Nude Nuns with Big Guns Blu-Ray Review -

Blu-ray Review

Mania Grade: C+

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  • Blu-ray: Nude Nuns with Big Guns Blu-ray
  • Rating: R
  • Starring: Asun Ortega, David Castro
  • Written By: Joseph Guzman
  • Directed By: Joseph Guzman
  • Distributor: Image Home Entertainment
  • Original Year of Release: 2010
  • Extras: See Below
  • Series:

Nude Nuns with Big Guns Blu-Ray Review

These Nuns needed more big guns

By Tim Janson     February 09, 2012


Every now and then your run across a film that just seems to beckon you forth with an irresistible call that screams, “Watch me!”  Such is the case with appropriately named Nude Nuns with Big Guns.  A “Nunsploitation” film in the tradition of 1970’s grindhouse and drive-in features.  The kind of feature they showed in the dead of Winter when hardly anyone went to the drive-in except for those looking for a cheap night out…not that I would know anything about that.  This is one of those films that (almost) falls into the category of “so bad it’s good” unlike another recent film Hobo with a Shotgun that was so bad it was very bad. 
The witless excuse for a plot is nothing more that a means for a helluva a lot of nudity and blazing guns.  Somewhere in the Southwest or Mexico (not quite clear which) the local Catholic Church is running drugs and selling them to an outlaw motorcycle gang called the “Los Muertos”.  The priests use the nuns to weigh out and package the narcotics which they do completely naked except for their religious habits.  When one of the shipments of drugs comes up short, Sister Sarah (Ortega) is tortured and sold off to a pimp.  After being abused repeatedly in a brothel and left near death, she is aided back to health by a medicine man.  Sister Sarah receives a commandment from God to punish those who have sinned.  Soon she’s tracking down not only the members of the motorcycle gang, but also the priests who are behind the drug trafficking.
Nude Nuns with Big Guns unfortunately doesn’t live up to the bravado of its title.  Sure, there’s plenty of nude nuns and strippers but the film comes up short in the ‘big guns” department.  The fact is that this should be one of those films that smacks you upside the head with silly, over-the-top violence and gunplay and it doesn’t.  The middle portion of the film features a lot of yelling and not much else…the priests yell at the leader motorcycle club (Castro) to find the nun…the club leader yells at his minions to find the nun…there’s a lot of posturing and preening for the camera but not much else.  The final 15 minutes goes a long way to make up for what was lacking earlier as Sister Sarah finally whips out the big guns (literally, boys, literally) in a final climax (pun intended) of bullet frenzy carnage.  One disappointment is that the female actresses aren’t as attractive as you’d hope for.  If there was ever a film where you’d dispense with any need for acting ability as a trade off for sheet hotness, this is it.  But most of the women are mildly attractive at best.  
Despite several glaring weaknesses Nude Nuns with Big Guns has a certain sacrilegious charm although it lacks the sense of humor you’d expect it to have. It does embrace its Grindhouse roots, even utilizing split screens during the final gun battle, a trick ripped right out of the 1970s.  Every actor in the production chews as much scenery as they can.  The final product might not be as bombastic as the title but it’s worth a rainy day diversion. 



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misterpeed 2/10/2012 2:17:34 PM

I think Jesus said it best, "Lord, forgive them, for the know not what they do."

Chopsaki 2/12/2012 8:25:50 PM

Nunsploitation”, even in exploitation movies thats quite the nitch.

karas1 2/13/2012 6:26:39 AM

It's a sad, sad thing that Mania reviews movies like this but not TV shows like Supernatural, Once Upon A Time, Fringe, Grimm etc.

I used to really look forward to the TV show reviews and the discussions thus provoked.  Now we get Nuns With Guns.  Feh.

goldeneyez 2/13/2012 6:54:32 AM

 karas1, what do you think about Once Upon A Time.  I'm really digging it.  I watched Grimm at first but I lost interest kind of quickly.

That trailer for Nude Nuns looks really stupid.  The icing on the cake was the end though... brought to you by the guys who made "Run, *itch, Run"... really... are you freaking kidding me.

samson 2/13/2012 9:00:27 AM

Oh gawd... you simply much watch the trailer for these guys other film, "Run, B_tch, Run." It's on Youtube. That has to be the funniest thing I've seen this year! ...LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


FerretJohn 2/13/2012 4:35:28 PM

ooh... umm...well... no... just...  no!

doublerdiner 2/13/2012 6:28:45 PM

Sadly, I may at some point find myself checking this out.  Since I sorta have a thing for sexy nuns.  Not for raped nuns though so we'll see.  If there is enough non-assault nudity, I'm in!

Wiseguy 2/14/2012 5:35:11 AM

Thank you Karas I wholeheartedly agree. No comic book or genre tv show reviews but this offensive trash gets a review

ElBaz13 2/14/2012 6:33:13 AM

And not only that but none of us can comment and talk about quality TV shows.

I too am digging Once Upon a Time and it's a show my better half and I can enjoy together.  I'm also enjoying Person of Interest which is basically a Batman show without the cowl and villains. I haven't even taken a look at The River or Alcatraz yet but they seem to be genre shows.


karas1 2/14/2012 8:26:01 AM

I'm really liking Once Upon A Time.  They are delving into the characters and their back stories as Lost did.  Hopefully they won't write themselves into airtight plot corners like Lost did.  I think the fact that these characters come from a dimension where magic is real gives them a real advantage. 

I'm enjoying Grimm too.  It's taking the fairytale spin in a completely different direction and I am enjoying contrasting the different takes on such similar concepts very much.  Grimm is much more a procedural with stand alone episodes but there are some  intriguing mysteries and arc plot stuff to keep track of too.

Alcatraz is taking it's time to gel.  With Sam Neil and, Jorge Garcia in it I'm willing to give it some time to spin it's mystery.  So far the episodes have been fairly predictable (an inmate or guard appears from 1963 and commits crimes of the same sort they did in the '60s and Our Heroes have to catch him).  But the mysteries are building and I sure hope they worked out where this is going in advance because if they blow off the ending like Lost did I'm going to be upset.

I saw the first episode of Person of Interest and found it boring so I haven't watched it again.  Haven't seen The River and don't plan too.  I'm trying to keep up with too many shows already.

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