Archer and T'Pol travel back to the year 2004 to get some money out of a ATM (and save the Earth) in "Carpenter Street".
© UPN

Related Links

0

Sore Throat

Want to talk about it? Send letters to TVWasteland@cinescape.com.

KING KONG (7:30 pm, WE) The Women's Entertainment network has chosen to run a program more akin to Spike TV, the men's entertainment network; the 1976 remake of KING KONG. With stereotyped gender differences continuing to blur, we will soon need an Androgyny Network.

THE FAIRLY ODD PARENTS (8 pm, Nik) Timmy wishes to be the most wanted kid in America, is promptly killed by unscrupulous bounty hunters. (Repeat)

EVERWOOD (8 pm, HBO) Ephram confesses his love to someone and, in spite of what he expected, pixies do no leap out of the earth to shower both him and his beloved with rose petals.

CSI: MIAMI (10 pm, CBS) When a waitress is killed the team makes the shocking conclusion that somebody who knew her probably did it.

NYPD BLUE (10 pm, ABC) A criminal who imprisons women in his dungeon is sought. First stop: Renaissance festivals.

THE SHIELD (10 pm, FX) A prostitute is out to bring her bad pimp down.

BEND OF THE RIVER (10:15 pm, AMC) A film that says sometimes a lynch mob knows what it's doing. Directed by Anthony Mann.

CHAPLIN TODAY: CITY LIGHTS /CITY LIGHTS/UNKNOWN CHAPLIN/THE PILGRIM/CHAPLIN TODAY: THE CIRCUS/THE CIRCUS/ THE TRAMP AND THE DICTATOR/THE GREAT DICTATOR/ THE CHAPLIN REVIEW(8 pm, TCM) I fondly remember when I could find reason to sleep Wednesday nights. Curse you Chaplin marathons!

ENTERPRISE (9 pm, UPN) Archer and T'Pol travel to the 21^st Century, run into Marty McFly and Doc. (Repeat)

SMALLVILLE (8 pm, WB) 1) A tabloid journalist tries to expose Clark. (Like anybody would believe him.) 2) Programmers continue to get paid for our picks. Fat cats have sucked down their third dozen donuts, bought with the blood money they made from our choices. (Repeats)

STEPHEN KING'S KINGDOM HOSPITAL (10 pm, ABC) Peter channels messages from a nine-year-old ghost. Apparently Casper wants to know what happened on SCOOBY-DOO this week.

TRU CALLING (8 pm, FOX) Tru hates her father's new wife but decides to help the *$(%= out anyway.

THE ENDLESS SUMMER/BIG WEDNESDAY (8 pm, TCM) Back-to-back surfer flicks. Cowabunga.

BLADE (10:10 pm, TBS) A half-vampire kills whole vampires. Probably lashes out due to gross feelings of inadequacy.

TRIPPING THE RIFT (10:30 pm, SCIFI) A cloaking device malfunctions forcing the crew to head to the hysterically named planet, Snozzle. (BWAH HA HA, Snozzle.)

JAWS 2/JAWS: THE REVENGE (8 pm, AMC) Two American Movie Classics.

REBA (8 pm, WB) 1) Reba tries to become more wild by scrounging for berries in the woods and killing all animals who enter her territory. 2) Kyra contemplates moving in with Barbara Jean, Reba encourages Kyra to do so with a gun. (second episode a repeat)

WONDERFALLS (9 pm, FOX) A girl, Jaye, receives messages from inanimate animal figures directing her to interfere with other people's lives. The episode where she talks to the dead deer is particularly gruesome, however that's irrelevant, for tonight's episode has Jaye finding a woman in hiding. Hey you know technically Barbie is an inanimate animal figure; I wonder what she has to say.

STARGATE SG-1 (9 pm, SCI-FI) 1) The team must fight a bunch of super Goa'uld, who got that way eating Super Sugar Crisps as part of a healthy breakfast. 2) Teal'c's son goes to death camp. Not good. 3) Third verse same as the first. (All Repeats)

POWER RANGERS: DINOTHUNDER (8:30 AM, ABC Family) Jealous of Tommy's Brachio Staff, Zeltrax plays with his Golden Rod. Make your own jokes. (-Aaron Thall)

STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE/STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN (10:30 pm, AMC) Aw, what the heck, occasionally American Movie Classics can make the right call. However, STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE is not part of that call.

REAL MEN (8 pm, UPN) James Belushi makes a man out of John Ritter. Film has picked up a small cult following, and if that's not enough to get you to watch it consider this; would a network like UPN show crap at 8 pm on a Saturday night? Of course not.

TEEN TITANS (9 pm, TOON) The team battles a new generation of villains fresh from villain school. (Repeat)

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (11:30, NBC) Megan Mullally hosts, Clay Aiken sings and the world continues.

THE SIMPSONS (8 pm, FOX) 1) Bart gets sent to juvenile detention where he meets Sarah Michelle Gellar's voice. 2) The Simpson's visit England and have all sorts of wacky adventures. (Second episode a repeat)

CHARMED (8 pm, WB) After the sisters banish its parent, the show becomes three ladies and a Manticore demon baby. (Repeat)

JESUS (9 pm, CBS) Jesus discovers his destiny.

ALIAS (9 pm, ABC) Jack talks crap about Lauren.

And now from reader David Malone about our sad neglect of an American Movie Classic:

"I am deeply saddened by Cinescape's lack of attention to perhaps one of the greatest films of our era. Of course, I am speaking of THE MONSTER SQUAD. Released in 1987, this film is easily one of the most original movies ever... except for the fact that it is kind of loosely based on a television show of the same name from the 70s. But other than that, this movie strives for originality, with the way it steals nearly all of its characters from previous movies, like Van Helsing, Dracula, Wolfman, Mummy, Frankenstein's Monster, etc. Hmph. Did I say 'steal'? I meant 're-imagine'. Hell, if Stephen Sommers can get away with it, why can't Fred Dekker, the writer and director of THE MONSTER SQUAD? And obviously, this guy is talented, because he now is a writer for one of the most popular shows on television: ENTERPRISE, which I'm sure has a long life ahead of it. And let us not forget that he wrote the script for ROBOCOP 3, which featured the epic battle of Robocop versus... a ninja? Hmph. I hope that's a misprint. I, like everyone else on this planet, did not watch the third installation of ROBOCOP. A three ton robot cyborg with the ability of flight was just a bit too much for me. In closing, I am simply disappointed that Cinescape has not mentioned THE MONSTER SQUAD as of late, especially with Sommers' VAN HELSING approaching. And not to disparage Mr. Sommers' work, but I really don't forsee the lovely Kate Beckinsale uttering the words 'Wolfman's got nards?!' at any point during the film. For that alone, THE MONSTER SQUAD remains the greatest film to steal everything from other films. Sommers can keep on trying, though."

Till next week keep sending the letters to Tvwasteland@cinescape.com.

TV Wasteland is our weekly Television column.