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Sons of Fortune Excerpt: An Army Of Bunnies

8/5/2008 5:39:05 PM permalink

Inspiration's a funny thing. It can come from anywhere: a random comment, a passing thought, one crazy messed up dream you had the night before.

What follows is the result of two things: a source of inspiration (which oddly enough was a crazy messed up dream), and another was the usual hopes, wishes, and goals one sets out to achieve.

In this case, the goal was simple: sell a script. The inspiration: a truly messed up dream I had in which I commanded an army of rabbits and we set out to invade and destroy Fayetteville, Arkansas.

No, I am not making that up. Yes, I likely should see a shrink. I woke up the next morning, going "what the hell was that?" Then I thought about it some more, laughed, and wrote it down as a plot device.

The script "Sons of Fortune" has been abandoned, and will be cannibalized for it's better aspects, but for the most part it's a lost cause. The good bits may appear in "Summertime Blues 2 - Cruel Summer."

What follows is the scene involving bunny commandos.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD ANIMALS INC. - LATE MORNING

Travis and Nicholas drive up.

NICHOLAS
What are we doing here?

TRAVIS
You’ll see. Come on.

They get out.


INT. HOLLYWOOD ANIMALS INC. - MOMENTS LATER

Travis and Nicholas step inside and are sat down in a waiting room.

NICHOLAS
I don’t see how visiting a petting zoo
is going to get me an agent.

TRAVIS
It will. First we need to see the
Rabbit Whisperer.

NICHOLAS
The what?

TRAVIS
There’s a guy here who trains rabbits.
The other agent I overheard last night
was going on about how he’s allergic to
rabbits. We’re going to hire the Rabbit
Whisperer to help us persuade the agent
to sign you.

NICHOLAS
How did you find out about this guy?

TRAVIS
The Hollywood Reporter. When you see
him, don’t make any sudden movements
around him. Or his rabbits, for that
matter. They’re as crazy as he is.

NICHOLAS
What?

TRAVIS
Shush. Here he comes.

The RABBIT WHISPERER comes in. He’s an eccentric looking fellow.

RABBIT WHISPERER
I’m told you would like my assistance
with a project of yours.

TRAVIS
Yes.

RABBIT WHISPERER
And why should I want to help you?

TRAVIS
Because, our target...hates rabbits. We
want to convert him. We’re...from the
Church of Rabbitology.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Oh! The chance to convert a heretic!
How I have been waiting for this
opportunity! Tonight, the crusades to
win back a soul will begin! Here, I
must introduce you to my fluffy
warriors! Come with me. Don’t be shy.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD ANIMALS INC. - MOMENTS LATER

The Rabbit Whisperer leads them to the rabbit pens, which is substantial. There must be hundreds of rabbits here.

RABBIT WHISPERER
I’ve selected the best of the best to
lead this mission. Allow me to introduce
to you my beloved ones.

He leads the boys from pen to pen, introducing them to the rabbits inside. They all wear bandanas. Some smoke cigarettes.

RABBIT WHISPERER
This one is Attila. This beauty, of
course, is Genghis. Here we have
Rasputin. This adorable little boy is
Damien. And, the most vicious one of
all: Fuzzy.

NICHOLAS
Fuzzy?

RABBIT WHISPERER
Don’t make fun of his name. He doesn’t
like it.

NICHOLAS
Yeah...okay.
(to Fuzzy)
Who’s a good little bunny? Huh? You
are! You are, aren’t you little Fuzzy
wuzzy bunny?

Fuzzy the bunny goes insane, howling, and starts trying to gnaw open a hole in his cage.

TRAVIS
Holy shit.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Now you’ve done it!

Fuzzy the bunny manages to cut through his cage, leaps out on the ground, and starts attacking Travis and Nicholas. The boys run away with a manic rabbit hopping after them. The Rabbit Whisperer runs after them with a net.

RABBIT WHISPERER
FUZZY, MY BELOVED! COME BACK!

Travis and Nicholas jump into the car. Fuzzy the bunny hops up after them, and starts nibbling on the tires.

TRAVIS
Oh hell.

NICHOLAS
What’s going on?

TRAVIS
He’s nibbling on the tire!

The sudden deflation of a tire causes the car to go down.

TRAVIS
He chewed right through it!

NICHOLAS
Drive! Drive!

Suddenly, another tire goes flat. Nicholas looks over the door, and sees the bunny hopping to the front of the car.

TRAVIS
Where’d he go?

Fuzzy the bunny hops up on the hood of the car. It sits there, silently, daring the boys to move. The Rabbit Whisperer comes running up with a carrot.

RABBIT WHISPERER
You must apologize to Fuzzy.

TRAVIS
We’re sorry!

NICHOLAS
We surrender! I mean, sorry! We’re
sorry! I’m sorry, aren’t you sorry?

TRAVIS
Very sorry! Just get him off the car!

RABBIT WHISPERER
(to Fuzzy)
They didn’t mean it, Fuzzy.
(to Travis)
I’ll see about getting you boys some
new tires.


EXT. ALLERGIC AGENT’S OFFICES - THAT NIGHT

It’s a nice quiet night. Only one light is on, and that is in the office of the Allergic Agent himself. Travis, Nicholas, and the Rabbit Whisperer wear night vision goggles, and other high tech equipment. They’re on the roof, about to break in through the roof, Mission Impossible style.

TRAVIS
I’ve disabled the security system.

NICHOLAS
This is going to end badly, I just know
it.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Silence. Fuzzy’s about to open the doors.

Outside, four hundred bunnies, all dressed up as Rambo, are hopping towards the agency. Fuzzy leads the pack. He begins gnawing on the glass doors, which shatter and open a path for the vigilante rabbits.


INT. ALLERGIC AGENT’S OFFICES - SECOND LATER

Travis has broken in. All three slide down black ropes from the roof. Nicholas lands a little too hard, his screenplay following fast as it lands on his face. The bunnies are taking their places inside the building.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Come, my furry fiends, to war! To war!

The bunnies follow the Rabbit Whisperer through the building.


INT. ALLERGIC AGENT’S OFFICES - MAIN OFFICE - SECONDS LATER

The Allergic Agent goes about his business. He sneezes. In the air ducts, the Rabbit Whisperer and a few bunnies make their way to the air intake vent.

RABBIT WHISPERER
On three. One. Two. Three!

The vent drops open. The Rabbit Whisperer falls onto the floor, as does the rabbits.

ALLERGIC AGENT
What the hell’s going on here?

Nicholas and Travis are following an army of bunnies as they hop into the main office.

TRAVIS
Going somewhere?

ALLERGIC AGENT
I’m calling security.

He turns to his desk. There’s half a dozen bunnies on it, and they’re chewing through the phone cord. He sneezes when he sees the bunnies. In fact, he can barely speak cause he’s sneezing so much.

ALLERGIC AGENT
Get...those...rabbits...out...of...here!

NICHOLAS
On one condition!

ALLERGIC AGENT
What?

TRAVIS
Read this man’s screenplay!

He points to Nicholas, who holds up a copy of the script.

ALLERGIC AGENT
I’d...sooner...die!

He runs to the window. There’s bunnies in the window, and all over the landscape. The Allergic Agent then tries to crawl up in the ducts, but there’s more bunnies in there.

NICHOLAS
ATTACK!

The Rabbit Whisperer and Travis run to the Allergic Agent, and knock him down to the ground. They hold him down.

ALLERGIC AGENT
What...are...you...going...to...do...to...me?

TRAVIS
Nothing, so long as you read this man’s
screenplay.

ALLERGIC AGENT
Never!

He manages to get up, and runs to another office.

TRAVIS
After him.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Come with me, Fuzzy.

Travis, Fuzzy, and the Rabbit Whisperer start beating on the door to the office.


INT. ALLERGIC AGENT’S OFFICES - OFFICE - SECONDS LATER

He locks himself in it. He takes out his cellphone, and dials 911.

OPERATOR
(on phone)
911. What is your emergency?

ALLERGIC AGENT
I’m being held hostage. Help me!

Fuzzy manages to eat through the door. The Rabbit Whisperer crashes through it. Nicholas comes in and grabs an especially cute and fluffy bunny. He carries it over to the Allergic Agent, and straddles him.

NICHOLAS
We have ways of making you read
unsolicited material!

He rubs the bunny up against the Allergic Agent’s nose. The Allergic Agent sneezes and sneezes.

ALLERGIC AGENT
FINE! FINE! I’LL READ YOUR SCRIPT!

NICHOLAS
That’s all I wanted. Let him up.

Travis and the Rabbit Whisperer help the Allergic Agent to his feet.

TRAVIS
Thanks man.

RABBIT WHISPERER
(to Nicholas)
When are we converting him to the
Church of Rabbitology?

ALLERGIC AGENT
What was that?

TRAVIS
Nothing! Must be going now!

RABBIT WHISPERER
But...?

Travis pushes him out. All three of them leave, with the bunnies following. Then the police arrive.

NICHOLAS
Oh this can’t be good.

Countless cars and various helicopters arrive on the scene. Nicholas and Travis disappear into the building before being seen. The POLICE CHIEF steps out of his car.

POLICE CHIEF
Hold it right there!

RABBIT WHISPERER
Fuzzy, attack!

Fuzzy runs towards the Police Officer, who just shoots the poor rabbit.

RABBIT WHISPERER
Fuzzy! No!!!

He turns, and runs inside the building. He then brings the Allergic Agent out, holding a bunny to his head.

ALLERGIC AGENT
Help me!

RABBIT WHISPERER
This man is coming with me!

On the opposite side of the building, Travis and Nicholas run desperately into the darkness.

NICHOLAS
I think we can scratch him off our
list.

TRAVIS
What gave it away?

They get to their car which is hidden in some alley. They jump in and drive off.


EXT. LOCAL PUB - LATE EVENING

Travis and Nicholas drive up, get out, and go inside.


INT. LOCAL PUB - MOMENTS LATER

Travis and Nicholas are downing their drinks. Nicholas uses a copy of his script as a coaster.

BARMAN
Son, you sure you want do to that to
your script?

NICHOLAS
Well, I might as well get some use out
of it. After all, it’s not worth
anything to me right now.

BARMAN
Still not having any luck, I take it.

TRAVIS
You could say that.

On the television, a live report comes from the Paranoid Agent’s office.

ANCHOR WOMAN
(on tv)
It seems a madman and four hundred
rabbits have taken a man hostage.

RABBIT WHISPERER
(on tv)
Vengeance is mine, sayeth Fuzzy!

Nicholas groans as he sees the cops negotiating with the Rabbit Whisperer on the television.

NICHOLAS
Please, shut that off.

The Barman does so.



PS - Note to mania, do you need a whacked out nut job on your staff? :) Don't know what I'd be able to contribute, but hey at least you know I not only think outside the box, I fold it up, spray whipped cream on it, and eat it like it's dessert.

Tags: sons of fortune


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