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Paint By Numbers

By Damon Brown     December 12, 2006


Bob Ross' Joy of Painting
© Bob Ross

I met Bob Ross several years ago. I was probably around eight. We first connected between Pinwheel and Quincy, my favorite show at the time. Bob had a large, bushy afro, similar to the one my mom carried around when she carried around me. He would grab an equally hairy brush, swat his wrist and make a whole forest out of thin air. Happy, happy trees, he’d whisper. Happy, happy trees. I was always hyper, especially after the Kool-Aid Man arrived. Bob would calm me down. Fuck Big Bird. Bob was my buddy. And when he died of lymphoma in ‘95, this grown man was sad.  

Evidently, I was not the only person to miss the oft-parodied happy painter. This month Adaptive Gatekeeper & Fearless Rogue of Addictive Gaming Entertainment, or the easier to pronounce AGFRAG, quietly announced it wouldn’t be releasing its “Joy of Painting”-based video game. Gamers served up more bitterness than a three-day old PS3 line. “I’m sorry that we have disappointed so many people on a certain project,” AGFRAG head Joseph Hatcher later said in an official statement. Within a few days the news story went from fanboy websites to MTV News, nestled somewhere between Road Rules 27 and Jen and Vince’s rumored breakup. Jane Kowalski, media director for Bob Ross, Inc., reassured MTV news that “by hook or by crook, there will be a game.” And if there won’t be, I’ll make one my damn self. 

While it’s not remarkable that mainstream media picked up the story (journalists love quirky news stories), it is interesting how dozens, if not hundreds of people started crying over a cancelled paint simulator. Coming from a company named Adaptive Gatekeeper & Fearless Rogue of Addictive Gaming Entertainment, common sense says it would be as aesthetically pleasing as an Excel spreadsheet. 

Aside from being cranky individuals, the Bob Ross drama shows that gamers, it seems, are bored. Part of the problem is seasoned players knowing there are fewer original titles than in the past. The other part of the problem is new players not knowing that other genres even existed. For instance, the most anticipated XBox 360 game is Halo 3, a first-person shooter. We know it will be like Halo 2, but with more stuff. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess may be one of the best system launch titles ever, but gamers familiar with any recent Zelda will know exactly how the game plays. Resistance: Fall of Man is wonderful. It is also another shooter. Aside from cool joysticks, the new systems aren’t offering us many original experiences.  

Games fit neatly into genres – shooter, role playing game, god game – which is helpful when browsing at the local electronics store, but takes away the call of adventure many of us had in the past. In earlier years, it was possible to grab a new game and, aside from a cartoonish cover, have no idea what was going to come on the screen. Games were labeled by comparison, not by genre. Describing the Nintendo version of Ninja Gaiden as a harder update of Castlevania gave more detail than calling it an action game. Wholly original games, such as Tetris, got more props than derivative titles. Sure, there was an endless stream of side-scrollers and shooters, but a truly original gaming experience was easy to get if you wanted it. Today, it’s hard to find something that isn’t a rehash of yesteryear. The previous generation mined the genres pretty well.  

There’s not much more to do, or at least we think there isn’t much more to do, and when something new comes along we are absolutely stunned. A good example is Katamari Damacy, 2004’s addictive rolling game. The dual-thumb-only controls, chunky cartoon graphics and function-over-form gameplay made the strange Japanese title hard to categorize. Nevertheless, it became a huge hit, selling well beyond the traditional cult classic (or at least, enough to merit a sequel). Katamari Damacy is a wonderful title, but it seems ever more brilliant because there were few, if any truly unique titles released that year. 

There are a few rays of hope, but you’re not going to find them through traditional outlets. Portables like the Nintendo DS and the Sony PSP, as well as some of the latest cell phones, offer decent graphics, unique controls and, most importantly, a lower development cost. This last point is an awesome prospect since home console games now cost several millions to develop. Download-only services such as XBox Live Arcade are just as important for the same reason. Interesting titles have already begun cropping up the year-old program, and developers say a game could be made for as little as $500,000. Developers are more willing to take risks with less money, something that becomes obvious after sitting with the Nintendo Wii Virtual Console, a service that specializes in older games (from a time when developers had smaller budgets). Gamers too practical to keep their ancient systems can now revisit classic titles, while players too young to remember River City Ransom or Splatterhouse have the opportunity to experience a time when genres weren’t so well defined.  

The prospect of a Bob Ross game is exciting because it provides us with an original idea – something, like Grand Theft Auto or Katamari Damacy, which keeps us looking forward to our next gaming experiences. The upcoming painting sim may have 8-bit graphics, involve shooting happy little trees, and perhaps have a scary digital rendition of the afroed protagonist, but at least it will be something different. And that is why we need it… at least until Halo 3.

-

Damon Brown writes about technology, sex and music, and is author of the Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Satellite Radio and the best-selling Pocket Idiot’s Guide to the iPod. Read his blog at www.damonbrown.net.

COMMENTS AND RESPONSES

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1 
michaelxaviermaelstrom 12/12/2006 2:24:34 AM
Ahhh Bob Ross. Gimme my blankee. Anyone that watched/watches his JoP PBS show knows the secret of its success. It's not (all) about the painting baby! it's about promptly falling to the single most comfortable half-hour fetal position nap one will likely ever experience. (interspersed between waking moments of staring in awe at what he is able to do with a knife and a glob of paint) Loved the guy and the show, even wrote a comedy skit in High School with characters named "Titanium White" and "Van Dike Brown" but it was nixed by my mates for being too ethereal. "How many people are gonna get that!?" was the rationale. I think he's definitely viable as an off-beat Videogame, almost anything you do with him in a video-game works. Perhaps they could open his game with a Star Wars like scroll: <center>This is Your World and You Can Do Anything You Want In It.</center> <center>Maybe there's a happy little tree that lives right over there..</center> <center>or a happy little cloud floating over a cozy cabin.</center> <center>Whatever your heart desires. Thy will be done.</center> <center>And remember, there are no mistakes.</center> <center>only happy little accidents.</center> <center>God Bless my friend.</center>
fft5305 12/12/2006 10:03:06 AM
I never knew there was a video game being developed of Bob Ross! I have many fond memories of watching Bob take a blank white canvas, dip a brush in some paint, and suddenly there was a beautiful lake with mountains and happy trees. I think my favorite shows were when he would show the progress of one of his woodland creatures that he was nursing back to health. I always marvelled at how he could paint a huge vertical line and suddenly it was a tree. I knew if I had tried to do that, it would look like a huge vertical line. Yet, he made it look so easy, I could always imagine that I could do that some day. Bob Ross, you are missed.
kaybar 12/12/2006 4:29:47 PM
haha, nice one xavier, screw AGFRAG lets get you on the content & development team! And I don't care how many people i piss off saying this but screw halo, the first was awesome, the second one fizzled and i'm sure the third will be more of the same. I'm holding out for Half-Life 3
michaelxaviermaelstrom 12/12/2006 7:14:43 PM
I hear that Kaybar, I'm still kickin fraggin in Half-Life 1 online. I say forget the "best selling games" stats or the like (because that just proves people bought it, it doesn't prove they play it) so I like to look for what people are _actually_ playing. I found this at Gamespy, it's this weeks top game servers, sorted by number of players aka The *real* top online games: Top Game Servers By Number of Players: 1. Half Life 35060 servers, 55359 players 2. Half Life 2 17185 servers, 50182 players 3. Battlefield 2 5243 servers, 14834 players 4. Battlefield 2142 2628 servers, 11529 players 5. Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory 3511 servers, 7914 players 6. Unreal Tournament 2004 2387 servers, 5867 players 7. Call of Duty 2 6695 servers, 5581 players 8. Americas Army: Special Forces 2248 servers, 4829 players 9. Call of Duty 3078 servers, 4585 players 10. Quake 3: Arena 1902 servers, 3065 players 11. Neverwinter Nights 913 servers, 2823 players 12. Halo: Combat Evolved 904 servers, 2671 players 13. Medal of Honor Allied Assault 1760 servers, 2128 players 14. Soldier of Fortune 2 976 servers, 2077 players 15. Battlefield 1942 744 servers, 1686 players 16. Medal of Honor: Allied Assault Spearhead 1142 servers, 1500 players 17. Unreal Tournament 2043 servers, 1459 players 18. Battlefield Modern Combat (PS2) 87 servers, 1309 players 19. Red Orchestra Ostfront 261 servers, 1249 players 20. Halo Demo 278 servers, 1207 players 21. FEAR: First Encounter Assault Recon 885 servers, 1057 players 22. Star Wars Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy 602 servers, 1047 players 23. Battlefield 2142 (Demo) 119 servers, 711 players 24. SWAT 4 236 servers, 483 players 25. NeverWinter Nights 2 230 servers, 473 players 26. Star Wars Battlefront 2 PC 184 servers, 466 players 27. Battlefield: Vietnam 234 servers, 454 players 28. Battlefield 2 Demo 44 servers, 366 players 29. Quake II 361 servers, 363 players 30. Return to Castle Wolfenstein 184 servers, 352 players 31. Lord of the Rings: The Battle for Middle-earth 2 107 servers, 334 players 32. Starsiege TRIBES 150 servers, 328 players 33. Tribes 2 76 servers, 313 players 34. Star Wars Battlefront 2 (PS2) 80 servers, 267 players 35. Halo Multiplayer Expansion 113 servers, 251 players 36. Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast 165 servers, 249 players 37. Vietcong 168 servers, 235 players 38. Call of Duty 2: Big Red One (PS2) 42 servers, 232 players 39. Unreal Tournament 2003 90 servers, 218 players 40. Soldier of Fortune 2 Demo 67 servers, 209 players --- Went to Valve's online division (Steam) to get the most played Half Life games by title: <center>Game / Current # of Players / Current # of Servers / Player Minutes per Month</center> Counter-Strike 61,787 48,068 4.981 billion Counter-Strike: Source 33,253 30,341 1.553 billion Counter-Strike Condition Zero 11,643 9,639 733.950 million Day of Defeat 3,505 1,600 186.246 million Day of Defeat: Source 3,382 2,260 135.142 million Half-Life 2: Deathmatch 1,198 1,084 49.640 million Half-Life DeathMatch 878 586 39.434 million TeamFortress Classic 812 554 23.374 million Garry's Mod 698 386 20.516 million Natural Selection 415 173 15.248 million The Specialists 239 138 6.544 million Earth's Special Forces 215 158 13.916 million Garry's Mod 9 209 98 7.608 million shootoutmp 151 25 3.284 million Sven Co-Op 137 82 5.320 million SourceForts 107 57 3.692 million Dark Messiah Of Might And Magic Multiplayer 84 106 3.780 million Natural Selection v3.2 (beta) 81 69 3.183 million BrainBread 50 30 1.053 million Digital Paintball 48 18 0.800 million Dystopia 46 25 1.470 million Hidden: Source 36 68 1.715 million synergy 34 23 2.225 million Opposing Force 33 37 1.676 million Deathmatch Classic 28 46 1.338 million Half-Life Deathmatch: Source 27 11 1.145 million Obsidian Conflict 25 21 0.555 million The Battle Grounds 20 12 0.540 million Ricochet 20 27 0.625 million Battle Grounds 2 19 19 1.092 million Firearms 19 18 0.524 million Half Life 2 Capture The Flag 19 26 0.483 million msc 19 20 0.577 million The Ship 19 40 0.894 million Zombie Panic 19 11 0.746 million Action Half-Life 17 22 0.293 million International Online Soccer 16 12 0.516 million Adrenaline Gamer 11 31 0.638 million cstrike_beta 0 17 0 Half-Life 2 Deathmatch Pro 0 16 0.095 million TOTAL 119,481 96,176 6.001 billion. ..Which means, that the single most played (non subscriber-based MMOG - Ed) online game right now (and by a landslide) in 2006 is..*wait for it* .. HALF-LIFE 1: COUNTER-STRIKE. Which means that a mod for a game 8 years or so old is the current #1. ^Raise-Eyebrow. ..proving..well, proving many things no doubt, but largely intimating that the latest is not necessarily always the bestest. * Source 1: Top Online Games by Players http://archive.gamespy.com/stats/ * Source 2: Steam (Half-Life online) Game Rankings & Stats http://www.steampowered.com/v/index.php?area=stats&
kaybar 12/12/2006 9:02:55 PM
wow, people are still playing Tribes?
michaelxaviermaelstrom 12/13/2006 1:19:19 AM
Yeah, what, three hundred or so a day, not exactly MMOG Warcraft numbers but still surprising, which reminds me, found the chart for the top Massive Multiplayer/MMOG subscriber-based online games too. if image doesn't appear, it's here: By Number of Subscribers: http://www.mmogchart.com/Chart1.html Boils down to this overall. (people will argue over how accurate the figures that the companies provide are, so the rankings below are only considered the best that are currently available in terms of trackable overall market position, not so much in terms of the actual number of subscribers) making for a good general Top-15 subscriber-based MMOG Games list anyway. 1. World of Warcraft - 52.9% of all MMOG subscribers uh subscribe to WoW. 2. Lineage - 12% 3. Lineage II - 10.4% 4. Runescape - 6.3% 5. Final Fantasy XI - 4.0% 6. Everquest - 1.6% 7. Everquest II - 1.4% 8. Star Wars Galaxies - 1.4% 9. City of Heroes - 1.3% 10. Ultima Online - 1.1% 11. Eve Online - 1.0% 12. Dark Age of Camelot - 1.0% 13. Toontown Online - 0.9% 14. Dungeons & Dragons Online - 0.7% 15. Dofus - 0.6%
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