PLANET OF THE APES Nova-like space babe Daena
© 2001 Hasbro

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Planet of Seven-Inch Apes!

In the late 1960s, Franklin Schaffner and 20th Century Fox made the original PLANET OF THE APES as a cautionary tale about war, racism, social unrest and ignoranceand coincidentally as a way of drumming up some much-needed cash. Now director Tim Burton and Fox are making a new PLANET OF THE APES and the compelling raison d'etre for the film is not philosophy or film experimentation, but rather these crappy plastic action figures.

One of the reasons many of the licensed toys from the '60s are so collectible these days is that back then, making a toy line for marketing synergy was not the first thing on a movie studio's mind. In fact, it was exactly the last thing on its mind, so toys, model kits, soundtrack albums and posters often didn't show up for a hot film until months (or sometimes years) after its release. No one made PLANET OF THE APES model kits until after the first sequel had been released, and the action figures didn't really come out until Fox launched a TV series based on the show in the late '70s, years after the last APES feature film.

Nowadays, studios like Sony won't even green light a movie until its concept is approved by the marketing department. Fox and Hasbro started drumming up interest in a new PLANET OF THE APES toy line in 1998 for the first film's 30th anniversary. It was cool to actually have a 12-inch Charlton Heston action figure, even if it didn't look all that much like the actor. Now for the new film, we have to settle for Mark Wahlberg as the heroic astronaut, but at least he's dressed in a cool white astronaut suit just like Heston was.

Hasbro launched two APES toy lines in 1998a terrible seven-inch, all-plastic set of figures, and a handful of better (but not perfect) 12-inch figures. They're taking the same route with the new movie, and unfortunately the seven-inch figures have hit the toy shelves first. To say that they're better than the original 1998 seven-inchers would be damning them with faint praisethose figures were some of the worst ever. Likenesses on the new figures are at least passable and they're better articulated, although most of them still have no joints below the waist.

The figures include Wahlberg as human spaceman Leo, his Nova-like space babe Daena, Gorilla warrior Attar, funny-looking orangutan Limbo, and horrendous-looking female chimpanzee Ari. Also available is Tim Roth's chimpanzee warrior Thade on an armored horse. The Thade and Attar figures come off bestthey're well proportioned, painted and sculpted, but Japan's classic APES figures (from Medicom) still blow them away. While the Daena figure features a good likeness of model/actress/athlete Estella Warren, she looks beefy enough to body-slam Mark Wahlberg into the Stone Age. The best display piece is the horse-mounted figure, which at least comes nicely packaged instead of on the ugly green cards the standing figures come in. At around $20 retail, however, it's overpriced.

According to amazon.com, 12-inch cloth-clothed figures of Thade, Leo, Attar and Daena are coming in early August, and they definitely look cooler than the low-cost all-plastic figures.

If you must have all things ape, pick up these figures now, but we guess that they're going to be easily available for quite some time to comethere's not even a short-packed figure in this bunch to infuriate collectors. And for those more discerning souls out there, wait for the 12-inchers.