Permanent check out time

By: BRIAN THOMAS
Date: Tuesday, April 18, 2006

We usually don't cover birthday announcements in this column. It's not that we're party poopers it's just that birthdays remind us that we're all inevitably sliding down a rough incline toward death. But we thought we'd make an exception in this case. Last week marked the 73rd birthday of one of our favorite actors, who starred in numerous adventure pictures and TV shows throughout the 1930s through the '60s. Of course, we're talking about Cheeta the chimpanzee. Cheeta starred in nine Tarzan movies and hasn't acted professionally since 1967's DOCTOR DOOLITTLE, but even though he's recognized as the world's oldest known chimp, he keeps busy. Now living in a Palm Springs retirement home for showbiz primates, the still chipper chimp enjoys looking through comic-books, watching DVDs and painting just like me! Many of his works are actually very beautiful, and are sold to help support him in his old age. You can check them out on Cheeta's website at www.cheetathechimp.org. Hey, I've got a birthday coming up, too, so if you can't afford to send me a new plasma HD-TV, you can always get me an original Cheeta. Remember: it's tax deductible.

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Speaking of apes: Good news for some of our loyal readers and bad news for many, many others. The winners in our special PLANET OF THE APES giveaway have been chosen! We received over 1,000 entries in this contest, some from as far away as Australia, Buenos Aires and Belgium, but somebody had to lose, so better luck next time. After the APES LEGACY box sets were chosen, Nathan Zimmerman's entry came up in a random drawing, and not only did he follow all the rules, but he just happens to live on "Cornelius Drive"! How's that for synchronicity?

SPOTLIGHT OF THE WEEK

This week, Roth strikes again.

(O) HOSTEL (Sony) Annoying college students vacation in Europe and end up in a hellhole that even they don't deserve. Director Eli Roth made his DVD of CABIN FEVER one of the best ever, and he goes for glory again here with four commentraks, Making-Of, behind-the-scenes, multi-angle and more. Also available bundled with UMD edition.

NEW RELEASES

(O) ANGEL'S WILD WOMEN / SATAN'S SADISTS (Troma) Team-up of Larry Buchanan motorcycle drive-in flicks.

(O) BAD DREAMS (Anchor Bay) 1988 horror in which Richard Lynch haunts the dreams of psychiatric patients, but not on Elm Street. Includes director commentrak, alternate ending and more.
(O) BRIDE OF THE GORILLA / BRIDE OF THE MONSTER (Image) 2-pack for your next bridal shower.
(O) A CINDERELLA STORY (Warner Bros.) Hilary Duff stars in a modern update.
(O) CROSS OF IRON (Hens Tooth) James Coburn leads a platoon of German soldiers to the Russian front in this 1976 war flick from Sam Pekinpah.
(O) D.O.A. / THE HITCH-HIKER (VCI) Film noir double feature.
(O) THE DAY THE WORLD ENDED / SHE CREATURE (Lions Gate) Apocalypse survivors hide out from marauders and a creepy mutant monster in a mountain cabin / A hypnotist raises a demon from the dawn of time. A classic 1956 American International Pictures double feature.
(O) DESTINATION MARS! (Dark Horse/Image) Devil girls from Mars invade Earth with an army of robots! A plucky inventor, a clumsy cop, and a young couple become the planet's only hope as they race to strike back with a super-weapon.
(O) EVENT HORIZON (Paramount) Jumbled 1997 sci-fi horror from Paul WS Anderson with Laurence Fishbourne and Sam Neill plays like a variant version of HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE. Special edition includes commentrak, Making-Of, deleted sequence and more.
(O) GUNS & GUTS (VCI) 1974 western.
(O) IMMORTALS OF KUNG FU COLLECTION (Vintage) 18 movie set.
(O) KICK BOXER 5-disc Collector's Set (Lions Gate) The original Jean-Claude Van Damme fight flick, plus KICKBOXER 2: THE ROAD BACK, KICKBOXER 3: THE ART OF WAR, KICKBOXER 4: THE AGGRESSOR and KICKBOXER 5: THE REDEMPTION.
(O) THE KILLING TIME (Anchor Bay) Serial killer Kiefer Sutherland swipes the identity of his latest victim as a small town police deputy.
(O) LAUREL & HARDY COLLECTION (Warner Bros.) There are lots of Stan & Ollie discs out there, but this one is another TCM Archives disc! 2-disc set includes the features THE DEVIL'S BROTHER and BONNIE SCOTLAND, plus commentraks and documentary.
(O) MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE (Fox) Yes, they're still making Steven Seagal action movies.
(O) MR. HELL (Maverick) A young woman returns to the lab where she saw her father murdered. His long dead killer returns, too, just as merc Tracy Scoggins and her posse come calling in search of a deadly bio-weapon.
(O) NATURAL CITY (Tartan) Soldiers are assigned to putting down a cyborg revolt in this melodramatic Korean sci-fi thriller with a BLADERUNNER vibe. Includes Making-Of, interviews, deleted footage and more.
(O) PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Warner Bros.) Special edition of the 2004 musical.
(O) THE RED HOUSE / SCARLET STREET (VCI) Film noir double feature.
(O) REMINGTON STEELE Season Three (Fox) Pierce Brosnan and Stephanie Zimbalist solve mysteries. Includes commentraks.
(O) RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD: NECROPOLIS (Lions Gate) High school students discover their local evil corporation is about to be the site of a zombie outbreak. Peter Coyote stars in the fourth RETURN. Shot on location in Bucharest and Chernobyl.
(O) THE SENTINEL Complete First Season (Paramount) A cop with Daredevil-type super-sensitive senses. All 10 episodes.
(O) TITUS (Fox) No, it's not the Fox sitcom, but a 1999 version of Shakespeare's most shocking play starring Anthony Hopkins and Jessica Lange. Also available in a box set with the all-star 1999 MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM and ROMEO + JULIET.
(O) VENICE UNDERGROUND (Lions Gate) Eddie Furlong, Eric Mabius and Jodi Lyn O'Keefe are undercover cops fighting crime in Italy. Check that California.
(O) VIKING WOMEN & THE SEA SERPENT / TEENAGE CAVEMAN (Lions Gate) 1957 AIP Roger Corman double feature pairs two low budget adventures with folks in cheap furs: a semi-Norse epic (aka THE SAGA OF THE VIKING WOMEN AND THEIR VOYAGE TO THE WATERS OF THE GREAT SEA SERPENT), and Robert Vaughn as a rebel without a shirt.
(O) VISITING HOURS (Anchor Bay) 1981 slasher flick with psycho Michael Ironside stalking newswoman Lee Grant around a hospital.
(O) WARRIORS 50 Movie Pack (Mill Creek) Joey, do you like movies about gladiators? It's the peplum collection of the Gods! Includes ALI BABA AND THE SEVEN SARACENS, ATLAS IN THE LAND OF THE CYCLOPS, CAESAR THE CONQUEROR, CLEOPATRA'S DAUGHTER, COLOSSUS AND THE AMAZON QUEEN, COLOSSUS AND THE HEADHUNTERS, CONQUEROR OF THE ORIENT, DAMON AND PYTHIAS, DEVIL OF THE DESERT AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, DUEL OF CHAMPIONS, FIRE MONSTERS AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, FURY OF ACHILLES, FURY OF HERCULES, THE GIANT OF MARATHON, THE GIANTS OF THESSALY, THE GLADIATORS OF ROME, GLADIATORS SEVEN, GOLIATH AND THE DRAGON, GOLIATH AND THE SINS OF BABYLON, HERCULES AGAINST THE BARBARIANS, HERCULES AGAINST THE MONGOLS, HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN, HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN, HERCULES AND THE MASKED RIDER, HERCULES AND THE PRINCESS OF TROY, HERCULES AND THE TYRANTS OF BABYLON, HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD, HERCULES UNCHAINED, HERO OF ROME, HEROD THE GREAT, KINDAR THE INVULNERABLE, THE LAST OF THE VIKINGS, THE LION OF THEBES, MACISTE IN KING SOLOMON'S MINES, MOLE MEN AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, ROMULUS AND THE SABINES, SAMSON AND THE SEVEN MIRACLES OF THE WORLD, SANDOKAN: PIRATE OF MALAYSIA, SON OF SAMSON, SPARTACUS AND THE TEN GLADIATORS, THE TEN GLADIATORS, THOR AND THE AMAZON WOMEN, TRIUMPH OF THE SON OF HERCULES, TWO GLADIATORS, ULYSSES AGAINST THE SON OF HERCULES, URSUS IN THE LAND OF FIRE, URSUS IN THE VALLEY OF THE LIONS, VENGEANCE OF URSUS, VULCAN SON OF JUPITER and THE WHITE WARRIOR. Huzzah!

UMD CORNER

(O) HOSTEL (Sony) Also available bundled with DVD edition.

And be sure to check back next weekand every weekfor CINESCAPE's DVD Shopping List! And don't forget Anime Avalanche every Saturday!

DVD Shopping List (© 2006 Brian Thomas) is our weekly DVD column. Brian Thomas is the author of the massive book VideoHound's DRAGON: ASIAN ACTION & CULT FLICKS, available now!

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