Chris Evans as Johnny Storm, Ioan Gruffudd as Reed Richards, Jessica Alba as Sue Storm and Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm in FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (2007).
© 20th Century Fox
My Thoughts on FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
By: Kurt AmackerDate: Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Greetings, Maniacs, and welcome to another Comicscape adventure at the movies! I rarely see movies in the theater these days. Between the incessant chatter, the rising ticket prices, the ridiculous levels of air conditioning, and the overpriced concessions, I prefer to wait for DVD. I hardly live and die by this rule, but I make little effort to actually go to the movies anymore. But, when comic book adaptations arrive at the theater, so do I. Hence, last Sunday, I crawled out of bed in my normal fashion – tired, hung-over, and dressed in black – to see the earliest matinee of Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer that I could find. Sometimes, AMC shows movies at 10:00 a.m. Sometimes, while everyone else attends church or lies in bed, I sit in a dark theater thinking, “What is this crap?” Before we begin, know that spoilers lurk below. And, for next week, write me with your thoughts on the film at comicscape@mania.com or kurtamacker@yahoo.com. I’ll run your letters with my witty retorts in the next Comicscape.
Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffud) and Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) want desperately to wed, but the business of saving the world has delayed their nuptials repeatedly. Shortly before their latest attempt, the military approaches Reed Richards about a flying object from space that causes massive electrical disturbances and anomalous weather. It leaves giant craters in its wake, creates snow in Egypt, and awakens Victor Von Doom. Against Sue’s wishes, Reed builds an apparatus for tracking and detecting it. As they stand at the altar, the flying object inadvertently crashes the wedding. Johnny Storm – Chris Evans, as the Human Torch – takes off after it. He discovers a silver man on a surfboard. Needless to say, Reed and Sue postpone the wedding again. Johnny Storm’s encounter with the alien allows him to absorb the powers of the other members of the team, to Ben Grimm’s (Michael Chiklis) great amusement. Ultimately, they learn that the Silver Surfer (Doug Jones, voiced by Laurence Fishburne) heralds Galactus, an alien force that eats worlds. Radd himself feels sympathy for the plight of Earth, but works for Galactus in exchange for the sparing of his own planet. All well and good, except that the military wants the resurrected Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon) to help the Fantastic Four bring down the Surfer so they can interrogate him. Needless to say, Doom has a few ideas of his own for the Surfer and the board that gives him his power.
Make no mistake, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer fails on so many levels that it achieves an almost perfect storm of mediocrity. And yet, it achieves a kind of peace with itself by playing as nothing more than a children’s film. The first film made a few half-hearted gestures towards a serious story, but ultimately failed for its bevy of stupid jokes, horrible special effects, and pandering subplots. I will never forgive the extreme sports scene in the arena with Johnny Storm – not ever. But, the few aspects that worked made the film’s downfall that much more frustrating, because the potential showed through a couple of times. But, Rise of the Silver Surfer wholeheartedly embraces its role as a mediocre family film, like something you’d see on the Disney Channel. The relationships and conflicts between the characters rarely rise above those found in your average episode of Full House.
The business of costumed adventuring keeps delaying Reed and Sue’s wedding. That seems reasonable enough, but the two only settle for a small, private ceremony at the film’s conclusion. The entire film maintains a made-for-television spirit throughout with wooden performances, obvious jokes, and ridiculous misunderstandings worthy of The Golden Girls. Creating a prolonged conflict over the delayed wedding feels as contrived as the inevitable misunderstanding that happens at the end of so many romantic comedies. Your hot ex gave you one last good-bye kiss, which your current squeeze witnessed, causing her to buy a plane ticket to take that job in Bangladesh. How ever will you and your obnoxious, but lovable friend delay the flight? If a screenwriter and director can’t rule out common sense answers to the conflicts within a film, they need to rethink their story.
To the film’s credit, it briefly examines the very real question of how one maintains relationships and family in a dangerous, time-consuming occupation. The divorce rate in the United States military is high for a reason. But, it relegates that promising angle to Johnny Storm overhearing Reed and Sue’s conversation about dissolving the team. Storm tells Ben Grimm, they get mad, they confront Reed and Sue, and the team stays together. The film never once achieves the delicate balance of allowing the audience to wonder if, in fact, the team might really break up at the film’s end.
Speaking of Ben Grimm, the film sidelines him, along with his blind girlfriend, Alicia Masters. While Chiklis has a few cute moments, he remains mostly inconsequential to the story. Chiklis stood out among the cast of the last film, and he’s largely wasted here. His relationship with Masters could provide fertile ground for exploring a truly unconventional romance, but it never breaches that territory beyond a joke about how they manage to have sex (we never find out, if you were wondering). What little heart this film has belongs to the Silver Surfer. Fishburne’s voice works perfectly for the character, and he steals every scene he’s on camera. After a great turn as Abe Sapien in Hellboy, Doug Jones provides an expressively alien physical presence as the man in the surfer suit. Julian McMahon plays Dr. Doom as a whiny twit without a shred of menace. It’s even worse when the Surfer’s energy heals him and he takes off the mask. His brief stint helping the Fantastic Four practically reduces him to the Annoying Neighbor part in this sitcom-writ-large. Alba does what she does best as Sue Storm – look hot in a Barbie doll kind of way. Other than the mediocre script they have to recite, Gruffud and Evans play the Reed Richards and Johnny Storm well enough, respectively. Galactust is, in fact, a giant space cloud. It’s stupid, but it’s not worth losing anymore sleep over at this point. At one point, we see the shadow of the original character’s head move across the face of Saturn, but that’s about it. Otherwise, “It’s a twister! It’s a twister!”
The real problem remains the film’s overall tone, which extinguishes any hope for the performances. While a Fantastic Four movie should play lighter and more comedic than something like Batman Begins, neither of the two films has achieved the kitschy, pop art sensibility of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s run on the title. And, I wonder if a “straight” adaptation of the material could ever hope to achieve that tone. It almost seems that an adaptation akin to Sky Captain, Sin City, or even Tim Burton’s Batman – one fully aware of its exaggerated comic book world – would serve the material better. But, a straight comedic-action approach still doesn’t work when the film rarely elicits more than a chuckle.
Kids might find this funny and entertaining, but the film offers little in the way of lasting value. The best children’s films continue to resonate with us as we age. I appreciated Star Wars on one level at five years old. I appreciate it on a very different one at 26 years old. I like The Incredibles, as well – a film that outperforms both Fantastic Four movies on its own terms. I doubt anyone will look back on seeing this film with the sort of nostalgia we reserve for Superman or Raiders of the Lost Ark. But, admittedly, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer aspires to nothing beyond light family entertainment. In that regard, it stunningly and exactly hits all the right notes for a mediocre summer time-waster. If that’s all the director and the studio want, they can have at it. But, there are greater treasures awaiting discovery, and I see no reason to waste time on the cinematic equivalent of cotton candy – at best a guilty pleasure beloved by children and of no substance whatsoever.
Now, what do you think?
Before I go – I and three of my friends will be spinning Goth, death rock, and ethereal music this Friday night at the Dragon’s Den in New Orleans, upstairs at 435 Esplanade Avenue. Our roguish crew of DJs will be putting on an event called A Midsummer Night’s Dream, in honor of William Shakespeare’s play of the same name. The event begins at 11:00 p.m. and there’s no cover. Faerie costumes are encouraged, but not required, with giveaways provided by More Fun Comics and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. The admittance policy is 18 years and older. If anyone has a perverse desire to meet me in person, now’s your chance.
The Spinner Rack
By Ben Johnson and Kurt Amacker
DARK HORSE COMICS
Aliens Omnibus Vol 1 TP $24.95
Kurt: I really like this move towards phonebook-sized omnibus collections. It saves a hell of a lot of time for everyone.
Banya Explosive Delivery Man Vol 4 TP $12.95
Kurt: “Here’s your pizza, and—NOT AGAIN!” BLAM!
Classic Peanuts Character #6 Peppermint Patty Statue $39.95
Ben: In case your collection wasn’t ambiguously gay enough.
Conan #41 (MR) $2.99
Grendel Archive Edition HC $14.95
Ben: I used to really look forward to these books. Maybe I’ll pick this up for old time’s sake.
Maxwell Strangewell GN $19.95
Ben: If the GN stands for Gets Naked I know Kurt will be all over it.
Kurt: I’m just looking for an excuse to take my pants off.
Oh My Goddess Vol 5 TP $10.95
Rex Mundi DH Ed #6 $2.99
Star Wars 30th Anniv Coll HC Vol 5 Light & Dark $24.95
DC COMICS
Aquaman Sword Of Atlantis #53 $2.99
Army @ Love #4 (MR) $2.99
Batman Spawn Statue $225.00
Ben: If you know anyone who buys this post his name here so that we can publicly humiliate him. If you buy it, give yourself a swirly for being the biggest loser ever.
Kurt: If you buy this, I decree that you hereby reinstate your virginity and I sentence you to experience high school all over again – this time with extra bullies.
Brave And The Bold #4 $2.99
Catwoman #68 $2.99
Checkmate #15 $2.99
Countdown #45 $2.99
Ben: I am really enjoying this. DC made a good move sticking with a single lead writer on this series.
Kurt: It’s all right, but it hasn’t really felt like a “must-read” like 52 did during its first half.
Ex Machina #29 (MR) $2.99
Ben: As much as I’ve enjoyed this book overall the last year has been status quo. The current arc is going a long way to shaking that up.
Flash The Fastest Man Alive #13 $2.99
Ben: After the travesty that was the first few issues this has become one of my must reads.
Hellblazer #233 (MR) $2.99
Highwaymen #1 (Of 5) $2.99
Kurt: Featuring Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson! Country’s biggest outlaws come together to—wait, wrong Highwaymen. Damn.
JSA Presents Stars And Stripes Vol 1 TP $17.99
Justice League Of America #10 $2.99
Justice League Of America Var Ed #10 $2.99
Legion Of Super Heroes In The 31st Century #3 $2.25
Mad Classics #16 $4.99
Robin #163 $2.99
Ben: Silver Convention continues to rock DC.
Scooby Doo #121 $2.25
Seimaden Vol 9 $9.99
Shadowpact #14 $2.99
Spirit #7 $2.99
Superman Batman Vol 5 The Enemies Among Us HC $19.99
Texas Chainsaw Massacre Cut (MR) $2.99
Tower Of The Future Vol 7 $9.99
IMAGE COMICS
Alien Pig Farm #3 (Of 4) (MR) $2.99
Ben: This is so much damn fun!
Kurt: This reminds me of something I’d accidentally catch on the Saturday afternoon Creature Feature when I was a kid.
First Born First Look $0.25
Freshmen Vol 2 Phil Hester & Ande Parks Cvr A #5 $3.99
Madame Mirage Greg Horn Cvr A #1 $2.99
Kurt: Presenting Madame Mirage and her giant cans.
Madame Mirage Kenneth Rocafort Cvr B #1 $2.99
Necromancer Vol 1 TP $14.99
Ben: Mancer vs. Philiac – If our hero loses he’s really screwed!
Phonogram Vol 1 Rue Britanna TP $14.99
Red Mantis GN $12.99
Ben: It’s another GN for you Kurt! Everything’s coming up roses!
Kurt: Look, man, it doesn’t take much for me to get stark, raving nude.
Repo #1 (Of 5) $3.50
Strange Girl Vol 3 TP $15.99
Strongarm #4 (Of 5) $2.99
Ben: I wasn’t sure if this book would be any good, but I can’t wait to see the end of the “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket” arc. Story of the year!
True Story Swear To God Image Ed #6 $3.50
Weapon #1 (Of 4) $2.99
Kurt: Well, that’s not very specific.
Weird World Of Jack Staff King Size Special #1 $5.99
Witchblade Takeru Manga Mack Cvr B #5 (Note Price) $3.99
Ben: I hope Manga Punisher will make an appearance in this one!
Kurt: That Witchblade/Punisher crossover was way better than it had any right to be.
Witchblade Takeru Manga Sumita Cvr A #5 (Note Price) $3.99
MARVEL COMICS
Amazing Spider-Man #541 $2.99
Annihilation Conquest Prologue $3.99
Ben: Better than Civil War, better than Infinite Crisis, better than 52, the best cross over event in years finally has a sequel.
Captain America #27 $2.99
Kurt: It’s nice that we didn’t have to wait three months again. I still love you, Ed Brubaker.
Ghost Rider #12 WWH $2.99
Ben: I don’t want to go all Comic Book Guy, but there is no way that most of these heroes taking on the Hulk could last one round.
Kurt: I don’t think Ghost Rider can really be killed, though, can he? Oh man, that’s such a nerd question.
Hedge Knight 2 Sworn Sword #1 (Of 6) $2.99
Ben: I’m not really into sword and sorcery stuff, but the Dabel Bros. titles continue to impress.
Hedge Knight 2 Sworn Sword Sketch Var #1 (Of 6) $2.99
Hedge Knight 2 Sworn Sword Yu Var #1 (Of 6) $2.99
Heroes For Hire #11 WWH $2.99
Ben: Like this. There is no way HFH could stand up to the Hulk.
Kurt: Especially if he’s got tentacles on his side!
Incredible Hulk #107 WWH $2.99
Iron Man #19 WWH $2.99
Ben: What I want to see more than anything else is Stark and his cronies admit their extreme guilt for blowing up a planet, killing everyone including Hulk’s unborn child. If you can’t tell, WWH is probably my most anticipated mega event ever.
Kurt: Good, then you can write a guest column about it.
Iron Man Hypervelocity #6 (Of 6) $2.99
Marvel Adventures Avengers Vol 3 Digest TP $6.99
Marvel Adventures Flip Magazine #26 $4.99
Marvel Adventures Iron Man #2 $2.99
Marvel Heroes Flip Magazine #26 $4.99
Marvel Spotlight Captain America Remembered $2.99
Ben: I hate Spotlight. It cheapens everything.
Kurt: Yeah, these are kind of like a little slice of Wizard, in all its crap-tacular glory.
Mighty Avengers Most Wanted Files $3.99
Moon Knight #11 CWI $2.99
Ben: Get ready Knight #12, a lot of butt is coming your way next. I’m going to keep using this one until you get it.
Kurt: Look, I’m not mooning a knight of any number. I’m just not into big guys in armor.
Mythos Spider-Man $3.99
Orson Scott Cards Wyrms #5 (Of 6) $2.99
Ben: I think my dog got these.
Sensational Spider-Man #38 $2.99
Ben: Return of Eddie Brock.
Spider-Man Fantastic Four #3 (Of 4) $2.99
Thunderbolts Guardian Protocols TP $10.99
Ultimate Fantastic Four Vol 3 HC $29.99
Ultimate Fantastic Four Vol 8 Devils TP $12.99
Ultimate Spider-Man #110 $2.99
Ben: Second to last Bagley issue.
X-Men Endangered Species One-Shot $3.99
X-Men First Class HC $24.99
Kurt: I heard this was pretty good, but I haven’t read it. I only just started getting Uncanny X-Men because the mighty Brubaker writes it. But, if anyone wants to let me know how it is, speak up. I’m out of here!
Ben: After the travesty that was the first few issues this has become one of my must reads.
And now its canceled. Way to go, Ben.