Factory X's CAP shield
© 2002 Factory X

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Patriot Games

Well, wouldja look at that? It's July 4th already. Independence Day. Time for beer, barbecues and some baseball. Not to mention super humid temperatures, annoying mosquitoes and idiotic neighbor kids shooting fireworks at their dog. Yep, it's truly a special day.

Maybe it's the holiday or maybe it's the spoiled potato salad, but for some reason I keep thinking about patriotic action figures. (Yes, I know. I have issues.) Most specifically, Captain America. Now that Toy Biz has released the ultimate Captain America figure in its Marvel Legends line, they're free to move on and give us even more great Marvel patriots.

For starters, we need a real BUCKY action figure (and not that average Bucky repaint they did years ago as an exclusive). Make him to scale and give the new Cap figure a redeco so he looks like the Golden Age soldier from WWII. While they're at it, how about a PROJECT REBIRTH playset? How cool would that be? All sorts of scientists, doctors and soldiers standing around a scrawny Steve Rogers who instantly bulks up into a living legend at the touch of a button! Okay, okay, so maybe I'm all alone on that last one.

And what about NICK FURY? We can use a WWII Fury who can lead his Howling Commandoes buddies like Dum Dum Dugan and Gabe Jones! Toss in a removable eye-patch, an authentic replica tank and plenty o' weapons. With G.I. Joe making a big comeback, Marvel's military gang is just screaming to be made.

I could go on, but the heat's really starting to get to me and those annoying neighbor kids are just screaming to get hosed. So unfurl your flags, chow down those dogs and have a great holiday, soldiers!

Doubtfire. The name's Doubtfire... er, that' s BOND. I meant to say Bond.

© 2002 Sideshow Toy

Big news for Bond fans. Sideshow Toy will be releasing two 12" figures in its JAMES BOND line based on the classic 1969 film ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE. Scheduled for a November/December release, you'll be able to steal... er, purchase GEORGE LAZENBY as 007 and Telly Savalas as ERNST BLOFELD. Typical cool gear and accessories included. Also scheduled for the same release date is a PIERCE BROSNAN 007 figure from DIE ANOTHER DAY.

You *$@$# wanted them. Now you can *$@$# have 'em. Mezco will be putting out a line of action figures based on MTV's curse-filled show THE OSBOURNES. Look for the whole gangOzzy, his wife Sharon and their kids Jack and Kellyto include accessories, a family pet and...shudder...voice-recorded sounds.

If only they had frickin' laser beams back in the '60s...

© 2002 Sideshow Toy

Finally, the torture is almost over. McFarlane Toys has announced which retailers will be selling 12-inch versions of the company's TORTURED SOULS figures. Originally scheduled for a line of four figures, McFarlane Toys has added a fifth to the horrifying lineup. Set for an October release with a suggested price of $40 apiece, here's where you can find them all: THE SCYTHE-MEISTER (Electronics Boutique stores), AGONISTES (Spencer Gifts and Tower Records stores), VENAL ANATOMICA (at the Musicland chain of stores and Marz Distribution), TALISAC (all specialty retailers), and the newest addition LUCIDIQUE (through Diamond Distributors which services comic and hobby shops nationwide).

ON THE SHELVES

Big eyes and bad monkeys.

© 2002 Cartoon Network

Stuff your face while picking up some cool toys in the process. Currently on sale at Burger King is a series of MEN IN BLACK II toys tying into the big Will Smith sequel. There's all kinds of funky gadgets (like a digital watch, an alien detector and a universal communicator) as well as some far-out action figures. And if you're still hungry after that, swing on over to Jack in the Box where you can get your mitts on more grub and some POWERPUFF GIRLS toys tying into their big-screen debut. Look for action figures of BUBBLES, BLOSSOM, BUTTERCUP and everyone's favorite monkey MOJO JOJO! Ah, burgers and monkeys. What a rush!

Go Figure is our weekly Toys and Action Figure column.