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- TV Series: Smallville
- Episode: Prophecy
- Starring: Tom Welling, Erica Durance, Justin Hartley, Chris Gauthier, Cassi
- Written By: Anne Cofell Saunders and Bryan Q. Miller
- Directed By: Mike Rohl
- Network: The CW
- Series: Smallville
Smallville: Prophecy Review
Smallville Returns to Form. It Sucked Again
By Joe Oesterle
May 10, 2011
Amazing. Simply Amazing. No, I’m not talking about this episode of Smallville, “Prophecy” – that was just amazingly dumb. My amazement stems from the fact that this show is capable of creating three continuous weeks of entertaining stories, (beating their previous record this season of one good show in a row) and then they revert back to form, with this suckfest – just as I started to believe, and right before the anticipated 2-hour finale.
From the opening minutes we were subjected to some of the most tired and worn out premises this show has stockpiled in its junk drawer. Clark loses his powers, Lois gains powers, and just for good measure, Jor El is once again an enigmatic dickhead.
If that weren’t enough, Kara and Ollie are solving some of the most inane riddles ever written, and in the end, it turns out the Bow of Orion was never going to play into the big story anyhow. Seriously, why introduce this instrument capable of destroying Darkseid if you’re only going to demolish it before we even meet the ultimate intergalactic heavy? If they don’t pay this off in next week’s finale, I’m going to have to hit the thesaurus for a more powerful way to convey “amazingly dumb.”
We are then reintroduced to the enjoyably hammy Toyman, portrayed in pure 1960’s Batman camp malevolence by Chris Gauthier. (Side note, Gauthier’s Toyman has always reminded me of Josh Mostel’s King Herod in the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical, Jesus Christ Superstar.) Gauthier’s scene chewing performances are always appreciated, but I can’t always say the same about the stories he’s written in to.
Could somebody please explain to me why Lois Lane, a woman who is clearly bright enough to be trusted with a position of power at one of the most respected media organizations in the entire world, would think for a second it’s a good or even noble idea to allow herself to be controlled by a known and jailed urban terrorist – especially when she happens to possess the strength and speed of a god? I mean no one in their right mind would hire an idiot like that to write reviews of Smallville, and I happen to know first hand how little some people out there think of certain Smallville reviewers.
Was it cool to see the silhouette of Solomon Grundy, or the green glowing heart of Metallo, or even the blue hood of Captain Cold? Yeah, it was cool for a millisecond, but entirely unnecessary because the entire foundation of the script was hopelessly flawed.
Similarly, it should have been a much sweeter moment when we saw the official Superman costume encased in Fortress crystals, but they already showed us that trick months ago, so the impact was much less than impressive this time.
Anything else I didn’t like? You betcha. I’m suppose to believe Kara is just as skilled as the Green Freaking Arrow with a bow? Look, I’m already stretching my ability to sustain disbelief when we talk about a guy devoting his entire life to being a crime-fighting archer. I’m also happily, but still suspiciously skeptical about a girl from another planet who lands here and has powers far beyond those of mortal men. Let’s face it, I’m all in, if it’s written well, but why am I expected to believe the super alien girl is capable of picking up a weapon she’s never fired before and carrying out a one-in-a-million shot dead on target? From a simple character study viewpoint, doesn’t this negate why Green Arrow is an important piece in this Justice League team? If any Kryptonian can do what Ollie does – and obviously better, since he has trained his entire life for such accuracy, why do we need him around to begin with?
Speaking of Supergirl, I understand why she left to pursue her own destiny, (kind of) but I have no idea why she had to do so without saying goodbye to cousin Kal. (Other than to make for a forced dramatic scene outside the Watchtower window.)
And so Lois comes into the Tower and starts her brainwashed mission to assassinate The Blur (damn, I have always hated that nickname.) Wouldn’t you think it would be within Checkmate-trained Tess Mercer’s character to have a piece of Kryptonite laying around for just such an emergency? It’s not like it’s the first time some Kryptonian-powered being has decided to wreak havoc at that well-known super secret headquarters.
And from the files of Lame-O comics, Clark momentarily disarms Mega-Miss Lane with a declaration of his love for her, right before she loses her power at sundown in one of the hokiest slow motion punch grabs in the history of ever.
Finally, I called the plot device of Lois calling off the wedding earlier this season, and while I’m positive all will be worked out for next week’s series ender, it will not be resolved brilliantly. If for no other reason, it will be impossible to do. What with the return of Lex, (and Chloe – yuck) the appearance (I assume) of Darkseid) the redemption of Green Arrow (probably by Chloe declaring her love for him while he is under mind control) and probable guest stars of heroes and villains of the past, not to mention Clark finally pulling on the red and blue long johns, and flying over the Metropolis skyline and into the closing credits.
Well, that’s what I have for this week. There’s a lot to get to by next week, and only two hours minus commercials to do it all. Obviously some plot points will suffer, but this team doesn’t care about the art of writing. They are content they produced a series that lasted a decade, and are confident enough viewers will tune in to finally see Tom Welling in the suit. They know they will entice old viewers who gave up on the show years ago, and they also know they’ll grab more than a handful of people who’ve never watched, because this is a bona fide television event. I wish I could say I believe it will be a great send off. The best I can muster now is I believe it will be cool to see Welling all Supermanned up, but what I believe more than anything right now, is this show could have been so much better.
I believe the character of Clark Kent/Superman, was for the most part, not respected by team, and I believe they should have and could have done a much better job on it.
I also believe regardless of how good or bad the finale is, the diehard fans are going to love it. I just hope they give a finale worthy of the love decades of comic book, movie, radio, live-action tv and animation fans have for the character himself.