Jennifer Garner on ALIAS
© 2001 ABC

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November 11 November 17: NOW Gets it Wrong

I never thought I'd say this but I've got a big problem with the National Organization for Women.

Does that make me a traitor to my gender? Just wondering.

Here's the deal: NOW just released its 2002 Feminist Primetime Report, which examines the programming on the six networks ABC, CBS, Fox, NBC, UPN and the WB with the mission of promoting positive and diverse portrayals of women and girls in the media.

I have no issue with NOW's mission. Of course, I think there should be more positive and diverse portrayals of women and girls on TV. My problem is which shows NOW gave high marks and which shows got low marks.

You see, BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and ALIAS got low grades, while crap like BOSTON PUBLIC and TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL got high ones. Doesn't seem right, does it?

Hell, shows like DAWSON'S CREEK and ED got higher grades than BUFFY and ALIAS. So, I guess according to NOW, it's better to be whiny and indecisive like Joey and Carol than strong and smart like Buffy and Sydney.

The problem with NOW's report is its grading system. These analysts didn't just look for positive role models, they also looked at gender composition and diversity (a tally of lead, supporting and guest stars by gender and race); violence; sexual exploitation (noting whether the women and girls were respected and valued participants in the storyline); and social responsibility. Then each show was given a grade in each category and averaged for an overall score.

Because of this set-up, shows like CSI, ALIAS and BUFFY were penalized for violence while shows like MY WIFE AND KIDS and PROVIDENCE got A's for playing it safe.

I probably wouldn't be so bothered except we're talking about the National Organization for Women and they're labeling these shows as negative when in fact they feature strong female role models.

I guess when it come down to it, you shouldn't rely on any organization whether it's the lame, conservative Parents Television Council or the noble National Organization for Women to tell you what to watch.

I urge you to always be your own judge. You shouldn't even take my word for it, although I think NOW would consider me a pretty decent female role model.

Yeah, so anyway, let me know what you think. E-mail it to me at RedSonia@cinescape.com.

Now, let me break down the week for you. Oh, and as always, check your local listings.

Monday, November 11

The in-laws come by for a visit in tonight's all-new EVERWOOD (WB, 9 p.m.). Oh, I hope by "in-laws" they don't mean that crappy show IN-LAWS.

Members of a suburban Miami family are found slaughtered in their house in tonight's all-new CSI: MIAMI (CBS, 10 p.m.). Glad to see CBS hasn't completely given up on family programming.

Wild and crazy guy alert! Steve Martin stops by PRIMETIME GLICK at 8 p.m. on Comedy Central.

The Hallmark Channel is re-airing that god-awful miniseries DINOTOPIA at 8 p.m. DINOTOPIA is so awful that I'd rather watch FEAR FACTOR and I'm not just saying that.

TUESDAY, November 12

The scoobies are haunted by their deceased loved-ones and Jonathan and Andrew return to town in tonight's all-new BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (UPN, 8 p.m.).

Ryan the mind reader returns in tonight's all-new SMALLVILLE (WB, 9 p.m.). If you could read my mind right now, you'd know that I'm still thinking about how much I hated DINOTOPIA.

It's 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. and Jack finally gets to talk to his daughter in tonight's all-new 24 (Fox, 9 p.m.). I'm sure they won't talk very long.

Noggin has got a full hour of DARIA at 10 p.m. while Bravo has got a full hour of THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW at 10 p.m. Which one to choose?

WeDNESDAY, November 13

Bryanna wants a pet in tonight's all-new BERNIE MAC (Fox, 8 p.m.). Hey, we all want things baby girl. Get over it.

Archer and Reed go undercover on a pre-atomic era alien world to retrieve a communicator Reed left behind on a previous visit and they're captured and held as spies in tonight's all-new ENTERPRISE (UPN, 8 p.m.). Hey, that sounds like this week's FASTLANE.

The guys

Helena (Ashley Scott) pours her heart out to Dr. Harleen Quinzel (Mia Sara) in the "Primal Scream" episode of BIRDS OF PREY

© 2002 WB

Helena goes undercover as a pre-atomic era alien, er, thrill-seeking criminal in order to join a motorcycle gang full of villains in tonight's all-new BIRDS OF PREY (WB, 9 p.m.).

An engaged man tries a virtual-sex computer program in tonight's all-new THE TWILIGHT ZONE (UPN, 9 p.m.). Ummm, that's virtually like cheating.

THURSDAY, November 14

Cox's ex and Heather Locklear duke it out for his affections in tonight's all-new SCRUBS (NBC, 8:30 p.m.). It must be tough to have two hot chicks fighting over you, huh, Dr. Cox?

A middleweight boxing champ dies in the ring after taking a brutal beating from his nemesis, but Grissom suspects murder in tonight's all-new CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS, 9 p.m.). Of course, Grissom suspects murder. He always does. And he's always right.

A 16-year-old foster child vanishes after leaving his job to go home in tonight's all-new WITHOUT A TRACE (CBS, 10 p.m.).

AMC has got that weird fantasy Tom Cruise movie at 9:35 p.m. No, not COCKTAIL. It's LEGEND, you dope.

FRIDAY, November 15

Simon and River get nabbed by the Alliance in tonight's all-new FIREFLY (Fox, 8 p.m.). D'oh.

The murder

John Doe (Dominic Purcell) investigates another lead in the "Idaho" episode of JOHN DOE

© 2002 WB

Cole hunts for a recently paroled gang member after the man threatens his ex-wife, who testified against him nine years ago on an armed-robbery charge in tonight's all-new HOMICIDE ROBBERY DIVISION (CBS, 10 p.m.). And then Cole looks in a mirror and mumbles, "What the f--- is up with my hair?"

Marc is in danger of being expelled from the astronaut-training program in tonight's ODYSSEY 5 at 10 p.m. on Showtime, followed by JEREMIAH at 10:50 p.m.

SATURDAY, November 16

NBC has got a HUNTER reunion movie at 9 p.m. Remember HUNTER? It was a lame '80s cop show. If NBC is digging around in the vaults for silly reunion movies, then might I suggest RIPTIDE? Or maybe NBC could buy the rights to SIMON & SIMON? JAKE AND THE FATMAN? MAGNUM P.I.?

Check out the one-two punch of SAMURAI JACK followed by JUSTICE LEAGUE, starting at 9 p.m.

Muggles alert! HBO has got HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE at 8 p.m.

Johnny Five is alive. AMC has got SHORT CIRCUIT at 10:50 p.m. You know, of all the talking robot movies this one is, well, it's got a talking robot.

SUNDAY, November 17

Bender gets jealous when it looks like cloning will reunite Fry with his dog from the 20th Century in tonight's all-new FUTURAMA (Fox, 7 p.m.).

The Springfield Friars Club roasts Homer in this repeat of THE SIMPSONS (Fox, 7:30 p.m.) followed by an all-new episode at 8 p.m. in which Lisa's high score on an achievement test gets her promoted to the third grade, the same class as Bart when he's demoted for his low score. Say it with me folks, "D'oh."

Connie's delinquent cousin captivates Bobby, who's oblivious when she turns their science project into a drug lab in tonight's all-new KING OF THE HILL (Fox, 8:30 p.m.).

Hal's dad comes for a visit in tonight's all-new MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE (Fox, 9 p.m.).

Dr. Melfi disagrees with Tony's latest self-evaluation in tonight's all-new THE SOPRANOS (HBO, 9 p.m.).

UPN is giving you a second chance to watch last Wednesday's ENTERPRISE at 8 p.m.

Paige gets

Paige (Alyssa Milano) and Piper (Holly Marie Combs) try to figure out what is going on in the "Sam I Am" episode of CHARMED

© 2002 WB

Angel and the gang brace for the imminent arrival of a hellish beast and toil to stave off Judgment Day in tonight's all-new ANGEL (WB, 9 p.m.). Again?

The race for an antidote to Vaughn's virus locks Syd into a pact with Sark that could end Sloane's SD-6 days in tonight's all-new ALIAS at 9 p.m. And that would be a bad thing why?

Don't forget to check out tonight's all-new BOOMTOWN (NBC, 10 p.m.). One of the best shows on network TV.

The Cartoon Network's ADULT SWIM begins at 10 p.m.

Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.