Mania Grade: A+
Disc Grade: A
Reviewed Format: DVD
Rated: Not Rated
Voices: Bob Dorough, Lynn Ahrens, Grady Tate, Jack Sheldon
Writers: various
Directors: various
Distributor: Buena Vista Home Entertainment
Original Years of Release: 1973 - 2002
Retail Price: $29.99
Extras: two-disc set; commentary; documentaries; top ten jukebox; top 20 countdown; "lost" clips; puzzles; music videos; trailers
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SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK!: SPECIAL 30TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

Proposed by David McCall, an advertising executive, back in 1972, SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK! was an attempt to teach young kids important information through song. The basic idea being that with a catch ditty supporting it children would be able to easily retain information that otherwise would hold no interest to them. The concept proved an astounding success with millions of children retaining the multiplication tables for two through 12, minus 10, unwittingly, in the first batch of shorts, "Multiplication Rock." Unfortunately the simple fact that many people only recall 50% to 75% of any given tune's actual lyrics, filling in the remaining gap with similar but incorrect assumptions of lyrics, caused many "F"s with questions like, "What is 7 times 7?" being answered, "Wacky rabbit who shoots bananas out of his crotch into children's mouths."

"Grammar Rock" was another stunning success in that it got the kids humming, but tunes like "Unpack Your Adjectives" and "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here" offered too many opportunities for schoolyard blue humor to bother with retaining their correct form. (Really, who didn't shout poop or fartface during the classic line, "So I unpacked my adjectives/I unpacked BLANK first"?) The worst of the lot was "Conjunction Junction" in which the conjunctions "or" and "and" are sandwiched in-between the hardest of the hard grade school curse words, butt. (Spelled differently true, but sounding the same.) "Interjections" - do I even need to point out the opportunity available for vulgarity in "Interjections"? I'll be throwing a couple of "Interjections" your way if you think otherwise. Rufus Xavier Sarsaparilla, while not prone to naughtiness, still possessed the most cumbersome title possible for the multi-syllable challenged youth sect. (I, in fact, once saw a child choke to death just trying to sing the first verse.) "Verb, That's What's Happening" didn't so much teach the children the concept underlying a verb as much as make them want to be a huge African American superhero with a far too tight uniform. (More like "Cod piece, that's what's happening.") Later date additions "Busy Prepositions" and "The Tale of Mr. Morton" were too boring to care about.

"Science Rock" eloquently tried to introduce children to concepts about their bodies, the world around them and the solar system. Unfortunately most of these songs suck. Only "Telegraph Line" and "Electricity, Electricity" are catchy enough to carry into the next day. Sure, some people will tell you that "Interplanet Janet" is a great ditty, but they are lying and you should punch them in the stomach.

"American Rock," well here's where SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK tried to thrust its abridged one-sided history and fierce Americanism onto its helpless TV zombies. "No More Kings" makes kids think that not only are the British royalty a bunch of garish dung beetles (which we would soon learn is 100%, well, true but to tell children that is right nasty) but that Americans themselves were just a bunch of exploited victims, instilling the idea of a positive revenge fantasy in young minds. "The Shot Heard Round the World," well this tune is just awesome, and why you ask? Well, cause that band Ween covered it, and Ween is awesome. "I'm Just A Bill" teaches a child to talk to pieces of trash they find on steps. "Mother Necessity" simplifies the reasons behind inventions to the point of creating a whole song of apocryphal incidents, sort of like anti-learning. "The Preamble" tries to slip that dry text into the minds of children everywhere, enabling them to recall it at a moment's notice until six years later when it will actually be applied to something they're learning. (That is, of course, unless they are over the age of 11 and watching cartoons, and we all know nobody cool watches cartoons after 11.)

Now we come to "Money Rock," a collection of songs created in the early '90s that many bitter Generation Xers have decided to dismiss, feeling that they mar the memory of the original series. We call this attitude the "Grandpa Phenomenon" and if you hear it from a Gen X person, immediately put them into a home. "Tyrannosaurus Debt" is a catchy number for a song that seems more like a protest song slipped into children's programming. (Hey hippies, you keep your granola ideas on your side of the fence, and I'll keep my bar of soap on mine.) "Walkin' On Wall Street" features a pigeon that makes investments. Disease control says the best investment you can make for yourself is to kill that pigeon. There are other songs in this category but you'll forget them.

Hey America, are you ready for "Boothy?" Hey America, do you give a crap about "Boothy?" "Boothy" is the latest SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK character, featured in the brand new song "I'm Gonna Send Your Vote to College." This number teaches kids about the Electoral College, or would if they could just stay awake through the damn thing.

Think everything SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK touched turned to gold? Well, you'll get a hearty kick in the crotch when you watch "Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips." This has got to be the worst collection of horrendous tunes this side of a new Ringo Starr album. Allegedly created to get kids interested in computers, cause at that time they thought kids would be afraid of them, they only resulted in massive riots when cherished episodes of THE MENUDO POWER HOUR were interrupted with such drivel. Of the four episodes created for this aborted concept, only three are on this DVD; the first, "Introduction," has vanished into the ether, sadly leaving his stinky brothers behind.

DVDs are nothing without supplementary features, nothing I tell you, and this package is jam-packed with two discs filled with exciting sides... except for a comprehensive history of the series that is.

Disc one features all your favorite SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK songs and the ones you didn't like as well. Additional features on this disc include a "play all" function which gives you the option of playing the tunes in order or randomly. There's a top ten jukebox that allows you to play the top ten SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK songs in any order you choose up to ten. The bottom 37 SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK songs you have to pick and choose on your own.

Disc two features the long lost song "The Weather Show." Why this is considered a long lost song isn't mentioned. "Scooter Computer and Mr. Crappy Songs" is on this disc all well. There are 20 songs from disc one repeated on this disc for the top 20 countdown - now that's recycling! Remember that SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK tribute album a few years back that had kick-ass covers by Ween ("The Shot Heard Round the World") and Blind Mellon ("Three is a Magic Number")? Well, those two are nowhere to be found; instead we get three forgettable covers by Deluxx Folk Implosion ("I'm Just a Bill"), Better Than Ezra ("Conjunction Junction") and Goodness ("Electricity, Electricity"). Anybody remember those bands? The only good note is the Lemonheads' nifty take on "My Hero, Zero" which is only a heavy anvil's throw away from the original. Ten songs are selected for audio commentary with George Newall, Phil Kimmelman and Tom Yohe Jr. Since each song is around three minutes there is hardly any soul shattering revelations, but there is a fair share of self-congratulations. Two documentaries are available: "Emmy Awards Featurette" and "Making of 'I'm Gonna Send Your Vote to College.'" The former is a short look at the four Emmys won by the show while the latter is both a history of SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK and a plug for the latest sub-par tune. For some reason the DVD has an ad for Nike featuring "Three is a Magic Number." Wrapping up the disc are two games "Arrange a Schoolhouse Rock Song" and "Earn Your Diploma" that you don't need a DVD-ROM to play.

If you highlight "Credit" on the second disc and press enter you get the writers' credits, producers' credits and singers' credits for all the songs featured.

One final thing: after purchasing this DVD I went to a bar and, after striking out with all the sober girls, mentioned SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK to this 47-years-young drunk barfly, and to make a long story short, I'm now involved in a paternity suit. Cause, you see, women love being nostalgic.