The good old days for Adam West
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September 9 September 15: Reality TV Meets Classic TV?

So, I can't stop thinking about CBS's lame idea for a new reality show based on THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES.

I wish I could stop thinking about it, but I can't. God help me, it's stuck in my head like one of those crappy AMERICAN IDOL medleys.

You see, there are just so many old shows that the networks can tap and I can't help but wonder which show is next.

Here's a couple old TV shows that are just ripe for the reality show pickin':

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  BATMAN Not only would it be funny to see a guy running around in tights claiming to be Batman, but he could fight crime as well. It's hilarious and good for society.


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  ALF This one would have pretty much the same set up as "Big Brother" except one of the housemates would be ALF.
  


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  DIFF'RENT STROKES - Pick two young African American kids to live with a rich, white guy for a while.


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  HOGAN'S HEROES - Take a group of average guys and place them in a Nazi POW camp. Hilarity ensues.


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  MANIMAL If contestants are willing to participate in a little genetic tampering this one could be a fantastic reality show. Hell, I'd watch it.


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  MY MOTHER THE CAR Come on, I don't even need to make a joke about this one.


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  STAR TREK Here's the deal: We launch a bunch of people up into space and dare them to go where no man has gone before. Might I boldly suggest we go straight to the celebrity edition and send Anna Nicole Smith and Michael Jackson back to their home planets?

Got something to say? E-mail it to me at RedSonia@cinescape.com.

Now, let me break down the week for you. Oh, and as always, check your local listings.

Monday, September 9

The secrets

Haley Joel Osment in Steven Spielberg's A.I.

© 2001 warner Bros.

Jeff Goldblum and Julia Louis-Dreyfus get interviewed by Martin Short in a fat suit in PRIMETIME GLICK on Comedy Central at 8 p.m.

The Cartoon Network has a full hour of the POWERPUFF GIRLS, starting at 8 p.m.

If you like CSI (and I know you do) then you'll probably like WAKING THE DEAD on BBC America at 9 p.m.

TUESDAY, september 10

UPN is airing the final two episodes of the most depressing season of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER back-to-back, starting at 8 p.m. Ready, set, get depressed.

Bust out your 20-sided dice! Starz has DUNGEONS & DRAGONS at 8 p.m.

A head injury gives Lana the ability to see through the eyes of a kidnapper but she still can't see that Clark has the hots for her in this rerun of SMALLVILLE (WB, 9 p.m.).

Cinemax has BOOTY CALL at 8:30 p.m. I only mention it, because, well, I like saying BOOTY CALL.

WeDNESDAY, september 11

There are lots and lots of 9/11 programs, but I'm not going to list them all for you. I will tell you that both 9/11 on CBS at 9 p.m. and IN MEMORIAM: 9/11/01 on HBO at 8 p.m. are the most moving 9/11 documentaries I've seen and I've seen a lot of them.

UPN is

Cover art to POWERPUFF GIRLS #25

© 2002 DC Comics

In some sort of unusual 9/11 counter-programming, TNN is airing four back-to-back episodes of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, starting at 8 p.m.

Templeton and Kerbis encounter an amiable but simpleminded security officer who may be involved in the disappearance of a teen in tonight's all-new BREAKING NEWS (Bravo, 8 p.m.).

THURSDAY, september 12

I know it's not genre, but the WB's FAMILY AFFAIR remake starts tonight at 8 p.m. Besides, it's got Tim Curry in it. It can't be all bad, right? Right?!

BBC America has got two episodes of MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS back-to-back, starting at 9 p.m.

If MONTY PYTHON isn't your thing, then maybe two episodes of SOUTH PARK (Comedy Central, starting at 9:30 p.m.) is. Well, is it?

A young woman's body is discovered buried in a playground sandbox and the investigation leads Grissom and Catherine into the underworld of sadomasochistic sex in this repeat of CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (CBS, 10 p.m.). Ahhh, remember the good ol' days when you only found needles in the sandbox?

FRIDAY, september 13

What?! No FRIDAY THE 13^TH marathons?! I have to admit that I'm a little disappointed here.

UPN has got THE FIFTH ELEMENT at 8 p.m. Personally, I thought this movie was lame, lame, and oh, lame. But other people seem to like it and I'm not here to judge, folks.

Sci Fi has got four episodes of STARGATE SG-1, starting at 6 p.m.

Margaret Cho's one-woman show I'M THE ONE THAT I WANT debuts on the Sundance Channel at 7:30 p.m. It's hilarious.

Check out the all-new ODYSSEY 5 on Showtime at 10 p.m.

There's a full hour of DARIA on Noggin at 10 p.m.

SATURDAY, september 14

Bravo has

The good old days for Adam West

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Jet Li is THE ONE at 8 p.m. on STARZ. Well, he's not really the one for me, but maybe for you...

Damn we're in a tight spot! Yep, it's OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? at 10 p.m. on ENCORE.

Gigolo Joe alert! Cinemax has got A.I.: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE at 10 p.m.

SUNDAY, September 15

The long wait is over! A little show called THE SOPRANOS finally starts its fourth season tonight at 9 p.m. on HBO.

The absolutely hilarious CURB YOUR ENTHUSIAM also starts its new season tonight at 10 p.m.

The WB has got back-to-back episodes of CHARMED starting at 7 p.m., while UPN is rerunning the pilot episode of ENTERPRISE at 8 p.m.

Angel and Connor do a little bonding while kicking some demon ass in this repeat of ANGEL (WB, 9 p.m.). Ahhh, nothing like a little violence to bring a family together.

The Cartoon Network's ADULT SWIM begins at 11 p.m.

There's an all-day marathon of THE DEAD ZONE, beginning at 10 a.m. on USA. The marathon concludes with the season finale at 10 p.m.

Remote Patrol is our weekly Television column.