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- TV Series: Spartacus: Blood and Sand
- Episode: Delicate Things
- Starring: Andy Whitfield, John Hannah, Lucy Lawless, Craig Parker, Viva Bianca, Manu Bennett, and Erin Cummings
- Written By: Tracy Bellomo and Andrew Chambliss
- Directed By: Rick Jacobson
- Network: Starz
- Series:
Spartacus: Delicate Things Review
Bacchanalian Excess By
Rob Vaux
February 28, 2010
Spartacus: Blood and Sand
© Starz/Bob Trate
It was fun while it lasted: Spartacus’s flirtation with genuine drama comes crashing to a halt this week with another overheated exercise in premium cable programming run amok. Bad CGI violence and copious slave orgies dominate the proceedings, supported by the flimsiest plot devices in an effort to make them appear legitimate. Recent weeks demonstrated a few slow, halting steps away from that trend. “Delicate Things” corrects the oversight with a vengeance, while throwing in a few more pointless disembowelings for good measure.
Thankfully, the producers finally seem to be cottoning to the lighter side of it all. This week’s episode covers the aftermath of Spartacus’s (Andy Whitfield) and Crixus’s (Manu Bennett) amazing victory in the arena—clearing Batiatus (John Hannah) of his debts and heralding the gladiator academy’s return to prominence. While Crixus lies severely injured, Spartacus plots anew to escape. As promised, Batiatus intends to bring his wife (Erin Cummings) back to him, but Spartacus has no intention of letting them remain slaves. Director Rick Jacobson parlays his schemes into a series of fantasies in which Spartacus mows down hordes of guardsmen like wheat.
The sequences reveal a sense of puckish camp, similar to the mood which Xena: Warrior Princess rode to syndicated immortality. Spartacus really winks at us for the first time ever, and the results deflate its previously implacable self-importance into something conceivably worth getting behind. It also benefits from Lucy Lawless, continuing her stalwart turn as One of The Only Reasons to Keep Watching. She delivers a surprisingly restrained performance punctuated by a few moments of seething intensity that literally force the viewer back a few steps. (She also bares her breasts again, and who doesn’t love that?) When added to Hannah’s creative swearing, it confirms where the show’s best elements lie and which performers continue to prop it up week after week.
Unfortunately, Lawless’s seriousness runs counter to the feigned mugging of the battle sequences, and the remainder of “Delicate Things” can’t decide what to do with either of them. The bulk of the episode concerns itself with Barca (Antonio Te Maioha), who won a huge amount of money betting on Spartacus and now intends to purchase freedom for himself and his boy toy Pietros (Eka Darville). Bartiatus doesn’t take kindly to the notion, nor does he appreciate the threat created when Barca seemingly fails to slay a small child who could identify them both as murderers.
The entire subplot depends upon supposition and contrivance, designed for surprising hairpin turns which don’t amount to anything. Part of the problem stems from Barca’s lack of character—though present from the beginning of the series, he has very little personality for us to connect with—but even if he possessed the dramatic weight to support a real story, “Delicate Things” simply can’t provide one. Neither can it invest Spartacus’s escape attempt with any drama, though it tries its darndest with Boys' Own devices such as drugged wine and stolen knives.
Instead, it falls back on standard-issue prurience to goose its story along. Spartacus pays for an orgy with his winnings, supposedly to help engender his escape, but really to give us copious shots of naked women slamming against well-oiled men. His fantasized blood-letting stands in for the real thing this week, girded by the director’s refusal to take it seriously but still fueled by pure geek-show sensibilities. And Spartacus has already used up its supply of “this isn’t going to turn out the way you think it is" finales, which can be spotted here from miles away and brings the already tottering episode smashing to the ground. Recovery may be possible, but this was never a show destined for greatness. The question is whether its antics still provide enough horrified fascination to keep tuning in, or whether boredom at the sheer overload of it all will finally prompt us to start switching channels.
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Frankly, I still find this show infinitely more watchable than Caprica.