I STILL (HEART) COMIX

10/8/2008 11:05:34 AM permalink

I came here to kick ass and talk about graphic novels. And I got bookshelves full of graphic novels.

Ugh. New comic day. It's a busy day, if you're a comic shop's retail staff. A day full of boxes which need to be opened and emptied, books which need to be sorted and priced, and customers who need to be swatted at and otherwise scorned.

It's a rough morning here on Canada's West Coast. I lost a bunch of hours of sleep last night when explosive ass-demons decided to I'd be better off spending the night sitting uncomfortably on the toilet, rather than being wrapped safely in a big blanket in bed. My stomach is still reeling from it all. 

So, what're you reading these days? Here's a quick shot of my resume:

Born in 1978. Started reading Archie comics in 1982. Started reading DC's Captain Carrot & Marvel's STAR line in 1983. Switched up to the black & white Eastman & Laird Ninja Turtles in 1989. Got into Marvel's Mainstream about 1992. Picked up some Mainstream DC in 1993.

Then, in 1996, I read Preacher, and gave up on mainstream superhero comics all together. From there it was a steady drive out of the "companies" and into the "authors." I started learned names, like Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Warren Ellis, and Grant Morrison. 

Now I'm... hold on, I have to do the math... Now I'm almost 27, and I'm mostly reading manga. Series like Air Gear, Prince of Tennis, Eyeshield 21, and Yotsuba&!

Somewhere along the way I started writing my own comic as well, The Young Offenders. I love referring to it as a combination between "The New Warriors" and "V for Vendetta." It's all about these angry young kids with strange abilities, fighting to protect a rundown ghetto. You can read it at...

www.TheYoungOffenders.com

Yes!

I was blogger at comics2film, back in the day, with varying levels of regularity. At comics2film, I was effectively a one-man Aqua Teen Hunger Force episode, playing the all the roles at once - The thought-provoking and maturity of frylock. The childlike whimsy of meatwad. And the spastically offensive arrogance of Master Shake. Oh, and the jogging pants of Carl.

Now I'm here at mania, and let me tell you - I'm here for the printed matter, and the video games. I'm not a big movie fan, so when I comment on "talking pictures" it's often to just be a glib smart-ass. Funny books and vidiot games are where it's at for this cat.

Anyway, that's enough of today's dose of Mr. Bloggy McBlogsalot. Just wanted to give a nod to the camera and the crowd. 

I jam over sting, see spots red
I am "Sofa King, Weed Tar dead"

Tags: comics, facts

The Sh*t just got real. Oh wait, not yet. Maybe later.

9/9/2008 11:30:42 AM permalink

Will Smith offered the role of Captain America. Maybe it's true, and probably it's not. Nevertheless, I have to admit, when I heard about this rumor all I could think about was all the hard-core do-or-die semper-fi Captain American fans out there who would hear that rumor, and immediately fill their hands with shit to smear across the internet. Angry! That's what a Will Smith as Captain America rumor does - it makes people angry! Now, personally, I really hate that Cap is an aryan-fighting-aryan. White on white crime, yo! No, seriously, I just never liked that to fight the so-called Master Race, they created the perfect white man. I'd way, way, WAY rather see Steve Rogers played by a Jewish-American, like his creators were. Kirby? Jewish. Stan Lee? Jewish. That's my Cap, baby. He's 100% Red, White, And Jew! "And just so you know, there were a few Jewish cowboys - big guys, who spent money freely!" Tense racial jokes aside, it could be so much worse. In fact, here are some other people who COULD play Cap, who would be much, much worse than Will Smith.

Nick Cage Ryan Reynolds Dane Cook Ben Affleck Casey Affleck Cuba Gooding Jr. Jack Black Vin Diesel

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets

HIT List!

9/5/2008 2:15:56 PM permalink

[youtube]gc2mbfilFFs[/youtube] HIT 1) BAM!

Thrillingly - Grant Morrison and Philip Bond's KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND is coming back into print. Is this because of my blog and youtube video? I have to assume that it is. Thanks to the tiny, tiny handful of people who supported me in wanting to see this book coming back into print. I look forward to stocking a few dozen copies on my shelf, and forcing them down the throat of everybody who dares ask me "what's good?" HIT 2) POW! Lots of talk about that new Nick Cage movie, "Kick-Ass" and the comic it's based on. Lots of talk about how realistic it is. Just for the record... Kick-Ass is not realistic. Everybody keeps saying it's a "realistic" look at super-heroes. It's not. It's a CONTEMPORARY look at superheroes. Youtube and cell-phone video technology are functional parts of the plot. However, seeing as a small, weak child is beaten, stabbed, and run-over by a car in the first issue, and is up and running without a single scar in the second issue, I don't think you can say it's "realistic." There's a little girl with the upper body strength to drive a sword through a man. Even if a sword is super-sharp, that's not easy to do. Nevertheless, I'm not ragging on the book - I read it, though mostly just to examine the similarities between it and my own book (I too have little kids going through the rough part of town and into dilapidated apartment buildings to violently kick the crap out of easy-going video-game-playing pimps). Hollywood: Please stop calling Kick-Ass realistic. Call it a "contemporary superhero story" and you'll be on the right path. HIT 3) BIFF! So, there was a bit of a rumor out there about a live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie? Thank god that turned out to just be a rumor. Man, I just re-watched the live action one a while ago, and yeah, it's cute. But do I really want to see another sequel, a remake, or god help us, a retelling of the stupid origin story? No. No, I do not. From a TMNT movie I would like to see more smooth computer graphics. More freerunning across the city. More individual personality from the boys. Larger extended fight scenes. I'd like to see some shit that you could use to make some really good AMVs, you know? I want to see youtube full of video clips of ninja turtles running around and busting in ninja-heads, set to the Beastie Boys and RUN-DMC. HIT 3.5) SOCK! Somewhere else at comics2film.com there's some real debates going on about Eastman & Laird's TMNT, and whether or not the Turtles are "for kids". Now, I'm coming down on this issue as a hard-core life-time Turtles fan, as all us assholes like to. Nevertheless, I own the original shit, OK? I know what it is. I've read the biographies on Eastman & Laird, the behind the scenes books, the Usagi Yojimbo crossovers, the very excellent "Art Of" book, and Peter Laird's Blog. And I just want to say: The Turtles are for kids - of all ages. I know they're covered in blood, and they say damn. That can't possibly be for kids, right? Well, I was 10 when I started reading Eastman & Laird's TMNT, and I loved it as much then as I do now. To say that these aren't kid's books is an insult to me and the hundreds and thousands of children who loved those characters. Of course they're kid's books. Just like Bone is a kid's comic, and Star War's is a series of kids' movies. Some of the greatest fiction of our age is made "for kids", and I think it's a real shame that we have to equate kids to "stupid fucking morons." Kids are smart. Just as smart as you or I. You can't condescend to them, and you can't lie to them. They'll figure your ass out. Anyway. TURTLE POWER! HIT 4) SPORK! I've been watching the footage for DC Universe On-Line, and I gotta say, it looks really interesting! If you're not familiar with the game - It's a microverse of the DC Universe, where you get to create your own character, and interact the DCU, and all the other fans who've purchased the equipment. I'm seriously starting to wonder if this isn't the future of these characters. I have to admit that I'm way more interested in interacting with Superman in a virtual environment, than I am in reading Superman comics. Of course, I'm even more interested in becoming a super-villain and kicking the crap out of the heroes, but that's neither here nor there until they reveal whether or not the game will get released for Macs. I'd love to see DCO get all meta too. Have a plot where Grant Morrison assumes control over the game's reality for a month, forcing the heroes to take up arms against his drug-induced madness. [youtube]qa791GlDBeI[/youtube] Go to youtube to watch it in HIGH QUALITY!

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, Would you like a piece of pie?, Little Fishies Swim Going swish-swish-swish!, SHIT LIST!!

Hey Diddle Diddle Dept.

8/23/2008 2:50:40 PM permalink

I wasn't going to say anything about this, but... OK. Just for the record? You can't jump to the moon.

The moon is, averaged out, 238,857 miles away. You would have to travel at 1000 miles an hour, 24 hours a day, to get there in 10 days. On top of that, you would have to travel at terminal velocity just to escape earth's gravity. And even then - even then? The moon would have to be in exactly the right place. It's not just "up". It's up and over. Or down. Or you know, in orbit. So, what have we learned? We've learned that the current run of Hulk comics is not being written for people who want even hints of vague realism in their comics. It's pure magical speculative fantasy, where you can jump to the moon and possibly even ride a talking unicorn who farts out rainbow-coloured balloons filled with cream pudding. Now, there's nothing wrong with that. Really, there isn't. Hell, one of the later Star Wars movies had a sonic bomb that sucked up all the noise in space, and nobody complained about that. Some people like realism, some people enjoy worlds of pure escapist fantasy. Some people even enjoy writing in italics. But just, for the record? So future generations can know that this issue was thought about by the minds of our time? You can't jump to the moon. Unless you're a cow, and you have the assistance of a cat and a fiddle.

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, I'm a pretty little girl., SHIT LIST!!

Cover Coverage.

8/21/2008 1:42:47 PM permalink

That comic covers show you things that have nothing to do with the actual comic is an old cliche, but three specific comics came out this week, with really frustrating covers. In all three cases, the covers showed plot details from literally the last two pages of the books. This did a couple of things. For one, it set false expectations. In the case of JLA #24, it made me think that the comic was going to be about AnimalMan, and the aliens he battled/talked with back in Grant Morrison's run on the character. So I read the comic, and you know what? It's the last chapter in a big fight with that robot who can emulate superpowers, and no AnimalMan until the final 2 pages. So, what's the point of that? Why taunt us few AnimalMan fans? I'd love to see Dwayne McDuffie comment on Morrison's AnimalMan - but to then just get a confusing story about a fight with a robot? Frustrating. The same went for the new Moon Knight, #21. There's a huge shot of Venom on the cover, looming over Moon Knight in the foreground, with the rest of the Thunderbolts in the background. So I'm like, "Moon Knight VS Venom? I'll check that action out." And you know how many pages of Moon Knight VS Venom we get in the issue? None. They show up on the last bloody page, as Moon Knight walks in to his apartment after a long hard adventure that I wasn't interested in. I was vaguely intrigued, don't ask me why, by Moon Knight VS Venom. The cover sold me. But the cover sold me a lie. The 3rd one really pissed me off, because not only did it set a false precedence, it totally blew the surprise ending. The 2nd issue of FOOLKILLER came out today, and I have to say, I've found this Foolkiller series, and the preceding one, surprisingly entertaining. I was very scornful of the idea and the depiction, but to actually just read the stories as they are, they're great. It's awesome urban vigilante action. Nasty, and over the top. I've really enjoyed what I've read. So, Punisher's on the cover of Foolkiller #2, and he doesn't show up until the last page. And that sucks, right? Because I grabbed up that book eagerly, excited to see what was going to down. But then, here's the kicker - when the Punisher shows up? It's a cool, slightly mysterious reveal. It's a cool bit, and it makes you turn the page. But the effect of the well-timed surprise is completely blown by revealing the man in the shadows, on the cover. Of course it's the Punisher! He's on the front of the issue! There's no surprise! But to actually read the scene on it's own - it's a great bit of comic! So why ruin that by planting false expectations that ultimately make the reader feel as though they're being dicking around? Hey - all these comics I read? They were great. Well, Foolkiller was. The others weren't bad, I just wasn't interested in what they were about, I was interested in what their covers were about. I'm just saying, these weren't bad comics, and the covers weren't badly drawn. They were just poorly timed. These were all next month's covers. Maybe next month I'll get to read some comics about AnimalMan, and Moon Knight fighting Venom. Maybe. Damn it - give me what I want to pay for and I'll pay you for it! But don't tell me one thing is another! [youtube]iPLelay3zzA[/youtube]

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, SHIT LIST!!

News Sucks! I mean

7/24/2008 12:45:16 PM permalink

CONAN: The Musical

Start Spreading the news - They're in the money! Despite miles of protests from hard-core fans, the first week's showing of "Conan: The Musical" went off without a hitch, and raked in a metric ton of dough! Audiences were thrilled, apparently, to hear the all-singing, all-dancing, all-weight-lifting cast, putting their voices to such soon-to-be-classic hits as... "What's Best In Life" (Sung to the tune of The Lennon Sisters' "My Favorite Things") "Who Dies First?" (Sung to Run-DMC's "Run's House") "The Riddle of Steel," (Sung to Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car") and "There's nothing in the universe cold steel won't cut," (Sung to The Beatles' "Come Together") "I really didn't expect to get so much blood on me," one pleased theater-goer exclaimed upon exit, "but it says right there on the ticket - 'First three rows will get wet!'" Conan: The Musical is to run for a 73-week engagement. Mark Millar sells movie script based on unwritten comic based on dream. Scottish shock-rock performance artist Mark Millar has announced that he has several "big time hollywood directors" lined up to film an as of yet unnamed and unwritten comic. Based on a dream the writer intends to have several nights after this interview, Mark Millar had this to say about his latest comic to movie transition: "Life's boring and futile. We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realize that we're aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers. We develop aw they long-winded ideas which jist interpret the reality ay oor lives in different weys, withoot really extending oor body ay worthwhile knowledge, about the big things, the real things. Basically, we live a short, disappointing life; and then we die." When asked about his feeling towards adapting the hit movie "Wanted" into a graphic novel, the hit writer commented, "It unnerves us tae the extent that ah feel ma ain genitals through ma troosers tae see if they're still thair." Though the comic is still over a year away from being written or drawn, Wizard Magazine has already awarded it "best book of the year" for 2009, 2010, and "possibly even 2011." Peter David to write novel adaptation of the cinematic adaptation of a comic. As always. At an announcement meeting for The Watchmen: The Movie: The Novel, Peter David struck and badly injured a young man who happened to be carrying a large chocolate cake through the convention hall. When pressed for comment, David was quoted as saying "Nom Nom Nom," as he used both hands to push the cake down his throat. At a later publicity meeting, David attempted to explain that he had not even been at the earlier meeting, and that the assailant had in fact been Cannonball Run's Dom DeLuise. Police continued to investigate the bizarre case until forced to admit that they "couldn't tell the difference between the two guys." At which point they all went home.

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, Would you like a piece of pie?

The End of The Beginning of The End?

7/18/2008 2:30:02 PM permalink

The Watchmen Trailer is set to a remix of a song from Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin." Seriously, is this a joke? Some sort of nefarious plot or scheme? The work of dark magics? Are there strange new drugs involved? What the hell is going on? I was originally going to post a big thing about how awesome Alan Moore is, and just not bring up the "W" word at all, but then I found that out, and... I'm sort of shocked. It's just... There's like, what? A billion songs in the world? And of every song in existence, they picked a remix of a song from Batman & Robin? Is there a message in there? Is there something larger I'm supposed to understand? Was it just sheer weird random chance? You know, sometimes I think we didn't actually survive that plane crash. ... Anyway, as I attempt to heal up my conspiracy centers, here's one of my favorite interviews with one of my favorite comic book writers. [youtube]Cam2kK7J_8k[/youtube]

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, Would you like a piece of pie?

Grant Morrison: At his Zenith, or Facing his Final Crisis?

6/30/2008 2:09:15 PM permalink

I've enjoyed Grant Morrison's comics for years. I love reading his stuff, and I love selling it. Lately though, like over the past few years, I feel like I've really seen him take a walk away from the quality projects that caused me to fall in love with his big head full of crazy ideas. More and more his comics seem shallow, conceived in haste, and for some reason, full of super-heroes. More and more it seems like he's just phoning it in, and not really trying to tell lasting stories capable of entertaining intelligent, independently-minded readers. I'm being a little harsh on him here, but it's just because the only books I can read these days are manga. I can't even read DC comics anymore. Final Crisis? It was like he was sticking his dick in my eye sockets while wearing a Kirby-Condom that'd been passed around the offices for the past 50 years. I couldn't see or understand anything - all I felt was pain and humiliation. And Kirby Dots. But hey, don't take my disses too hard. I'm really just here to talk, you know? I don't want to put the guy's head on a spike, I just enjoy taking part in the conversation. Grant's a fun writer, and a smart guy. I just wish he wasn't writing for the fanboys, the nasty little hobgoblins of this literary scene. I wish he was writing for me, because I'm soooo cool. So, just for fun, here's some old ideas I'd like to see Grant Morrison using... These are toys he used to play with, that he doesn't anymore, that I wish he would. Oh Grant Morrison - Where Art Thou? 1) Flying cars. Flying cars kick ass all day long. There was an awesome flying car at the end of his X-Men run, and I miss it. I really, really want some flying cars in my comics. 2) Transsexuals. I want more chicks with dicks and alternative sexual appetites in my comics. If I was interested in seeing conventional people & relationships fictionalized, I'd be watching TV. I'm sick of seeing comics about middle-aged people getting married, and I'm sick of hearing that Americans are scared of same-sex kissing. We're moving into the future folks, and if you can't deal with it, you might as well just stick your genitals in a lead box and get used to living with fear and hatred. And if all those little Wizard-reading homophobes can't deal with it, they can go take a good long hard suck on my pair of 20-side dice. 3) Eat the Rich. Stop justifying people in fancy suits and start dragging them down into the blood and semen laced mud of the Eternal Woodstock. Again, if I wanted to hear about how fucking cool rich people are, I'd be watching TV. A big point of comics is they're cheap to produce and cheap to purchase, making them an excellent literary form for poor people, not just middle-class wankers looking for something to wipe their asses on between purchases of video games and SUVs. End of the day, I'd be happier reading stories about insurgents overthrowing the bourgeois. I'd rather read about heroes who steal & burn sports cars, than the jerk-offs who own them. 4) 21st Century Terrorists. I loved Marvel Boy. He ate trash, dressed like a militant club kid, and abused authority figures. Finally, a superhero who set an example I wanted to live up to. 5) Good musical references. I remember when it used to be Naughty By Nature & Kula Shaker. Now if we're lucky it's the Beatles. If you're going to reference a band, you might as well reference a good band, and not just whatever overplayed pop or horribly obscure shit you think might mess with North Americans. 6) Ontological Theory. I miss having Trans-dimensional Aliens & String Theory brought up in my comics. I miss hearing about the new ways in which physicists were allowing us to examine our own souls. Does free will exist in a quantum vacuum? Should it? I don't know for sure, but I know that I love reading about it. Here's a real warning to Mr. Morrison - just because Lost is a great TV show doesn't mean that TV should be the be-all/end-all of sci-fi. Show the world how it's done, man! Show these people what real intelligent science-fiction is really like! Do something with a comic that can't be replicated in any other medium! Yeah! So there you have it. I could go on, and I'm sure I could go back and make some better choices, but life isn't about going back and making better choices. It's about the eternally echoing echoing post-pop NOW - the infinite moment of clarity so fierce and demanding that it snaps the mind and annihilates the ego. The lights go down, your pants come off, and everything is buzzing and sticky and aching, but you just keep reminding yourself, that everything you love comes with its own built-in needles and barbs. You'll get what you want, but we'll get ours too. By hook or by crook. We'll get it all. "when i grow up i want to be astronaut selling drugs on the side & not getting caught"[youtube]l8UfvHnna38[/youtube]

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, The World's Most Comfortable Couch!, SHIT LIST!!

Warning - The following post contains absolutely NO Batman.

6/22/2008 11:00:40 AM permalink

I recently finished reading all 11 volumes of the series Drifting Classroom. This series blasted my ass off. It was an intense horror ride like no other graphic novel series I've ever read. It's hard to believe that it's like 30 years old, because it feels like it could've been written yesterday. Totally contemporary. An absolutely amazing read. If you enjoy having the living crap scared out of you, and you enjoy adult comics which feature realistically graphic violence, terrible post-apocalyptic scenarios, and mutated, human-hating monsters, you should probably check it out. This book is horror all the way through to the bone. And as a bonus: Here's a cartoon with a monkey in it.[youtube]jYtMa9Rq5Xs[/youtube]

Tags: review, Tales Of The City Streets

Howard the Duck Remake Moving Along Smoothly.

6/13/2008 3:00:59 PM permalink

Tim Burton's Howard the Duck, now listed under the official title, "Tim Burton's Howard the Duck", should be ready to go by Christmas 2008, reported the Fortean Times. Billed not as a sequel, but as a complete reboot of the cinematic adventures of one of the greatest comic characters of all time, Tim Burton's Howard the Duck promises to deliver characters and action on a scale not seen since the release of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. "Howard is one of the most endearing characters of 20th century fiction," producer Richard Zanuck, explained. "This is the story the public has been waiting for. The story of Tim Burton's Howard The Duck." "It's going to be a really exciting picture," Burton said, explaining that the movie would be done with a unique blend of stop-motion animation and live action. "Basically," the world renowned Pop-Emo director explained, "we'll have the actors performing alongside the stop-motion Howard by having them move incredibly slowly. It's a very painstaking and difficult process, but when you see it all up on the screen, moving as fluidly as real life... Well, lets just say we're pretty sure that we're going to blow the critics away. In fact, we plan to blow their asses right off." The Duck, a combination of claymation and animatironics which bares an uncanny resemblance to the comic book icon, is said to have cost over 20 million dollars, and have over 30,000 independently moving pieces. Staring with Howard will be the usual plethora of big-name Hollywood talents found in Tim Burton movies, including Helena Bonham Carter as Beverly Switzer, Johnny Depp as Turnip Man, and Jack Nicholson as Dr. Bong. Michael Keaton will be reprising his much-cherished role of Batman in what some are already calling "the most brutal and unnecessary death sequence in motion picture history." The voice of Howard will be provided by Shia LaBeouf, who is also in talks with Steven Spielberg to re-dub his original Howard the Duck movie. "It's already pretty clear that Shia is going to be the greatest actor of the next 80 years," Spielberg explained, "so why not just get used to it?" Sadly, due to recent passing of Howard The Duck's original creator, Steve Gerber, credit for the creation of Howard will have to be given to Alan Moore. "I didn't agree to any of this," Moore was quoted as saying, while chasing reporters off his porch with a large broom. For the score, Tim Burton was heard to remark, "Eh, I dunno. I guess Elfman will just throw his usual shit together."

Tags: Tales Of The City Streets, I'm a pretty little girl.