Clark (Tom Welling) and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) in the pilot episode of SMALLVILLE.
© 2001 The WB

Mania Grade: C
Stars: Tom Welling

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"Smallville: Hydro"

Smallville is back for its Spring run and I really really want it to get back to what made season one and two so good.  But, alas, it ain’t happening with this episode.  I had a bad feeling about the episode when I heard Tori Spelling was going to play villain of the week.  She comes on the scene in the episode looking like a clown, more like a Batman villain actually.  She’s a gossip columnist named Linda Lake (appropriately enough) who developed a predictable power based on the title of the episode from the most recent meteor shower in Smallville.  So, now we’re back to kryptonite bad guys.  She uses this power to spy on people and write gossip columns about the secrets she learns.  The columns have earned her a pricey office at the Daily Planet.  Using her powers she listens in on a conversation between Lana and Chloe where Lana reveals Lex’s proposal and her inability to give him an answer because of feelings that remain for Clark.  The next day, this story appears in The Daily Planet and the soap opera drama kicks into overdrive. 

Lex confronts Lana about the article; Clark confronts Lex who reveals to Clark that Lana is pregnant, Lana confronts Chloe thinking that she shared their conversation then Chloe and Lana attempt to set Linda up to reveal her as a villain.  What neither of them know is that Lex, out of anger over the article, has offered Linda a blank check to find out anything she can about Lana and Clark and Linda hit pay dirt when she learned Clark’s secret during a conversation between him and Chloe.  This is just one big “he said/she said” thing that gets real irritating real fast.  The drama is near camp level but not enough so to make it laughable, which were it to get there at least it would be enjoyable in some way.  I’ve read on the forums where many fans want Lana dead, I’m inclined to agree this love triangle and Lana’ lack of ability to be interesting is quickly destroying the show.  Oh, and Linda’s resulting demise is one of the most underwhelming of the series to date. 

Now, the episode isn’t all bad though.  Thematically, a lot of stuff happens in the episode and as much of it is played out in the subplot as it is in the main story arc.  The show, at its core, is about secrets and the repercussions of keeping them. Over the past few seasons Chloe has found herself in the center of the series as the keeper of nearly everybody’s secrets and it finally comes to a head in this episode.  She reveals some due to Linda and others because of being stuck between Lana and Clark.  At various points in the episode, Lana and Clark are both mad at her when they learn she has been keeping secrets from one of them about the other.  At the end of the episode, Lana knows that Chloe is hiding one final secret about Clark and that may be the breaking point of Lana and Chloe’s friendship. 

The subplot of the episode involves Lois discovering that Oliver might in fact be The Green Arrow.  Clark sees Oliver’s situation as a mirror image of his own and puts a plan in motion to help Oliver protect his secret.  Clark throws on the Green Arrow gear and saves Lois from some thugs while Oliver in there in street clothes.  Clark however uses his own powers to actually do the dirty work.  No one seems to be concerned with that but it does reveal all the remaining secrets to Chloe.  When Lois tells her the story she now knows what Clark did and that Oliver is in fact The Green Arrow.  In the best scene of the episode, the scene that saved the episode for me, Chloe makes Clark stay and hear Lois’ story and she reveals to Clark in her own smug way that she knows everything.  I have said from the beginning that Allison Mack is one of the best actors in the cast and this scene is perfect example of why.  The scene is hilarious.  Particularly funny is when Lois tells Clark what a great kisser The Green Arrow is.  Chloe’s reaction is priceless.  Plus, could this be a hint to some future to these characters.  We had another similar hint last Fall when Lois was in the hospital and Clark instinctively touched her hand.  If there is a future, is Clark gonna get all Superman 2 on us and give Lois the kiss of forgetfulness so the story can start as it should at the Daily Planet?  Not likely, but that’s a whole other discussion. 

Two thirds of this episode was filled with the devastatingly boring love triangle stuff and a really bad villain but the subplot and the fact that the whole episode takes a Chloe centric turn rescued it for me.  As much as she annoyed me when she first came to the show I’d rather have more Lois than I would Lana at this point.  They really have to do something interesting with her or get rid of her completely.  Now that would be a dark turn for our hero if she got killed!  It looked as though the creators were going to break Lana and Lex up in favor of Lana going back to Clark.  While that might make for an interesting Lex evolution it would put Lana and Clark back to square one, which would be a very bad thing.  So, instead Clark again pushes Lana away because she is having Lex’s baby, damn you soap opera drama!  Next week looks to ramp up the action with the anticipated appearance of the Justice League, so let’s keep our fingers crossed that they don’t screw that up.