a comfortable chat, with each of us at our own computers safely protected by firewalls, secret passwords, and hundreds of miles of cable.
BT: First of all, why are you back together? The end of MST had you finally escaping from the experiments on the Satellite, only to have you sitting on a couch in Wisconsin watching the same bad movies. It was both ironically funny and poignant - but after all, it was a joke! How did this happen? Is a mad scientist forcing you to watch bad movies again?
Kevin Murphy: Bottom line, it’s fun to work with Mike and Bill. I never laugh more than when I work with Mike and Bill, except perhaps in the morning when I see myself naked in the bathroom mirror.
And we're tickled to Have Shout Factory doing the distribution and packaging. I tried to package a DVD once, I got scotch tape all over the place.
Bill Corbett: I missed Kevin and Mike's warm, musky smell. Sure, we have a lot of fun working together. But mostly I'm in it for the warm, musky smell. Redolent of wood chips and cinnamon.
Mike J. Nelson: We're not really "back together". We do everything separately (or rather, my lawyer does everything) and then we are stitched together digitally. I am legally prevented from even speaking the words "Bill" or "Kevin".
BT: What can we expect from the FC DVDs? Just you three doing funny commentary, or silhouetted robots? Will the films be edited?
Nelson: To paraquote Mr. T, what you can expect from these DVDs - "Pain."
Corbett: Funny commentary....or "funny" "commentary" if you prefer. And also some skits. Deadly serious -- even tragic -- skits.
Murphy: We're just three workin' stiffs installing comedy on old cinematic chestnuts. No robots, no silhouettes, and roughly 93½ percent puppet-free.
The films are not edited terribly much, more liked spliced in a few places- that's what happens when you use cheesy old films.
BT: You're letting the fans decide on which film you'll be Crewing first. Which one would be your own choice?
Murphy: I have a lot of affection for The WIld Women of Wongo. It's bright and colorful and about as dippy as a movie can get; it makes the Flintstones look sophisticated.
Corbett: Hollywood After Dark. Rue McClanahan as a stripper. Whether that makes you nauseous or strangely excited (in which case, please seek help ASAP) you must admit it's a hook.
Nelson: The fact that people choose Rue McClanahan shaking her good stuff shows a great deal of wisdom.
BT: Do you have all four movies Crewed already, and you just want the fans to choose the first one?
Nelson: They are all crewed up.
Murphy: Yes, all four movies are done, but the fans make the call on the premiere release.
Corbett: Yes, we want fans to choose the first one, though I wouldn't Hollywood After Dark want to influence Hollywood After Dark their choices in any Hollywood After Dark way.
BT: Will the presentations be broken up by breaks in which you guys horse around in a basement, kind of like what you do on the Three Stooges in Color DVD?
Murphy: There are scheduled shenanigan breaks in the episodes, affording us opportunities to "cut up," "wisecrack" and "make complete asses of ourselves."
Nelson: We make a solemn promise that there will be no "horsing around" as we are now past the legal age where that is permissible.
Corbett: Since we are now in our late 70s, we will be cavorting around a rest home. With frequent bathroom breaks.
BT: What other things will be on the DVDs? Will you include the un-Crewed versions and trailers? Will any of them be colorized ala the Legend Films releases? Will there be any ephemeral film shorts included in the package? Will there be a poopie reel?
Corbett: Not colorized. These movies are even too cheap to afford black and white, so you'll just see vague, blurry moving lines on your screen.
Murphy: The color films (Hercules and Wongo) are presented in their original, gloriously garish color. Oh, there will be loads of extras too, but not just extras! There will be additional material, added features, bonus sections --wait, those all qualify as extras, don't they? Damn. No shorts at this point, but we'd love to do those as well.
Corbett: And since you asked, I am wearing my ephemeral shorts right now. Quite comfy.
Nelson: There will be extras, but they are so secret, not even Wen Ho Lee knows what they are.
(Editor’s Note for readers who are not blessed with a University of Wisconsin education: Wen Ho Lee is the nuclear scientist accused of spying for the Chinese in 1999. Yes, that was before your time, little Maniacs. Though Lee admitted mishandling files, all other charges were dropped and he ended up collecting $1.6 million from the government and media for the invasion of his privacy. Of course, now he’d have no such rights.)
BT: If you three were Stooges, which one would you be?
Murphy: That's easy. I'd be Iggy.
Nelson: Well, let's see, they are Alec, Daniel, Stephen and that one who was in Biodome, so I guess I'd be Larry.
Corbett: I would be Scary Stooge. Or maybe Posh Stooge, not sure.
BT: Let's assume the DVDs are wildly successful, and Comedy Central or Spike offers you hundreds of dollars to show them on TV. Do you take the deal?
Nelson: I will only work with the Discovery Channel.
Murphy: I'm going to hold out for Lifetime - I'm dying to star in a touching melodrama with Valerie Bertinelli.
Corbett: Hundreds of dollars? I'd hold out for dozens!
BT: Will you keep doing this after you get sick of it? How about a Film Crew movie in which the boys find a dead body with a million dollars in its pants, and they have to watch a bad movie to put together the murder clues before Al Quaida destroys the Pabst Mansion?
Nelson: Ha, your idea about a million dollars and pants? It's already in production.
Corbett: What goldbricking &*!*!$# at the studio leaked that screenplay to you? But since you now know -- yes. The Film Crew will be played by Jon Favreau, Ernest Borgnine, and Sally Struthers.
Murphy: Actually the story involves us unwittingly living inside a bad movie, while our physical bodies are used to power a soft-serve ice cream machine on the Santa Monica Pier. It's chilling.
BT: On the commentrak to the Legend DVD of Swing Parade, Mike made the blunder of making fun of singer Connee Boswell for never standing up during her song numbers, obviously not realizing that the popular singer and composer bravely carried on through a long career despite the fact that she was crippled by polio. What steps are you taking to prevent this kind of embarrassing situation in the Film Crew DVDs?
Corbett: "Embarrassing situation?" What, you LIKE people with polio? Weird.
Nelson: Who's embarrassed? If I make fun of David Spade, must I take into account that he's bravely trying to overcome his battle with being a tiny scale model version of an actual David Spade?
Murphy: That's not the worst of it! Once I made fun of Burgess Meredith, and now he's dead. I feel terrible.
BT: Here’s a Bonus Question perfected by my mentor Bernard Pivot - Who is your least favorite Canadian?
Nelson: Stompin' Tom Connors. I feel his stompin' is hugely overrated.
Corbett: Julio Yglesias. In fact, sometimes I think he's faking his Canadian-ness.
KM: I really don't have a least favorite Canadian, but for some reason I have an uncontrollable fear of Morley Safer.
Well, there you have it. The masters of the insult commentrak are back without even a puppet robot to protect them from the insidious plot twists of Killers From Space or the stilted dubbed dialogue of Giant of Marathon. Godspeed, gentlemen.
