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A SCREAM IN THE STREETS

"Hey, you got your softcore in my cop drama!"

"Hey, why's Tom been in the bathroom for four hours?"

All the above are statements and questions that might arise when watching Harry H. Novak's dubious classic A SCREAM IN THE STREETS, a film that feels like it was interested in television sales, but afraid to leave the grindhouse. The end result is a preposterous episode of POLICE STORY interspersed with some of the most gratuitous, bump and grind footage you could hope for this side of a "see the pickle go in the jungle area" picture. And the children love it.

There's always danger lurking around the corner when you're a cop and for plainclothes detectives Eddie Haskell (that's right, Eddie Haskell) and Bob Streeker it manages to come out more in 90 minutes then in most real policemen's entire careers.  These two boys in not-blue have just been assigned duty together and it's a real odd couple. Eddie is a family man, with a manic depressive wife at home (at least you'll think she is considering the actress playing her seems on the verge of a severe breakdown) and a decency streak. Bob, well, Bob's a wild card, playing by his own rules, not because he's a lone gun but apparently due to being the only plainclothes cop who doesn't know procedure. Heck, every bust these two make Bob fumbles. Naturally the two become best friends.

Meanwhile the city is under siege: innocent girls are being raped and murdered by an unknown male who fools both his prey and the police by dressing in drag and looking, well, like a guy in drag. (I never though I'd see a cross dresser less convincing than Dick Shawn in ANGEL, but I was wrong.) Also occurring, and not always having anything to do with the Ed and Dick story, is a variety of ugly crimes robbery, masseuse beating, gun battle in the grocery store parking lot, peeping tom and littering. It's a dark ugly world and thank God we had somebody like Harry H. Novak to show it to us, along with bushels of nudity.

Now you can't have Eddie Haskell without the Beav and that sure comes out aplenty. There's Ed making love to his neurotic wife, a shameless massage parlor scene, two incidental characters doing the baby dance, a lonely housewife love session, and more. Fans of Novak's work will appreciate the appearance of such skin flick favorites as Sandi Carey, John Tull (fortunately not sexing up a cow in this picture) and Geena Davis look-alike Sharon Kelly in the film's more "intimate" moments. (Sadly, though, no Rene Bond present.) Oddly, these erotic moments occur 15 minutes into the film and wind down 15 minutes before the end, adding up to 30 straight minutes of straight cop drama - not that it matters. The abundance of plot over simulation leads one to believe that Novak was doing the old "cold reel/hot reel" trick in order to play more venues.

While A SCREAM IN THE STREETS may not cross the line into XXX, this is some pretty steamy stuff and should be kept away from the kids I suggest under the mattress, in a sock drawer, or possibly in the easily picked lock portion of your video storage cabinet. No kid would ever think of looking in these places.

Certainly A SCREAM IN THE STREETS isn't SCORPIO but director Carl Monson (PLEASE DON'T EAT MY MOTHER) manages to be competent enough to make this little curio have a bit of a zing and kapow with a few minor action sequences that manage to not impress and look completely staged, unless you're drunk. Any film that requires drinking for full enjoyment I'm all for.

A SCREAM IN THE STREETS has been released on disc in mono and is featured full frame from a print that has artifacts throughout, though they are relatively mild. The color is slightly faded after all these years, but not much, and considering the availability of this title it's more than adequate.

Something Weird Video's Mike Vraney continues to give the buyer more bang for their buck with a phenomenal selection of extras that will have cop drama fans and softy fanatics pulling out the tissues.

The disc includes five short subjects: "Crime in the Streets," "The Prowler," "Harry Novak, Crime Stopper!," "Caught in the Can" and "Strip in the Street." "Crime in the Streets" is an educational film dealing with ways to prevent oneself from becoming the victim of a crime. Its most priceless moment occurs when a young Chuck Norris, when asked what to do "if surround by six or eight guys and they said, 'Give us your money or else,'" replies, "Well, I'd give them my money and if that's not enough I'd write them a check." (Yep, that's right. After hearing this, my copy of MISSING IN ACTION II went straight in the trash.)

"The Prowler" is a police science film that shows cops the proper way to handle, you guessed it, prowlers. "Harry Novak, Crime Stopper!" is yet another video document of Mike Vraney and pals running into one of Sinema's greats, in this case a no-B.S., gun-flashing Harry Novak. "Caught in the Can" is the steamiest extra on a Something Weird disc since "The Girl and the Skeleton" on the must own THE CURIOUS DR. HUMPP. In "Can," two guys decide to dress up as women and solicit sex from sailors in order to steal money. Things don't work out as planned and the boys are arrested and placed in the women's holding cell. Here nasty things begin to happen, graphically though not train in the tunnel graphically. Even though the print is badly scratched and missing frames, I predict that many will be coming back to this one again and again. "Strip in the Street" is a delightful little burlesque piece that is so tame that it seems wholesome, even if the picture quality is less then stellar.

It wouldn't be Something Weird without trailers and Vraney's dishing them out five scoops high. On this release you get the trailer for A SCREAM IN THE STREETS that is not only different from the one featured on WHAM-BAM-THANK YOU, SPACEMAN!, but features footage not in the picture. (For shame Mr. Novak, for shame!) The other trailers are for DESTINATION FURY, THE GODSON, THE MAFIA GANG, MICHELLE, PROSTITUTES PROTECTIVE SOCIETY, SECRET FILE 1413, SEX CLUB INTERNATIONAL, SOME LIKE IT VIOLENT, A TASTE OF HOT LEAD, THE TOUCHABLE and X-RAY OF A KILLER. (Note: Vraney must be running out of trailers because PROSTITUTES PROTECTIVE SOCIETY is also featured on the SCARE THEIR PANTS OFF/SATAN'S BED disc!) It's a mixed bag of straightforward cop dramas and sexploitation numbers here.

An Easter egg trailer is included go to the main menu, push your cursor to the left till the drag queen's necklace lights up, and you should be automatically taken to the trailer. (Note: if you don't see a drag queen on the main menu, but instead a beautiful lady, see your optometrist immediately.) The clip is for CONVICTS AND SEX 2 and like sashimi it's pretty raw.

Rounding out the extras is the standard "Harry Novak Exploitation Art with Soundtrack Greatest Hits" along with a relatively new item called "Harry Novak 8 by 10 Publicity Photos!"