Now ask me which shows are going to be next. Go on, ask me.
O.K., damn you're pushy. I'll say it's going to be WOLF LAKE or EMERIL.
So anyway, let me break down the week for you, and as always, make sure you check your local listings because you never know when another show will bite the dust, forcing a network to rearrange its whole schedule.
Monday, October 15
One of the great things for Angel
If sexy vampires aren't your thing, then you could always check out SPECIES II (USA, 9 p.m.) about a sexy woman/alien hybrid that's on the prowl and looking to score.
Also, the Sci-Fi Channel features an episode of FARSCAPE tonighttitled "The Way We Weren't"at 8 p.m.
Tuesday, October 16
So, unless you live under a rock or just watch a lot of DHARMA & GREG, you know that Buffy is back from the dead. Well, she's adjusting to the land of the living, but now she faces something even more horrifying on tonight's BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (WB, 8 p.m.): paying the bills.
It's starting to get all Romeo and Juliet over on ROSWELL as Max and Liz continue to see each other secretly behind their parents' backs. Plus, Michael gets a job as a security guard. I'm sure some sort of dramatic tension ensues.
Over on BUFFY and ROSWELL's old home at the WB, SMALLVILLE makes its long-awaited debut at 9 p.m., after THE GILMORE GIRLS. SMALLVILLE focuses on a teenage Clark Kent as he deals with all these strange feelings, like puberty and his emerging super powers.
Wednesday, October 17
Nick has got the hots for a woman that sucks the life out of people on SPECIAL UNIT 2 (UPN, 9 p.m.). Yeah, I know the feeling. I went out with this guy who... ummm, well, that's a story for another time.
Heads up! Ratings have not been good for WOLF LAKE (CBS, 10 p.m.), so maybe you shouldn't get too attached. This week's episode finds Sophia discovering that she might belong to the wolf clan... or maybe it's just the onset of puberty. Well, maybe she's a late bloomer.
Oh, and at 7 p.m. Cinemax has that movie about Mars that came out last year. No, not that one. The other one. You know, RED PLANET with Val Kilmer.
Thursday, October 18
Can't get enough of body-switching movies, but your VICE VERSA and FREAKY FRIDAY DVDs haven't shown up yet? Well then you won't want to miss tonight's CHARMED (WB, 9 p.m.) when Phoebe and Paige swap bodies and the hilarity ensues.
A tough guy high school football player gets shot and all the clues point to a geek who was terrorized by the jock on CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS, 9 p.m.). Didn't that kid know that school shootings went out of style in 1999?
Friday, October 19
Sorry, no DARK ANGEL tonight. It's pre-empted for the baseball play-offs. I suggest you call your local affiliate and let them have it. Sports should be on the sports channels!
Oh, that other Mars movie is on STARZ tonight at 6 p.m. No, not RED PLANET, stupid. The other one is MISSION TO MARS with Gary Sinise.
FLIX is airing the 1988 remake of THE BLOB at 8 p.m. That's strange; it's not like Hollywood to make a movie starring something so fat. Wait for the 2002 remake with Calista Flockhart tackling the part of the Blob.
Saturday, October 20
Tonight you can catch a repeat
Also look for an episode of ANDROMEDA called "Heart for Falsehood Framed" (syndicated, check local listings) on Saturday.
Sunday, October 21
Things are getting kinda hectic on ALIAS (ABC, 9 p.m.). Sydney tries to prevent a terrorist threat from succeeding. Plus, she's agreed to help out her friend Francie by spying on her man, who is stepping out with another woman. Meanwhile, Sydney's father is struggling with a secret he's keeping from her. And Will just won't mind his own business and is trying to uncover more facts about Sydney's dead boyfriend Danny. So she's got all that and she's probably got a mid-term too.
UPN is starting to air the classics: the original A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET is on at 8 p.m. Watch it just to remind yourself of why there were so many lame sequels.
Also, the crew of MUTANT X (syndicated, check local listings) battles the Russians. Hey, I thought we were allies with them now.
"Get away from her you bitch!" Yep, FX has got ALIENS at 8 p.m.
Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.