When we last left Clark and company, our fearless hero had vanquished his mortal enemy, Zod, risking his own life in the process, and was plummeting off a skyscraper, toward the always desolate Metropolis streets below, arms outstretched Christ like, with a Blue Kryptonite dagger buried deep in his rib cage.
As he awoke (very Jack Shephard-ish by the way) in a field of corn, we were once again treated to the religious Savior symbolism of the scarecrow perch as the crucifix, and the “Kent” grave as his tomb. It wasn’t much of a surprise to find out Clark’s first name was the big reveal. (We’ve all read Dicken’s Christmas Carol by now, or at least have seen the Mr. Magoo version.)
Here in his dreamlike state, between life and death, Clark is visited by the voice of Jor El (who once again sounds a lot more like Terrance Stamp than he did when he looked like Julian Sands) and a bald man in white, who resembled Michael Rosenbaum.
Meanwhile back in Metropolis, Lois, who decided crying over Clark’s body from night time till day break was a smarter move than calling for an ambulance, removed the bloody shiv from her true love’s torso, and waited in the shadows as the restoring powers of the earth’s yellow sun once again healed Clark.
Two major complaints here, and they’re not new ones. Again, Metropolis is supposed to be New York city (even if it is situated in Kansas) and I am once again astonished no one, in a six hour span, tried to help or harass Lois in a city the should never, but always seems to be sleeping.
I am already disgusted at the stupid games Lois is still playing with Clark. Tell him you know who he is. Act like a f@cking adult for a second here Lois. And while I’m yelling at Lois Lane, I am really upset at writers Holly Henderson and Don Whitehead, as well as every other idiot with a laptop and a Guild card that came before them. Treat your viewers like they’ve got a brain. You’ll get better product that way. Of course ten years of successful hack is hard to sneeze at, so perhaps I’m wrong.
Now the Lois character, while very annoying at times, has nothing in the infuriating department when compared to Chloe. Lois at least looks very appealing in scarecrow bondage. I have a serious question. Whose niece is Allison Mack anyway? I’ve never seen such an unappealing character stay around on a show where so many despise her when they were meant to root for her. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, they should have made Chloe a bad guy. At least then we’d enjoy rooting against her. Now they’re going to make her the next Dr. Fate? Why would anyone reward such an irritating character? What’s next; letting dog killers start as quarterbacks in the NFL?
On to the positives, and there were some. Justin Hartley is always capable of believably delivering lines written by the same chumps who make me want to drive daggers through the rib cages of other actors on this show. The guy is talented and charismatic. It came as no surprise that the exchanged hooded victim was his girlfriend, Chloe, and I really wish they would pull a shocking reveal just once. In this episode, counting the grave and the hostage switch they were 0 for 2. During the course of the entire series they are 0 for ever.
The Lex clone plot will obviously play out during the course of the season, and my guess is the little boy Tess is now mothering, will rapidly advance in age until he’s exactly Michael Rosenbaum’s age, and then guess who will start playing all grown up Lexie again? If this happens, we could be in for some very awkward maternal instincts between Tess and the reincarnated Lex. Sadly I don’t fully trust any of the writers to pull this off, but I do have faith in Rosenbaum and Cassidy Freeman as actors.
I also enjoyed the Brandon Routh costume. Glad Brandon didn’t come with it. Of course we were teased again, and Clark never put on the patriotic long johns. Seriously guys, don’t make us wait 10 episodes for this. We’ve waited long enough. Trust me, this character is more interesting in his cape. He just is.
This episode also featured the return of Clark’s dad, and while I’m a John Schneider fan, I didn’t see why it was important to have the dead father talk. We already knew something dark was coming, and many of us guessed it was Darkseid in the middle of last season. (Again, this show isn’t nearly as clever at reveals as it would like to be.)
So that’s where we are; a little good, a little more bad, the promise of a spectacular series finale, with the likelihood of a good amount of disappointment along the way.
Welcome back Smallvillians. Here’s to hoping.
Joe Oesterle’s latest book, “Weird Hollywood” hits book stores Oct 5. It’s full of urban legends, Hollywood ghosts, roadside attractions, celebrity interviews and he got to sit in the Adam West Batmobile. Follow the book on Twitter: http://twitter.com/WeirdHollywood
And if you live in the Los Angeles area, write him at Joe@JoeArtistWriter.com for book signing events.