The Perils of Success

By: David Michael Wharton
Date: Monday, May 30, 2005

They're finally done.

It's been a journey of decades, but the twin genre behemoths of STAR WARS and STAR TREK have finally traveled beyond the Rim, become one with the Force, sailed off toward the second star to the right and straight on till morning. Our airwaves are barren of new TREK installments and our cineplexes will never again present us with new installments of "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…"

Except, not really. Even before TREK had bid us a not-so-fond farewell with "These Are the Voyages…" and SITH finally gave us a small fraction of what we'd been waiting for all along, the Powers That Be were already holed up in their dark towers, scheming ways to keep these twin cash-cows producing milk for another three decades. Paramount has plans for yet another big-screen installment, this one taking place somewhere in the no-man's land between the end of Archer and the beginning of Kirk (or Pike, as the case may be), and has tapped a screenwriter named Erik Jendresen to handle scripting chores. The highest profile project he's worked on is HBO's BAND OF BROTHERS, and he certainly sounds excited about going where no TREK has gone before. That's all well and good, but for all his talk of epic adventure and "big ideas", what are the odds that even the most out-of-this-world story can survive the naysaying and nitpicking and second-guessing of a corporate filmmaking structure far more interested in maintaining the franchise than in dynamic storytelling?


There's no franchise more Brobdingnagian than George Lucas' empire. Over the past several decades, his little trilogy that could has swollen into a deep-space money bin of books, video games, comics, bed sheets, lunchboxes, action figures, snack treats, body scrubs, and marital aids. But for all that financial clout, Lucas still couldn't seem to recapture the magic that allowed the original trilogy to ensnare an entire generation of filmgoers.

Both of these universes have become enormous success over the past few decades, with millions of fans and billions of dollars in merchandising. And yet both, somewhere along the path, seem to have lost their way. How did Lucas lose touch with the wit, the thrill, the fun of the original trilogy and instead offer up a series of plodding, humorless toy commercials? In EMPIRE, the combined writing skills of Lucas, Lawrence Kasdan, and Leigh Brackett gave us the simple and simply perfect romantic exchange of "I love you - I know." In the prequels, we get pages of ham-fisted dialogue that wouldn't pass muster in a Harlequin romance. Every writer knows how vital it is to revise, to rethink, to reexamine. But it seems as if, somewhere along the way, Lucas stopped doing that. Maybe it's that the money has convinced him he can do no wrong. Maybe it's that the power has robbed him of anyone in his sphere of influence with the backbone to say, "George, this is shit. Fix it."

What happened to the daring, the big ideas lurking behind well-crafted metaphors of Kirk/Spock/McCoy era? Gone is the trail-blazing spirit of the early days of TREK, replaced with a dozen or so story templates that have been repeated and reshuffled and riffed upon for the past twenty years. No one grows or changes except in ways that can be reset by the closing credits. Death, when it comes, seems to smack more of ratings stunts than of anything organically arising from story. When Spock died in WRATH OF KHAN, it was a sacrifice that carried weight, that truly hurt. Even though they brought him back the very next movie, it was a resurrection that had consequences that stretched over several more films. Contrast that to Data's death in NEMESIS, undercut by the fact that they had made sure to have a handy-dandy replacement Data prepped and ready to go. Hell, poor Trip didn't even get an onscreen death, instead being relegated to a brief, unconvincing farewell sequence with the captain and then expiring during the commercial break.

The unfortunate Catch-22 of American TV and movie storytelling is that, without an audience, you'll never get to tell your story. But if you do find your audience, then suddenly your story becomes product, and the vagaries of business may lead you far astray from the narrative path you originally set out on, or tempt to drag the story on past its natural and satisfactory ending. The glitter of gold to lure you back to the well just one more time, never mind if the well is long since dry. Maybe it really would have been better for TREK and WARS to burn out than to suffer this long, painful process of fading away.

Or maybe we as fans should just embrace the simple truth that sometimes there's only so much story in the story. J. Michael Straczynski said from the beginning that he wanted five years of BABYLON 5, no more and no less. He worked to keep the merchandising to a minimum until the show was nearing the end of its run. The result? BABYLON 5's success is a mere drop in the bucket compared to the colossus of TREK… but he told the story he wanted to tell, in the way he wanted to tell it, and that was that. Regardless of your feelings about the final year of B5, Straczynski did what he said he was going to do, and he pulled the plug when the story was finished. When he did finally return to the B5 universe, it was with an entirely new story, and entirely new type of story. He could easily have used CRUSADE as an excuse to "cheat" and drop in every B5 actor within his reach. Instead, he minimized the guest-appearances, with only Lochley becoming a semi-regular, and kept the focus on the inhabitants of this new story, as it should be. Because the story of BABYLON 5 was finished, and JMS, whatever his other faults may be, understood that when the story is over, there's no point in hanging around hoping it might pick up again. Better to move on, to find the next story.

How different might the cinematic landscape look today if Lucas had taken that same creative genius that had spun together a galaxy far, far away and focused it on finding new stories, rather than expanding the background of one that was already told? How different might genre television look today if Trek hadn't become such an overwhelming success than network programmers became convinced that science fiction doesn't work on the small screen unless it's STAR TREK?

When no one's heard of you yet, you've still got everything to prove and nothing to lose. You're not afraid to take risks, to be bold, to follow the story wherever it may lead, not just wherever is safe and easy and convenient. You're willing to put everything you've got into telling that story, because if you don't, you may never find anyone to hear it. But once millions of fans already love that story, the success can become paralyzing. When a storyteller becomes so desperate to maintain whatever alchemy spawned his biggest success, he loses touch with the qualities that combined to create that success in the first place. After all, Lucas and Roddenberry weren't trying to form franchises when they created their respective series; they were just trying to share the stories that filled their heads with the rest of us.

Most of you have probably heard about the old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times." It seems to me that there's an unspoken TV/movie corollary: "May you be a ratings or box-office hit." I don't know about you, but when it comes to LOST or BATTLESTAR GALACTICA or VERONICA MARS and all the other stories that have wrapped me up in their webs this season, my fondest wish for each of them is: "May you be successful… but not too successful."

And when their stories are done, may they have the good sense to exit gracefully.


The Week Rerun

The ultimate "tent sale" - Wish you could own a little piece of CARNIVALE to remember HBO's fascinating supernatural period drama by? You may get your chance, as apparently props from the defunct series are being offered up for purchase in June.

There's always a boom tomorrow. - Slate eulogizes the recently exploded science-lecturing, meta-commentating Leslie Arzt of LOST.

The Father, the Cylon, and the Holy Galactica - Taking a look at the theology, both overt and covert, of Sci-Fi's BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

Comments, quips, or guesses as to what Orson Scott Card has been smoking lately? Drop me a line at tvwasteland@cinescape.com. Keep your head and hands inside the television, folks…


MONDAY, MAY 30

GODSEND (6:15 PM CST, Showtime) I think this flick is actually what Bush uses as his primary argument against stem-cell research.

AMERICAN GIGOLO (7 PM CST, WGN) Richard Gere is no Deuce Bigalo. Whether that's a good or a bad thing, I leave to you.

ROMY & MICHELLE: IN THE BEGINNING (7 PM CST, ABC Family) Apparently someone, somewhere sat through ROMY AND MICHELLE and said, "I need more." If I ever meet that person, I may have to punch them in the head.

PATTON (7 PM CST, TCM) Swearing, shouting, and tanks. Who could ask for anything more?

HELL'S KITCHEN (8 PM CST, FOX) Some loud, obnoxious British chef harangues the meringues of 12 competitors. (Series premiere)


TUESDAY, MAY 31

TRAFFIC (7 PM CST, NBC) Otherwise known as: The Movie That First Suggested Topher Grace Could Act.

K-19: THE WIDOWMAKER (7 PM CST, AMC) Harrison Ford versus a Russian accent.

RED DRAGON (8 PM CST, USA) I'm all for Anthony Hopkins-consistency, but I still think MANHUNTER is a better version of this story.

AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS (8 PM CST, Starz) I've always said Jules Verne should have worked more crazy martial-arts action into his stories.

BLIND JUSTICE (9 PM CST, ABC) "Under the Gun." Detective Dunbar dons red tights and… eh, the show's been cancelled. The Daredevil jokes just aren't the same anymore.

THE SHIELD (9 PM CST, FX) "A Thousand Deaths." Shane is put through the most intense lie-detector session since that MEET MY FOLKS show. Except without the bubble-headed contestants giggling and/or bursting into tears in the middle of it.

DAVE CHAPELLE: KILLIN' THEM SOFTLY (9 PM CST, Comedy Central) I suppose "softly" is the only way you could kill somebody inside a padded cell.


WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1

BEAUTY AND THE GEEK (7 PM CST, WB) A bunch of smart-but-socially-awkward guys pair off with a bunch of bone-stick-stone dumb hotties, with the goal of de-awkwardizing the geeks and de-stupifying the girls. The ad campaign refers to this show as being from "the daring mind of Ashton Kutcher," which is arguably funnier than anything in the show itself.

PLANET OF THE APES (7 PM CST, FX) Hot interspecies monkey-lovin'. Thanks ever so much, Mr. Burton.

FINAL DESTINATION 2 (7 PM CST, Encore) The movie that will make you extremely nervous around elevators, logging trucks, and barbed-wire fences.

JACKIE BROWN (10 PM CST, IFC) One of the few Elmore Leonard adaptations that actually works.


THURSDAY, JUNE 2

KULL THE CONQUEROR (6 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Kevin Sorbo stars as Robert E. Howard's lesser-known barbarian and faces down the evil schemes of Tia Carrere, all to the accompaniment of a completely out-of-place heavy-metal soundtrack.

THE GREAT ESCAPE (7 PM CST, TCM) This classic film got its start when a copy of CHICKEN RUN fell through a time rift to the 1960s and director John Sturges decided to remake it with humans.

THE 13TH WARRIOR (8 PM CST, Sci-Fi) Banderas is unconvincingly Arab, but the enormous Norseman who played Buliwyf could out-Conan Schwarzenegger any day of the week.

BATMAN FOREVER (9 PM CST, TBS) Take comfort as you watch in the knowledge that a few years from now, Christopher Nolan and David Goyer will be doing Two-Face properly and erasing from our minds the Joker-wannabe buffoon that this flick gave us.

BIRTHDAY GIRL (10 PM CST, IFC) Nicole Kidman stars as a Russsian mail-order bride and at one point gets handcuffed naked to a bed. So it's at least worth Tivoing…

EMMANUELLE VS. DRACULA (10:40 PM CST, Cinemax) According to the show description, Dracula competes in a sex contest at a bachelorette party. Which I suppose is a better way to spend one's undeath than skulking around killing peasants and dodging Van Helsing.


FRIDAY, JUNE 3

THE BLOB (7 PM CST, TCM) Lacks the gorehound antics of the 1988 Frank Darabont-scripted remake, but this version stars Steve McQueen rather than Kevin Dillon, so that may give it the edge.

THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS (9 PM CST, HBO) It was revolutionary how badly the Wachowskis dropped the ball.

SPACE COWBOYS (8 PM CST, TNT) All things being equal, I would have preferred to see a movie about actual space cowboys, space Indians, possibly a few space showdowns-at-high-noon. Instead, we just get geriatric astronauts.


SATURDAY, JUNE 4

STEEL (7 PM CST, WB) When it was time to expand the legacy of DC comics on the silver screen, they followed up Christopher Reeve's note-perfect Superman and Michael Keaton's brooding and eccentric Batman with… Shaquille O'Neal as Steel? Alrighty then.

LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER (7 PM CST, TBS) The sequel wasn't any better, but at least they had the good sense to take poor Angie out of that ridiculous WonderBra.

THE BATMAN (7:30 PM CST, Cartoon Network) "The Big Dummy." Gatman gattles his wooden nemesis, Scarface.

JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED (8 PM CST, Cartoon Network) "Double Date." It's a Whedonverse team-up as Amy Acker (ANGEL's Fred) voices the Huntress and Morena Baccarin (FIREFLY's Inara) voices Black Canary. Plus Green Arrow, the Question, and a script by DC comics vet Gail Simone.


SUNDAY, JUNE 5

GREATEST AMERICAN (7 PM CST, Discovery) We Americans do love us some lists, don't we? Tonight begins this four-part series that attempts to determine (no doubt via an incontrovertible scientific process) who the top American of all time is. As if we don't all already know that it's William Shatner.

SPIDER-MAN (7 PM CST, TBS) My guess for which villain Topher Grace will be playing in SPIDER-MAN 3? The Shocker, which will 'cause hordes of drunken frat-boy moviegoers to giggle uncontrollably for the entire length of the film.

OIL STORM (7 PM CST, FX) This "docudrama" follows the chaos created when a series of catastrophes cut off the flow of oil to the U.S. The feel-good picture of the year!

FAMILY GUY (8 PM CST, FOX) "Don't Make Me Over." Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland form a rock band, Meg gets a mall makeover, and Gene Simmons puts in an appearance, just for the helluvit.

ENTOURAGE (8 PM CST, HBO) "The System." The continuing adventures of a fictitious Hollywood heartthrob and his band of buddies and hangers-on. Tonight, his agent tries to talk him into starring in the big-screen adaptation of AQUAMAN. (Season premiere)

AMERICAN DAD (8:30 PM CST, FOX) "Roger Codger." Stan leaves Roger the Alien for dead in the trash, spurring a CIA hunt for him. Sadly, however, I don't think Roger is actually dead. There's always next week.

THE COMEBACK (8:30 PM CST, HBO) "Pilot." Ex-Friend Lisa Kudrow attempts just that with this new mockumentary series about a former sitcom star's attempts to rekindle her cooling career. (Series premiere)

THE 4400 (9 PM CST, USA) "Wake-Up Call." The surprise hit returns with all new alien/mutant/superpower craziness. Now featuring a "shotgun-toting preacher"! (Season premiere)

THE GIRL NEXT DOOR (9 PM CST, HBO) Don't give me that "It was a RISKY BUSINESS rip-off!" Ripping things off is what Hollywood does, and this was a damn good RISKY BUSINESS rip-off.

WHAT HOLLYWOOD TAUGHT US ABOUT SEX (10 PM CST, E!) For instance, when a woman has just finished having spectacular, mind-blowing relations with a man, she will nevertheless cover herself with a sheet when she sits up in bed. Also, people in movies can sometimes have sex through their clothing, which I presume is related to sort of phasing power ala Kitty Pride.

This concludes our broadcast.