STAR WARS 3

By: BRIAN THOMAS
Date: Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Hey, Happy All Saints Day/Day of the Dead! Hope everybody had a fabulous scary (but not TOO scary) Halloween.

Speaking of scary stuff, I didn't list them in the column, but last week Triumph Marketing released a series of DVDs that I find truly frightening. They all have titles like BABY WOLVERINE, BABY TIGER and BABY BULLDOG, but they're not preschool animal videos. There's also BABY COWBOY, AGGIE, BAMA, LONGHORN, IRISH, SOONER and RAZORBACK, and each is subtitled "Raising Tomorrow's (fill in university name) Fan Today!", and the product descriptions all run like so:

"Baby Tiger uses officially licensed footage of LSU athletics, mascot, marching band and campus attractions to expose children to Louisiana State University in an exciting, playful manner and educational manner.

"Raising Tomorrow's Tiger Fan Today!" features the music of The Louisiana State University Marching Band as well as original footage of the "Baby Tiger Kids" enjoying the sites and sounds of the school you love.

"We invite you to enjoy this video with your child as Team Baby Entertainment takes you on a fun-filled, colorful and stimulating visual experience with The Louisiana State University Tigers."

While college athletics and alumni pride is all good fun, these DVDs just cater to those fanatics that just can't let go of their school colors. Some of these clowns will even go so far as to try to brainwash their poor kids into following in their higher education footsteps at a prenatal stage, blasting their school's generic "fight song" into the womb by holding speakers against the abdomen of their embarrassed wife. They don't even care that companies like Triumph are just plugging in material from every school that'll sign a contract, and the product their buying is just a way to take advantage of their sophomoric enthusiasm. I know of one guy who'll likely be tearing his hair out if they don't release a BABY BUCKEYE volume so he can expose his poor tyke to even more orange and white. Spend your money any way you want folks, but I'd say it's a good bet that any infant forced to watch BABY IRISH over and over will be enrolling at Northwestern in about seventeen years.

In honor of all you toddler DVD fans out there, we have two youth-themed giveaways in our Prize Closet this week! To enter either contest, you must send an email containing your name and address to psycho@psychotronic.info with the designated subject line for each giveaway. To win the BRAT PACK MOVIES AND MUSIC COLLECTION of three John Hughes movies (courtesy of Universal), make sure to put "BRATS" in the subject line.

We also have a million copies of FIVES no, make that five copies of MILLIONS to give away, courtesy of Fox. To win this one put "1000000s" in the subject line.

SPOTLIGHT OF THE WEEK

How do you push a special edition of the science fiction classic WAR OF THE WORLDS out of the spotlight? Here's how:

(O) STAR WARS Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith (Fox) Clearly the best episode since EMPIRE STRIKES BACK including awesome spectacle, thrilling action and genuine humor, all as part of a psychological drama about how a good man turned bad. 2-disc widescreen or fullscreen set includes feature documentary, featurettes, and STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT 2 Xbox demo. Oh man, I haven't even started playing through the first game!

NEW RELEASES

(O) ALIENS OF THE DEEP (Buena Vista) James Cameron's amazing documentary

recording sea life in a deep sea environment completely different from our own. Includes both the 47-minute version produced for IMAX theaters and an extended 99-minute version.
(O) THE AMAZING KRESKIN (Kultur) The old illusionist still has a few tricks up his sleeve.
(O) BEAST OF THE YELLOW NIGHT (Retromedia) 1971 Filipino horror in which John Ashley makes a deal with an evil stranger to gain a fortune and in return is transformed into a bloodthirsty monster.
(O) BIG FISH (Sony) New special edition of the Tim Burton fantasy drama with collectible book.
(O) BRADY BUNCH Complete Fourth Season (Paramount) 23 more episodes. Also available bundled with seasons 1-3.
(O) BRAT PACK MOVIES AND MUSIC COLLECTION (Universal) Three John Hughes favorites: THE BREAKFAST CLUB, SIXTEEN CANDLES and WEIRD SCIENCE, plus a music CD.
(O) THE CREMATORS (Retromedia) 1972 sci-fi about a roving flame ball from outer space. Relisted from last month.
(O) THE DARK (Media Blasters) Awkward 1979 horror with writer William Devane, TV reporter Cathy Lee Crosby and cop Richard Jaekel on the trail of a mutilating alien monster in Los Angeles. Delayed from last month.
(O) DARK UNIVERSE (Retromedia) 1993 sci-fi horror semi-remake of FIRST MAN INTO SPACE, with an astronaut bringing a mutating virus back to Earth. Relisted from last month.
(O) EVIL SPAWN (Retromedia) 1987 sex & violence remake of THE WASP WOMAN starring Bobbie Bresee and John Carradine. Relisted from last month.
(O) FATAL JUSTICE (Retromedia) Silly 1993 actioner with Suzanne Ager as a foxy CIA sniper who is assigned to kill Joe Estevez, who she doesn't know is her own father. Relisted from last month.
(O) THE FIFTH ELEMENT (Sony) UMD
(O) FORBIDDEN WARRIOR (MTI) Marie Matiko stars as a woman who learns she's the only one who can control a book of spells to save the world from evildoers who would take it from her.
(O) FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND (Retromedia) Late in his career (1981) schlockmaster Jerry Warren threw together this incomprehensible, amazingly bad trash classic starring Cameron Mitchell as a drunken sailor and John Carradine as a ghost in a cave. Includes interview with star Katherine Victor. Relisted.
(O) GHETTO DAWG 2: OUT OF THE PITS (Lions Gate) To avenge his brother's murder, a teen vows to destroy the local dog fight gang. I'm with him those punks are the lowest of scum.
(O) GOOD TIMES Complete First Season (Sony) UMD
(O) GORGO (VCI) Remastered re-release of the UK daikaiju classic.
(O) GURU THE MAD MONK (Retromedia) 1970 Andy Milligan cult horror item about a psycho monk in an island prison. Relisted from last month.
(O) HAMMETT (Paramount) Mystery writer Frederic Forrest is dragged back into sleuthing by his ex-boss in this 1982 Wim Wenders thriller.
(O) HIP-HOP TASK FORCE (Maverick) Cops go undercover at a record company.
(O) HOBGOBLINS (Retromedia) 1987 knock-off of GREMLINS knock-offs. Relisted from last month.
(O) HOOKERS IN A HAUNTED HOUSE (Retromedia) Nutty 1999 horror comedy. Delayed from last month. Relisted from last month.
(O) HYBRID (Retromedia) Fred Olen Ray's 1997 B-flick about folks who stumble upon a monster in an abandoned post-apocalypse lab. Relisted from last month.
(O) A KILLER UPSTAIRS (Lions Gate) A mom tries to save her son from a murder rap, but ends up uncovering more evidence of his guilt.
(O) KISS OF THE DRAGON (Fox) UMD
(O) MAD MAX (Sony) UMD
(O) MAD MONSTER (Retromedia) George Zucco turns handyman Glen Strange into a werewolf in this 1940s Poverty Row horror. Relisted from last month.
(O) THE MANSTER (Retromedia) 1962 horror in which a reporter in Japan is unwittingly injected with a serum that begins to grow a second head. Relisted from last month.
(O) MILLIONS (Fox) Danny Boyle's winning tale of two Scots boys who find a fortune in stolen loot on the edge of the changeover to euros, and what they do with it. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include commentrak, deleted footage, featurettes and more.
(O) NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST (Retromedia) An astronaut returns to Earth implanted with alien eggs, and the alien will kill anyone to protect them. 1958 B-classic and one of the movies that inspired ALIEN. Relisted from last month.
(O) PHANTOM EMPIRE (Retromedia) Fred Olen Ray's goofy 1986 tribute to 1930s sci-fi serials in which space amazons hiding in a cave city use robots and cannibals to do their dirty work. Relisted from last month.
(O) OFFICE SPACE (Fox) Special edition of Mike Judge's hilarious cult hit comedy about a cubicle rat programmer who begins to succeed when he ceases to care. Widescreen and fullscreen editions include retrospective, deleted footage and DVD-ROM goodies.
(O) OFFICE SPACE (Fox) UMD
(O) OUTER LIMITS: THE NEW SERIES Season 1 (MGM) 1995 season.
(O) ROBERT RODRIGUEZ MEXICO TRILOGY (Sony) Box set includes deluxe editions of EL MARIACHI, DESPERADO and ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO.
(O) RONIN (Sony) UMD
(O) THE ROCKVILLE SLAYER (Visual) Joe Estevez, Linnea Quigley and Robert Z'Dar in a small town psychological thriller.
(O) SEX & THE CITY Complete Series (HBO) All six seasons in one set with new bonus features.
(O) STAR TREK ENTERPRISE Complete Fourth Season (Paramount) This season, the writers find another way to get Jolene Blalock stripped down to her undies.
(O) TALES OF TOMORROW Collection 2 (Image) 13 more episodes from the first season of a great sci-fi anthology TV show so old that it's almost on radio.
(O) TEENAGE EXORCIST (Retromedia) Priest and pizza boy vs. demon possessed woman. Relisted from last month.
(O) 13 EROTIC GHOSTS (Retromedia) Sexy ghost comedy starring Julie Strain from Fred Olen Ray. Touted as being in 3-D, but reports suggest it's not true 3-D, but an attempt at using the Pulfrich Illusion (google it) to convey image depth. Not exactly "Illusion-O", but hey, we appreciate the showmanship.
(O) THE 12 DOGS OF CHRISTMAS (Universal) It's a canine version of FOOTLOOSE when a little girl fights city hall to get rid of a ban on dogs. Based on a book by 14-year old author Emma Kragen, who shot the behind-the-scenes documentary included on the dusc.
(O) 28 DAYS LATER (Fox) UMD
(O) WAR OF THE WORLDS Special Collector's Edition (Paramount) A lot of folks were upset that Spielberg's adaptation isn't a remake of Byron Haskin's 1953 space invader classic. Why? You've got it right here in a restored edition along with commentraks by the stars and top fans, Making-Of, featurettes, the Mercury Theater radio version and more.
(O) WAR OF THE WORLDS Complete First Season (Paramount) 1988 TV series reveals that the Martians have been hiding out on Earth since their 1953 invasion, waiting to strike again.
(O) ZOMBIE NIGHT (Maverick) Gory, zany zombie horror comedy. Includes Making-Of.

Be sure to check back next weekand every weekfor CINESCAPE's DVD Shopping List! And don't miss our companion column Anime Avalanche every Saturday!

DVD Shopping List (© 2005 Brian Thomas) is our weekly DVD column. Brian Thomas is the author of the massive book VideoHound's DRAGON: ASIAN ACTION & CULT FLICKS, available now!

Questions? Comments? Let us know what you think at DVDShoppingList@cinescape.com.