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Pre-School Problems

Little toys mean big troubles

By Andrew Kardon     May 02, 2002

Y'know, Toy Biz is messing with my marriage. No, it's not 'cause I'm spending all my money on their SPIDER-MAN MOVIE figures. Or even the awesome new MARVEL LEGENDS figures. Uh uh.


The problem goes a lot deeper than that. Y'see, this fall, Toy Biz is putting out a pre-school line of action figures based on Spider-Man and his friends. Kinda neat that they're trying to brainwash...er, get kids into comics at a real young age. That's actually a good thing. We could definitely use a few more comic and toy fans.


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But anyway, after seeing photos of this toy line...I just gotta have 'em! There's SPIDER-MAN, HULK, SPIDER-GIRL and in particular, that CAPTAIN AMERICA figure. He's just an absolute hoot. "So what's the problem," you ask? (Go ahead, ask.) Well, I don't have any kids yet. Which gives me two options. I can either go buy these things and just lie saying they're for my nephews or something. Or...well, I can start working on that whole "kids" thing with the wifey.


Now, when toys start getting involved in the bedroom, there's a real problem. (You know what I mean. Get yer mind outta the gutter, you pervs.) So if you see some guy at your local Toys R Us dressed up in a long overcoat with dark sunglasses by the preschool figures, do me...er, him a favor: Turn around and stop laughing.


TOY TIDBITS


Parents can rest easy. NECA has recently announced that its CHEECH and CHONG action figures are finally on their way. Originally shown at Toy Fair 2001 by Vital Toys, NECA has since acquired the license and is rolling up a big fat line of UP IN SMOKE merchandise. Look for each 8" figure to feature multiple articulation and a trademark joint. Look out, Jay & Silent Bob figures...


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Can Iron Maiden fans get any happier? McFarlane Toys' EDDIE action figure is currently hacking up toy shelves and now Art Aslyum's confirmed that its 18" EDDIE action figure is due out later this month. This ULTIMATE SERIES EDDIE figure ($39.99) is not only friggin' huge, but he's got multiple articulation points and comes with a tiny devil figure that's straight off the band's NUMBER OF THE BEAST album. Now maybe Maiden fans will finally get some peace of mind.


EXCLUSIVELY YOURS


If you're hitting the Indiana Convention Center in Indianapolis this weekend, you're in luck. That's the only place you'll be able to snag the Hasbro exclusive COMMANDER JORG SACUL 3 ¾" action figure. Well, until you see him popping up on eBay May 6, that is. Jorg (who sounds oddly like "George" and whose last name backwards looks vaguely familiar) is being sold exclusively at the Star Wars Celebration II. Priced at just $10 a pop, fans will be limited to buying just two figures per purchase. And hey, ol' Jorg's helmet is removable so you can see his lovable furry face beneath.


ON THE SHELVES


Your definitive [IMG4R]Marvel superhero toy collection can officially begin. Yep, Toy Biz's first wave of MARVEL LEGENDS figures has just hit toy stores. Woop! The first series includes CAPTAIN AMERICA, THE HULK, IRON MAN and THE TOAD. And you lucky few who fight off the hordes can find the short-packed IRON MAN VARIANT, which features a different colored armor and a pointy Steve Ditko mask. (That's a Steve Ditko-style mask, not a mask of the legendary artist's face, silly.) Each figure comes with a kick-ass comic and a nifty wall-mountable base.


Go Figure is our weekly Toys and Action Figure column.

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