nataleekw's Blog

To Know or Not To Know...

(Wed 02/27/2008 11:56am)
I have always wondered whether it would be best to know the exact moment when you were going to die, or be sent to a place in which you were uncertain but knew that death was possible.

I remember writing farewell letters all starting with the sentence, ...If you are reading this, then I am dead... right before my tour to Iraq. I remember how hard it was to sum up everything that I wanted to say in those awkward notes. It was almost as if my life had already ended and I was forced to recall the most intimate details in order to properly thank or apologize for what I had done, or for what others had done to or for me. I wouldn't relive those moments for anything. I struggled for the last few weeks before heading off to training. I surrounded myself with friends and family to try and ease the pain, but nothing ever made it go away.

Is it harder to know that you are going to die inevitably? I once had a friend who was given a time frame on when he would pass on. He was diagnosed with Progressive Multiple Schlorosis at the ripe old age of 34. He surpassed the amount of time that he was given, but later decided to end it anyway. His six months to live lasted a little over six years. That did not stop him from shutting himself in a room in his brother's house and splattering his blood and brain all over the walls and floor. Could it have been the pressure of knowing that he would soon be eliminated or was it just the pain and the medications that forced him to pull the trigger?