Smallville: Icarus TV Review -

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  • Episode: Icarus
  • Starring: Tom Welling, Erica Durance, Cassidy Freeman, Alaina Huffman, Justin Hartley, Michael Shanks
  • Written by: Genevieve Sparling
  • Directed by: Mairzee Almas
  • Network: The CW
  • Series:

Smallville: Icarus TV Review

Guess what sucked again? Smallville.

By Joe Oesterle     December 13, 2010

Allow me to preface this review by saying I managed to sit through the first 15 minutes of Gossip Girl the other day and I felt shame. I felt shame because I hated the show immediately, and then realized how similar the scripted discourse was to Smallville. I have at times compared Smallville to Gossip Girl, but truth be told, I had no idea how close I was to the truth. Nothing annoys me more than cloying dialogue that tries to pass itself off as witty banter. My girlfriend (who knows Gossip Girl is frivolous, yet still enjoys it) tried to tell me it was mindless fun, but I shot back at her, informing my sweetie that nothing could be more wrong. Shows like Gossip Girl aren’t mindless. They actually hurt my mind. People posing instead of acting, inconsistent writing, ridiculous scenarios all…make… Joe’s… head… feel all burny…. Must escape,


The fact is Smallville at its worse is Gossip Girl with a guy who should, but can’t yet fly. At its best, it’s a fun, action-packed adventure series with heart. As many of you can guess, I believe far too often Smallville serves us much healthier doses from Column A than Column but, and once again, this episode seemed to give us an way more from the inedible side of the menu.


Part of my problem with the show has always been the teen angst angle the writers still try to shove down our throats, and these characters and actors have all out-grown the chance of still making that believable. I also think the shows suffers from too much Lois. Those of you who dislike my reviews and expectations of this show love to point out the show is called, “Smallville” and not Superman. This, you bellow, is why we shouldn’t see him fly, or don the cape etc. To that I say this - (I’m actually not saying anything, I’m just placing my thumb on my nose and waving my other four fingers in your direction.)


Now I will say regardless of the title, Clark could still have worn the outfit by now. They’ve changed enough of the mythos from the comic books, that there’s no reason whatsoever (from a creative view point) the show shouldn’t have Clark in big red S regalia by now, but whatever. It ain’t gonna happen until the end. Dumb decision, but whatever. That said, the show is also not called “Lois and Clark,” and yet the non-powered girlfriend seems to get way too much airtime for my liking. I’d much rather concentrate on super powers and super villainry. Maybe it’s just the boy in me, but I never read Superman comics for his wacky escapades with Lois. I read them for the bad guys, the traps, the team-ups, the fights. And not the fights with his girlfriend.


So this week, Lois, being Lois, throws a monkey wrench into Clark’s proposal plans. Oh Lois, that’s just so you. Ha ha ha, and then I puke. So obvious. Now undoubtedly some of your hearts melted when Clark made in rain white rose petals above the phone booth. I was just happy she accepted and didn’t turn it into some convoluted, unnecessary plot point about her trust issues or some similar Lois-style crap. So Clark knelt down and placed the ring on Lois’ ugly hands. Damn, for such a fine lady, Erica Durance has a gnarly pair of hands. If that’s what her hands look like, I hope we never have to see her feet.

Worse yet than Lois’ feet, we get a cameo from Chloe. Oh look, I puked again. We also get a note from Cousin Chlo, which hints that she will be slamming the golden helmet on her dopey dome and will likely become Dr. Fate. GROOOOOOOOOAAANNNN!!!!! If I were to ever make out a list of all people on the entire planet in order of who should play the worldly wise and mystical champion, Allison Mack would be at the very bottom of that list – below Kate Gosselin and the late Gary Coleman. Stop violating the characters that I loved Smallville. Please stop.

As Ollie left the surprise party Tess threw for the happy couple, he breaks up a potential mugging/rape but is seen as the bad guy and gets a beat down by the entire population of Metropolis. (Close to a dozen if memory serves.) Hawkman and Stargirl to the rescue, and later we’re joined by Black Canary (who was obviously painted up by Annie Lennox) via the monitor.


All this time Lois and Clark are blissfully unaware of what has happened to Ollie. Lois is contemplating her new last name. OK, here’s another part where my head hurt from the pure idiocy of the writing staff. Here’s Lois Lane; a woman who has probably thought a few times about marrying Clark Kent, and maybe Oliver Queen, and most likely the boy she had a crush on in second grade, and she thinks her hyphenated name would be “Clark-Lane” and not “Lane-Clark?” I’ve never been married, and I’ve never been a woman, but I know you either take the man’s name, keep your own name, or do the hybrid thing with your name first, his name last thing. His name first, your name last is not an option. I wish this were mindless crap. I’m in pain.


Want more pain? You must. You do watch Smallville after all. After Cat Grant (and let’s give it up to the writers for creating a character more annoying than Chloe) turns in Tess, Emil and Lois, she is swayed by Lois in the matter of 3 minutes because Lois claimed The Blur saved her life without Cat ever knowing. This means Lois Lane would have also been able to change the ostensibly long held political beliefs of a woman who just went to the government to turn in her co-worker and boss by telling her Santa Claus gave her presents that she never knew about, so believe in Santa, Cat. Believe. I believe I’m going to puke again.


Oh yeah, and since it was just established not 30 seconds after Lois escaped down Tess’ safety slide – a secret slide that ends in plain view of employees, that the government has used the Daily Planet’s own surveillance system against Lois and company, why is Ms Lane so hard to track? She’s still in the building. Flip on the surveillance camera and locate her. Damn.


In the best scene of the night, Hawkman comes crashing through a window in the Luthor Building and… and … well that’s about it, because if you’re expecting me to believe Carter Hall, a super strength hero who is armed with a lethal mace, and has thousands of years as a battle-tested warrior, and if you’re telling me he can’t take out some one-eyed John McCain looking old dude, then let’s just drop the discussion right here. Even if Slade was suddenly granted some kind of meta powers, I refuse to believe a guy who has been fighting bad guys since before Christ walked the earth and sea gets bested by him. Maybe the Slade in the comics, though I still doubt it, but not this tired old fossil. Did I like the burning wings and the diving heroics? Sure I did, but come on. I can’t forgive the pain they are putting me through. That little special effect does not forgive the blasphemy that went before.


So how does Clark put an end to this threat? He whips out his handy-dandy Super insignia thingy, and I’ll assume banishes Slade to the Phantom Zone. That’s just a guess, but even if I’m right, wouldn’t it make sense to establish that new gizmo at some point in the last two seasons so we have an idea what the hell it is? Ouch, I think I’m having a Smallville induced aneurysm. Can I sue the CW for pain and suffering caused by their stupidity even though I’m at least as stupid for watching this show?


And then they bury him, and then some shiny white pyramid comes out and Lois notices it, and then they’re all lying unconscious. Lucky stiffs. They don’t have to watch the remaining 5 seconds of this shit.


Am I madder than usual this week? Eff yeah I am. This show sucks! I’m sick of it. Kill it. For every decent show they do, they churn out 5 pieces of utter monkey dung. Put Clark and the gang out of their misery before you continue to ruin the brand. There’s no chance the finale is going to tie everything in nice and effective like. It’s going to suck. How do I know that? Because it’s gonna. That’s how. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to puke again.


Follow Joe Oesterle’s book, “Weird Hollywood” on FaceBook. Lots of deleted and unedited stories from the book, but also plenty of genre discussions and some like-minded people. Daily updates.





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Chris Beveridge 12/12/2010 6:42:45 PM

 I remember way back quite a few years ago, after the Byrne reboot to be sure, when the comics were leading up to the proposal and then the wedding. I enjoyed Superman comics thoroughly then and loved that it focused as much as it did on the relationship side as it did with the big world saving moments. The human side certainly made the events of the Doomsday story more fun because the characters cared and had a connection. Having both is the way to go. 

I can certainly understand where you're coming from here, as many others feel the same, but it's like friends of mine who despise Brave and the Bold because it isn't the Batman they're looking for since it's dorky, campy (and fun, in my opinion). This isn't the Superman you're looking for. It does well enough to survive for ten seasons though and I have to admit I've rather enjoyed it since they started introducing people like Green Arrow. Bad episodes and all.

Scribeoz 12/13/2010 1:15:49 AM

So how is this a review and not a tirade about much you hate the Lois and Clark relationship? 

I appreciate the show has its flaws but really, the above review is a waste of time. Why even bother to review if you're going to focus on aspect of the show (the one you clearly despise) and ignore the rest of the episode? Even if you didn't view the episode favourably, it would have been better than what equal to a fanboy rant that Superman isn't lifting enough heavy things and throwing it at some bad guy. For those of us who have stuck by the Lana nightmare, actually seeing Clark with Lois is kind of a payoff which we feel we kind of deserve after ten seasons.

How about some comment on the plotline? And just for the record the VRA is not stolen from Marvel's Civil War, its actually a storyline from the Legends miniseries in the 80's where Gordon Godfrey under direction from Darkseid was inciting the anti-hero sentiment.  

A review should be about the episode, at least  I think it should be. You hate the the Lois Clark thing, we get it. Now move on please because the episode was more than just about the 'ship. Some of us tuned into see Hawkman's swan song and the how the title refers to his end.  Or even what happened in the last thirty seconds.



Kang 12/13/2010 4:54:12 AM

Smallville was not created for fanboys contrary to Nerd and Comic Book Geek belief. It was created for the Dawsons Creek Crowd and to survive, it morphed into Heroes because it needed to say on television. I am amazed it has been on as long as its been on to be honest.  It began at some point to bend to the will of the fanboys geek base and then all hell broke loose cause you cant please those fools no matter how hard you try.   If I am not mistaken its a show that operates unders its own rules with a sprinkling of the Superman mythos thrown in but overall it does whatever the hell it wants to with DC and Warner approval of course.  Your review is done with extreme prejudice.  It was not a bad episode and they pulled it off rather well.

I am so annoyed by these fanboys tirades. Smallville is what it is and if you don't like it then don't watch it. Superman has been around for almost 100 years. I despise those Christopher Reeve films with the exception of One and Two of that series but when Bryan Singer remade it, I did not want to see them rehash those films. I wanted to see something different than what I am use to. Smallville is different. Let it be what it is. Clark has had more ass than most of the Geeks watching the show. The women on that show are the best part. Did anybody see Mera? Wow.  Smallville would not be on television if it did not dip into that huge toybox DC has. Lets be honest.  Your review should be yanked for a review that is more objective. It was not bad. Characters are supposed to evolve and grow. They are never supposed to stay the same. Stop whining dude.

jsmulligan 12/13/2010 5:01:45 AM

Scribeoz hit it on the nose.  This isn't a review, it's a rant that fails to mention anything that happened in the majority of the episode.

And the Lois stuff is so much better than the stuff they used to do with Lana.

Bryzarro 12/13/2010 5:24:18 AM

 Morning Joe,

Just decided to plop down and look at your review before I watch what I missed Friday and unless i'm missing something there is no review.  It's a rant.  WFT.  There is nothing about what happened in the episode, it's just a pure opinion going on and on and on.  I mostly disagree with you on most of your smallville points but this was especially glaring on your part.  

Why not submit an impartial review and then in the comments go into a rant slagging the show or something?

Mayhem101878 12/13/2010 5:28:45 AM

I agree with everyone here. This was NOT a review, it was a bitchfest about the relationship between Clark and Lois (who in the comics get maried) that you obviously don't like. You mentioned nothing about  the death of Hawkman, the sending of Deathstroke to I assume the Phantom zone, the team-up even though they weren't supposed to per orders from clark, or the attack on everyone at the funeral for hawkman. You decided to focus on a small aspect of the episode that only took up maybe 5 minutes of a 60 minute episode. The thing about reviews is you usually talk about the whole episode. I've read your reviews over the years and while I've disagreed with 99% of them, they were reviews. This was not a review it was a bitchfest. I hope that you remedy this when it comes back in January. Otherwise why call this a review?

Eleanor 12/13/2010 5:29:20 AM

Joe, I find it hard to believe that you actually have a girlfriend. And if you do have one, I feel REALLY sorry for her! Like Lois once said: 'There's no poetry in you'. Only bitter fanboy ugliness. Your (imaginary?) girlfriend can do so much better! See how easy it is to be offensive? Because that's what this so-called review is. 

Why bother to watch a show that you obviously detest? Because it makes you feel good to have something to continually bitch about? Your friends at TV Without Pity are waiting for you. You can go spew your collective hate of Lois Lane and Erica Durance over there, instead of pretending to be a serious TV critic.

LocoLobo73 12/13/2010 5:30:37 AM

Wow Joe, I had to scroll back up to see if you actually wrote this review or i should say lack of a review, out of all the stuff that happened in Icarus, you focused on that. To be honest you are talking about the first 10 mins of the episode, did you watch the rest. I thought this was actually another great episode, as great as the can be for Smallville. The episode starts off as you had stated with Clark trying to propose to Lois, but in true Lois colors she doesnt make it easy, which is a statement on the relationship. Those some decent prose there Joe, and for someone is all about the writing, this felt very much like a Lois and Clark moment. Now I like many of you agree we really need to move from the Lois and Clark and onto the costume and this episode does that well. It addresses the Heroes need for a secret Identiy and draws the line in the sand as to how far the Capes are going to allow the government to go. Now for weeks people have cried out for the Darkseid to start to resurface, and it does in a big way with the Kastopo VRA, now some of this comes off like a scene of inglorious Basterds with out the great acting of the Chirstopher Waltz,  But it does lend to us discovering that the good guys arent all that stupid and have figured out that there is something bigger at work here and its Darkseid and the WAR has Begun. Michael Hogan gets another shot as the Deathstroke with his Metak Eye Patch, but his fight with Hawkman in costume is not that bad. However the best part of the show is Hawkmans sacrifice for Lois who once again is being held by Deathstroke, in order to draw out the Blurr. The scene with Hawkman flying to catch the falling Lois with wings on fire is a great moment on smallville a scene that will be remembered.  Clark arrives on scene in time to see Deathstroke emerge from the fires unscathed upon hearing Deathstrokes monalouge, Clark banishes him to the Phantom zone.  Calrk finds Lois with the Fallen hero , whom gives Clark advice on how to embrace that which is most precious and to defend what is right. and the he would be reunited with Shira. We then get one more treat in that we see the Heroes carring their fallen friend to his resting place next to his beloved Hawkwoman, when we a device emerge from the sand knocking out our group of Heroes.

Overall I give this on a Smallville scale a solid C

redhairs99 12/13/2010 5:45:40 AM

Also how about the new CG wings for Hawkman?  Those were awesome and his fight with Deathstroke was pretty cool too. 

ddiaz28 12/13/2010 6:38:08 AM

I won't reiterate but simply agree with the "not really a review" sentiments.  How about an amendment with a little more discussion about the rest of the episode Mr. Joe?  I personally enjoyed finally seeing Louis and Clark get engaged and thanked God she said yes right away instead of dragging it out.  It's ok that you didn't like it but there was a heck of a lot more to talk about.

This was a low A for me.  I liked seeing that non super hero members of the team get interrogated and hold their ground.  It shows that the JLA has people they can trust other than themselves.  I for one was happy to see Chloe, even for only a glimpse.  I've always liked her character and I'm looking forward to her return after the break.  The shot of Hawkman falling was definitely sweet.  I didn't really like him all that much in the original JSA episode, but he's grown on me since then.  It was sad to see him go but what a great send off.  I just wish they could have had all the actors back for that last scene instead of having to hide some of their faces.  We better get another episode where they all fight together before the end.

Regarding the suit and flying, when the season started I hoped they would do it by mid season.  But now that we are here, it still doesn't bother me.  Although I'd still like to see it happen before the finale.  At least the flying.  Maybe save the suit for the very end.

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