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Paint By Numbers

Bob Ross' Joy of Painting
© Bob Ross

I met Bob Ross several years ago. I was probably around eight. We first connected between Pinwheel and Quincy, my favorite show at the time. Bob had a large, bushy afro, similar to the one my mom carried around when she carried around me. He would grab an equally hairy brush, swat his wrist and make a whole forest out of thin air. Happy, happy trees, he’d whisper. Happy, happy trees. I was always hyper, especially after the Kool-Aid Man arrived. Bob would calm me down. Fuck Big Bird. Bob was my buddy. And when he died of lymphoma in ‘95, this grown man was sad.  

Evidently, I was not the only person to miss the oft-parodied happy painter. This month Adaptive Gatekeeper & Fearless Rogue of Addictive Gaming Entertainment, or the easier to pronounce AGFRAG, quietly announced it wouldn’t be releasing its “Joy of Painting”-based video game. Gamers served up more bitterness than a three-day old PS3 line. “I’m sorry that we have disappointed so many people on a certain project,” AGFRAG head Joseph Hatcher later said in an official statement. Within a few days the news story went from fanboy websites to MTV News, nestled somewhere between Road Rules 27 and Jen and Vince’s rumored breakup. Jane Kowalski, media director for Bob Ross, Inc., reassured MTV news that “by hook or by crook, there will be a game.” And if there won’t be, I’ll make one my damn self. 

While it’s not remarkable that mainstream media picked up the story (journalists love quirky news stories), it is interesting how dozens, if not hundreds of people started crying over a cancelled paint simulator. Coming from a company named Adaptive Gatekeeper & Fearless Rogue of Addictive Gaming Entertainment, common sense says it would be as aesthetically pleasing as an Excel spreadsheet. 

Aside from being cranky individuals, the Bob Ross drama shows that gamers, it seems, are bored. Part of the problem is seasoned players knowing there are fewer original titles than in the past. The other part of the problem is new players not knowing that other genres even existed. For instance, the most anticipated XBox 360 game is Halo 3, a first-person shooter. We know it will be like Halo 2, but with more stuff. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess may be one of the best system launch titles ever, but gamers familiar with any recent Zelda will know exactly how the game plays. Resistance: Fall of Man is wonderful. It is also another shooter. Aside from cool joysticks, the new systems aren’t offering us many original experiences.  

Games fit neatly into genres – shooter, role playing game, god game – which is helpful when browsing at the local electronics store, but takes away the call of adventure many of us had in the past. In earlier years, it was possible to grab a new game and, aside from a cartoonish cover, have no idea what was going to come on the screen. Games were labeled by comparison, not by genre. Describing the Nintendo version of Ninja Gaiden as a harder update of Castlevania gave more detail than calling it an action game. Wholly original games, such as Tetris, got more props than derivative titles. Sure, there was an endless stream of side-scrollers and shooters, but a truly original gaming experience was easy to get if you wanted it. Today, it’s hard to find something that isn’t a rehash of yesteryear. The previous generation mined the genres pretty well.  

There’s not much more to do, or at least we think there isn’t much more to do, and when something new comes along we are absolutely stunned. A good example is Katamari Damacy, 2004’s addictive rolling game. The dual-thumb-only controls, chunky cartoon graphics and function-over-form gameplay made the strange Japanese title hard to categorize. Nevertheless, it became a huge hit, selling well beyond the traditional cult classic (or at least, enough to merit a sequel). Katamari Damacy is a wonderful title, but it seems ever more brilliant because there were few, if any truly unique titles released that year. 

There are a few rays of hope, but you’re not going to find them through traditional outlets. Portables like the Nintendo DS and the Sony PSP, as well as some of the latest cell phones, offer decent graphics, unique controls and, most importantly, a lower development cost. This last point is an awesome prospect since home console games now cost several millions to develop. Download-only services such as XBox Live Arcade are just as important for the same reason. Interesting titles have already begun cropping up the year-old program, and developers say a game could be made for as little as $500,000. Developers are more willing to take risks with less money, something that becomes obvious after sitting with the Nintendo Wii Virtual Console, a service that specializes in older games (from a time when developers had smaller budgets). Gamers too practical to keep their ancient systems can now revisit classic titles, while players too young to remember River City Ransom or Splatterhouse have the opportunity to experience a time when genres weren’t so well defined.  

The prospect of a Bob Ross game is exciting because it provides us with an original idea – something, like Grand Theft Auto or Katamari Damacy, which keeps us looking forward to our next gaming experiences. The upcoming painting sim may have 8-bit graphics, involve shooting happy little trees, and perhaps have a scary digital rendition of the afroed protagonist, but at least it will be something different. And that is why we need it… at least until Halo 3.

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