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Rock On, Joanie!

Celebrating the Hidden History of Joan of Arc

By Bart Saint-David     May 30, 2009

Ingrid Bergman as Jeanne d'Arc
© RKO Radio Films


Every year at this time the Ordre gathers at an enigmatic location in the Champagne area of France to celebrate the Feast Day of Saint Joan of Arc, culminating in the ritual Painting of Her Toenails at Reims Cathedral.
The subject of many books and movies, most of you might already be familiar with the story of how the simple peasant maid, Jeanne d'Arc, was commanded by the voice of the Archangel Michael to reclaim France from the English. Then, after presiding over the coronation of Charles VII at Notre Dame de Reims, Joan was later betrayed and burned at the stake as a heretic at Rouen.
But, of course, the real story--which has been suppressed for hundreds of years--is far different.
In fact Jeanne d'Arc was the secret love child of Isabeau of Bavaria and Louis, Duc d'Orleans. Their illegitimate daughter was said to have died at birth, but she was instead smuggled out of court to be raised by surrogate parents, Jacques Darc and Isabelle Romée. This would have made her Charles VII's half-sister, which explains a lot.
During the course of her military campaigns against the English, Joan was designated as the Guardian of the Vial for the Ordre de la Sainte-Ampoule, which was founded by the Merovingian King Clovis in 496.
One of France's most precious relics, the Sainte-Ampoule was delivered from Heaven in the beak of a Dove into the hands of Saint Remi, after whom Reims Cathedral was named. Containing a holy oil distilled from the milk of the Blessed Virgin Mary (who later became the patron saint of the Knights Templar), which was used to anoint Clovis during his coronation in Notre Dame de Reims, the Vial has been hidden and protected in one form or another by the Ordre de la Sainte-Ampoule throughout France's turbulent history, until this very day.
Therefore, on the 17th July 1429, Charles VII's coronation ritually fulfilled the thousand year old tradition for monarchs to be anointed by the Sainte-Ampoule in Reims Cathedral. As Joan of Arc personally presided over the coronation herself, she appointed one of her most trusted captains, Gilles de Rais, as the guardian Knight of the Sainte-Ampoule in her stead for this special occasion. Perhaps it's no coincidence that, just nine years after Joan was burned at the stake as a heretic, Gilles de Rais himself was executed by hanging for allegedly practicing magic and alchemy.
Notre Dame de Reims has always been chosen for the coronation of French kings due to its terrestrial correspondence in the French landscape to the celestial constellation of Virgo, The Virgin. According to Louis Charpentier, a group of five Notre Dame cathedrals including Chartres, Amiens, Evreux, and Bayeux were built to correspond to the Virgo asterism, with Reims aligning to Spica, Alpha Virginis, the brightest star in the constellation.
Ironically, it is recorded that Joan of Arc was condemned to be burned at the stake for heresy, not specifically as a witch, but because she was technically in breach of an arcane biblical clothing law by cutting her hair and dressing in men's clothing for the ease of battle.
But initiates know that the martyr who was burned at the stake was actually a voluntary proxy--carbon-14 tests in 2006 on Saint Joan's ashes have even confirmed that her alleged remains had been substituted from an Egyptian mummy dating from the third century BC--and that Joanie herself was secreted away, depositing her armor and the Sainte-Ampoule for posterity at the Basilica Saint-Denis, north of Montmartre, where the remains of Clovis I are interred.
And, nowadays, if you look closely at certain statues of Saint Joan of Arc, you will see where the Ordre has painted the tip of her boots with red Chanel nail polish in a tribute to the Divine Feminine and to symbolically refute the heretical breach of the biblical clothing law that Saint Joan was accused of.
Newton Coordinate:- The Feast Day of Joan of Arc, May 30th, intersecting with Spica, Alpha Virginis.


Showing items 1 - 8 of 8
ProfessorW 5/30/2009 2:00:13 AM

Stephen Prothero in his recent book on religious illiteracy in the US refers to a survey in which one in ten of those adults questioned said that they believed that Joan of Arc was the wife of Noah.  (Seventy-five per cent of American adults questioned believed that the aphorism, God helps those who help themselves, is from the Bible.)  Is there any evidence either way for this?  It might explain the carbon-dating result.

Mnemosyne 5/30/2009 5:52:31 AM

 Thank you, Bart, for giving us the "real" history of Joanie of Arc.  As you know,  history has been written by those winners (or was that whiners) and not to be trusted.  



zaldar 5/30/2009 10:13:28 AM

I am not sure what to think of a straight joke it works very well, but to much like some things that people actually believe for me not to think the possibility exists that it might not be a joke and that would be scary..

RogerXXII 5/30/2009 3:47:55 PM

 I assure you that it's no joke, Zaldar... Defacing monuments, even with Chanel quality goods, is a very serious business, and can only be contemplated as part of a very important ritual and cause.


That being said, do you really believe in Bishop Cauchon?  Cauchon a la Ste Menehoulde?

Cacaoatl 5/30/2009 10:14:50 PM

The idea that St. Joan was a royal bastard is at least 200 years old, it was first published in a book by Pierre Caze in 1805.  The idea that someone else was substituted at her execution, while implausible, seemed plausible in 1436 when Claude de Armoises, aided by Joan's brothers began claiming to be Joan alive and well. She recanted in 1440.

agentkooper 5/31/2009 2:14:50 PM

 WTF was all that?


RogerXXII 5/31/2009 6:19:36 PM

 I'm sorry, Agent Kooper, but as I peruse your Quantico file, I can see that you're not cleared for X-Level dossiers.

Back to harrassing Islamic grocery store owners for you, I'm afraid...

LittleNell1824 6/4/2009 8:08:49 PM

I'm a little disappointed that there was no mention of bad fairies in this account. Naughty, ghostly fairies who come out of ancient revered grottos or long forgotten pagan ritual sites, and reveal themselves to the young people, often requesting ridiculous or dangerous actions. The Catholic faithful, assuming they're seeing the Archangel Michael or the Virgin Mary, then rush into war, or dig out fountains of the earth with their bare hands, and get up to all kinds of shenanigans that cause them nothing but heartache in the end



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